Nightmare

Review Replies: Lilith, thanks so much. MustangsHavoc, well, that's one way to put it. Yes, Havoc is owned. I think he knows it, though. Kuragari, thank you. Yeah, Anton is touchy for good reason. Baroqueangel, thanks. Loqui, Thanks. I had to do this with Havoc and Olivier. Merkswinter, thanks. Sorry if this delayed your college work.

Chapter 12

And so, with that one night, Roy and Ed had established a pattern. They continued to call it equivalent exchange, rather than therapy, or even sharing experiences. It was easier for both alchemists to put it in terms they were familiar with on a professional level. Neither one was particularly good about openly dealing with emotions.

Roy would talk about his childhood, growing up with his parents, and joining the military. Once, he even admitted how happy he had been when Ed had passed the test.

Because I was damned useful to you, the teen retorted, and Roy managed to chuckle. He lived for moments like that, when the signs of Ed came out of the broken young man. The signs that “pet” hadn’t replaced Fullmetal altogether.

Ed would tell Roy of his mother, of Al, of Winry and his attempts at alchemy. Roy heard about Risembool, Al’s cats, and Winry’s first over-excited kiss with the teen. One, which Ed, to Roy’s surprise, did not seem to enjoy, but had found funny.

Roy had told Ed about the clothes he’d been wearing—brand new—that day, of how the woman had taken him, only half-hard and not knowing what the hell he was doing. She’d had to do a bit of work to make his body overcome what fear and natural resistance was trying to prevent. He told Ed of the way he was treated after the fact by his community, by his sympathizing parents, and by his classmates.

Ed told Roy of his horrors, enough to make the man have nightmares, but after each nightmare of Ed’s captivity, Roy could remind himself that he had gotten Ed out. There was guilt for each beating, each attack, each violation of the young man’s body recounted to him over those days. He wished he had gotten to the teen faster or had done more to investigate. Those nights, Roy would go down when he knew Ed was sleeping, Al on the couch in the same room, just to make sure he was still there. Safe.

Someone had to protect the teen, and Roy really hoped that Ed would learn to trust Al to do it. Al seemed the most likely candidate to be able to support Ed, as Roy expected his court martial would not go well. Yet things between the brothers seemed to be getting worse, and Roy was certain Al resented him for how close he had become to Ed since the attack.

It probably didn’t help establishing a trust between the brothers or ending that resentment that Roy was the one who held Ed in his arms each night. He couldn’t not do it after hearing one horrific story after another. Ed needed someone to care for and protect him, and after hearing some of Ed’s stories, Roy had to admit that he enjoyed the comfort of the teen’s metal arm.

After he would leave Ed’s side, he found one thing troubling him more and more. It seemed that his anger at the fuhrer was changing or growing. He was, and would always be, furious that the man had hurt Ed the way he had. His anger had gotten stronger when he realized Ed hadn’t even touched himself before that filthy son of a bitch had violated him. He was angry that Ed’s first sexual experience, aside from one or two wet dreams, was that man. He was angry because it could have been someone who would have made it special for him. He was angry because a part of him he just wouldn’t acknowledge yet told him that the person could have been him under other circumstances.

Roy usually buried his face in his pillows when he had thoughts like that. He had only thought of a handful of men before in his life that way, and someone who had been through what Ed had was not exactly a good idea for anything aside from the friend he now was. Roy didn’t want to risk their friendship or the trust Ed had shown in him.

********

Jean still wasn’t sure how to break the news to the brigadier general or Hawkeye that he was going to be serving major general as her secretary and all around second hand.

Admittedly, the woman hadn’t given him much time to do much in the way of explaining. He seemed to be constantly running some errand or doing some task for the woman.

Well, he wasn’t going to complain about all the things that he did for the woman. There were a few that he really enjoyed.

He didn’t even want to consider all of military rules they must have been breaking, not to mention a few laws that were still in the books from about a hundred years ago. He knew what they did last night had to be illegal in several countries.

As he looked through file after file, he tried very hard to keep his mind on his work.

She would be fuhrer; Jean knew that much at least. The woman had been in Central only a week and already she’d garnered one-third of the votes from the nominating council. That said something, since everyone on the council was a general of some rank and qualified to take the job as much as she was. Some, even more.

General Hakuro was proving to be a little bit of a problem. The man seemed absolutely determined to become fuhrer, despite being a complete and total waste of a military uniform. He said that since Bradley had placed him as the vice or temporary fuhrer, he deserved to move up to the top rank without all of the business of a nominating council. He felt that his rank, which he earned more by kissing ass—and if the rumors were true, being a piece of one as well—throughout his entire military career.

Olivier had said, “His only use in the service is to service.”

It seemed that many of the other generals felt the same way. Many also wanted someone in the leadership position who would clean up the mess left behind so that in a few years when they would re-vote on that person’s ability to be furher, they could happily reject an application for another term and take over in their stead.

There was no denying that Olivier could easily take care of the mess left by King Bradley and his assassination. She was someone drastically different from the man she would be replacing. She was much colder when speaking before the public than Bradley had ever come off to be, but her heart was far warmer than her outward appearance. Jean would never dare tell on the woman, but he had seen her give money to a little girl whose mother was obviously struggling to buy her a little extra treat with her supper. She was blond, fair, blue-eyed. Her face was attractive and unmarked. Nothing about this woman other than strength of will was remotely like the man she would be replacing.

And she would be replacing him if Jean had anything to do about it. He knew that Mustang, despite all his work and all he’d done didn’t really have a chance at the position. Not yet, at least.

That de Havilland was certainly seeing to that. Luckily for Mustang’s side of the fight, Olivier had gotten permission for herself and Jean to go through all of the fuhrer’s documents before he did. So he would see everything second hand. It helped to ensure than anything on either Ed or Mustang’s past would remain a secret, and that was Jean’s main goal.

Thankfully, it was also Olivier’s.

Jean smiled as he put another folder away, barely looking as he did. Purposely not looking, not that he would admit that aloud.

********

Al had spent much of his time reading the contents of Mustang’s library. Some of it, he thought, would actually be helpful in his attempts to restore his brother’s limbs. He knew Ed thought he’d given up on him, but that just wasn’t the case. He still hoped there would be a way of finding another philosopher’s stone or at the very least something to help his brother.

He would have spent at least some of the time talking to Ed if his brother hadn’t been so closed off to him. The younger brother felt there was a storm on the horizon between them, but Ed, it seemed, wouldn’t talk to him even to yell at him. Al knew he deserved it after it all, but he still held hope that Ed could eventually forgive him. He did what he had to do. Part of him had begun to consider his brother might be dead, but that never meant there wasn’t hope he would find him.

And now, now, he was trying to be helpful, without being obtrusive, trying to be sympathizing without being patronizing. It was a constant series of contradictions, and Al sometimes felt his mind boggled at the constant balancing act.

Ed was often silent when Al was in the room, and he rarely met Al’s eyes. Though they’d touched a few times, and Ed allowed him to pat his automail arm, he knew it was a long way off from holding Ed in his arms the way Roy did. The one thing he said he wanted to do the moment he got his body back—to hug his brother—was probably not going to happen anytime soon. Unless the blond initiated it, he flinched from everyone’s touch.

Riza was often Al’s only comfort. Things were somewhat less comfortable than they’d been before his admission of feelings for her, but despite it all, they had struggled to the best of their abilities to care for those closest to him. They knew there was something, even if it was one-sided, between them. Despite this, the two would not for anything risk the only support they had for one another. Ed and Roy had them, but if they ruined things, then they would have no one.

********

Anton looked through the files that had been—at least he suspected—purposely missorted. He wondered if that idiot lieutenant would even know a good piece of paperwork if he saw it. The major general, he had no doubt she would. He had no doubt she would make a very good fuhrer. The problem was, the paper trail that would follow him from the old one could mean his downfall.

Then, to add insult to injury, that woman was sleeping with the lieutenant, her secretary-to-be. And they had only requested the information from the fuhrer’s office because he had asked for it first. Major General Armstrong was considered an outside party to the proceedings and a woman who worked very hard to ensure justice and fairness in what she did. However, to Anton, it was blatantly obvious that the woman had sided with Mustang and Elric and would work to get them free.

He was hoping that somehow, he could find the paper he’d once seen flashed to him by the fuhrer. If he could find that, there was hope for himself. Ultimately in his life, that’s what everything really was about, himself.

Anton had been eager to show off his investigatory skills. He didn’t want the fuhrer to think that he was only useful as an unknown alchemist. He enjoyed the law, and hated the fact that more often than not, he wasn’t practicing it.

“You asked to speak with me?” the fuhrer asked.

“Yes,” Anton said with a proud expression on his face. “I have been doing some research into the military’s problem child. I can prove he tried to bring his mother back. Beyond the fact that he can clap his hands to make a transmutation circle—”

“I am not particularly concerned with Edward Elric,” the furher said.

“But he performed human transmutation,” Anton said. “You could use that to your benefit, couldn’t you?”

Surely, Anton wouldn’t be the only one who was manipulated into performing experiments. He had the same amount of talent as those boys. He hadn’t been much older than them when he had performed it himself. His entire life had been manipulated by the military from the moment they found out what he’d done.

Not once had he been given the freedom to go and travel to different cities, create havoc, and then return home a conquering hero. No, they brought him in unannounced, had him do his work as covertly as possible, and then return back to nothing, if he was lucky. More often than not, lately, he had been chastised for not being at work. The furher, it seemed, was not even excusing his absences any longer.

“He is already benefiting us. Have you heard that state alchemists are no longer considered a plague upon the land? They actually anticipate our men and women coming in, just in hopes that Ed will be there and help them.”

“And that is what he is here for? Public image?” Anton’s voice dripped sarcasm, even as it grew louder.

“He is also searching the philosopher’s stone,” the fuhrer said.

“I could do that,” Anton said. “Probably with a lot less noise.”

“Our master wants them to do it. She thinks they will create a much more pure stone because of their youth and innocence,” the fuhrer said.

Anton still didn’t understand it. He’d met Dante once or twice, heard her take credit for a lot of his work, too. Why would she want them to do this?

Anton watched as the man went to the filing cabinet and rummaged around.

“And what if someone else figures out what I know?” Anton asked.

“Then, this will be our saving grace,” the fuhrer said. He waved a piece of paper Anton recognized as a pardon. “It’s ready should anyone try anything.” He put extra emphasis on “anyone.”

********

Winry had visited Ed and Al a while ago, but getting in required a lot of paperwork ahead of time. It meant that she rarely got to visit two days in a row, but at least she had seen him. In some ways, he seemed to be doing better. In others, like his relationship with Al, it was as though he had taken a step backwards. Having received a phone call today from Al, with him saying they’d started to work things out was a step in the right direction, in her opinion. Ed seemed different with Mustang, too. Actually, she knew he was different with the man, as Al had told her the same thing. Seeing first hand the way those two now interacted was something odd in itself.

But Winry had been working very hard to understand the older man better, if for no other reason than he seemed to be the only person who was helping Ed right now. Much as she wanted to be that person, she only cared that someone could help her friend. Above all else, above imaginings of caring for him while he recovered, above one day dating even marrying her longtime friend, she wanted him healthy and feeling like his old self. Nothing mattered as much as that.

However, after meeting Anton and discussing with Al her suspicions about the man’s automail, she decided she needed to call Dominic.

“Hello,” a voice said at the other end.

“Hey, Paninya, it’s Winry.”

“How are things there? How’s Ed?” the other teen asked.

Winry gave a short update on Ed and Al, adding a little about how she was doing. She tried not to tell too much not to give away all of the more gory details of it all.

“Could I talk to Dominic?” Winry asked. “I had a question about someone who I think is a client of his.”

“He’s with a client right now. I don’t know if he’ll be much use. You know he’s not much of a talker,” Paninya said. “Who is it? Maybe I can help.”

“The name’s Anton de Havilland.”

“Yeah,” Paninya said. “Anton’s one of Dominic’s older clients. There was some kind of accident when he was fifteen or something. He’s a good guy.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Winry said. “He’s the attorney trying to get Ed and Al in trouble.”

“Well, he’s different here, I think. He grew up in Rush Valley. From what I heard, his mom was a real bitch. Always left him alone with his older brother, and there was something wrong with his brother, so he was always babysitting.” Paninya paused. “I’ll ask Dominic about them, see if I can find anything out, or why he’d want to do that to Ed and Al. Okay?”

Winry thanked her before saying her goodbyes. Even the normally distrustful young woman liked Anton. Winry just couldn’t understand why.

********

That night, Ed could hear Al’s deep sleeping at the side of the room. He had once again exchanged with Roy, but it had not necessarily required Ed to end up in Roy’s arms. It did not mean that Ed hadn’t found himself there, and it did not mean Ed argued with the man when he did.

From the other side of the room, the faint sounds of Al’s nightmares could be heard. Ed’s younger brother didn’t scream or call out in his sleep, which amazed him. Ed had trained himself not to make any noise that would disturb Al, as the other teen didn’t sleep, but Al was so unaccustomed to dreams, let alone nightmares, Ed still wondered how he kept so quiet.

“Al?” Ed whispered into the dark. “Al, it’s just a dream.”

There were a few more hushed noises, but Al seemed to calm. Ed smiled to himself despite it all that he could so easily chase away his brother’s nightmares. Even the bitter part of himself that said the younger brother deserved the nightmares just couldn’t bear to see him like this. So what if Al had done everything intentionally—which 90% of Ed didn’t think he did—Ed felt he deserved it anyway. Four years trapped inside of a suit of armor that could not feel, could not taste. Deprived entirely of the experience of puberty, of four additional years not spent inside the armor.

Ed felt he deserved it all, no matter how often Roy argued with him otherwise. Oddly enough, their only disagreement since the whole mess was in regards to Roy’s defense of him. It was strange to hear the man spout off so many “good” qualities, and it made the younger man think the older was making a large portion of them up.

Hearing silence, save for the steady breathing of his younger brother, Ed relaxed onto his bed once again.

He was still trying to figure out why Roy had held him again. Earlier in the week, when Ed had told the man something that wasn’t particularly gruesome, at least in comparison, he’d remain where he was and rub over Ed’s automail arm. Today had been the same.

Ed heard the door open. Roy was checking on him again. Like he did on those days he held Ed, but once again, there wasn’t the need, so to speak.

He could feel that single eye on him as he lay as still as possible. Tonight, different than any other time Ed had heard the man, Roy took a few steps into the room. The faint sliver of moonlight was on the man’s face, and the expression there… Ed knew the man couldn’t know he even looked that way.

It was warm, lacking the harsh pity that the rest of the world gave Ed. It was similar to the way he remembered his mother looking at him, but there was a difference in that black eye that Ed just couldn’t place.

The older man then retreated from the room, nearly silently, and left Ed to confusedly discern what he’d just seen.