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As Loyalty Can Be	By : Kimmy Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 6353 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
(12)

Goku filled his hand with water and brought it to his mouth. It was cold, and tasted of glaciers, of melted ice. The little stream next to him rushed over the rocks in swirls and falls. Young, he thought, because this was new water. The air tasted of glaciers too. There was a cold wind from the mountains.

Vegeta was sitting a bit off, gazing at the clouds. Dark blue ones paraded across the sky, little baby clouds, not big enough to block out the sun. It rained often in this place, but the rains were brief and cleared right up. Three times they had come here to train. It seemed Vegeta liked it, liked the mountains and the rocks, the winds and the heather. He hadn’t used ki-blasts once.

Goku looked at Vegeta, looked away. Took a step closer, took a step to the side.

Circling Vegeta.

Seemed lately all he’d done was to try to get closer to Vegeta. Sit closer to him, stand closer to him, touch him more often. And watching. Watching him for his reaction. And it was strange how he didn’t seem to notice, how he might get impatient sometimes and move away, but Vegeta often got impatient. Less often now. Vegeta was calmer, more patient. But still… Still Goku was careful, and he couldn’t explain why that was. He circled Vegeta like he couldn’t make up his mind, like he didn’t know what he wanted. But Goku knew what he wanted, he knew it better and better each time they met. He wanted this, sparring and talking and meeting with Vegeta. And he wanted more, wanted the touches and the kisses and the nakedness and the closeness. He would sit next to Vegeta and lean closer so their shoulders bumped, watching for his reaction, and Vegeta didn’t seem to notice. A curious blind spot that made Goku cautious.

“Good spar,” Goku said, just to say something.

Vegeta nodded, and he transferred his gaze to Goku.

Goku found himself studied. Vegeta’s gaze was unwavering and impersonal, like he didn’t see any reason to look away. Like he had looked at the clouds. It was nice – maybe it was nice – to be like the clouds. To be accepted in Vegeta’s presence as if he were a natural part of it. At one time he would have marvelled. Now he wanted more.

“Vegeta,” Goku said.

”Yes?” Vegeta smiled – a small, questioning smile. Interested, in a distant cloud-gazing kind of way.

Goku felt his heart, it was beating harder.

“Just…” He walked closer, and Vegeta rose to his feet to meet him, still that small, questioning smile on his face.

Goku bent down and kissed him, a quick press of his lips against Vegeta’s lips. He met Vegeta’s eyes, and he did it again. Kissed him. Placed his hands on Vegeta’s shoulders as if to keep him from leaving. Felt Vegeta’s hands on his arms, a strong grip, not pushing him away and not pulling him closer. Strange kisses. Fast and close-mouthed. Holding on to each other, but not pulling any closer. Looking at Vegeta, quick, and not seeing much except a set face and wide eyes. Vegeta meeting his kisses – warm lips, warm breath, hard fingers on his arms. Fingers likely to leave marks.

Goku pulled Vegeta against him, hugged him, his arms around his back. Vegeta resisted the hug, his body set like his face, but slowly he gave in, leaned his head on Goku’s shoulder, his hands loose and light on Goku’s arms.

---

Kakarott was kissing him. He. Was kissing Kakarott. Strange kisses, that were wholly different from the ones he had shared with Bulma. Bulma, from the start, had been surprisingly simple. She’d been his haven. This was… it was something new. Kakarott stared at him, between the kisses, his eyes wide and wary, expecting what? A punch? They held on to each other, and it was nothing easy about it. It was a struggle, with harsh hands and stiff poses. And Kakarott’s mouth on his. Kakarott’s mouth. On his.

He wasn’t sure what happened, when Kakarott pulled him into a hug. He felt caught. Kakarott had him, strong arms around his back. He didn’t know if it was a good thing. But… it might be a good thing. He abandoned the struggle, and let Kakarott hold him. He let Kakarott hold him until he couldn’t do it anymore, and then he pushed him away.

---

Holding Vegeta was what he wanted. Vegeta rested against him, and Goku felt his throat tighten, filled with gratitude and relief, and he held Vegeta tighter. He felt Vegeta’s hands on his arms, pushing at him, but with no great emphasis. It was easy not to let go, to hold him tight with and urgency that hadn’t been there before.

Vegeta fit so well against his body, more solid somehow than Goku had expected. Looking at Vegeta, he might seem small, compared to Goku. A slender waist in tight clothes, narrow hips and narrow hands. But Vegeta wasn’t small, he filled his arms all up, and he was strong and solid and there. He was stronger than anything Goku had ever held in his arms.

He had this image then, about the two of them, naked limbs entwined, rocking together like lovers.

Goku’s arms tightened on their own volition, with enough force to press the air out of their lungs. He kissed Vegeta again, a pant caught between their lips. Kissed him like he couldn’t get enough, like he was thirsty and Vegeta was water, and Goku was drinking his mouth in huge gulps. Vegeta was malleable, soft in his arms, opening and closing his mouth, letting him drink. Letting him.

A prickle of worry, and Goku wrenched his head away, dizzy and off-balance. He had to look at Vegeta, but Vegeta didn’t look back. Vegeta was staring at something else, or just not meeting Goku’s eyes. He seemed distracted, occupied with something off to the side, something not particularly interesting, maybe even a bit boring. Vegeta was pretending that Goku wasn’t there.

Goku let go of him, and backed away. He raised his hand, but stopped before touching, his fingers centimetres from Vegeta’s arm.

“Are… are you alright?” Goku said.

A shrug. “I’m fine.” Short and clipped. Vegeta still wasn’t looking at him.

Goku lowered his hand, a sinking feeling in his stomach. This was bad. He had done something wrong, he was sure of it.

“Vegeta, I didn’t mean… I’m sorry if I… I hurt you, or...”

“Shut up!”

Oh, Vegeta was looking at him now, making him stagger under the full blast of his rage. The fist was unexpected, registered only as a screaming hot pain in Goku’s face.

“Ow!” He held his cheek, cradling it. “Vegeta!” Accusation in his voice.

Normally this would be funny – the perfect punch that Goku didn’t even attempt to block, the shock, the surprise. Vegeta would have laughed, and so would Goku, and tried to retaliate.

Vegeta didn’t laugh now. Vegeta pushed him, a push on his chest that had hardly anything to do with technique, but more with anger, close up on Vegeta’s face. More anger than Goku had ever wanted to see.

“I’m not weak!”

“I never said you were!”

He’d never thought so either, though everyone had weaknesses. He might be looking at Vegeta’s right now.

“Vegeta…”

“I’m leaving,” Vegeta snapped. He turned abruptly and walked away, almost like he had forgotten that he could fly.

Goku stood stunned, watching Vegeta go. How had this happened? He had kissed Vegeta, and Vegeta had kissed him back – he had! – but then Vegeta was angry and now he was leaving.

“Wait!”

Vegeta stopped, but didn’t turn around. His back was tense, and his hand’s were clenched into tight fists.

“Don’t follow,” Vegeta said. His voice had a ring of cold authority, that only served to further convince Goku that something was wrong. “I’ll talk to you later.”

And Vegeta left, one minute there, one minute gone.

---

Later.

Vegeta had said they would talk later, and Goku spent hours and hours above the clouds, waiting, waiting, for the time to pass. The things that had happened kept playing in his head, over and over. He heard Vegeta

(“Shut up!”)

telling him to shut up when he’d said he was sorry. He remembered holding Vegeta and Vegeta pushing him away, and Vegeta pretending he wasn’t there. It was that blind spot, that blind spot that wasn’t a blind spot, when Goku came too close.

(“I’m not weak!”)

He had to be careful, had to be careful, because Vegeta had some injury, some vulnerability that Goku hadn’t known was there. Not like that. But, Goku thought – and he was absolutely certain about this – he couldn’t tip-toe around Vegeta either, couldn’t treat him like he was weak.

The time passed so slowly. He needed to get back to Vegeta, but he knew the other man wanted to be alone. I’ll wait, Goku thought, for the sun to disappear underneath the clouds.

Goku waited, and when the last rays disappeared underneath the clouds he put two fingers to his forehead.

---

Vegeta was standing, arms crossed, in the same spot Goku had found him that day when Bulma had broken up with him. A low hill on a plain, jagged mountain lines along the horizon. Goku remembered how he had been stuck with worry, thinking Vegeta might leave, just leave Earth and everything behind. It didn’t seem like that anymore. Now… now Vegeta seemed to be at home. It was indefinable, but it was there. It might be the stillness, but Vegeta didn’t seem restless anymore. He had travelled the Earth, had been to more places than Goku had, knew more about the cities and the streets.

Vegeta, you’re more at home than I am.

“I know you’re there, Kakarott.”

Goku landed next to Vegeta, and they were standing side by side, watching the long shadows across the plain. He had been worried that Vegeta would shout at him, would push him away, but standing next to Vegeta he felt that he was welcome. It calmed him down. Whatever had changed between them, Vegeta was still his friend. Goku said it, letting the words drift into the dusk.

“You’re my friend.”

Goku waited in silence for Vegeta’s words, drifting back, echoing the sentiment.

“You’re my friend.”

Slowly, Goku exhaled. He felt… happy. Not the kind of happy that made him laugh and grin, but the kind that felt so contained, and so much a part of everything. The plain, the mountains, the warm air. It was all part of his happiness, standing next to Vegeta.

“Frieza.”

Goku heard the name float into the air, and he kept breathing, waiting without impatience for what Vegeta would say next.

“He used to own me.”

Vegeta said it calmly. It was very intimate, this sharing, almost like they weren’t two different persons. They were the same, but separate, and Vegeta’s voice vibrated in Goku’s chest.

“Everything I did, I did for Frieza. Everything.”

Vegeta lifted his hand, palm towards them, and for a short while Goku looked at the snow-flake scar he had almost forgotten, but now remembered so clearly he could almost feel the calloused edges under his fingertips. Vegeta let his hand fall, but the scar, white in the dim light, seemed to have summoned up the ghost of Frieza. The cold ruler, he was there, smiling like he had on Namek. And Goku felt cold, remembering how Frieza had beaten Vegeta and killed him with a beam from one finger, casually lifted. Killed him and smiled.

“He defeated me. Utterly,” Vegeta said. “And that’s how he owned me even after he was dead and gone.”

Goku had never heard Vegeta talk like this before. He listened, spellbound, while Vegeta inhaled and said with simple dignity:

“He doesn’t own me anymore.”

---

Vegeta pressed his lips together, kind of nodded to himself. It was true. He was free from Frieza. That was the thing. He had walked this Earth, reinvented.

Kakarott took his hand.

Vegeta made himself do it, made himself stand there in the near dark and hold hands with Kakarott. The taller man was so silent, so subdued, Vegeta could almost hear the buzzing of his thoughts. He had confused Kakarott, Vegeta knew – scared him – with his performance today. He had tried to explain, but it was hard to explain something that he could hardly understand himself. Kakarott, so close, it filled him with equal parts anticipation and dread. Filled him all up.

“Vegeta,” Kakarott said. ”Do you want to have sex with me?”

Vegeta glanced at Kakarott. From the tone of his voice, he would have thought the question was effortless, driven by nothing but innocent curiosity. But Vegeta felt the tightening of Kakarott’s hand, the brief tremor that went through the other man’s body. And Vegeta felt a surge of affection so strong he couldn’t help the smile that crept up on his face.

You are precious, Kakarott.

Vegeta let go of his hand and turned to face him. Kakarott stood still, broad and silent and waiting. Hair every which way. So easy it would be to hurt him now.

Before he could stop himself, Vegeta stepped closer, so close that their clothes brushed together. Kakarott stood still, though he seemed divided, or hesitant. His hands briefly grazed Vegeta’s back before falling back along his sides. Vegeta let him hesitate. He was too busy with his own sensations, leaning into the larger man. Anticipation and dread. This was Kakarott!

Vegeta’s nose touched the side of Kakarott’s neck, and he inhaled, taking in the nearness, the warmth, the broad chest and the wide shoulders. The presence of Kakarott. Vegeta sank his fingers into course hair, and Kakarott bent his neck, yielding under Vegeta’s light touch on the back of his head. “Yes,” Vegeta whispered, his lips against Kakarott’s ear. “Yes, I want you.” And he did.

Kakarott laughed, silent and breathless, and Vegeta felt the other man’s lips on his face, his neck, his throat. Kakarott’s hands were on his shoulders, squeezing and caressing, and then on his backside, pressing their lower bodies together.

“But not now!” Vegeta pushed against Kakarott, who immediately let him go. “Idiot,” Vegeta added, a short smile, and the insult sounded a lot more indulgent and affectionate than he had expected.

Kakarott smiled back, but there was a crinkling of his brow. He looked worried.

“We have time, Kakarott.”

He told himself he was calm, in control, but the fact of it was, he felt dizzy and unsettled. Not quite himself.

Kakarott still looked worried, and Vegeta was suddenly impatient, balking inside at the thought of more talk and more explanations.

“Go home, Kakarott.”

“Go home?” Kakarott sounded like he didn’t quite know what that meant.

“Yes, home.” Vegeta took a deep breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Kakarott looked down at the ground.

“We’ll go to a restaurant again,” Vegeta said, feeling awkward. “I know of a place you’ll like.”

“Sounds good.” Kakarott looked up and smiled shyly. Remarkable, such a shy smile on Kakarott’s face.

Vegeta nodded, and took off, the wind roaring in his ears. He could hear Kakarott’s voice shouting after him, loud and exuberant, nothing shy about it at all.

“See you tomorrow, Vegeta!”
- 11
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As Loyalty Can Be