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[ Himitsu ]	By : RenaSama Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5507 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Himitsu

Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'

Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com

Date Posted: 12-28-05

Rated: NC-17

Warnings: kink, fetish, very lemony, het, yaoi, steamy, raunchy, religious, psychological, harsh / crude language. Enjoy ^^

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just using the characters for my own amusement. So don't sue!

| ...words... | denotes thought.

[ Chapter .12 ]

"Che!" Bejiita grits his teeth and punches me in the face for good measure before he flies off
towards home, making a silhouette against the sky and setting sun.

I rub my bruised jaw and watch his form as it dwindles into the horizon and he is out of sight.

I'm always watching him.

Sigh.

I scratch my head and wonder at his strange behavior today. And my own.

"Well that was confusing." I say to myself. Not to mention frustrating.

And in the end, it put me right back where I started...

Or rather, I wish I was back where I started. Where I started is so distant now that no amount of
instant transmition will ever get me there. Back to six months ago. Back when I was free, when I wasn't
dragged down by the cumbersome, heady weight of my own unquenchable desire. When I was chaste,
in both mind and body. Back to the time when I couldn't tell you what a vibrator was or how many settings
it came with. When I didn't have to suppress the strange and often conflicting feelings that warred within
me. When the idea of cheating was abhorrent to me... not arousing. Back when I knew nothing of kink, fetish
or the unapologetically sexual and satisfying world in which Bejiita and Bulma lived. A world I wanted
so much to drown myself in and never come up for air.

The days before I let their tawdry and delightful exploits rob me of my innocence and replace
it with a yearning that can never be assuaged. But I really only have myself to blame. They couldn't
steal what didn't want to be stolen.

[ ..... ]

The trip home is a slow one. Mountains and streams pass by unnoticed beneath me as I lose
myself in my own thoughts. The sun has already set and the cold wind whips through my unruly
hair. The nights are getting cooler. The first signs of summer's end. The sky is clear and the stars
just begin to adorn the endless blue. The moon is huge and startlingly white. The view is breathtaking.
But its splendor is completely lost to me as I silently beat myself up for letting things progress to this
point. No. There is no way in hell things can go back to the way they were. Ever. I was foolish to think
that I could force it. Even if the situation magically righted itself, it still wouldn't be the same, because
I am too different now. Now, finally having actively declared to myself that what I feel towards them
is not just some passing infatuation, and won't just go away if I ignore it or deny, it only made it worse.

My admittance during the scuffle with Beji-... him, only opened the floodgates to what I'd been
holding at bay. What I'd been feeling was merely a trickle of water in the dirt in comparison.

Now it nearly consumed me.

All the willpower in the world can't change how I ache when I see them. When I think of them.

And for the thousandth time since this all began, the mere thought of them makes me absolutely furious.

[ ..... ]

I come home in a horrible mood. Like clockwork, my unpredictable wife comes to greet me.

"Gokuu sa! Where the... he..ll... uhh...." Chichi's protests screech to a halt when she notices the look
on my face. A look that would end all conversation. Not to mention the dried blood, torn clothes, and my
sluggish, lethargic movements.

I really should be trying to keep up appearances. Hug my wife, tell her everything's just peachy
and ask her how her day was, or how her book ended. Try to better my relationship with her, make my home
life more enjoyable, and not undo the progress my efforts have yielded thus far. And perhaps actually give
a shit about where my son is at this hour.

But I don't.

"Hi Chichi..." is all I can manage.

"Are you... all right?"

"..."

She just looks at me oddly. Worried. And rightfully so.

Of course Chichi can't possibly know what troubles me. Of course I have no intention of telling
her. Where would I even begin? I've been a peeping tom for several months? When I look at you I think
of Bulma? When we make love I think of Bejiita?! That I secretly resent you for never giving me a blow
job, nor being the oversexed vixen I need you to be? That many of the problems in our marriage are the
result of my own selfishness? That for all our new found intimacy and bonding, I have no idea what
it is I feel towards my own wife anymore?

Yea. She'd love to here all about that. Maybe someone should write a book about my life thus far
and have her read it.* Think it would hit the best seller's list?

I suppose my silence is answer enough for the moment.

"You need some food." she states rather than ask. Yea. Medicate me with fried rice.

Dinner is placed in front of me almost instantaneously. 'Chichi's special power' I think to myself as
I pluck a clump of rice from a deep, red bowl with well worn chopsticks. Plates are emptied as quickly
as they arrive only to be replaced by full ones again.

After consuming enough food to feed a small village, I slow my insane eating pace and Chichi
begins to wash the dishes. Glasses chime and plates clatter as they slosh in the soapy water. I chew my
last helping robotically. Not tasting anything, watching my wife clean up, thinking she deserves more
than what I've been giving her. Wondering what the hell I'm going to do. Things cannot possibly stay
as they are. The situation is too volatile to be left alone.

I chew and mull and mull some more.

[ ..... ]

The next few weeks came and went and my mood did not improve. I experienced many different forms of
melancholy rage. It may seem almost like an oxymoron, but I can assure you it isn't. I felt unimaginable anger but
a tired sort of helplessness at the same time. Feeling pissed about my predicament yet having no idea what to do
about it. Pointing fingers everywhere, but they all always pointed right back at me. Blaming everything and everyone
for whom I wanted and couldn't have. But again, the blame rested squarely on my shoulders no matter how much
I try to shrug it off.

I tackle each urge, each throb of longing, each fantasy as it danced through my head with a sort of bitter
detachment. I don't eat quite as much. Don't train quite as often. I've even stopped bothering to pressure my wife
for sex. Though... I did cave in when she offered it. But only once. Having sex with Chichi actually seems unfair now.
Every time I push myself into her, I hear Bulma's voice from her throat. Every time I feel her from the inside, I see
Bejiita under me, begging me, screaming and thrashing about on our plain, white cotton sheets in enraptured
abandon. So yes. It was a bit unfair to her don't you think? Unless of course Chichi is suddenly into role play.
'Here Chichi! Wear this blue wig for me!" Or 'Try on my old saiyajin outfit from the Cell saga* It'll look great on
you!"

I'll be me, while she is someone else.

So very unfair.

[ ..... ]

Another month passes quietly, though of course not without the usual drama that keeps my life
interesting. Goten is missing more and more frequently now. When asked about his disappearing act, he
always gives some half assed story about studying for his college entrance exams to placate is gullible
mother. I could point out his obvious lie and then pry in private on where it is he really goes every day.
But then... what right do I have to do that? I used to vanish, sometimes all day every other day to watch
Bejiita merrily fuck his girlfriend then I'd ask for an encore. If Goten suddenly asked me where I'd been...
I'd make up some lame tall tale too. What he's doing can't possibly be any worse than what I've done.

"I won't tell if you don't." I whisper to him as he sneaks up the stairs several hours past his curfew.
And what was I doing up that late alone in the living room?

None of your business.

Goten looks quizzically at me, not knowing what it is I'm alluding to before he gives me a thankful
and apologetic look. "Thanks Dad..." he whispers back as he creeps into his bedroom.

I really do wonder what he's up to. But it's nice to have something else to think about other than
cheating on my wife and avoiding those who tempted me to the point of distraction. According to the
frequent spikes of ki at Capsule Corp. they've screwed about 15 times in the past week. Hm. They've broken
their old record.

I wonder what they're doing now. Though I guess I don't have to think too hard...

Hard. Haha. I made a joke.

[ ..... ]

Golden and red leaves flutter down from dried branches like ticker tape. The air is crisp and cool
and fresh. The radiant warmth of direct sunlight the only reminder that it was ever summer here. Autumn sneaks
up all too quickly and bathes the land in splashes of color. Soon there would be no leaves left to shed at all.

I guess I should try to enjoy nature's vibrant hues while I still can. I can't mope every day. I can't let
my ...frustrations... ruin my ability to goof off after all. I excel at that.

I take to the skies some minutes later. Just enjoying being outdoors again, even if it is a little cold.
I fly almost aimlessly, just enjoying the feeling of being airborne, thinking of nothing, thinking of no one. Just
letting my body take me for a ride. The sun is high in the sky The world stretches on under me. I have no idea how
much time passes as I let the wind take me. I close my eyes and stretch out my arms. Floating on a cloud
before I collide head first into something warm and solid.

"Gah!! OW!!" I whine rubbing my head, more annoyed at the sudden end of my fun than any actual pain.
I right myself and look up to see what dared to ruin my day.

My stomach chunrs. The air that flowed past my skin suddenly feels ice cold.

"You!" we yell in unison. In feigned contempt. I really don't even have to tell you who it is I've run into.
Somehow the world was never big enough for the two of us. The god's must be laughing at me. Are you laughing too?

Rage and desire like I've never felt distort reality. My head pounds and my heart hammers in my chest as
a sneer pulls my lips back over my teeth. Bejiita mutters something heinously mean and dusts off his clothes as
if I'd somehow gotten him dirty.

My eyes burn holes in his skin. I almost forgot just how good he looks. I throb everywhere. The urge
to be buried to the hilt in him has never felt more alarmingly potent as it does right now.

So what's the first thing I do upon seeing him after all this time? Wanting him as badly as I do?

I pull back my arm and sock him right in his gorgeous little face.

And we used to be such good friends. What are we now...?

His head whips around and he wavers a little in mid air, amazed I managed to get in the first hit. Not
surprised at all by my sudden violence towards him without reason. But there is a reason. With the unbridled
passion comes limitless animosity. I punch him repeatedly as if I can't stop myself. Like it bothered me so much
that he turned me on. Like every sloppy, poorly aimed fist I throw is for every single time he tempted me, for
every piece of my innocence I'd unwittingly offered him, for the way he changed my life, for the small place
in my heart he occupied, for every time I didn't get to touch him when I wanted to, or kiss him when I felt to,
or... or...

I'm so angry I'm actually trembling. No amount of punches would ever really be enough. He must have
known this because instead of looking pissed, he grins wolfishly at me. Like my erection was some monumental
triumph. Like he'd known all along. Like he'd finally beaten me. But not with punches or fury, but with my
own desire.

Maybe he had...

"GUHH!!" There's a sharp and immediate pain and the punches come to an end as he rams a knee into
my stomach and thankfully not my balls. I double over, clutching the hurt area that throbbed for a different
reason than the rest of me before a crushing overhead blow sends me careening down towards the waiting
earth.

My body makes an explosion of dust on impact. Coughing the debris out of my lungs, and blinking it out
of my eyes, I search frantically for him in the cloudy chaos. But he finds me first and a swift kick to
the head throws me back several feet. I find my footing and go after him with a hellish tenacity.

Our fight is quick and painful. He kicks until he hears something snap, I punch until blood covers my
bare knuckles. In minutes we are an absolute mess. Blood oozes from several gashes around Bejiita's body and
drips down his chin and forehead. Several of my ribs and are fractured or broken. I'm bleeding, but I can't tell
from where. Our clothes are in burnt tatters. Moving against the screaming pain in my abdomen I throw another
badly timed punch. Bejiita sweeps my legs from under me and again I fall towards the ground. But not before I
grab the leg that tripped me and bite right into the flesh of his calf.

"AGGgghh!!!" He lets out a pained, garbled shriek. I guess he wasn't expecting that. Neither was I really.
He stops instantly, his knees quiver and buckle as he falls to the ground awkwardly, since I still have a very secure
hold on his leg.

I try my hardest to ignore Bejiita's whimpering. He groans and cringes as I pull my teeth out of him and
look down. Surprised by the amount of damage I did. A perfect ring of teeth marks where a chunk of his blue
training outfit had ripped away.

Tired, angry, and in what I assume is pain, Bejiita tries to pull his leg from my grasp to no avail. He gives
up and lies there on his stomach just waiting it out, trying to drag some air into his lungs. I just watch him breathe
harshly. Crimson stains his face, but very little of it is from his wounds. The position he's currently in reminds me
so much of a dream I had recently. Against my better judgment I lap at the blood that drips from the bite wound
I'd so graciously given him as it runs sensuously down his creamy calf with broad sweeps of my tongue.

"Nh!" He takes in a quick breath as he watches me move my tongue across broken skin. His face reddens
even more. He only watches for the briefest of moments. A conflicted and slightly panicked look in his dark
eyes. I wonder if he likes watching as much as I do. The leg in my hands trembles ever so slightly before he
pulls it away suddenly to kick me in the face. Not with much force. Just enough to stun me and make his escape.

Once free, he takes off like a bullet to wherever it is he was going before I intervened.

I sit back in the dirt and lick his blood form the corner of my mouth.

Why did everything that came from him taste so good? I think idly as I pop a senzu in my mouth.

[ ..... ]

The trip home is very different this time. Suddenly the air seemed fresher. The sun brighter.
The colors more vivid. I feel... lighter. It's strange. Was this fight so different from our others?
Why do I feel... rejuvenated? Why do I have the urge to smoke?

I come home in a remarkably good mood! With the wide smile on my face I hadn't worn in months.

Ohh here comes the wife.

"My god!! Gokuu what happened to you!?!" She screeches in dismay over my healed, but still
incredibly haggard appearance. Granted the senzu takes care of the wounds, but not the rips, burns,
or blood soaked rags I call clothing.

I just grin in my typical sheepish, impish way.

"Bejiita picked a fight." I say laughing. It was the other way around actually.

"Bejiita huh? That man just never gives up does he?!" she says as she fills a bowl with warm water,
rubbing a moist cloth over the blood on my forehead.

"Of course not!"

"Hmmph!" She scoffs and dabs the cloth into the bowl. "Well he's a troublemaker! You stay away from him!"

She doesn't know the half of it!

I wish I could...

"Yes'm." I say dutifully and wonder if Bejiita will be out and about the same time tomorrow...

This is when our private war truly begins.

Continued.

Author's Notes

1. Try on my old saiyajin outfit from the Cell saga*

I really like messing with reality in this fic to the point where Gokuu sees the earlier events of his life
as if he'd read the DBZ manga himself, or like he was just part of a TV show back then. I just thought it
was fucking funny. :P

2. Maybe someone should write a book about my life thus far and have her read it.*

Another joke about Gokuu's life and exploits as told by Akira Toriyama's hit manga we all know and love.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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[ Himitsu ]