Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

The Sound of Silence	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 11395 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
Review Replies:

radcat: *nods*
yeah I agree, it is sad that no one took notice.� I sort of think it�s sad that Al never found
out before he lost his memory�� Amethyst-eyed Koneko:
*hugs*� S.D:� I hope the epilogue was
worth waiting for.� Chloe: *gives you tissues*� GypsyWorker:� Thank you. kikiko: Thanks <3� pokezejello: Glad
the explanation helped.� Bookworm51485: *nods* yeah, not
completely intentional... that probably makes it even more sad.� *nods* yes, you�re right, something did
happen to Roy
when he was younger.� It�s just sad that
the cycle had to continue.� Empress-eerian-sadow:
Thank you.� RizafromKeron: Actually, it�s okay to have that
opinion.� After all, Roy is also a victim, despite his being a
perpetrator.� I�m glad you�re enjoying my
work, and the next chapter of Training Edward Elric is almost finished.� TrulyWished: *nods*� Angst-Addict: Your
comment really made me think a lot.� I
don�t have any plans of doing a sequel to this story, but the idea of doing
some of these chapters from Roy�s
POV intrigued me.� It would be so hard to
do (even the little bit I wrote about Ed messing with Al was difficult and he
didn�t really mean it), but ever since you mentioned it, I�ve been thinking on
it.� I just might, if I come up with the
courage that is.� I think I need a break
from this story first ^ ^;�
ct_sama:�
Thank you for your thoughts and compliments. <3 Onyxlight: *pats*� I
hope the prologue was worth waiting for.�
hikaru9:� Yes, you were right.� <3� Ari:� Thank you.�
And yeah, it�s all for Al, it always has been, so I definitely think it
makes sense that he�d do this for Al.�
*nods*� Jaki: Thank you.� saint: �Thank you for saying so, and I�ve added you to
the email list.

-

Note:� Today marks the one year anniversary of this story being
posted to aff.n.�
I can�t believe it...� Anyway,
here is the last chapter.� I hope it was
worth the wait.� Thank you all for
reading.��

-

The Sound of Silence

Epilogue

Answers

-

There was
quiet for a long time after Ed stopped speaking, yet the stillness seemed to ring
loudly through the small, chill room as if to punctuate the tale he�d been
silent about for so long. Riza felt as though she could barely breathe as she
tried to take in what she�d heard.� Her
heart beat hard in her chest and despite the cool temperature in the room, she was uncomfortably warm and had a light sheen of
sweat over her body.

When Ed
had begun speaking, she�d felt shock and disbelief.� There was no
way the colonel would molest a child, let alone Ed!� There was no way he would do something so
disgusting and depraved!� Colonel Mustang
was a good man, and not only that,
but he cared about Ed.� He did.� She knew
he did!� She�d seen so many things he�d
done or made happen for him, despite how stubborn and bratty Ed had been.

The way
Ed talked about being at the colonel�s house that first night made her blood
boil with anger, though not toward the colonel, but toward Ed.� Roy Mustang was dead, killed by the young man
in front of her, and then he dared to
accuse him of such a thing.� She wanted
to lash out in anger at him for even daring to say such a thing, but she
didn�t.

She
couldn�t.

Ed�s
voice, so deeply depressed and miserable when she�d first started talking to
him, had become timid and unsure.�
Sometimes he would press his hands against his eyes and shake his head
and mumble that he just couldn�t remember.�
Then there were times when he would stop and his eyes would open in
shock as if something had suddenly made sense.

The first
time this happened was near the beginning of his story when he first went to
the colonel�s house.� He�d said that
Mustang had given him a cup of hot chocolate and then his eyes had gone wide
with stunned horror.� He�d been silent
for several minutes before whispering something about that being why he hated
the drink so much.

After
several more long minutes of silence, he continued his tale.� He�d spoken of the hugs and cuddling, and the
admonition that he should keep it all a secret.�
He�d spoken of how confused and ashamed he�d felt.� His head had dropped and he wouldn�t look at
her as he�d spoken of how he�d hated the new closeness with Mustang, yet liked
it because he wanted someone to pay attention to him.

Bitterness
underlined with anger had filled Ed�s voice when he talked of Mustang starting
to give him information, but wanting something
in exchange.� Again he�d looked down and
buried his head in his hands as well as he could with the shackles.� In muffled words he�d spoken of how he wasn�t
sure now if it had been equivalent, but he�d needed the information...�

Ed had
looked up at her then, and his golden eyes swam in a sheen
of tears.� What she�d seen there chiseled
at her anger towards him, at her disbelief.�
The look he�d given her had been filled with so much shame and
humiliation that her chest had constricted and she�d felt tears prick at her
own eyes.

�I didn�t
want to...� he�d whispered.� �I felt like
a...� I felt like he was treating me like
a...� You know... paying me like a...�� Ed hadn�t been able to say it, but she knew
what he meant.

There had
been silence for a long time after that and, when she urged him to continue,
he�d said that he didn�t know if he could, but that he would try because he
owed her at least that much.� At that,
Riza had felt confusion.� He owed it to
her?� What did he mean by that?

With head
bowed and voice low, Ed spoke haltingly of the fondling and of having to say
that he wanted it, or to tell the colonel how he �wanted� to be molested.� There were times, as he talked, that he�d tried
to curl up, but the chains didn�t allow for it.�
He�d spoken of his disgust at being kissed the first time and how he
seemed to always feel dirty�how no amount of washing could seem to make him
feel clean...

As she
listened, Riza found her anger slowly drifting away from Ed and to Colonel
Mustang.� Ed would not make this up.� This was
too detailed to be fake.� The way Ed spoke and the way he was reacting
at having to tell this... there was no way it wasn�t real.� Ed was too genuine of a person to make such a
horrible story up.�

But if
that was so, then why?!� Why would the colonel do this?!� Why Ed?�
How could she have not known?� But,
of course, she knew the answer to that question.� Mustang and Ed had kept the secret
masterfully.� Perhaps Ed had poured all
his anger into the arguments they had in public.� Maybe that was part of why he�d always seemed
to be so angry at the colonel.

Maybe.

But then
all of those thoughts and speculations were thrown from her head as Ed told of
how the colonel had taken him by force.�
Of how he�d been beaten before Mustang had coldly raped him in his
office.� Ed�s voice had gone chillingly monotone and all she could do was stare at him in
undisguised horror as he gave detail after detail of an event that no one who
hadn�t gone through it could describe.��

Riza
wanted to press her hands against her ears and tell him to stop, to be quiet
because she couldn�t handle hearing anymore.�
Tears had finally escaped her eyes, and she�d cried softly as Ed told
her in an emotionless voice about his desire to murder Mustang that night.

When he�d
spoken of the day after, fear had crept into his voice and it was then that he
too broke down and started crying.� He
hadn�t been able to go on for a long time, but she�d been in no hurry to make
him.� She�d scooted her chair close to
his and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

At first,
Ed had stiffened sharply, then he�d buried his head
against her and let her hold him.� Riza
had rocked him back and forth in an effort to comfort him, though she knew that
there could be no real comfort from memories like that.

Her tears
became tears of rage at Mustang, and Riza thought suddenly that if the man had
still been alive, she might have killed him herself.� What a slimy, manipulative bastard!� The man had convinced the poor boy that no
one would believe him if he told, threatened to reveal his and his brother�s
secret, raped him, then told him that
it was his own fault!

Riza had
just wanted to hold Ed and never let him go.�
She�d felt so ashamed because at first she�d felt so much disbelief�because
at first she hadn�t believed.� She hadn�t
wanted to believe.� If Ed would have told
her before, would she have believed?� Or
did it take something like killing the man to get people�s attention?

�I�m so
sorry,� she�d whispered to Ed and tightened her grip on him.� She was
sorry... sorry that it happened, sorry that she hadn�t known, sorry that
she hadn�t been able to protect him... and sorry that she�d ever doubted him
even for a moment.

When Ed
had been able to resume, he�d told her about his offer to Mustang.� Shame had filled his voice when he�d told of
how he�d gotten himself to the point that he thought he could be what Mustang
wanted.� His face darkened with
humiliation, and disgust threaded through his voice as he spoke of letting
himself enjoy what Mustang did to him.

And then
the anger came, along with more tears, and she�d finally understood what he
meant by him owing her.� Fresh tears had
filled her eyes as Ed told her about how he believed that she�d saved him from
something awful.� Of course, Riza remembered
that night�remembered how he�d been so uncharacteristically grateful.

Now she
knew why...

His story
had continued on with how he�d been able to use the information from Doctor
Marcoh to finally get Al�s body back.� He�d
spoken of the intense fear that someone would abuse his brother, and of his
fear that if he got too close to Al, someone would think that it wasn�t
right�that something bad was going on between them.

At that
point, Ed had gone frighteningly silent.�
Riza had watched him carefully as his cheeks paled and his body
stiffened.� He�d kept his gaze averted
and Riza supposed it was a full ten minutes before Ed spoke again, but he�d
said less than three words before bursting into tears.

Heavy
sobs wracked his body and again she held him. �Broken words tumbled haphazardly from him as
he spoke of the night he�d crossed the line with his brother.� He�d pleaded with her to understand that he
hadn�t meant it to happen.� He�d never
meant to touch him like that, and that it had only been that one time.

Riza had
held him tightly as he told her, in sorrowful tones, of being neglectful of Al,
and how he�d been trying so hard to not be what Mustang was, that he�d ended up
hurting his brother anyway�only in a different way.� Shame had tinged his words when he spoke of
returning to Mustang, returning to what he hated most, and how he�d ended up
becoming dependent on alcohol to help take the pain of his life away.�

He�d
never meant for either to happen, but both had.

Through
it all, Riza had waited for what would push Ed over the edge, but when she
finally learned what it was, she couldn�t keep herself from crying again.� Ed had gone through so much abuse, and yet
he�d never been willing to kill Mustang to make it end.� It had taken a threat to his brother�s well
being to force his hand�and even then, he hadn�t wanted to actually kill the
man...

He�d
cried as he told of the confrontation between himself and Mustang, and through
heavy sobs he�d told her of his pain and confusion, and of the horrible feel of
the gun bucking in his hands and the look of surprise on the colonel�s
face.� Ed had gone on to describe the
wild, out-of-control feelings and the fearful flashback�worse than any others
he�d ever experienced�before being knocked out by the drugs.

And now,
after all that, there was silence.

For a
long time, Riza sat there, gathering her thoughts.� What could she possibly say to him?� He was quietly looking down at his shackled
hands, his face hidden by his greasy bangs, and she could only guess what could
be going through his mind.� What he�d
told her was something he�d kept secret for a long time, and it was an awful
secret...

Her chair
was already close to his, but she scooted it slightly closer, then wrapped one
arm over his back and pulled him close to her again.�

�I
believe you,� she whispered softly and felt tears come to her eyes.� Such simple words, yet when Ed heard them,
his head rose and he gazed deeply into her eyes as if searching to see if she
told the truth.� He blinked and tears
trickled from his eyes, already reddened from crying, and down his already wet
cheeks.��

�You do?�
he asked in a low, hoarse voice.� He
looked surprised, as if he was afraid that it wasn�t true.

�Yes,�
she answered.� �I believe you.� I know you wouldn�t lie to me, Ed.�

At that,
Ed swallowed hard and, after a moment, a small sob escaped him and it seemed
that all the tension in his body was released at that moment.� �I was so afraid...� he said through his
tears.� �I thought... Mustang said...
I...�

Wrapping
her other arm in front of his body to complete the embrace, Riza held him
tightly.� �He was wrong.� What he said... he was wrong to tell you
that.�� She sniffled and continued.� �Everything he said and did was wrong, Ed.�

His head
hung and he whispered, �Maybe...�
I...�� He let his breath out
heavily and whispered, �I just... I shouldn�t have let him do that...� I�m so...�
I feel so� ashamed...� I should have just told him �no�...� I...�

Riza
pulled back and grabbed him by the shoulders, interrupting his words.� �Look at me, Ed.�� It took a moment, but finally he turned his
gaze up to meet hers.� �I want you to
listen to me, alright?� This was not your fault.�

�But...�
Ed began, but she cut him off.

�No!� I said listen,� she said firmly.� �What happened... It
wasn�t your fault.� He did bad things to
you.� He
was wrong.�

�But, I
let him so that I could get the information for...� Ed interrupted, but she
covered his mouth until he quieted.

�I told
you to listen, Ed,� she said.� �You were
only a child.� He was a man�a grown
man.� He knew better.� He manipulated you, and took advantage of
your insecurities and your devotion to your brother.�

His
shoulders fell a little and his lip trembled slightly, and she hugged him
before going on.� �You were a lonely
child who had already been through so much.�
He saw that and he took advantage of that to meet his own ends.� This was not
your fault.��

She
paused and tried to keep herself from crying again, but was failing
miserably.� Wiping at her eyes, Riza
said, �I feel almost as if this were my fault...�� He blinked in confusion, and she
continued.� �I wonder why I didn�t see
what was happening... I just... I really thought that the colonel was being
good to you.� I really thought that he
was being the adult figure you needed...�
I just...�� Her voice broke and
she hugged him again.� �I�m sorry,� she
whispered.� �I�m so sorry...�

She felt
him shake his head.� �I didn�t want you
to know.� I didn�t want anyone to
know...� Ed whispered.� Giving him one
final squeeze, Riza pulled back and looked into his eyes.� There was a small trace of the Edward Elric
she knew in those eyes as he looked at her with sympathy.� �Crying doesn�t suit you,� he said, obviously
trying to comfort her, and she couldn�t help but smile
a little.� Even now, Ed was trying to be
the caretaker, when he should be the one letting someone take care of him.

Reaching
up, she brushed back a few strands of stray hair from her face, then said with a small trace of humor, �I�m not used to such
flattery from you.�� She was rewarded
with a small, bland smile�it wasn�t much, but it was enough.

�I�m
going to help you, Ed.� I�m going to get
you out of here.�� She would.� Ed didn�t belong here.� Yes, what he did was wrong.� Murder was wrong, but what had been done to
him was wrong too.� He�d already been
punished enough over the years for this crime.�
He didn�t need prison time; he needed therapy.� He needed help.

�Thanks,
but... I don�t really think they�re going to just let me walk out of here...�
Ed said dejectedly.

�There�s
still the trial,� Riza said.

�I did
it.� I... killed... him...� Ed
whispered.� �I didn�t mean to.� I never wanted to kill anyone, but I
did.� I don�t think it will be much of a
trial.�� Riza studied him.� He was right.�
He did do it, and there were witnesses. �However, she believed that there was a way.

�Ed,� she
said carefully.� �I believe that there is
hope for you, but you will need to be brave.��
She paused as he glanced up at her, nervous apprehension painted across
his features.� �Ed...� she said softly. ��You will need to tell the judge what you told
me.�

His eyes
widened, and horror filled his features.�
�No!� he exclaimed sharply.�
�No.� I...�� Panic and fear filled his voice.� �I don�t want anyone else to know.�

Riza
pressed her lips and sighed.� She didn�t
blame him.� It had been hard enough for
Ed to tell her, someone that he knew and trusted, but to tell not only a judge,
but the other people who would be in that courtroom...� Not only that, but this case was high
profile.� Everyone knew who the Flame
Alchemist was, and every one knows who the Fullmetal Alchemist is.� The fact that Ed killed Mustang was all over
the papers.� Anything Ed said in that
courtroom would be known by everyone.�
Perhaps not all the details, but the basics would be known.

�Your
brother needs you,� Riza said quietly.

�No... he doesn�t,� Ed answered back just as quietly.� �He�s better off without me.�

�You�re
wrong.� He loves you.� He�s afraid for you and asks about you all
the time.� He�s confused and hurting
right now... he needs his older brother.�
He needs his brother to be strong, not only for him, but also for
himself.�� She paused, then, �I can�t
make you tell anyone else, but if you want a chance at going free, then you�re
going to need to tell.� You�re going to
need to be strong.�

�I
can�t...� Ed whispered in agony.� �What
if they don�t believe me...?�� His eyes
filled with more tears and he hung his head.�

Riza laid
her hands on his and said in determination, �I will be there for you, and I
will do everything I can to help you, but in the end it�s up to you.� Will you let the colonel control you even
after he�s dead?� Will you let him decide
who you tell and who you won�t because he
said they won�t believe?� It�s possible
that some people won�t believe you, Ed, I won�t lie, but some will believe.�� She squeezed his hands and whispered, �You
are not alone.�

�I...� Ed
began, then faltered when the door opened and the two
guards who had escorted Ed in walked into the room.

�I�m
sorry, ma�am, but we can�t give you anymore time,� one of the guards said.

Riza
squeezed his hands again before standing.�
�I understand.�� She stepped back
as the two guards stepped beside Ed and each took one of his arms.� He stood and stared at her with wet eyes.

�Can I
think about it?� he asked, his voice trembling.

Her face
softened and she nodded.� �Of course.�

The
guards began to lead him away, but he stopped and turned to look at her.� �And Al?� he asked anxiously.

�He�ll
stay with me.� I promise to take good
care of him,� she assured him.�

He visibly
relaxed, then said, �Will you...�� He
paused, then asked hesitantly, �Will you tell him that
I love him?�� He blinked and a tear
escaped one of his eyes, trailing slowly down his cheek.

�I will,�
she promised softly, then watched as the guards led him out of the room.� It was then that she felt a small touch on
her arm and turned to see the guards who had guided her here earlier.

�If
you�ll come with us?� one of them said.�
She nodded and followed after them.

Riza�s
mind was occupied with the meeting she�d just had with Ed.� She�d come here looking for answers, and
she�d gotten them, but she was leaving with even more questions�some were questions
that she would never get the answers to because the only one who could answer
them was dead.

She�d
come here feeling confused at the situation, and a level of self pity because
she�d cared deeply for the colonel.� But,
the tragedy of the situation had escalated to something greater than herself
and more than just the death of her commanding officer.� He was still gone, still lost to her, but on
a completely different level.� Her
undying respect for him had vanished, leaving a void that had been filled with
disgust, confusion, and anger.��

While Roy
Mustang had become less in her mind, Edward Elric had become more.� The fact that he�d survived so many years,
and still accomplished so much, amazed her.�
She�d had a certain amount of respect for him because he�d become a
State Alchemist at such a young age and had been able to fulfill those duties
well enough, but now...

As she
walked out of the jail, Riza noticed that it had stopped raining.�� Turning her head up to look at the black,
night sky, she breathed in deeply.� The
air smelled fresh and clean.� Tomorrow
would probably be a beautiful day...

Perhaps
it was symbolic.

Riza
walked to her car and opened the door, but instead of getting in, she looked
over at the jail.� Ed was strong�stronger
than he believed.� She wished she could
know what choice he would make, but she believed that he would fight�if not for
himself, he�d do it for Al.� The trial
would not be easy and he�d have to face many obstacles, but she believed that
he would win.

She
sighed.

Unfortunately,
the trial would only be the beginning.�
After the trial was over, and he was free, that�s when the real work
would begin.� He had so much to overcome,
so many problems to deal with and work through.�

It would
be hard.

It would
be so very hard...

Not only
for Edward, but also for Alphonse as well...�
She would be there for them.� Riza
felt determined to support them in any way should could.� Letting herself into the car, Riza started it
and pulled out onto the road.

Perhaps
tomorrow would not be a beautiful day for Ed, or even the next, or the one
after that, but Riza hoped that someday there would be a tomorrow which would
be beautiful for him.� She knew that what
happened with Mustang would always be a part of his life, a dark blotch on his
past.� But perhaps someday he would be
able to escape it and feel independent and free of the horrors of his childhood
and live the rest of his life in peace.

- the
end -

--

--

Author�s Note

As many
of you know, this story was very difficult for me to write (and I know that it
was difficult for some of you to read).�
I think this is the first time I ever felt a great sense of relief to
have a story finished.

I have to
admit that I was scared to death to start posting this story.� I had no idea what the reaction would
be.� It took 3 � 4 times of posting the
prologue and taking it down from my website to finally have the courage to
leave it there and post it somewhere where someone might actually read it.�

Since
then, I�ve received so many supportive comments from so many people that it
really helped me when I contemplated (oh so many times) taking the story
down.� Those comments gave me the courage
to continue posting this.�

I know
this story was very depressing, but I would like to say that there is hope for people who have experienced, or are currently experiencing,
abuse.� I know there are people out there
who are reading this note right now who have had to deal with abuse of some
sort.� No matter the amount of the abuse,
it�s still abuse, and it still affects the person.� If you�ve been a victim of abuse, please know
that it isn�t your fault.� They are the one who was in the wrong, not
you.�

If you
are in such a situation, please find
someone you trust and confide in them.�
Please search out help.� You are
not alone.� It�s easy to feel alone, to
feel that there is no one who could possibly understand, but there are people
who have gone through what you are.

For those
of you who have never been in an abusive situation.� I�ve so very happy for you.� I actually never really believed that there
were people out there who�d never experienced abuse until I began sharing this
story with people.� Because I grew up
surrounded by abuse, I naturally just figured that everyone dealt with it, only
some were better at hiding it than others.�

I hope
that this story has given you more understanding of the mechanics of
abuse.� Not all abuse is the same, and
not all reactions to abuse are what have been portrayed in this story.� Not everyone who has been abused will abuse
others, or become addicted to alcohol, or such things; however, no abused person
ever escapes without it taking some sort of toll on them.�

I�ll end
now (so that my A/N isn�t longer than the chapter).� I would like to thank my beta, Masamune Reborn, for looking at these chapters, often more
than once.� I�ve had a few close friends
who have been so very supportive during the writing of this (you should know
who you are), I�d like to thank them too if they�re reading this A/N.� I would like to thank everyone for reading,
and thank those of you who have left me comments.� For anyone who might have questions or would
like to contact me for any other reason, my e-mail is: zakaii
@ gmail .
com (of course, remove the spaces).� ��

I would
also like to leave the lyrics of Simon and Garfunkel�s
�The Sound of Silence� because I listened to it so often while writing this
story, and because there were many things in this story that were influenced by
this song.� You can find a link of where
to download the song in my profile.

Hello,
darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision

That was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

Beneath the halo of a street lamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed

By the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share...

And no one dare

Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "you do not know

Silence like a cancer grows."

"Hear my words that I might teach you,

Take my arms that I might reach you."

But my words like silent raindrops fell,

And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made.

And the sign flashed out its warning

In the words that it was forming.

And the signs said: "The words of the prophets

Are written on the subway walls

And tenement halls,

And whisper'd in the sound of silence."
- 13
- 14
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Sound of Silence