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[ Himitsu ]	By : RenaSama Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5507 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Himitsu

Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'

Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com

Date Posted: 2-10-06

Rated: NC-17

Warnings: kink, fetish, very lemony, het, yaoi, steamy, language. Enjoy ^^

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just using the characters for my own amusement. So don't sue!

| ...words... | denotes thought.

Notes: This fic is inspired by some artwork I'd done recenly, "Sunset Kink" There
is actually a lot of story behind that pic that you may, or may not have picked up on.
So here it is.

[ Chapter .14 ]

I wonder how long we'll be able to pound each other into the ground to be satisfied.

Can you even call this satisfaction?

[ ..... ]

The sun is a slit of light against the silhouette of hills and trees of my expansive backyard. I've been
awake for hours already. Unable to sleep. As usual. The stars fade and the birds resume their song. Frigid breeze
seeping in through the cracked window warns me that winter is fast approaching. I usually hate the cold, preferring
summers warm embrace to winter's icy fingers. But now, I hardly notice it as I wait for his signal. Always waiting.
Sitting here in my living room, instead of lying asleep in my warm bed next to my worried wife. Waiting at the crack
of dawn for a call that may or may not even come.

Yes. Bejiita calls me again. In the way only he can. Though not at all for the reasons he used to.

Bejiita has two signals. The old one was once a low pulsing of ki. His "come for Bulma." A signal he stopped
using what seems like a lifetime ago. But his new one is a sudden and dramatic flare of his ki before it slowly
taperes down back to normal. As not to arouse the worry or suspicion of others that can read ki.

That's his "come for me."

I always come running when I feel it. Like he'd trained me to do so. Leaving as soon as time and
circumstance permit. Finding or making any and every excuse to go. The worst of lies drip from my lips
as I explain away my perpetually battle ravaged clothing, my sudden temper and edginess, my dramatic
increase or decrease in appetite, the constant trips to Korin's tower for more and more senzu beans despite
his growing annoyance that I 'treat the sacred beans like candy.' And the promise to stay away from
him that I've broken a thousand times over.

It gets harder and harder to sneak out to see him every time.

I can't help the frown that comes to my face at that. I realize how bad that must sound. 'Sneak out
to see him,' as oppose to a 'little sparring.' As if we're not even fighting at all anymore. Like I'd already
cheated. Was there no real difference between our fighting and... and...

Cutting off my train of thought, I suddenly feel what I've been waiting for. I teleport away
before I can even feel guilty about what I've been doing.

[ ..... ]

My skin luminaces as ki builds under my fingertips. Bright, blinding, fiery gold light pouring out of me
without end. Fueled by months of pent up fury, sleep deprivation, frustration, and the knowledge that
I wanted what I never should have, but longed for just the same.

Bolts of ki dance around Bejiita's small frame wildly as if worshiping him in enraptured glee.

"HAAHAHA!!!"

"BWAHAHAH!!"

His aqua eyes blaze with madness as we cackle to each other. Speaking in a language only we
could understand. The tongue of insanity. We pick up where we last left off. Where we always leave
ourselves off. At each other's throats... for lack of better, more enjoyable pastimes.

An explosion nothing short of deafening cuts the air as beams of ki scream by each other and our blasts hit
simultaneously. For just a moment, just as the scorching hot energy sears into my clothes and skin, I feel
nothing at all. Completely weightless, formless, emotionless. All thought ceases. I feel nothing. I see nothing.
Nothing binds me to this world or even my self. For the span of a breath, I'd been delivered from the lingering,
violent lunacy of my need and all the guilt and troubles that came with it. His blast was the small bit of
heaven the wrinkled, old ladies in Chichi's favorite, stuffy little church would spend their whole lives singing
and shouting to God just to get a piece of. Bejiita of all people, the devil in blue spandex* gave it to me.

But like all complete bliss, it's fleeting, making it that much more wonderful and ineffable.
As the power and the burning of Bejiita's ki fades with the passage of cold wind and time, the
feelings I want so much to be rid of rush back and settle into their usual throne atop my shoulders.
The momentum from his blast knocks me against a mountain but not through it. Wearily I pull myself
out of the mountain face and fly back to our so called battle grounds.

We fight all the time, but you know as well as I we aren't really fighting each other. We were
simply helping one another battle his inner demons because we couldn't defeat them on our own.
Ironically, it's because of him that I have demons to battle at all.

I sit on a rock and wait for him to return. I suddenly feel so very tired. The lack of proper
sleep and anything akin to rest and relaxation has been absent from my life for too long. I catch glimpses of
my face in the mirrors in my house and barely recognize it. I hardly even smile anymore. I don't even
feel like me anymore. The urge to ram a fist into his jaw for the purposes of mock sexual gratification
fades like the morning dew. This is a game I've played once too many.

Bejiita flies up quickly. As he approaches I see his clothing is a charred remnant of it's
former navy blue glory. The crisp wind caresses the bare flesh between the rips in his tattered suit,
raising goose bumps on his otherwise smooth skin. A small, rosy nipple on his exposed peck tightens
into a nub. I swallow thickly.

Noticing I'm not in fighting stance, he, of course, becomes indignant.

"What the fuck are you doing?! It's harder for me to kick your ass if you�re sitting on it!"

I give him a strange look then. He stares right back at me a little too hard and a little too long.
An alarm goes off in my head and sudden tremble passes through me. Why do I even bother? I ignore
my erection and the biting cold. Of course his eyes drift down to the bulge in my lap.

"Oh that again..."

"Shut up Bejiita."

"Oh but I though you liked hearing me..."

Sigh. Of course I did. That was part of the problem.

"Bejiita... we can't... do this anymore..."

A snort.

"What the fuck do you mean 'we can't do this anymore?'" he imitates my voice poorly.
"You know all too well why we do this!!" he snarls at me, crossing his arms. This is probably
the first time we've ever actually stopped and talked about this. We never really talked
about anything, preferring other methods of communication.

"This is all that works Kakarotto!"

"Well it really doesn't work at all does it!?!!" I yell back, aching all over, but not from pain.

"There are ways to deal with that..." he says low in his throat as if annoyed. Like it was all so
easy. Like he didn't go through what I do. Didn't burn like I did.

"You have hands you know!" he goes on obscenely. "And you act as if your wife ceased to
exist! She's your wife! So takes what is yours!"

That's so easy to say. But even she is not enough.

"Hehehe. Oh I think I know what's wrong..."

"Bejiita..." I growl warningly.

He goes on to wound me further. "...If your prude of a wife were taking care of business at home...
you wouldn't be chasing my ass now would you? Heh! 'We can't do this anymore...' Idiot." he spits out in
bruising disdain.

"Fuck you!!" I scream indignantly at having been read so easily. Very poor choice of words though.

"Yes yes you've told me already." he says waving his hand dismissively.

I open my mouth as if to bite out some retort, but there is none. I snap my mouth shut and my faces gets
embarrassingly red. I throb painfully at having been reminded so rudely for the millionth time.

'You want to fuck me don't you? Or maybe you want me to fuck you?' his words still echo in my head as
vividly as if he'd just said them. Visions of me pinned under him on my hands and knees as he pistons into
me frantically run through my head. The sound of skin slapping skin, grunts and the achingly arousing
sounds he makes. A mattress creaks while I hold on to the head board as it slams into the wall repeatedly.
Bejiita drags moans and pleas for more from me with each violent, hedonistic thrust of his hips.

I stop all thought abruptly and blink the images out of my eyes.

Why did I have to think of that...?

Sweat beads up on my forehead and I suddenly don't trust myself around him again. I begin to worry
for the safety and well being of my ass.

"I think I need to go home..." I say more to myself than him. Panting lightly.

"What for? You're probably not gonna get any..."

Ahh the straw that breaks the camel's back. Bitter anger tries to pound it's way out of my skull. I stalk
right up to him menacingly. Noticing he's struck a tender nerve, he backs away warily. I continue to close in on
him until his back is pressed up against a large boulder. I grab a fistful of his ripped spandex and haul him up
off the ground and look him in the eye.

"Are you planning on giving me a reason to stay then?" I challenge, whispering very slowly and very low
so that he has to strain to hear me even at this short distance. I clunk my forehead against his in frustration. He
knows exactly what I mean and exactly what I want.

"Well!?!"

"..."

His smirk thins out into a tight, guarded scowl. Always putting up a front. For all his crass talk and innuendo,
he knows good and well our fights did very little as far as release. He knows why it is we resist our urges and
chose battle over fucking. It all boils down to the wonderful blue haired woman who's heart we'd be breaking,
and the raven haired hell cat that gave me my children and waited for me at home. Our lives, our responsibilities
and promises. It's funny how so much of what we do is the result of some sort of guilt. The throbbing between
my legs make me wish I didn't care about friendship, family and fidelity so much...

I breath harshly through my nostrils against Bejiita's face. My knees begin to lose their strength as
my proximity allows me to smell the anger and repressed wantonness roll off of him. But I refuse to back off.
Invading his personal space like he so often does to me. He looks increasingly more uncomfortable, eyes burning
into mine with a look that said he fuck me raw if he'd only let himself. He begins to breath as harshly as I.
Then his eyes finally dart away.

"That's what I thought." I put Bejiita back down and release what�s left of his shirt. Once on the ground
again he turns and gives me his back in defiance. This of course does wonders for my libido. I just sigh. Annoyed
to no end with my own desire and everything I can't fix with violence.

I slowly back away and fly home. For once, I am the first one to leave without looking back.

[ ..... ]

There are no accidental meetings or random fights. No squabbling over nothing then wrestling and calling
it sparring. No more destruction of property or bloodshed. It's getting much too dangerous. Not because we think
we'll be found out but...

We avoid each other and our own need like a plague. I give in trying to abstain from having sex with Chichi,
and just face the fact that my mind will wander when I'm with her. So what if I saw Bejiita every time I closed my eyes.
Get over it. Frankly if I'm not fighting, I need some sort of release or someone's liable to get hurt.

But even with sex, I still need to spar. I need violence in my life. It's a necessary evil for me. I call it
sparring, I call it training, but it's still violence no matter what reason or circumstance I garnish it with.

I spar with anyone, everyone but ... him. Though it's never the same. Some of my opponents don't even put up a
fight at all.

"Aww come on Yamucha!!" I wined.

"No way!! You'd murder me without even trying!!"

"I'll be gentle!" that sounds silly even in my memory.

"You know I gave up fighting a long time ago..." he said somewhat somber.

"Yea I know... I was just hoping you'd change your mind..."

"Naa. No more of that for me. I have my sights on... other prospects," Yamucha drawled
as his eyes followed the swaying hips of a red-head in the shortest skirt I'd ever seen
as she sauntered by.

Granted he didn't want to spend his life fighting and training anymore, but in a lot of
ways, he hadn't really changed at all.

He took off down the road after her, probably already equipped with a pick up line.
I watched him smile and talk to her fearlessly. Soon enough, not more than five minutes later,
he had her number scribbled onto a small piece of paper.

It bothered me how easy he made that look.

"Hey Gokuu I'll catch you later!" he said, grinning from ear to ear as he ran by me.
Bouncing down the street. Off to buy his weight in condoms.

[ ..... ]

With Yamucha too busy chasing tail to ever be a challenge, I go to my old reclusive rival
turned friend. It's funny how many of my friends started out as enemies.

I fly towards him as he sits perched on the highest peak of a cliff. His arms folded, his
eyebrow ridges forever lowered in stern contemplation. He either doesn't notice me coming, or he's
chosen to ignore me. Ah the so called element of surprise. When I'm about 5 feet away he finally looks
up and nods his version of a hello to me.

"I don't suppose you're up for a little exercise?"

He merely looks at me. The smallest twinkle of rekindled warrior's fire in his eyes before
he blinks out of sight.

[ ..... ]

Pikkoro fights like no one else. He doesn't have a chance in hell of winning, but it's fun to spar with
him none the less. His reach, his style, and relaxed fighting tempo are so utterly different from the searing,
overbearing, relentless, brutally merciless attacks of Bejiita's style. God I miss fighting him.

I hate how I think of him even when he's not around. Damn it! Think of something else!!

"Ne Pikkoro... what is it you do out here all day?" I ask after our battle has ceased and wounds
have been nursed.

He just looks at me.

"Seems awful lonely."

He literally lives in the middle of nowhere. The small gathering of old burnt logs where he'd built
fires to keep the night's cold at bay was no home by any stretch of the imagination. There isn't even the
slightest hint of civilization, or anything that could ever resemble human contact. Maybe that's what he
wanted. Pikkoro and humans don't mix very well. Not to mention his past as the so called Demon King.

I could never live this way. Even with all my years of wanderlust, you'd think that such a life, adrift
on the sea of my own passing whims and adventures that I'd like the 'free' life with absolutely no attachments.
Where I could go where and when I pleased and not be bothered with someone waiting home worrying.
No responsibilities. I could actually envision myself seeing... being with... with... A life where there would be
no one to let down or, or cheat on, or lie to. But then... there'd be no one at all for anything for that to work.
To be truly free I'd have to be... alone.

I suppose if you somehow haven't learned by now, I'm a very social creature. I guess it's
something humans and saiyajin have in common.*

"I like it out here," is all Pikkoro says after a long while. Perhaps he heard the inner monologue of
my thoughts and waited for them to finish. Or he's just not much of a conversationalist.

"I see."

"..."

The sound of wind past trees and through leaves.

"..."

Minutes of this, if you can believe it.

"Son?" Ah, finally, a word.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you here?"

I was hoping he wouldn't ask me that.

"What you don't like my company anymore? I'm hurt Pikkoro! I thought we were friends!" I say
jokingly, making a fake little pout with my bottom lip to avoid having to answer.

"No that's not what I mean."

"Heh."

"I haven't seen you in a year. And I only see you if there's a crisis. Is there something wro-"

"No! No.. there's no one to beat up or train for! You don't have to worry about that... The Earth is
safe for now," I laugh putting my arm behind my head switching back into classic Gokuu.

"I only wanted to spar."

"Hn! I hate to admit it, but I'm hardly a match for you anymore."

"Aww but your still a great fighter so it's fun anyway!" I say trying to soothe a bruised ego.
I guess I've had a lot of practice with that.

"Don't you usually spar with Bejiita?"

I visibly stiffen. I could feel the color slowly creep up my face. I shift my gaze down to my lap.
Don't you dare pitch a tent! I cover up my growing discomfort by suddenly looking forward again, staring
out into the great expanse of untouched lands and the deep stain of orange from the setting sun.

"Not anymore..." I utter. Barely audible. Keeping my explanation as short as possible.

Pikkoro looks at me as if he knew everything, but says nothing.

I wonder if he could hear all the things that are in my head as I sit here. I almost wish I could
just tell him. Tell him everything. To have at least one person know. One person hope to understand so
that I don't have to carry the weight of my own hefty secret alone. But I don't. He can sense something
is wrong without me even uttering a word. I hate how obvious I can be. What I wouldn't give for a snippet
of Bejiita's so called self control.

Mentally slapping myself I realize he could read our ki a galaxy away of he wanted. It was as
plain as day. My ki is near Bejiita's almost constantly.

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I begin to hate how observant Pikkoro is.

"Perhaps I should not have asked..." he says softly. Apologizing for his own wisdom and ability
to read people.

I mutter something unintelligible.

"..."

"Well! I better get going! Chichi will have a fit if I'm late for dinner again."

"Aa." is all Pikkoro says as I speed off, practically retreating.

[ ..... ]

Snow dances through the air and collects on my window sill as I sit at the kitchen table, my head
resting on my folded arms as I watch it fall. I feel like it's been snowing forever. I feel as thought I've
now been confined to my house. Like a child sitting inside, watching the rain ruin another perfect
opportunity to go outside and play. No one will spar with me anymore, my own strength alienating me
from my old friends. Training alone after having such interesting sparring partners in the past quickly
grew tiresome. It's too cold to train outside. Without Bejiita around, the cold is far more apparent.
I even tried to train in the house. Biggest mistake I've made in a while.

"Don't you dare do that in here!!" Chichi screeched as she caught me in mid punch. "What the
hell is wrong with you!!? Do you have any idea how dangerous you are?! You'll bring the whole house
down on top of us!! What then!??"

| Maybe Bulma would spare one of her rooms at Capsule Corp. and I could spar with Bejiita
in his beloved gravity room. There's a quick flash of him bent over the control panels in the center
of the room as he looks back over his shoulder at me with half lidded eyes. |

For a moment I actually contemplate letting my power 'slip' enough to destroy our house in the hopes
that maybe my stupid little dream would become a reality. But Chichi would kill me or starve me long before
that could happen. She's very fond of her house and all her precious, useless little things. Not to mention
her books, where a third of our money goes to. The rest is 'invested' in bills and keeping us fed and clothed.

I stop training and go pluck one of her books off the shelf. Chichi's face goes from satanic rage
to angelic contentment when she sees that not only have I ceased in trying to blow up our house, but
I'm even reading one of her favorite pieces of literature.

My god when's the last time I've read something... other than between the lines.

Goten, forever watching the strange interactions between his mother and I finally speaks up.

"Aww mom don't get angry! Dad gets like this every winter! You know he doesn't like being cooped up!
If it were warmer he'd easily just sleep outside..."

"Yea I know but still... I wish he wouldn't wreck the place!" Chichi goes on as if I'm not here.

They make me sound like some caged animal. Maybe I was. Am I really so out of place in my
own home? Had I spent that much time away from here? Away from them? Was all my sparring
as much of an escape from this house as it was from my own longing?

I complained how no one knows or understands me. But it's alarming how much I don't know
about myself. I knew such intimate details about other people. Like Bulma's favorite position
is reverse cowgirl. Goten is addicted to sugar and sneaks out of the house more than I do. Chichi
is addicted to cleaning and loves raunchy Greek stories. Master Roshi has read and looked at enough
porn to fill the Grand Canyon, but probably hasn't had sex for the last hundred years. And Bejiita...
I don't want to talk about him right now...

Chichi and Goten prattle on about me and my alien ways making me feel ever more like an
outsider in my own family when someone rings the bell twice.*

"Who could that be in this weather?"

"Maybe its the mailman haha!" Goten jokes as he goes to open the door. Sure enough, it really
was the mailman. Who always makes a point to tell us neither hell no high water will keep him from doing
his job. He considered himself a real hero. Funny guy.

Goten closes the door with the usual amount of junk mail in tow. Companies claiming we've
won some ridiculous contest we had no idea we were participants of. Chichi's newest subscription
to Gracious Living magazine. A new book of coupons from Satan Shop Mart. My favorite. And
the bills. Nothing out of the ordinary except for the large, off white envelope that stuck out from in
between the phone and water bill.

"What's this?" Goten asks, having noticed the same strange piece of mail. He plucks it from
between the others and Chichi quickly snatches it out of his hand. After inspecting it as if she expected
it to explode in the next thirty seconds, Chichi's face finally brightens.

"It's from Bulma!" My ears and something else perks up at the name. Did you forget I wanted Bulma
too? Did you think the snaky prince made me forget about her? You should know better.

She rips the envelope open and I immediately notice the Capsule Corp. trademarked logo on the
stamp. "Son Family. You have been cordially invited to the semi annual Gizmo Show!" Chichi reads the
finely printed script aloud. Only Bulma would name the grand unveiling of what will no doubt be
revolutionary, and quirky electronics a 'gizmo show.' She always has to be pithy and marketable.

Of course I want to go. But I won't. I'm sure you know why.

"That sounds awesome!! I always liked the crazy shit CC comes up with!" Goten chirps
enthusiastically and gets slapped right in the mouth for it.

"Young man. We don't use that kind of language in this house!" Chichi instantly switches into
mom mode and back again. "Though this does sound fun. It's been so long since I've been to the city!
Doesn't this sound fun Gokuu sa?" Chichi asks finally bringing me back into the conversation.

"Yea it sounds great!"

"It'll be a good way for you to get out of the house huh Dad?" Goten jokes. Why do I feel like he's
just making fun of me?

"Yea we'll all go to this on Thursday." Chichi decides for us. "I just gotta do one thing..."

She walks over to the phone and hits "Bulma" on speed dial.

"I wonder what they came up with this time. You think Gohan and auntie Videl can make it?
Are you gonna eat all the food like last year papa? I wonder if Trunks made anything new too.
You think we have to get dressed up?" Goten asks a mile a minute. I wonder if he actually expects
me to be able to answer them all as I strain my ears over his voice to hear what Chichi is talking about.

"Yea we'll be there..."

"Dad you think they have gas powered toasters? Haha!"

"That man better be on his best behavior!"

"I really hope they have more food than last year..."

"Bulma they can't even be in the same room for five minutes!"

"You think mom's gonna get started on lunch soon?"

"Oh really? Even better. See you on Thursday then." Chichi says before she puts the receiver
back on it's base and turns towards us.

"Well that's that;" she says as she dusts her hands like she'd done some hard work.

"Hm?"

"Oh I was just making sure when we go there won't be any mishaps with that lunatic."

"Lunatic? Oh you mean Bejiita san... He's not crazy he just doesn't like Dad very much!" Goten laughs.

"Yea. I'm the guy Bejiita hate's to love. I mean.. loves to hate. Heh heheh." I laugh nervously.
It's amazing the kind of slips of the tongue that could so easily give you away.

"Well you don't have to worry about that. Bulma promised he wouldn't even be there. You know he
hates parties."

"Hmm." I say caught between relief and profound disappointment that I won't get to see him.

Continued.

Author's Notes

1. I guess it's something humans and saiyajin have in common.*
Gokuu no longer seems to think of himself as human / separating himself from them unconsciously.

2. Bejiita, the devil in blue spandex gave it to me.
I mess with the idea that Bejiita's always made to seem almost satanic, yet he's the only one that
gets Gokuu closer to God so to speak. Also kind of a reference to "Devil in a Blue Dress", and an
homage to Camaro's fic "Monster."

3. Someone rings the bell twice. Maybe it's the mailman haha!*
Just a lil allusion to the movie "The Postman Always Rings twice." Interesting old, black and
white film about a couple who committed a crime but I think they get found out by the mailman.
- 14
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[ Himitsu ]