House of Vegeta

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A/U

House of Vegeta: Does Raditz have a chibi? pt.15

Celipe was thrilled when Kakarot brought the chibis over. Nuru and Tezar crawled underneath the kitchen table as the two adults ate a hearty meal.

She winked at her son. "Hn, parenthood agrees with you, boy. The babies are nice and fat, and their coloring is beautiful."

Kakarot blushed. "Thanks, mother. They certainly eat a lot!"

Celipe smiled as Nuru tried to climb her leg. "I'm surprised our ouji allows these visits, since the chibis are royal."

Kakarot hefted Tezar into his lap. "They're mine, too...besides, Vegeta saw no reason to object."

Celipe picked up Nuru and looked him over. The baby reached at her plate, slapping his hand into her bowl of suda grain.

"Derno chibi!" (bad baby!)

Nuru chirped innocently, waving chunky arms. Celipe palmed the plump little feet.

"Kami, what are you feeding these chibis? They're only what, about five months?"

Kakarot kissed Tezar on the head. "Hai, mosi...in another two weeks."

Celipe grunted. "They look like seven month babies."

"Nuru tries to sit up, but he isn't strong enough yet."

"You were the same way. I had to rescue you from falling down the stairs once."

Kakarot laughed. "I really did that?"

"Hai, your father put you in the hallway and you crawled off."

Dark eyes flashed in curiosity. "What kept me from falling?"

Celipe scooped up suda grain with her free hand. "You were a silly chibi, always catching your tail in everything...you had it coiled around the bannister!"

Kakarot snickered at the mental picture. "Oh."

Celipe squeezed stubby little toes, examining sharp nails that portruded. "Excellent points...they need to be trimmed a bit, though."

Kakarot nodded, making faces at Tezar. "A project for their granddouja, I think."

Celipe laughed freely. "Gladly, and a bubble bath. How are you making their pesto? With cereal or ground meat?"

"Right now, mostly cereal...we'll switch over in about three months."

"Good idea. They have a nice weight already, you don't want to make them fat." Celipe tickled Nuru's chin. The chibi purred, wrapping his tail around her arm.

"It's amazing. Nuru looks like the prince but has your coloring. Seeing Tezar gives me flashbacks of you, although he has Vegeta's color."

"Everyone comments on that" Kakarot said with pride. "If you think that's wild, father told me when he took Tezar downtown people thought he had a new baby."

Celipe cracked up. "Now that's rich...but I can understand the confusion."

"Vegeta and I often joke that at least we won't confuse ourselves with our sons!"

Nuru nibbled a soft bone that Celipe gave him. Tezar squealed in protest.

"You know that won't work, mother. Tezar wants a bone, too!"

"Oh for Kami's sake" she grinned, breaking it in half. Kakarot gave the piece to Tezar. The baby grabbed it, sucking the marrow greedily.

"They certainly eat like you" Celipe commented. "You would down nearly two bowls of pesto at once!"

Kakarot made a face. "I wasn't that bad, was I?"

Celipe quirked a grin. "Hn, your father often went to the store three times a day."

Kakarot glanced at the wall clock. "I was hoping Raditz would stop through. He's been so busy at the barracks lately he hasn't seen the chibis in days."

Celipe cooed at Nuru. "He certainly loves the babies. Sometimes I wonder when he'll bring in a small bundle of his own."

"When he finds a suitable mate he will, mother. Give it time. You know Raditz can go overboard at times."

"I wish you'd talk to him."

"I admit he gets a bit ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder if he's just trying to piss father off."

"Hn, your father said something?"

"On several occasions. Raditz just gives him the runaround. No one's ever good enough, according to sir highness."

"Baka" Celipe snorted.

"Hai, for sure-"

A sound halted their conversation. Bardock came in through the side door, eyes wide in surprise.

"Kakarot!"

"Greetings, tousan. I brought company!"

Bardock grinned, ruffling his son's hair. "So I see..."

The babies squealed in excitement, stretching for him. Before anyone could move, Bardock scooped up both chibis.

"Aibde se'ger nu vanje grandoujou chibi?" (Are my babies happy to see grandfather?)

Nuru and Tezar chittered non stop, clinging to him like a vine. Bardock flopped into a chair at the table.

"Found time to visit on the wrong end of town?" he teased, nuzzling the chibis.

Kakarot folded his arms. "Come on, I haven't been away _that_ long..."

Celipe pointed at the stove. "There's a fresh pot of hakka on."

"Sounds good, I've had a rough day" Bardock stood up, tossing a baby over each shoulder.

Kakarot started on his bowl of suda grain. "We were just talking about Raditz when you came in."

Bardock poured himself a huge mug of hakka while the chibis stuck to his back. "Raditz? What about him?"

Celipe sipped her cup. "We were discussing his lack of a mate-"

Bardock grunted. "The idiot. No one on the planet is perfect enough!" he took his seat again.

"Well if he can't decide, we may have to invoke _igatte_ (parent's choice) for a mate."

"I'll resist that for now, Celipe, although I admit impatience with his foolishness."

Kakarot disagreed. "Father, I maintain he'll choose well once the time is right."

"And when will that be, Kakarot?"

"You won't be happy until you're hip deep in chibis."

"Don't be silly, boy. I just want your brother to be happy."

"I get the impression he's doing just fine."

"Perhaps" Celipe chomped a squab brain. "But mated saiyans live longer..."

"Mother, have a little faith" Kakarot told her. "Look what Vegeta and I went through to be together!"

Celipe plucked Tezar off Bardock. "True, but your brother is older. We expected him to make a decision by now."

"He will, in his own time."

"Your situation was different, impulsive one. You mated on the run because of the chibis!"

Kakarot flushed red. "There was no reason not to make it official. We still wanted each other!"

Celipe snorted. "Often and all the time, according to rumor. You forget, I'm familiar with your antics, boy!"

The door chimes rung. Bardock stared down the hallway in curiosity. "Were you expecting company, Celipe?"

"In the morning? Hell no."

Bardock plopped Nuru in Kakarot's lap. "I'll see to it."

****

"Hello, sir. Are you Bardock?"

"Ah...yes. And you are?"

"My name is Ishtaz. Is Raditz here?"

"No..."

"May I come in? He left this address with me, and said he'd be by..."

Bardock blinked. "Sure" he stood aside. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you. I've come across the territory on public transport so I'm pretty exhausted."

Bardock stared at her. "Uh huh" he looked down the hall.

"CELIPE!!"

Celipe came bounding into the living room. "What's all the excitement, Bardock-" the words choked in her throat. A huge girl sat on the couch, cradling an overstuffed chibi.

Huge was putting it mildly. In truth the woman was an avalanche of fat, barely stuffed into cheap armor. Her hard features set inside a doughy face that sagged everywhere. The chibi looked like a smaller version of the mother, grossly overweight and badly formed. Their shaggy, light brown hair was dusty and unkempt. Raggedy, sandy brown tails showed several kinks.

Celipe blinked in stupefication. "And you are?"

"Ishtaz, maidi (ma'am). This here's my daughter, Ole."

Celipe and Bardock looked at each other. Kakarot brought Nuru and Tezar in tow.

"What's going on out here?"

Ishtaz plopped Ole on the couch and stood. "You must be Kakarot!"

He gawked at her in disbelief. "Hai..." he glanced down at Ole, eyes widening.

"I don't think we've met!" he said suddenly.

The woman laughed, an annoying nasal sound.

"You're really cute...Raditz talks about you sometimes."

Kakarot looked at his parents. "Ah, anyone know what's going on here?"

Ishtaz belched, punching herself in the belly. "Oh, I'm here to see your brother. Me and him, we need to talk."

"Ah...ha...."

Ishtaz winked a piglike eye at him. "Looks like you got a coupla pretty babies yourself!"

"Uh...thanks..."

"'Course, they ain't as cute as my Ole here" she pointed at her sloppy daughter, who drooled everywhere.

Bardock was straining to keep a straight face. "Is there anything I can get you?"

Ishtaz picked her nose. "Yuh, yah got any rodobeer?"

Bardock glanced at Celipe who rolled her eyes. "I didn't know anyone still drank that stuff..."

Kakarot was about to explode. "I think I'll make some pesto for the babies...they're getting hungry!" he turned abruptly and scooted to the kitchen. Nuru and Tezar shrieked in delight at the wild ride as they bounced on their father's hip.

"I'll help!" Celipe shouted, nearly running behind him.

"Wait a minute!!" Bardock yelled as they disappeared.

"Wow, now that's a happy grandouja" Ishtaz pointed. "Wish my mosi would help like that...but she stays locked up alla time, ya know?"

"Yeah" Bardock grimaced at being left alone with her.

****

Kakarot barely made it inside the kitchen before he burst out laughing. Celipe nearly fell into him, hysterical as well.

"Kami, what a dog!!" he cracked up. "Krukka, talk about a public eyesore

Celipe couldn't contain herself either, trying in vain to shush her son. "Hai, she's homlier than a buldoon with boils!!"

Kakarot set the chibis on the table. "Is Raditz insane?! Surely he didn't lay with that flabby eyesore."

Celipe frowned momentarily. "What do you sense about the besdi (bastard)?"

"I'm not buying it for a minute-"

Bardock burst into the kitchen. "Why the fug did you leave me in there with that butt ugly pig?!"

Kakarot snickered. "Get her some rodobeer, tousan. I'm certain some drunks on the west side could mix a batch for you!"

Bardock snorted. "Better still, I could just drain some fuel from the helipod...she probably wouldn't know the difference!"

Celipe was sore from laughing. "Bardock...are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Well, father did say he wanted Raditz to have a chibi" Kakarot chortled.

Bardock glared at his youngest son, champing sharp teeth. "I'll kill that fool!!"

****

Raditz was in a really good mood as he came up the steps. _Hn, everyone's here...Kakarot's brought the chibis!_

In his excitement he didn't pay attention to the other ki he sensed. Bursting into the living room, Raditz started talking at full speed.

"Where is everybody-" he nearly gagged at the sight of Ishtaz.

"What are you doing here?!" he shouted in shock. Ishtaz reared off the sofa, fleshy rolls sliding everywhere.

"I came to see you, darling. It's been a while, ne?"

"What are you talking about, Ishtaz..." Raditz glanced at the girl baby in apprehension.

"Oh, no you don't!!" he turned to leave.

"Stay where you are!!" Bardock thundered, stalking out.

"Father, it isn't what it looks like-"

Bardock pointed. "She's here to see you...we've been waiting over an hour!"

Raditz glanced back. "But I wasn't expecting her to show up here..."

Ishtaz grabbed him from behind. "Oh, I'm just fulla surprises, boo...gimme a kiss?"

"Get off of me!" Raditz shouted, shoving her back. "Are you out of your mind or something?!"

She winked again. "Oh, ya wanna play it cool in front of the folks, huh?"

****

Celipe and Kakarot peeped down the hall.

"Think we should go out there?" Kakarot whispered.

"Go if you want, boy" Celipe grunted in disgust. "But if I look at that buldoon much longer I'm gonna have her big ass cut into steaks!"

Kakarot shook his head. "The baby's a fat wad. That _gudo_ (thing) isn't my niece!"

Celipe clamped a hand over his mouth. "Quiet, I say...I want to hear this!"

****

"This here's your daughter, Raditz" Ishtaz picked up Ole. "Ain't she beautiful? Just like her daddy..."

Raditz glared at her. "Woman, have you lost it completely? I haven't seen you in months, and that isn't my child!!"

"Well, let's prove it then!" the fat saiyan held up her bloated chibi.

Bardock threw a 'you'd better hope she's wrong' look at his son. Raditz withered in embarassment.

"Father, I swear-"

"Shut up."

Long moments passed in silence. Ole looked about dully, scarcely reacting to anything. She hung limply from her mother's arms, not paying the least amount of attention to Raditz. A shaggy, kinked tail hung like a rag beneath her.

"Hey, girlie...this here's your daddy. Aren't you gonna say hi?"

Bardock folded his arms, smirking. _No way my son makes that trash._

Raditz gritted his teeth in agonizing silence as Ishtaz waved the unresponsive chibi in front of him.

"I don't get it..." she finally sighed. "Damn."

"Are you finished, Ishtaz?!" Raditz shouted at her. "That child isn't mine. I know it and she knows it!"

The fat woman was clearly disappointed. "Kami. I was hoping it would be you-"

Raditz said what Bardock was thinking. "Hell if I'd make anything that ugly!!"

"I should rip your head off for that!"

"Rules of conduct, woman" Bardock reminded her. "You're in my house, and my mate would gladly gut you."

"Hn!" Ishtaz grabbed her diaper bag as she cradled Ole. "You have money, Raditz...I thought you'd be a good provider."

"What do I look like, the king? I get standard military pay, you idiot!"

"I heard you were really an elite-"

"So you thought to cash in?" Bardock interrupted.

Ishtaz glared with piggy eyes. "Why not? He's a damn sight better than those losers on the west side..."

"You tried to saddle me with someone's mistake?" Raditz all but shoved her to the door.

"Go find the real father, if you can" he snapped. "You may have to visit a few bars, but I'm sure you'll find the time!"

"Asshole!!" Ishtaz stumbled out as he pushed her. Her flabby chibi spat at him.

Bardock laughed his head off.

****

Celipe and Kakarot came into the living room with the chibis. Celipe snickered.

"So, Raditz...do you feel relieved?"

"Hai, mother" he kissed her cheek, brightening when he saw the babies. "Watei du'ne vetto ube?" (Are you happy your uncle is here?)

Nuru and Tezar waved and squeaked, kicking stubby legs. Raditz snatched Tezar from Kakarot.

"Now this is a real baby!" he bounced the clucking chibi. Bardock watched him with amusement.

"And precisely how did you meet that pig?"

The burly saiyan blushed. "It's a long story..."

"We've got time."

****

They finished a hearty meal in the dining room. Nuru sat in Celipe's lap, nibbling a small fish tail. Tezar curled against Raditz, nestling in the mane of hair.

Kakarot sipped his hot mug of hakka. "So you devastated her with your looks, huh?" he mocked, grinning. "She had to come back for more, even months later!"

"You're a real comedian, Kakarot. That wesi (wench) probably laid with half the fifth regiment."

Bardock made a face. "Your taste is questionable, not to mention your eyesight. To think a son of mine would associate with slargg like that!"

"Hai, for certain" Celipe sniffed, cracking a bone. "Of all the eligible females around, is that the best you could come up with? Where's your pride, boy! Did we raise you that way?!"

"I met her at a party, for Kami's sake!!" Raditz blurted. "I was drunk!!"

"There isn't enough liquor on the planet!" Kakarot commented. "Are you crazy or desperate to get laid?"

Bardock laughed again. Raditz glared at him.

"What the hell's so funny! Do you really think I'd voluntarily pick a troll like that?!"

"I hear charity work can be a real turn-on!" Kakarot teased.

Raditz cuffed him in the head with his free hand. "Laugh at that, Kakarot...I don't have to take this abuse, least of all from you!"

The younger saiyan rubbed the back of his skull. "I owe you one, Raditz. At least I didn't bring anyone home you had to hide in the daylight!"

"And at least _I_ knew when to give my cock a time out. Nobody in their right mind tries for it as oozaru, you stupid moon loon!"

Kakarot rose from his chair, face red. "You're bringing that up again?!"

"If the monkey fits-"

Bardock pointed at the door. "Take the bullshit outside."

"Sit down, Kakarot!" Celipe hissed, fangs bared. "Or I'll crack both your skulls together. They might make good music!"

Nuru and Tezar squealed, enjoying the loud argument. Snorting, Kakarot reluctantly sat down.

"Consider yourself lucky this time, Raditz" Bardock commented. "Had you been strapped to that pig and her mistake, I would have disowned you."

"He did it to please you, father, since you wanted more chibis." Kakarot sniped. "What's that old expression, be careful what you ask for?"

"There might be orphans in here soon enough!" Raditz replied, shaking a fist. "Besides, she wasn't that fat the last time we met."

"Hai, that's a mattress for sure" Celipe shook her head. "Be a little more careful in the future, ne?"

"Hai, mother" Raditz was subdued. "My so called 'friends' slipped her in bed with me when I was sleeping it off."

"Hn, how horny can you get?!" Kakarot chortled. "Just grab it in the dark..."

Raditz lifted an eyebrow. "Do you really want to go there, Kakarot?"

The tall saiyan thought that over. "Probably not."

The discussion promptly ended when a certain fragrance filled the air. Raditz pinched his eyes shut and held his nose.

"Ugh. Somebody here needs a change!"

Tezar clucked innocently, sticking his tongue out. Celipe looked down at the bundle in her lap also.

"Shall we go for two?" Nuru wiggled and chirped.

"Well, some things don't change!" Bardock smirked, glancing at his sons. "You two always did that whenever we were eating...I used to wonder if it was on purpose."

Kakarot plucked up Nuru and plopped him in Raditz' lap next to Tezar. "Surely their ube is up to the task."

Dark eyes went wide. "What, Kakarot are you crazy-"

"You haven't seen the babies in days...so take the bad with the good! There's spare diapers and sleepers upstairs..."

Raditz blinked in surprise. "They're staying here?"

"For the weekend. I brought their stuffed toys, too. Nuru sleeps with the dragon, and Tezar the serpent. Don't mix them up or they'll cry. Pacifiers and rubber balls are in their overnight bag. There's pesto with formula in the fridge. Warm it up first before you feed them..."

"Kakarot-"

"And when you're done, tell them a nice story. They love stories!"

Raditz held his smelly nephews carefully. "I can imagine..."

Bardock waved. "Will you take them already before we get gassed out of here?!"

"Hai, father" big hands gripped each baby by the scruff as Raditz held them away from his body. Carefully he made his way upstairs.

Celipe watched the whole scene with amusement. "You did that on purpose, Kakarot."

Kakarot winked. "Of course...he needs the practice!"

THE END