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Behind Blue Eyes	By : Naomi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1752 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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BEHIND
BLUE EYES

PART
TWO

*   *   *

The following weeks went by
in a slow motion blur. Time seemed to have stretched into forever, the clock
taking a small tick forward and then two ticks back. The winter grewshersher,
snow falling over the city and covering everything with a blanket of pure
white. Inside the small diner, vapor was gathering on the large windows,
blocking the view of the street. The heating was working hard to overcome the
cold, and the place felt hot and almost humid. The radio was playing, some
overly happy broadcaster chatting about traffic jams and weather reports before
he switched to the next song.

It was lunchtime and the
diner was rather full. The sound of chatter filled the small restaurant, along
with the clattering of silverware and the fuzzy sound of the radio. Heero�s
boss, Malcolm, was sitting in the corner of the diner, smoking a cigar and
reading his newspaper. Raul, a young student who also worked at the diner, was
standing at the cash register, while Heero waitered the tables.

The atmosphere around the
solemn young man was gloomier than the winter raging outside the diner. His sad
demeanor was evident by his silent, brooding appearance and his slumped
shoulders. His uniforms, the blue, white and pink shirt and the black trousers,
hung clumsily over his body. The shirt seemed to be hanging sloppily from his
shoulders, too large for his skinny figure. His pants were nearly falling as
well, his black belt not helping at all even if it was fastened by the last
notch. He had lost so much weight since he first applied for the job, over a
year ago. His depression was taking its tall on his body. He rarely ate
anymore, sometimes going for days with only a cup of tea entering his mouth.
The abuse his systems were receiving was beginning to affect his health
greatly. His features were pale and sweaty with fever. He resembled a ghost. He
was sick, feeling terribly ill, but still he continued to work. Anything but
staying home where nightmares lay.

His breath was short and
shallow as he walked among the tables, carrying a small notepad and a pen. His
lungs ached and heat waves coursed through him every now and then. A woman
sitting by the window gestured at him, and he headed towards her. Dizziness
attacked him all of a sudden and he swayed from side to side, nearly collapsing
on top of someone�s meal as he leaned on a table for support. He mumbled an
apology and raised his hand off the table. He walked over to the woman. It was
a mother and her son.

�Yes?� He asked, blinking
away the sweat that gathered around his eyes. He used the back of his hand to
wipe the sweat off the area above his upper lip. �Would there be anything else,
ma�am?� He asked shakily, another heat wave coursing through him and then
slowly receding.

The woman smiled and gazed at
her menu for a moment.

�I want cake! I want cake!�
The little boy sitting across of her whined loudly, banging his fists on the
table. �Mommy! Mommy! I want cake!� He repeated, his quick little hands
grabbing the small ketchup bottle and slamming it repeatedly on the table. �Mommmyyyyyyyy���

�I heard you the first time,
Denis.� His mother muttered with a sigh, her eyes scanning the menu.

Heero waited silently, trying
his best not to topple over the table and sink into a hazy sleep.

The child continued to play
with the ketchup bottle. The woman looked up at the waiter with a smile. �I�ll
take a cheese cake for me, and, uh,� She looked down at the menu again.
�Chocolate cake for my son.�

Heero nodded silently and
wrote it down. His wary blue eyes kept sending short glances at the boy and the
ketchup bottle. He looked back at the woman. �Would there be...� he took a
moment to breathe, his lungs aching badly, �anything... else?� He finished, out
of breath.

The woman smiled. �Coffee
refill, please.�

Heero nodded again and looked
down at his notepad. �So it�s cheese cake and chocolate cake, right?� He asked
just to make sure. His head was so fuzzy he wouldn�t be surprised if he had
written something else instead.

The woman nodded. �That�s
right.�

�Yay!� The little boy called
out cheerfully, slamming the ketchup bottle brutally on the table and squashing
it fiercely with his little fists. The bottle irrupted like a volcano, spraying
ketchup everywhere as it exploded with an audible �PLOP!�

The bullet tore through his
flesh and in an instant blood was staining his shirt. He staggered backwards,
swerving from side to side as he felt his inner organs burn in pain. He choked
out a cough, pressing his hand to his wounded stomach. The blood wouldn�t stop
flowing. He was going to faint. His eyes were wide, his pale features shocked.
He looked down at the boy who�d just shot him in utter disbelief and surprise.

�Oh my God!� The er
er
called out, panicked. �Somebody call a doctor!� She said, jumping out of her
seat. People all over the diner were whispering and looking at him.

�He was shot!�

�Oh dear God!�

�They�re coming!�

�OZ is coming!�

�There were shots fired!�

�RUN!�

Panting and wheezing, Heero
looked around him in shock. Everything was blurry and in slow motion. The
sounds were muffled and echoing from afar. He slowly turned to look down at his
injured torso, his glazed blue eyes staring numbly at the blood staining his
hand.

�I�m so sorry.� The woman
said softly, smiling apologetically. �He gets overly excited sometimes.�

�It�s all right.� Heero found
himself saying, his numb gaze still fixed on his hand. It was pressed hard
against his shirt, covered with the ketchup he had managed to wipe off his
pink/blue/white uniforms. Closing his eyes slowly, he took a moment to breathe
and calm his racing heart before he looked up at her again. �It will be ready
in a minute.� He assured her and hurried to retreat.

He walked over to behind the
service counter and reached for a small white cloth. He took a deep breath, fighting
the dizziness before bowing his head and attempting to clean the ketchup off
his uniforms. The cloth didn�t help much, but it at least helped clean the
blo�ketchup off his hands. Another heat wave flooded his body and for a moment
he felt too disoriented to open his eyes or move. His fever was rising, he
could tell. He coughed quietly and reached for the coffee pot. He made his way
back to the woman and her son.

The dizziness returned in
full force, making the world whirl wildly around him. His legs felt weak all of a sudden, unable to support him.
He waddled from side to side as he walked, the coffee inside the pot splashing
like a stormy ocean in a glass pot. He was taking quick and shallow breaths,
trying to force his lungs back into proper action. He wheezed loudly, his
breathing coming out as sickly gurgling. Still he kept walking forward,
maintaining somewhat of a straight line. When he reached the table he was
suddenly attacked by a fierce coughing fit. Combined with his dizziness, the
fit was so intense it made him tumble forward and fall. The coffee went with
him, spilling all over the little boy.

The small diner shook and
rattled as the little boy let out a loud, frightened, scream.

�DENIS!� His mother called
out in fear, leaping out of her chair and launching at him with worry. �What
did you do, you fuck!� She screamed at Heero, holding her weeping son in her
hands.

Heero swallowed, his glazed
eyes looking down at the two with a distant detachment. He had just killed
another child...

People from all around the
diner were looking at him accusingly. His boss popped out of nowhere, quickly
pressing a wet cloth to the child�s torso. The boy kept crying loudly, his
screams echoing inside Heero�s mind and stabbing his heart like knives.

�I�m... I�m sorry...� He
mumbled, still unable to grasp what he had done. �I... I didn�t mean it... I�m
sorry...� It was like he was speaking from a dream, the reality around him
blending with the horrors of his memories and dreams. �I... killed... I�m...
so-sorry...�

Someone grabbed his hand all
of a sudden and dragged him forcefully into the kitchen. Heero didn�t tear his
gaze off the worried mother tending her child, his horrified eyes watching them
unblinkingly. When the kitchen door slammed in his face he suddenly blinked,
returning to reality. He turned around slowly.

Malcolm, his boss, was
standing in front of him, glaring at him with all his worth.

Heero�s eyes filled with
tears despite his effort to stop them. �Sir...� He began, having nothing to
say. �I�m...�

�What the hell were you
thinking?!� The man growled, looking up at Heero with harsh eyes.

Heero bowed his aching head
sorrowfully. �I�m sorry, sir. Please don�t fire me... I can�t find another
job... no one will take me...�

�That�s no reason to be
coming to work sick!� The old man muttered, shaking his head. His tone was
softer as he looked up at Heero with compassion. The boy looked absolutely
miserable. He sighed, shaking his head again. �Relax kid. Fortunately for us
you were so out of it that you forgot to actually boil the pot. The boy
was just crying from the shock.�

Heero looked up, his gaze
unbelieving. He sighed and closed his eyes slowly, bowing his head in shame.

Malcolm sighed. �Go home,
kid. You shouldn�t have come here if you�re so sick.� He patted his shoulder
lightly. �Come back when you�re feeling better.�

His head still bowed, Heero
shook his head. �No... I... I�m already a terrible worker, and if I�ll miss any
work days...�

�Oh, don�t be ridicules!�
Malcolm spat, waving his hand in the air. �I�m not going to fire you for the
same reason I hired you in the first place!�

Heero looked up at him,
confused.

The old man sighed. �Kid, I
ain�t gonna fire an ex-Gundam pilot just because he came down with a cold!�

Heero blinked, shocked.

His boss smiled in amusement.
�What, you think you�re the only one who has fought a war? Back in AC 145 I was
fighting just like you did. And I know exactly what it�s like for you
right now.� He sighed heavily, placing a warm hand on Heero�s slender shoulder.
�Go home, Heero. Come back when you�re feeling better.�

�You�re not... you�re not
going to fire me?�

The man smiled and shook his
head. �Go, kid. I�ll call ya a cab.�

Heero managed to sort of
smile back, his eyes shining in gratitude. �There�s... there�s no need, sir.
Thank you. I�ve... I�ve misjudged you.�

The old man nodded, escorting
him to the door. �It happens.� He said, handing Heero his jacket. �I�ll see ya
later, kid.�

Heero nodded and took the
offered jacket. �Thank you sir. I�ll... I�ll come back tomorrow.�

�Sure you will. Take care of
yourself, okay?� He gave him a last pat on the back and then showed him out of
the door. Smiling sadly, Heero nodded his answer and left the diner.

*   *   *

During the twenty minute bus
ride home, Heero laid his head against the cool window and indulged in the cool
feeling against his burning forehead. He drifted in and out of sleep, his head
slumping forward and then quickly jerking awake again as images of corpses and
accusing eyes assaulted him. He clenched his fists and tensed his jaw, trying
to keep his sanity for a while longer, at least until he got home. He held onto
that last thread of sanity even as he missed his bus stop (because he fell
asleep) and had to walk in the rain all the way back to his apartment building.

He arrived to his apartment
completely exhausted and out of breath. His lungs ached and it was difficult to
breathe. He collapsed on the bed, his shoes and wet jacket still on, and
slipped into a thick black sleep.

*   *   *

In her dark and cold apartment,
Nora sat by the kitchen table, her fingers tapping on it impatiently. On the
table lay a steaming pot, emitting a wonderful smell of home cooking. Her
unseeing blue eyes were gazing ahead at nothing at all, deep in thought. She
was debating over the same question for hours, as the soup she made boiled on
the stove and even now as it cooled on the table.

The apartment was silent.
Empty. Cold. It was like a grave. A grave she had dug for herself and settled
deeply into. A few weeks ago a weak ray of light broke into her grave. She had
managed to see it despite her blindness. She felt it. She heard it. And now,
she missed it.

The solemn young man who was
kind enough to stay over for lunch, he was that ray of light. She still smiled
as she remembered his sheepish voice and hesitation when he had shyly asked for
more food. He was just like a growing boy should be - incredibly hungry. It
made her feel warm inside to be able to serve him lunch. The small and humble
act might not mean much to most people, be it mothers or sons, but it meant the
world to her.

It had awakened something
within her. Something she thought she had lost long ago. The company of that
young man, the quiet conversation she had with him, had soothed her loneliness
a little bit. It melted the tip of the iceberg that was hea heart. She found
herself thinking about him all the time. Thinking about his voice, that sad,
quiet and remorseful voice. There was so much pain in his voice, so much
saddness. She wondered if she was the only one aware of it. If nothing else,
her hearing was more developed than others. And for some bizarre reason, she
was extra sensitive on picking up things from this particular boy.

Heero. She wanted to see him
again. Well, as far as she could actually see him.

With that resolve in mind,
Nora stood up quickly. She reached two hands to hold the pot by its handles and
took a deep, nervous, breath. Well, she won�t be getting anywhere if she�ll
keep sitting in her kitchen and brood over the same topic over and over again. She
might as well give it a shot.

*   *   *

During the last few weeks she
ran a little �investigation� to find out where Heero lived, exactly. He had
told her that he lived two floors above hers, but still she didn�t know which
apartment. She spent a lot of time by the mailboxes in order to find the exact
address. It was the mailman who was kind enough to read the names off the
mailboxes for her and tell her the number of the apartment as he slipped a
stack of second-notice bills into it.

Now she was standing in front
of that apartment, a pot full of soup in her hands along with a heart full of
hope and dread pounding in her chest. She took a few long breaths, trying to
relax. Surely this young man was too nice to reject her and tell her to leave.
Still, she didn�t want to come off as pushy and pathetic. Even though she was,
pathetic, that it. Sighing lenly, ly, Nora bent down and placed the pot on the
floor. She knocked on the door.

No one was answering. She
tried again. No one answered. Her heart was beating frantically. What if he was
avoiding her? What if he didn�t want her there?

No! That was absurd. He
didn�t even approach the door. She hadn�t heard his steps. She could already
recognize the sound of his footsteps, despite them being so silent. He had such
pleasant footsteps. But his apartment was silent, no sound of footsteps coming
from behind the door.

She knocked again. �Heero?
Are you there? It�s... it�s me, uh... Nora.�

Silence. Perhaps he was asleep?
What time was it? Could it be that it was already late at night? How long had
she been sitting in her kitchen anyway?

�Heero?� She tried again,
knocking softly on the door. She sighed when there was no answer and bowed her
head sorrowfully. Perhaps he had other things to attend to. Perhaps he wasn�t
as lonely as he sounded. Maybe she had it all wrong.

Sighing heavily, she bent
down to pick her soup off the floor. But as she bent down she accidentally hit
her head on the doorknob and for some odd reason the handle was pushed down,
and just like that- the door opened.

Nora stood up again, stunned
at the sound of the opening door. She could feel the shifting of air as the
door slowly opened. An awful smell was coming out of the apartment. She
wrinkled her nose and took a small, hesitant, step forward.

�Heero?� She called
carefully, picking up the pot and slowly walking into the apartment.

She could immediately feel
the chilly air of the apartment touch her skin. The apartment was extremely
cold, and she could feel that it was dark. She couldn�t sense any daylight
touching her skin. There was a bad odor inside. It was moldy and rotten,
suggesting that the place was filthy. It was worse than her place. Granted, the
heating wasn�t working anywhere in the poorly maintained building, but this
apartment was colder than the rest. It felt... lonely. Like a tomb.

She placed the pot on the
floor and reached to close the door behind her. She felt her way around, her
fingers feeling along a small table, a chair and a phone. She encountered a few
books, papers and pens. Everything she touched felt cold, like ice. It didn�t
take her long to find the sofa that was at the center of the small room, which
was the only room in the small apartment besides the bathroom and the kitchen.
She ran her hands over the back of the sofa, feeling her way around it. By what
it felt like she could tell that the sofa was open so it was in the size of a
small double bed.

She felt her way around the
bed, carefully climbing on it. She kneeled on the edge of the bed and continued
her search. Her hands soon encountered a pair of muddy shoes, damp trousers...
a wet shirt... and a chest that was heaving up and down with great effort.

�Oh God...� She whispered,
her features horrified. She couldn�t even hear him breathe! Even with her acute
sense of hearing, she could barely make out the sound of his breathing.

�Heero?� She called for him,
crawling to his side, her hands seeking his face. She ran long fingers through
his damp bangs. The stanch of sweat was burning her nostrils. His features were
soaked with salty sweat, as was his neck and shirt. He was running a terrible
fever.

�Goodness, you�re burning.�
She whispered, her hands working to undo the buttons of his shirt.

Beneath her, Heero moaned in
pain and titled his head aside. He began coughing when she moved his head up to
place a pillow under it. His breath came hard and shallow, wheezing and
struggling to breathe. Her cool and frantic fingers ran frenziedly over his
body, anxious to help, to heal. His subconscious barely registered Nora�s
desperate attempts to help him. He did not wake even when she stripped him and
placed a warm blanket over him. He didn�t hear her when she begged him to be
okay, he was in a place too far to be hearing any of her pleas.

font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>Warm arms wrapped around him,
holding him tightly as if angry at something. �Why can�t they take me
instead?!� Duo growled, his hold on him nearly crushing. It hurt. Duo...

�Shhh... it�s all right...
I�m so sorry, Heero... It�s all right...� Duo was caressing his hair gently,
soothingly. His voice was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He Liked it.

�You�re hard to miss.�

The man�s voice reminded him of Duo. That�s why he had
agreed to go with him.

�...but I get the feeling that it isn�t exactly what you
want...�

He ended up being raped
again, even if it was done with his full consent.

�...am I right?�

�Hold me?�

Duo�s fingers were soft and
gentle, caring even. They petted his features, tracing them carefully, like
trying to create an image of him in the dark.

�I am not a whore!�

�Mommy! Look what I found!�

�What are they, sweetheart?�

Soft fingers touching him,
petting him, feeling his smile...

�Get out! GET OUT!�

�When is daddy coming home?
Does he work ALL the time? I want... I want him to come home!�

�It�s all right, sweetie...
everything is going to be all right...�

�I�m cold...� He whispered
back.

�Shh, Heero... shh... I�m
here...� Duo assured him.

�I woke up in the hospital
and there was no one there... you left...� He mumbled, remembering the end of
the war for some reason. He lived on the streets, cold and hungry, until
Malcolm him him in.

�I was alone...�

�I�m here with you now,
Heero. I�m here...� The gentle hands continued saying softly. �I�ll take care
of you. Shh... just rest... I�ll take care of you... just rest...�

�N...Nora..?�

�Shh, Heero. Shh...�

Dream and consciousness mixed
together into a hazy reality. Cool liquid was served to his parched lips. He
struggled to lift his head a little and sip it. His head was too heavy. A
gentle hand sneaked under his head, supportng him. The water was touching his
cracked lips again. He gulped it hungrily. He was so hot...

Another hand was touching
him, cool and long fingers pushing his bangs aside gently. He took a shaky
breath, his lungs faltering. He coughed, spitting out some water. He could feel
it slide down his chin. The gentle fingers wiped the liquid away.

�Shhh... it�s okay...� A soft
voice whispered.

�Wha... wh... where..?� He
slurred sleepily, trying to open his eyes and look around. The ill feeling was
just too much. He closed his eyes again, his body shivering from fever. �Wh...
who is... here..?� He asked feebly, the water he drank already making him
nauseous. He moaned miserably and sunk his head into pillow.

The cool hands were touching
him again, trying to soothe his aching body. He whimpered silently and tried to
move awrom rom the touch.

�No... please...� He mumbled
in distress, struggling to force his limbs to move. �I don�t want to... I
don�t... who is..? Please stop... I... I�ve been a... a good... I�m not a I�m I�m not a whore... I�m... don�t touch me...�

�Shhh... Heero, it�s me.� The
voice whispered again as soothingly as can be. It reminded him of...
something... long ago... �It�s me. It�s Nora. It�s just me...�

Cobalt eyes glazed with pain
and fever slowly opened, looking up at the figure hovering above them. It was
too dark and blurry to see. He felt sick. He closed his eyes again, shivering
and coughing. �I... I don�t need... I want... please... it�s cold...�

�Shhh... shhh, boy. Shhh.
It�s going to be all right. You�re safe with me and I am not going to harm you.
You�re very sick, Heero. I wan want to help.�

His glazed eyes slowly opened
and looked up in none-comprehension, blinking away the haze that surrounded his
mind. �Wh...why me..?� He asked in a small voice, like a wounded child. �I...
I� I�m I�m not... not worth...�

Nora smiled down at him,
brushing a few sweaty bangs out of his eyes. �Just returning the favor, Heero.
That�s all.�

�I�m cold...� He mumbled
again, coughing weakly. His head lolled to the side as the fever won over his
consciousness.

*   *   *

He awoke to a feeling of
pleasent heat surrounding him. He could feel tingly sunshine caressing his
skin. His limp arms were lying over a thick quilt, washed by sunlight. He could
sense the soft winter sun over his face and neck. It was a lovely sensation
after being cold for so long. His cheeks felt warm, and they were probably
still flushed with fever. His forehead was slightly damp with sweat, but he did
not feel as sick as he had before.

He took a slow, careful
breath, testing his lungs. They didn�t ache so badly. They faltered a little
when he breathed and he concluded that he was still recovering. He could also
feel a warm and moist compress lying over his chest. It pressed closer to his
skin when he inhaled deeply. The scent of herbs and mint engulfed him when he
inhaled, emitting from the cloth.

He opened his eyes slowly,
carefully, a slit of cobalt peeking from behind long eyelashes. There was so
much light flooding his apartment that it was hard for him to recognize it at
first. His apartment never seemed so... bright. The window behind his sofa/bed
was wide open, letting the winter sunshine in. There was a soft breeze of fresh
air coming into the small apartment, tousling his bangs gently. He closed his
eyes and inhaled deeply, indulging himself in the feeling of crisp fresh air in
his lungs.

It suddenly occurred to him
that there was a delicious aroma of cooking in the air. The scent was
delightful, warm and appetizing. His mouth watered and he licked his parched
lips.

What happened while he slept?
Who did all this? Who was there with him? There�s no one... he had no one...
Who took care of him? Was this another dream caused by fever? Another fantasy
of some sort?

He attempted to get up,
struggling to push his numb body off the bed. The effort proved to be too much
for him. He collapsed back onto his pillow, coughing.

�Heero? Are you awake?� A
pleasant voice asked, and someone was approaching him. He opened his eyes
again, blinking in confusion when he saw Nora walking over to his bed, drying
her hands with a colorful kitchen towel.

A kitchen towel? Since when
does he have a colorful kitchen towel?!

�Nora..?� He whispered, his
voice hoarse and rough with sickness. �What are you...� He frowned as he
remembered some of his fever induced dreams. �So it was you...� He mumbled,
turning to look up at her with shining blue eyes. �You took care of me.�

The woman smiled, pushing her
long brown hair over her shoulder. She settled carefully by his side, sitting
on the edge of the sofa/bed. Her head was bowed, �looking� down at her knees as
she straightened the folds on her ankle-length skirt. �I found you in a
terrible state, Heero. I hope you don�t mind my intrusiveness. I couldn�t just
leave you like that.�

Heero nodded in understanding,
looking at her softly. He took a moment to appreciate the way the light touched
her long hair which cascaded down her back. He turned to look back up at her.

�Is that why you helped me?
Out of pity?�

She sighed. �I could ask you
the same. Did you help me because you pitted me for my blindness?� She turned
to face him.

He shook his head slowly, his
gaze serious and honest. �No. I helped you because you needed my help.�

She smiled softly. �This is
the same reason why I�m helping you.�

His tired eyes shone with
amusement and a weak smile hovered over his lips. �I can accept that.� He
whispered, his tone thankful. There were many questions he wanted to ask her
right now, but he was too tired to move his lips. His eyelids were slowly fluttering
shut.

�All right,� Nora began
slapping her knees gently before getting up. �Would you like something to eat?
You�ve been asleep for two whole days.�

His hollow stomach grumbled
angrily in agreement. He smiled and nodded thankfully. �Maybe something little...�
He mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning heavily into the pillow.

Nora nodded. �Sure. I�m
preparing some soup. Would you like that?�

He nodded, forgetting that he
had to provide a verbal answer. He was too warm and cozy, for once knowing that
there will be someone there to worry instead of him, someone to take care of
him, to lift the weight off his tired shoulders. The feeling helped him feel
peaceful enough to sleep.

He was already half asleep
when he remembered that Nora, despite her good intentions, was still blind and
in a stranger�s apartment. Groaning at the effort, he opened his eyes and
propped himself up on one elbow.

�D-do you need any help?� He
called at her, his elbow trembling and nearly giving way. He was still too
weak.

From the kitchen, he could
hear Nora chuckle. �Boy, I have been blind for as long as you�ve been alive. I
think I can manage on my own.� She chuckled again. �Well, despite what you�ve
seen so far.�

Heero smiled tiredly and
nodded his head. He slumped back into the pillow. The sound of bubbling water
and a knife against the cutting board came softly from the kitchen, lulling him
gently to sleep. He turned to lie on his side, curling into the covers and
moving his head in the direction of the warm winter sunlight. His features were
calm and content while he slept.

*   *   *

The following weeks went by
like a dream. Sometimes Heero had to stop whatever he was doing and remind
himself that he was still awake. It was hard to realize because everything
changed since he had gotten sick. Everything he had learned to accept as at
ot
of his world changed. The darkness, the cold, the feeling of loneliness... it
slowly melted like the snow in springtime. His eternal winter slowly vanished,
leaving room for hope to blossom.

Nora and he became very close
since he fell ill. She nursed him back to health, caring and gentle, her calm
presence and comforting words soothing his aching soul. He was very feverish at
times, so he didn�t recall clearly what he might have said to her, and how much
she knew of the dark things he kept inside his heart, but since she didn�t seem
frightened or appalled by him, he supposed that it didn�t matter. When he fully
recovered she left his apartment and made him promise to visit her whenever he
could.

He was timid about visiting
her often, he was afraid of becoming a nuisance, however Nora�s consistent
invitations for dinner or tea were enough to assure him that he was indeed
welcomed. It became their custom to spend have an afternoon tea together each
day. Heero came over for dinnveryvery weekend, and sometimes even during the
week. He would return from the diner, shower and then go straight to Nora�s,
where he was expected. He rarely used his apartment anymore.

Days he used to spend lying
depressed in his cold bed became full of activity and warmth. He helped her
clean her apartment, and he fixed anything that needed to be tended to. In
return she gave him cooking lessons. She taught him how to make something that
was �a little more interesting than an omelet�, as she often said with a wink.
He began eating regularly, taking the time to enjoy the meal and not just fill
his body�s necessities. It
was easier to do because unlike before, he had someone to share a meal with.

One lesson stood out from all
the others, the memory of it leaving a small smile on his lips. Nora taught him
how to make rice balls on some rainy Friday afternoon. The kitchen was messy
and the apartment was warm. He took some time that weekend to fix the central
heating unit in the building, so the atmosphere was warm and cozy, which placed
Heero in a particularly good mood that day. He was standing in the kitchen,
wearing a flowery
apron, Nora�s hands guiding his palms as they shaped the rice balls together.
He enjoyed that single moment in time; being warm and covered with flower from
the pie they baked just before that. It felt... familiar in some way.
Comfortable. He felt like a child again, carefree and careless. He even allowed
himself to act a little silly, coaxing a small laugh out of the older woman,
which made him smile in return. The memory was still warm in his heart. His
whole world was becoming warmer.

That same memory was wrapping
itself around his mind and pouring warmth through his body at this exact
moment, as he leaned over the service counter at the diner, cleaning it. It was
late noon and the diner was rather
empty. Outside, the streets were covered with a blanket of snow, but the winter
sun was out, washing the glowing white with warmth.

People�s feet sunk into the
snow as it weakened and melted, creating deep puddles everywhere. Looking out
the diner�s large windows, Heero could see another unfortunate passer-by sink
into the snow and curse. He watched him in mild amusement and then returned to
just staring at the counter.

�Yuy, kitchen.� His boss
called from somewhere behind the service window. Heero threw the cloth aside
and made his way to the back. Raul, a fellow worker, took over his post at the
cash register.

The moment Heero disappeared
into the kitchen, the door to the diner opened and a blurry image of a man
escaping the cold was seen rushing into the diner. The man, wearing a stylish
brown leather jacket, a pair of dark blue jeans and a white scarf, wiped his
brown boots on the small matte in the entrance, cursing silently as he looked
down and saw that the bottom of his jeans were wet from the melting snow.
Sighing, he looked up again and proceeded towards the counter.

Raul watched him approach,
quickly scanning the stranger. Usually the diner had regular costumers, and it
was rather unusual to see new faces. Especially a face like this one. The young
man standing in front of him was about twenty, perhaps less, and he seemed
rather clueless to his surrounding. His appearance, although meant to be
presentable, was rather sloppy and his features seemed preoccupied. All in all hokedoked
like any other tourist who had lost his way and was in a rush somewhere.

�May I help you sir?� The young waiter asked, looking
patiently at the man before him.

�Yeah,� The young man muttered, reaching a hand to his
back and for some odd reason, shoving it underneath his jacket. Raul watched
astound as the young man pulled a long chestnut braid from underneath his
jacket and threw it casually over his shoulder.

�Man that rain!� He said with
a laugh, wiping a few damp bangs out of his eyes. �And the wind! Whew!� He
whistled, shaking his head. �I swear my car nearly tipped over!�

Raul smiled politely, having
an easy time detecting the slight L2 accent in the man�s voice. Now he was
certain that he was not from around here.

�That�s Earth for ya, sir.�
He replied with a smile. �Can I get you anything?�

�Uh...� The young,
absent-minded looking man looked up at the menu stationed above the counter,
his eyes narrowing as he read it. Meanwhile his hands were searching his
pockets, until he looked down at Raul and pulled out a ragged bill. �Just
coffee please. Uh, no, make it coffee-to-go. I�m kinda in a hurry here.�

Raul nodded and made his way
to the coffee machine. �You�re here for the cntiontion?�

The longhaired man gave out a
chuckle. �That obvious, huh?� He said, unzipping his brown jacket to reveal a
fashionhitehite turtleneck shirt. It suddenly made him look rather important.
Elegant, if you may.

�Yeah, I�m supposed to give
this big speech and everything,� he continued, �Though I haven�t the slightest
as to where I�m going!� He finished with a sheepish chuckle.

Raul nodded, placing the cup
of coffee on the counter. �You need to get to Harcourt
Brace University.
It�s actually just a few blocks ahead.�

The young man�s eyes widened
for a moment and then broke into a smile. �Really? You don�t say... Guess I can
navigate after all...� He mumbled, taking a short sip from his coffee. �So
you�re saying I should just keep going that way?� He used one hand to point at
the window while he used the other to sip the drink.

The waiter nodded. �Yup. Big
fancy building. Can�t miss it. It looks like a freaking mausoleum or
something.�

The longhaired man chuckled
at the remark. �Great.� He said and placed an extra five dollars on the table.
�Thanks for the tip!� He added with a wink and hurried to leave.

Raul watched the stranger as
he walked into a small car parked in front of the diner and drove off. He
chuckled and shook his head in amusement. It wasn�t often that such a cheerful
breeze swept over the gloomy diner, he mused, returning to work.

The kitchen door opened and
Heero re-entered the diner.

�They need you in the
kitchen.� He told Raul, walking back to his post.

*   *   *

�What about this one?� Nora
asked, raising a dark red, checkered shirt up and showing it to Heero. The two
were in a small clothing bazaar inside a large shopping center. They were
standing across of each other by a large stand containing piles over piles of
shirts. Nora smiled and ran the fabric of the shirt between her fingers.

�It�s flannel. It�s very warm
and comfortable. What do you think?� She nudged the shirt towards him.

Heero eyed the shirt in
distaste, making a sour face. �It�s checkered.� He stated dryly. He was feeling
very sheepish and self-conscious. It was not one of his habits to be shopping
for clothes among a large crowd of people. Usually he threw whatever seemed to
suit him into his supermarket cart and just finish the task. He didn�t think he
owned anything that wasn�t bought at K-martp>

�Oh.� Nora let out, frowning.
She put the shirt aside and began feeling around for another shirt. �Well, how
would I know?� She muttered jokingly, picking up another shirt and showing it
to Heero. �And this one?� She nudged the shirt towards him. �It�s silk. Feels
kinda fancy.� She added with a smile.

Sighing silently to himself
(though by now he knew that no sound escaped Nora�s ears), he ran his eyes over
the shirt. It was a rather nice buttoned shirt. It was elegant yet young and
refreshing. It seemed to be tight around the chest area and then loosening a
bit around the waist. It looked like something a person his age would wear on a
date or something like that. Something that he, of course, never attended.

�Is it not to your liking?�
Nora�s voice pulled him away from his musings.�And this one? What color is
it?� Nora asked, showing him another shirt.

Heero looked up, scanning it
briefly. It was actauly kind of nice. Its figure was similar to the previous one, only much more
modest. He liked it for some reason. Perhaps because of its color. It
reminded him of something. Maybe. He wasn�t sure.

�It�s sky-blue.� He finally
said.

�Blue? That�s great. It will
bring out your eyes.�

Heero stopped his search and
looked up at her, frowning. He didn�t recall telling her the color of his eyes.
There was no real reason to do it. She never asked how he looked like. Maybe he
hadn�t heard right.Nora frowned. �Mean by what?
I said it would bring out your eyes. Some people say that a blue shirt will
only drown blue eyes, but I think it will only make them look brighter.�

�But...� Heero began, taking
a few steps towards her. He stood in front of her, looking down at her with a
frown. �I never told you that my eyes are blue.�

She frowned, lifting her gaze
in his general direction. Heero found himself searching her unseeing blue eyes
for something, maybe a sign of sight. It was the second time she had guessed
something about his appearance that was in fact true. It was somewhat...
unnerving.

�Well...� She muttered,
bowing her head. She let out a small sigh and shrugged. �I supposed that I...
that I wanted you to have blue eyes. I�m blind, so I�m allowed to imagine you
however I want, right?� She turned to face him again, smiling weakly. �I think
that blue eyes suit you.�

�Despite the fact that I told
you that I�m Japanese?� Heero questioned, raising an eyebrow.

She chuckled. �Well, there
are some rare cases... Besides, if it�s any comfort I�ve also imagined
you with black hair.�

�It�s brown.� Heero shot
back, smiling sarcastically.

�Oh.� Srownrowned. �Well, did
you dye it?�

�No.� He chuckled.

�Are you sure you�re
Japanese?!� She spoke in mock-skepticism, earning another small chuckle out of
him.

�No...� He admitted, smiling.

Nora chuckled, shaking her
head. �You�re hopelss.� She stated, shoving the shirt into his hands. �And
you�re taking this shirt. We�ve been standing here long enough. Time to find
you some trousers!�

Shaking his head in
amusement, Heero paid for the shirt and the two moved on to a different stand.

*   *   *

After they finished their
shopping, or rather after Nora was done dragging a reluctant Heero from one
stand to another, the two settled in a small coffee shop somewhere in the mall.
Placing their shopping bags aside, they ordered two cups of hot chocolate and
an apple pie. When their orders arrived, Nora�s mood suddenly becaore ore
serious than before. She was light and cheerful up until then, when suddenly
she turned to �look� at him with a serious expression on her face.an>

�Heero,� she began slowly, �I
was thinking that maybe...� She paused, bowing her head briefly.

�What is it?� Heero asked,
concerned. �Have I done something wrong?�

She chuckled, though it was a
bitter chuckle. �No, no you haven�t. As hard as it is to convince you of
that...� She added in a low mutter. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face
him again. �I was thinking that maybe you should apply for an Earth Sphere
Citizenship.�

Heero had to take a moment to
digest what she was suggesting. He slowly placed his cup down. �A... a
citizenship?�

�Yes.� Nora nodded to
confirm. �You�ve mentioned to me before how much it bothers you to have no
identity, well, officially speaking. And I heard on the news that they�re now issuing citizenships for people
whose records were lost during the war. The law was passed not so long ago.
There was a big convention about it downtown a few weeks ago. Haven�t you heard
about it?�

Heero shook his head, still absorbing the proposition.
�No, I haven�t.� He mumbled, the thought of having an I.D nearly overwhelming him.
Being a non-existent person, with no roots, past, or even a name of his own,
has always upset him. He had no roots or a past to connect to, but perhaps it
was time to create one. Every root began from a small lonely seed. Maybe it was
up to him to plant the first one. He never gave much thought for his future,
but it was something that he was beginning to consider nowadays. He did want to
belong somewhere. He wanted to be remembered after his death. A person with no
identity would easily vanish without a trace, without any evidence of his life.
He didn�t want to end up that way.

Taking a long breath, he looked up at her. There was
hesitation in his eyes. �But... but what name can I use? I have no name of my
own.�

Nora smiled gently, reaching a hand over the table and
placing it gently over his palm. �Your name is just fine. I don�t know much
about how you�ve come across it, but I do know that it is your name as much as
it was the name of the deceased Heero Yuy. This is what the war had shaped you
into. I think that there is a lot of heritage and meaning behind that name. I
don�t think you can find anything more suitable.�

He tried to smile, though it faltered. He was too busy
thinking over questions he never had to deal with seriously. Creating a bogus
identity was child�s play, but now when he was faced with the task of creating
his own, permanent, factual and earnest identity, the so-called �little�
details were at their utmost importance. He didn�t want his �true� identity,
the one he wanted to pass on when he dies, to be false as well. He wanted those
details to be his own, to belong solely to him, and not to be chosen randomly.
He wanted his identity to have true meaning, otherwise it was all pointless.

�My birtte..te...� He murmured after some thought, his
features troubled. �I don�t even know when I was born. I can guess my age, very
vaguely, but I will not be able to answer if they ask for my date of birth.�

Nora seemed to be considering what he said, leaning
heavily into her chair. She was silent for a while, until she turned to look at
him seriously. �Do you know what happened on April 6^th? Anything
important?�

Heero sighed and bowed his head. �Operation Meteor.� He
whispered, looking around nervously before facing her. �You say I should use
that date as my birthday?�

She chuckled bitterly. �The irony of it seems fitting
enough.�

He was silent for a long time, his eyes glazing over as he
stared at the steam rising from his mug.

�Heero, I think that this citizenship will be a big step
towards creating your future.� She tried to encourage him. �You do plan on
building a future, aren�t you?�

Heero sighed, shifting from side to side on his chair. �I
have thought about it, a little...�

�You�re a talented and intelligent young man. You�re kind,
compassionate and decent. You deserve a good life just like any other person.�

Again Heero shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He refused
to look up from his mug. �I don�t know about that...�

Norghedghed, leaning towards him. She fixed her blind eyes
on him, her gaze extremely serious. �You mean because of your past. Because of
what you did as a soldier.�

Heero didn�t look up. They never spoke about their pasts.
They voiced their opinions about the war, about life, death and many other
trivial topics, but never dared to venture into the past. He couldn�t claim to
know much about her history, he only knew that it caused her much sadness, just
like his past had done to him. But he wasn�t surprised that she had guessed it
by her self. He didn�t make it hard to guess.

�It�s quite understandable.� Nora assured him with a
soothing voice. �Many young men were recruited to OZ. That sonofabitch leader
of theirs didn�t care for the soldier�s age as long as they could fight.�

Heero shook his bowed head and sighed deeply. �I wasn�t in
OZ.�

Nora frowned. �Oh.� She took a moment to think and then
turned to him with a skepticressression. �Well, you couldn�t possibly have been
a Federation soldier. You were too young.�

�No. I wasn�t at the Federation either.�

�Then where..?� She wondered out loud, until it suddenly
dawned on her. �Wait a minute,� she excalimed, turning to face him, �You�re
from the Colonies?!�

Heero nodded slowly, and then added a small �Yes.�

Nora seemed shocked, leaning slowly back in her chair.
There was a distant and haunted expression on her face as she mumbled: �I had
no idea...� They were silent for a while, lost in thoughts. Nora was stirring
her drink distractedly while Heero stared down at his lap.

�Does that mean you were fighting with those extremists...
with those maniacs, White Fang?!�

He shook his head. �No...� He sighed, shifting his pose
again. �Worse...�

�But that leaves just...� Her eyes widened and she hurried
to place a hand over her mouth in a gasp. She leaned closer to whisper to him-
�You were a Gundam pilot?!�

He sighed quietly, providing no answer and yet telling it
all. Nora pulled back, stunned. �Dear Lord...� She whispered, horrified. �But
you were... you were only... how old were you? Fifteen!? Dear God...�

�Yeah...� He mumbled, his eyes glazing over as he kept
staring numbly at his lap.

�And you piloted those monsters? By... by choice?�

Heero shifted in his seat, his blue eyes darkening with
haunting memories and regret. �Yes, and no.� He bowed his head, looking down at
his fidgeting fingers. �I was merely a child when they took me. I don�t think
it would have done any good if I had refused. I was only eight years old...
What could I have done? They had their eyes on me since I was young... I didn�t
have much choice.� He explained with a shaky voice, sounding as if he was on
the verge of crying. He never spoke to anyone about this. Not even the other
pilots. No one knew how he came to be one of the most fearsome warriors on
Earth and in Space. He tried not to think about it himself. It was far too
troubling to enter a circle of �what-if� thoughts.

�And your parents?� Nora asked, her voice also trembling,
not with horror, but with sympathy. She felt so sorry for him, his anguish and
regret painfully obvious in his voice.

�I don�t have any parents.� He confessed quietly. �I can
barely remember if I ever had... I think I did... once...� He whispered sadly,
closing his eyes. �I�m never sure if it�s a fantasy or a distant memory. Most
of my early memories are just... wishful thinking.�

A few images flickered through his mind, whether dream or
truth he was never sure, but they were the only memories he possessed of his
forgotten past. Bright images of an apartment, a park, an apple pie and his
mother�s sky-blue dress. Just a few brief flashes of smiles, warm hands, long
hair that shone under the light and the feeling of a caress. He never knew
whether it indeed happened to him, or were those images merely the broken
dreams of a child that was murdered long ago.

�I�m so sorry, Heero...� Nora whispered, her eyes tearful.
Her heart was bleeding for him.

He sighed, closing his eyes sadly. �So am I...�

They were silent for a few long moments, both of them
brooding. After some time, Heero took a deep breath and slowly turned to look
up at her. He smiled softly, his eyes glittering with tears, but nevertheless
there was a small, thankful, smile on his lips.

�Thank you, Nora.� He said quietly.

She turned to look at him, confused. �What for?�

�For listening. For... for believing in me. In my future. I
think I�ll try to acquire that citizenship.�

A small smile tou her her lips, the light returning to her
features. �That�s wonderful.� She whispered back with a smile and a tearful
pair of eyes.

*
*   *

Three weeks later, his citizenship was approved and he
came to collect it. The process was surprisingly easy. Even though he had no
birth records, no reliable documents of any kind of either going to school,
serving in the army, having a job or anything else that might have left his
mark in the world; he was able to issue a request for an Earth Sphere
Citizenship.

The clerk handling his case was a bit doubtful when Heero
declared the reason for his lack of identity, stating that he was a Gundam
pilot during the war. The man refused to believe, and therefore he had to
transfer the request to higher ranks. The request climbed up the ladder of
authority, reaching as far as the Earth Sphere Government Hall in Brussels,
where it was approved by the Foreign Minister herself, Ms. Relena Darlian. The
approval for his request came back with a perfumed letter wishing him well in
life and many hugs and kisses. He blushed as the clerk at City Hall handed it
to him, eyeing him strangely.

From there the road was smooth and easy. All he had to do
was fill out a few forms, take a picture and provide the signature of at least
one citizen who could vouch for him (that was done by Nora, of course). The
stamp was applied to the proper papers, and just like that he got himself an
identity: �The Earth
Sphere Alliance Government herby states that Heero Yuy, male, born on April 6^th
AC on on the L1 cluster, colony unknown, is an Earth Sphere Alliance Citizen,
with all the rights and duties that come with this citizenship. Serial Social
Number 7283101-39512140.�

And that was that. Heero Yuy, not a great politician, nor
a fearsome warrior, was officially born.

The first thing he decided to do with his newly acquired
citizenship was to go back to school. He felt like his brain was slowly
deteriorating, his potential being wasted. He was useless and unproductive. He
hated the feeling. It made him feel empty and worthless. He hated the feeling
of inefficiency. He was a person who was used to being active, being useful.
Even though he didn�t always enjoy what he was doing, and on many cases he
didn�t approve of his own actions, he still took some sort of comfort from
being occupied. A life spent lying around doing nothing was worthless. He
wanted his life to go somewhere, to have a certain direction, an aim and
a purpose. He had no intention becoming the cheap inadequate human being he
always felt like.

He decided to enroll in the local university in order to
help him find the purpose he sought. Harcourt
Brace University
was glad to give him the opportunity to achieve his goal. It was one of very
few universities on Earth that opened its gates to ex-military students. Their
only conditions were that he was to take a few tests to prove himself, go
through a standard SAT test, and enroll in an Academic Preparation prior to
starting his degree. If he will pass all of the above he will receive a
post-military service scholarship and enter the university. The world was
beginning to show its kindness to ex-military personnel. Young men and women
who lost their past and future all because they fought to protect their home
were finally being rewarded the way they should. They were finally given a
second chance as laws supporting humanitarian aid to former soldiers were
passed in the Earth Sphere pacifist government.

The day he was scheduled to meet the dean in order to hear
the university�s final verdict about his registration request, Nora offered to
go with him. It was a sunny winter day, the weather becoming more pleasant as
spring approached. Harcourt Brace was a large ancient stone building with a
classic 19^th century design. Huge windows towered over gigantic
halls and wide corridors. The building was flooded with sunlight that washed
the colorfully patterned floors and the cream-colored walls. Everything was
perfectly polished and decorative. Nevertheless the place did not appear
sterile. On the contrary, it was quite lively. Many students walked the halls,
chatting and smiling as they walked from class to class, holding their books.
The teaching staff seemed friendly, greeting their students in the halls and
vice a versa.

The offices were located at the top floor, a large
panorama window overlooking the beautiful yard that stood behind the building.
Many students were sitting around the garden, some on benches, some slouching
under a tree and some sitting by the fountain at the center of the small park.
The garden was located at the heart of the university structure, which closed
around it in a square shape.

Heero took the time to gaze out the window as he waited to
beled led into the dean�s office. He was rather nervous, sweating inside his
clothing. He was wearing a white dress shirt and a pair of his good jeans,
trying to look somewhat presentable, though his hair seemed to disagree, being
as messy as ever. He paced the waiting room back and forth, trying to calm
down. He had no idea what to do if this university will turn him down.

�Would you stop moving around so much? You�re making me
dizzy!� Nora called at him, laughing lightly. The sound of his footsteps,
moving left and right, was driving her crazy.

Heero stopped abruptly, and sighed. �Gomen.� He muttered,
taking a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

�You have no reason to be nervous. You aced every test
they threw at you. You earned that scholarship fair and square.�

�I hope you�re right.� He mumbled, looking down at his
hands.

�Mr. Yuy?� The dean�s secretary opened the door to his
office and peeked into the waiting room. She smiled at Heero�s direction. �The
dean will see you now.�

Nodding in acknowledgment and got up. Nora smiled in his
general direction. She didn�t have to say anything, one smile was enough. Heero
smiled back and walked into the office.

A few minutes after Heero disappeared into the office,
Nora got up in search for the rest rooms. She made her way out of the waiting
room, with the aid of her cane, and began searching the halls. When she had no
luck finding the bathrooms, she decided to stop the useless search and seek
someone who could help her.

It was probably the hand of fate that guided her down a
certain hallway, and straight into someone. She bumped into someone, and
immediately jumped back. She could hear books falling in a clatter to the
floor, and a soft curse.

�Damn it...�

�I�m so sorry.� She hurried to apologize. �I didn�t see
you.� She added in a helpless smile, turning her head up in the general
direction she had heard the curse come from.

font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>[i] I am reing ing to episode 23 when Trowa
was working undercover in OZ while Duo, Heero and Wufei were held there captive
(Quatre was busy going �zero� at the time). Heero and Trowa were used as test
pilots for new mobile suit models- the Mercurious and the Vayeight. I just
think it was so cute of Duo to offer himself instead of Heero. I would like to
think that there was more than just a �pilot�s ego� talking there...
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Behind Blue Eyes