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Unforgivable	By : thePrincesJewel Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7485 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�Do you think I liked what I did? Do you think I enjoyed discovering that I was no better than Frieza, that I would take an unwilling Saiyan just to prove my power over him? I refused to do that on his ship, even though I received his special attention for refusing! And now, I�ve done it. He�d be so pleased. Do you think it was fun, reliving through you what I lived through under him? I want to forget. I want to forget it all. I need those pills. I have to forget� if only for awhile.�

Reliving through me. He said he was reliving it through me. That means that Frieza� did that to him. Goku shuddered. He remembered now, everything that had happened, everything he�d tried to forget. His nightmares had been true memories, not just dreams. But Vegeta�s so strong! Why would he turn to drugs? That�s not like him.

Goku sighed, opening his eyes. Meditation was just not working for him today. Usually, he could clear his mind of anything, but today, he got the endless loop of that horror, and its aftermath. Maybe he needed to work it out of his system before he could deal with it. He hopped up from his seat under the tree, and began his workout. Not until he�d managed to batter himself eight times when he�d meant to dodge the attacks he�d circled did he decide to give up. Obviously, the only thing that was going to get him through what had happened was to face it, admit it, and accept that it had actually happened.

He sighed, and laid back down under the tree. Goku watched the leaves swaying, trying to focus only on the events, not the emotions. �Okay, so why? Did he say why?� He frowned. He�d been so surprised to find the prince taking pills, to realize that he was drugging himself, that the conversation was hazy. Had Vegeta called him beautiful?

�So beautiful� so strong. I wanted that beauty, the strength.� Oh, yes. He remembered now. And Vegeta saying he had challenged him. Goku frowned. They�d sparred, and had been relaxing. He hadn�t issued another challenge! They�d gone swimming. He hadn�t asked for a race, or anything like that, had he? His frown deepened as he tried to remember the events leading up to the savage, brutal rape he�d gone through. �Oh, oh. Oh no. I told him to catch me if he could!�

Goku buried his face in his hands. �I did challenge him. It�s my fault!� And still, something bothered him. He was stronger than Vegeta, and they both knew it. So�

�Hm? Oh, Vegeta. He�s out in the GR.� Bulma pointed in the general direction of the latest gravity room.

Goku walked up the short ramp, pushed all the appropriate buttons. Somehow, it didn�t surprise him to find Vegeta sprawled on the floor, unconscious. He picked the pill bottle up off the floor, shaking it. It rattled, which relieved him a little. There was no sign of a needle this time, to his intense relief. He�d been surprised, once he realized it, that he hadn�t freaked out at the sight of the needle Vegeta had used on himself before.

Goku picked the limp body of the floor, a bit unsure now of what to do. He couldn�t talk to Vegeta like this, but he knew the prince would have a fit if anyone else found out about his little problem - and might do worse than that if anyone found out the reason behind the problem. Walking from the GR, he shot into the sky. There was plenty of open country, he�d take Vegeta somewhere quiet.

There were chi tethers on him, holding him down. He struggled futilely, feeling sick and weak. What was wrong with him?

�Oh, good, you�re awake. Are you hungry?�

The thought of food made his stomach heave, and he spent several uncomfortable moments realizing he�d already emptied it.

�I guess not. Feel awful?�

He didn�t answer, too busy trying to figure out where he was and how he�d gotten there. A small fire burned nearby, around a rocky outcropping. The only other source of light were the bands holding him. There wasn�t much to see, he appeared to be in a cave.

�Hey.� A darker piece of darkness moved, a figure looming over him. He recoiled instinctively, but couldn�t run. �Vegeta? Can you hear me?�

�Yes.� It hurt to say, his throat felt like it was on fire. He felt the tethers loosen, and he fell forward against the figure.

�Oh, good!� He was being helped toward the fire. �A lot of the time we�ve been here, you didn�t know I was here. I was starting to worry about you.�

�How long?� It hurt to talk, but apparently this figure was friend, not foe.

�Awhile. It took a long time for the drugs to wear off, and even longer for you to stop begging for them.�

Drugs? He staggered, was helped to sit. �Drugs?�

�Yeah. Do you remember anything?�

He was saved from answering as a cup was held to his mouth. He drank, swallowing carefully. His throat was raw, and when he coughed a moment later, there was blood on his hand.

�You screamed and screamed for a long time, Vegeta. I had a hard time keeping you from hurting yourself.�

Vegeta frowned. He knew the voice, didn�t he? It seemed familiar. �Who are you?�

�Goku. I�m Goku. Don�t you remember me?�

The name was familiar, about as familiar as his own, and as familiar as the voice. When Goku threw more wood on the fire, Vegeta got a good look at him. Again, a teasing familiarity tugged at his mind. �No.�

The other man�s brow creased, lips pursing in thought. �Oh! I know. You always called me by my Saiyan name, Kakarot!�

Vegeta�s head began to ache fiercely. He dropped it to his hands. Kakarot. That was also familiar. �Low class baka,� he murmured, wondering what it meant.

�Yes, that�s another thing you always called me,� Goku grumped, then smiled. �But at least you remember something!�

The man�s energy was exhausting. Vegeta slumped. He felt like he should be able to trust this man, but at the same time, there was something about him that triggered anxiety. �No.�

�No? What do you mean?� A cup held to his lips, the man continuing blithely, �No, don�t talk. This stuff should help your throat. Chi-Chi used to make me & the boys drink it whenever we stayed out in the rain longer than she thought we should.�

Vegeta drank obediently, listening to the man�s continued prattle. He said absolutely nothing of any significance, and yet managed to tell Vegeta a great deal about them, their families, and their friends. Finally, he wound down. �I bet you�re tired, too, and all achy. Gohan said you might be, I had to ask somebody what to do, and he came to see what was wrong because your chi was fluctuating so oddly. He said to make sure you took these.�

On his outstretched hand was a small green pill. Goku�s voice changed, almost singsongy as he recited carefully, his eyes closed to help recall. �The blue one once a day, the red one with each meal, and the green one before bed until I say otherwise.� His eyes opened. �I mean, until Gohan says so. He�s a doctor.�

Vegeta took it wordlessly, swallowing it down with the sweet stuff in the cup he held unsteadily. �He said they�re supplements, to help you get better, not medicine. Said the last thing you needed was more drugs. The tea�s herbal.�

Herbs can be drugs. It was the last thing he knew.

Goku kept watch over him, wondering about Vegeta not knowing him. That hadn�t been one of the possibilities his son had mentioned as a side effect of all the sedatives Vegeta had been using. He�d been through the others, though. Gohan had been of the opinion that Vegeta had been using more than just sedatives, especially after Goku had told him about the needle. Could he have drugged himself so badly it had affected his memory? He hadn�t reacted to any of the stories Goku had told him, hadn�t shown any sign of recognizing any of the places or people he�d mentioned.

Goku watched the battered prince sleep, the first deep sleep the other man had gotten since Goku had found this place to keep him safe - and others safe from him. Vegeta shivered and whimpered, curling up into a little ball. A bad dream, and Goku moved to sit next to him, running a soothing hand through the other�s thick hair. He only hoped Vegeta wasn�t dreaming about Frieza, and was pleased when Vegeta relaxed and sank deeper into sleep.

Now he faced a new dilemma. If Vegeta didn�t remember him, he couldn�t remember what had happened between them. Goku frowned. He didn�t want to bring it up before Vegeta had remembered it, but at the same time, he wasn�t sure he wouldn�t not burst out with it. He needed to talk to Vegeta about what had happened. Goku sighed, sliding down to lay beside the prince. Soon, his snoring echoed through the cavern.

Vegeta sparred with Goku, concentrating on not being beaten to a pulp. This, apparently, was normal, from the absolutely delighted grin he was trying to wipe off the other�s face. Although, Goku had been training while he�d been sick, which could account for the difficulty. The constant chatter was at least temporarily suspended while they pummeled each other, except for Goku giving occasional unwanted advice.

He fought furiously, both with his sparring partner and against the occasionally glimpses of a memory he had apparently deliberately forgotten. His wife had said there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, and Gohan had agreed with her. There was no reason, apparently, why he couldn�t remember any of them.

So he trained. His body fought, his mind analyzing his moves after the fact, trying to determined why he had done such and such. He had mastered some of the easier things, like flying, a few months after Goku had brought him home. He watched the few videos of training he had done, of tournaments he�d entered. And he practiced, determined to be able to accomplish the things he had known how to do before, even if he never remembered anything.

His mind had wandered too far from the spar he was in, and Goku�s fist caught him squarely in the face, sending him plummeting to form a crater in the earth below. Vegeta laid still a moment, stunned, before returning to the fight. This time, he was determined to focus. Goku, however, called a halt. �Bulma�s got food!� he exclaimed, pointing happily.

Vegeta joined him at the table, where the larger man was busily demolishing a huge helping of egg rolls. He watched Goku eat in disgusted fascination, unable to believe that the buffoon had no table manners at all. He�d met the man�s wife, and considered the fact he hadn�t learned any to be a major miracle. His own food, while going down almost as quickly, was much more politely consumed. It was possible to watch him eat without feeling the need to comment on manners.

He didn�t really know what to think of the younger Saiyan. At most times, he was completely innocent and totally clueless. When he fought, however, he was dangerous and calculating, though never vicious. Vegeta had learned that Goku was completely trustworthy, and loyal to his friends. His family seemed almost an aside, but that he loved them deeply, and was loved in return, was obvious to anyone who got to know him. And it was also obvious, at least to Vegeta, that the younger man was desperate to understand something that Vegeta no longer had any memory of.

Vegeta frowned. So many times, Goku had started to say something, only to pause in confusion, and ask if Vegeta had any of his memories back. And when told no, his look of desolation and loss told Vegeta that whatever it was Goku wanted to ask him, it was vitally important to the man. He was getting tired of being asked at least once a week.

Blood in the water, cries of pain. Vegeta shook his head, banishing the vision. He had no idea what it meant, but it made him uneasy. It was familiar, but in a very bad way. Something, he was sure, that had happened more than once. He�d learned enough of himself through the stories the others had told to know that he was a warrior, and one of the two last Saiyans alive. Warriors often were in pain, he was fairly certain the vision had something to do with a fight, or perhaps the destruction of his people.

His people. He sat back in his chair, eyes on the still-feeding Kakarot. That one was the other of his race, yet knew nothing about them that he, Vegeta, had not told him. He�d lost his memory as a small child, grown up as an Earthling named Goku. And the sparse bits that he could recall Vegeta telling him had not begun to fill the aching void Vegeta felt when he thought of his people.

What had they been like, when not at war? Goku had blinked in confusion when he�d asked that, and merely said that Saiyans were warriors. Vegeta hadn�t been able to get any more detail out of him, and didn�t understand why he wouldn�t have told the other about the culture of their people. They couldn�t always fight, after all! Could they?

�Vegeta? Do you want some more spaghetti?�

He broke from his reverie at Goku�s question, blinking in confusion as the question sank in. �No.� He rose from the table. �I�ve had enough. I�m going to go train some more.�

�Same old Vegeta,� he heard the blue-haired woman, Bulma, say as he walked away. �Not even loosing his memory has shaken his determination to beat you, Goku.� The man�s answer was lost as he turned the corner and took off into the sky.

Goku sat morosely at the edge of the pool, throwing pebbles into the water. This place, this was where it had happened. The vegetation had made something of a comeback, but the large trees that had grown up around the pool were blasted, destroyed for almost a mile around the pool. He had fought so fiercely, and failed so thoroughly.

But how? He was stronger. Even now, after Vegeta had nearly killed himself, and recovered, he was still stronger. How had Vegeta beaten him? Had he� had he wanted Vegeta to do that to him? No. He remembered how hard he had fought, once he�d realized that the fight was real, and how hard he�d tried to get away when he�d understood exactly what Vegeta planned to do to him. He�d even gone SSJ3, and Vegeta had still beaten him.

Another pebble, another series of ripples. Had beaten him easily, at that. Vegeta didn�t remember a thing. He didn�t remember what he�d done to Goku, he didn�t remember anyone doing it to him. Perhaps it was best this way. After all, Goku reminded himself firmly, I did tell him that none of it ever happened. Maybe his memory loss is just a delayed reaction to me telling him that so many times? I�m stronger now�I should be happy about that. I�m a Saiyan warrior, to be stronger is good. His attempt to rationalize and accept the event died again, a tear slipping down his face. Yes, he was stronger now. But the cost had been too high.

And besides, Vegeta was asking questions Goku couldn�t answer. And he kept trying asking if Vegeta�s memory was back. It was bound to come back, sooner or later, wasn�t it? He frowned. Perhaps not. His own never had, and he�d been hit on the head plenty of times since he�d lost it. And he�d certainly suffered enough trauma recently to have jolted it back. So maybe, like his own, Vegeta�s memory would never return.

He threw on last pebble into the pool, and turned. His face paled, and he took a step backward, his hands moving instinctively to ward off danger. Glittering black eyes observed him closely, then narrowed. �You�re neglecting your training, Kakarot.�
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Unforgivable