A Late Lunch

Title: Lunchtime Revenge

Pairing: Havoc/Roy, teasing Ed/Fuery

Summary: Ed overheard Roy and Havoc joking and now he and Fuery are out for revenge.

Ed stood outside of Mustang’s door, furious.

Lunchtime Revenge

“Bastard, purposely gets me angry… Well, I’ll show him angry, I’ll—”

“Mmm… Is this really what you did to your lunch?”

They weren’t. They couldn’t.

“Mmhmm.”

“Oh, shit! Do that again.”

They were.

“Ed.”

Why were they saying his name? He wasn’t… Then it hit him, no one on that side of the door was saying his name. He turned around to find Fuery behind him.

“Sorry to call you by name. I couldn’t get your attention. Could you move from the colonel’s door? I have some letters for him to sign.”

“You don’t want to go in there right now.”

Fuery opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by their commanding officer moaning Havoc’s name very loudly.

“That’s why.”

“They can’t possibly be doing anything. The colonel is the consummate ladies man.” Fuery sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

“The colonel asked Havoc to do to him what he did to his lunch while he was with you.” Ed could feel Fuery’s eyes questioning him. “What? I was eavesdropping. I don’t deny it. Havoc said he did, whatever it was that looked like what he’s doing now, whatever that is, to mess with you. And Mustang said he purposely eggs me on to get me angry. And I don’t know what makes me angrier, that he does this on purpose or that he insinuated that I have some kind of crush on him. Bastard.”

“Did they really say that?” Ed was just a bit startled at how dark the tone of Fuery’s voice had become and how malicious the look in his glasses-covered eyes had turned.

“Yes.” Ed swallowed.

“I wonder if they realize how easily I could turn the fuhrer’s intercom system into a broadcasting unit for the entire city.”

“Or that I could level the office with them inside it.” Ed crossed his arms over his chest, thinking for a moment, seriously contemplating doing exactly that. “But we can’t. Much as I rant and rave at the bastard colonel, doing something as drastic as either of those would get us court-martialed, meaning our jobs and possibly Al’s safety. We need something devious, but embarrassing on a different level.”

“Haavvoc!”

Ed rolled his eyes at the sound from within the office. He put his arm around Fuery as he guided the glowering and somewhat stunned sergeant through the hall. “Tell me, though I’m a superior officer. I’m not specifically yours, am I?”

“No.”

“Good. That gives me an idea, though I think I might have a hard time getting anyone to believe I’m straight after this.”

********

Jean found himself once again waiting in the lunch line the next day. To his surprise, Fuery was once again eating late in the day.

“Hey, Lieutenant.”

Jean couldn’t put his finger on it, but Fuery didn’t look quite as nervous around him as he had the day before, almost as though he knew something Jean didn’t.

“Fullmetal,” Jean heard a resoundingly deep voice echo in the hallway, “you owe me for making me miss my regular lunch by throwing your little tantrum in my office.”

“Who you calling so short he looks like he’s a spoiled two-year-old?”

“I didn’t say that, Fullmetal, but it is fitting.”

“Bite me, Colonel Bastard.”

It wasn’t long before Ed and Jean’s lover were standing behind Fuery. Jean made his way through the line, not sure he could manage hot dogs again to torment Fuery, deciding just to get a sandwich.

“You know,” Fuery said, “I’m not really hungry. I think I’ll just skip to dessert.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Ed chimed in, smiling at Fuery strangely.

“Don’t you think it’s wiser to eat a balanced meal?” Mustang asked. “Wouldn’t want to stunt your growth, Fullmetal.”

Ed looked ready to explode at Roy, but calmed himself as Fuery ordered a hot fudge sundae. “I love hot fudge,” Ed said absentmindedly, again with that smile at Fuery. “But I think I’ll just take a strawberry popsicle.”

Mustang ordered chicken that more closely resembled charcoal than chicken.

Jean sat down, Fuery and Ed taking the seats on either side of him, putting themselves opposite one another. Mustang looked prepared to take his questionable meal up to his office.

“Oh, come on, colonel,” Fuery said, “please join us. We have another seat here.”

Reluctantly, Jean’s lover took the seat opposite him, looking nearly as suspicious as Jean did, himself.

“They gave you two,” Ed said, his hand darting across the table to take one of two cherries resting on top of Fuery’s sundae before popping the entire thing in his mouth.

“I don’t know how commonly you eat those, but the stems aren’t generally considered edible,” Mustang said, taking that official tone of his, before watching as Ed rolled his tongue around in his mouth a bit before removing a neatly tied stem and placing it on the table.

“I know.” While he began unwrapping his popsicle, Fuery was apparently attempting the same thing. A few tongue movements later, there was a second stem on the table, and a rather proud Fuery looking at it.

“Impressive, Sergeant,” Ed said with a smirk before sticking out his tongue to lick the tip of the popsicle, slowly circling over the tip before running the entire length of the frozen treat. Jean forced himself to tear his eyes away to look at Roy, who apparently was watching Fuery, who was licking whipped cream off his finger almost obscenely.

“Ed,” Fuery said, almost startling the two older men at the table with how naturally and familiarly that word came off his tongue, “do you want some?”

Jean glanced over to see that Ed now had a good portion of the popsicle in his mouth and was moving it in and out and in… Jean closed his eyes for a moment, trying not to imagine what that fleshy-colored dessert might be.

There was a slight pop, the treat being removed from Ed’s mouth, Jean guessed as he re-opened his eyes. “Sure. You know I like chocolate. Not too much of the vanilla ice cream though.”

“I know,” Fuery said. “Too much like milk.”

Then, with his own spoon, Fuery fed Fullmetal, whose mouth lingered just a bit too long on the spoon, that smile once again surfacing as he licked his lips to get the last bits of the fudge that lingered there.

For a few moments, there was silence at the table as Ed continued to suck on that damned pink desert, Fuery licking the white ice cream off his spoon, both hardly taking their eyes off one another as they did. Jean didn’t know about Roy, but he felt like an interloper and noticed that neither of them had said a word since they’d sat down.

Then, suddenly, Roy squeaked.

“Oh,” Ed said, cocking his head to the side, “was that you colonel, I’m sorry.”

As though it had been a signal, one guessing from Roy’s expression had had some undertones Jean could only guess, Fuery stood. “I don’t think I could eat another bite.”

Then, Ed rose, looking at Havoc for just a moment before nipping off the tip of the popsicle. “I think I’d better go and see how Al is doing.” There was another long lick of the dessert. “I suppose I’ll see you two later.”

As the two younger men disappeared, Roy looked at Jean. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of them, but they have left me with a not-so-tiny problem that I may need you to take care of.”

“I hope you can reciprocate, Colonel,” Havoc said with a smile. Now, if only they could get out of here unnoticed.

********

“Well, do you have it?” Kain said once they got out of the cafeteria, anxious to see the entire prank completed.

Ed pulled a marked glove from his pocket and tossed the popsicle in the nearby trash can. “I think I could have been a pickpocket.” He put the glove on his hand and raised it directly below one of the fire detectors. With a snap of his fingers, a tiny flame shot out, signaling the fire alarm. The men rushed out of the room, Ed and Kain going along with them, noticing a very surprised Mustang and Havoc with them. Both men seemed to be trying to cover something, and as a commanding officer, it would be Mustang’s duty to inspect the troops to ensure that they had evacuated the building properly. Still as the two ran awkwardly, it was blatantly obvious they were both sporting rather prominent erections.

********

Once they were outside, Roy looked over the troops, trying to readjust the flap that covered most of his pants to hide his still-hard member. He walked by Fullmetal, who held out a single white glove to him with a knowing smile.

“Sir, I think you dropped this.” As Roy snatched the glove, the realization hit him that this had been an elaborate prank on Fullmetal’s part. “I hope you don’t think this is me trying to egg you on.”

“Yes, sir,” Fuery said, as though ensuring Jean could hear as well. “I don’t think he’s messing with you.”