The Truth Behind Broken Mirrors

Title: The Truth behind Broken Mirrors
Author: One Winged Shinigami
Pairing: 1x2x1
Rated: NC-17
Warning: Mental Penetration (Worse than an AP Physics test,) insanity, violence, alludes to NCS, eventual Lemony things
Notes: A story involving a disturbed Duo and a psychoanalytic Heero. Who is the crazy one and who is the sane? Or is everyone around them the ones who are insane. Corruption in the government, wars without an end, dead children, poverty, illness... who is Duo and why does he desperately need Heero's help? And why does Heero keep getting deja vu now that he's met the mysterious boy?
Standard Disclaimer Applies
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Chapter 3:
Chimera
n.
1.
a. An organism, organ, or part consisting of two or more tissues of different genetic composition, produced as a result of organ transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering.
b. A substance, such as an antibody, created from the proteins or genes or two different species.
2. An individual who has received a transplant of genetically and immunologically different tissue.
3. A fanciful mental illusion or fabrication.
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The click of the dead bolt lock being slid open was obnoxiously loud in comparison to the silence that emanated around the hall. Why I was up this early and at work was still a mystery even to me. The door slid open revealing the simplicity that was my office. A loud breath permeated the air and it instantly became apparent that it was not my own. My gaze swooped around the room, zooming in on my desk. Stunning, words could not describe the complexity of the sleeping figure in front of me. Shining hair spread out around his body like a halo, supple yet lengthy arms crossed over the subtle rise and fall of his chest. That same T-shirt draped over his shoulder, revealing half his torso.

A loud wailing echoed about the room, desperation was almost tangible in the sound of it. But there was no origin; nothing was making it. As the shriek began to fade, the boy’s eyes flashed open, swirling violet eyes focusing in on me, swallowing me.

Another loud breath, this time it was mine. I’d fallen back upon the door causing it to slam shut behind me. The gaze upon me melted into fear, pure terror. He began to struggle, like invisible binds kept him in his place. He thrust his pelvis up and down; the force of his hips slamming back against my desk caused all the nearby items to fly off in disarray. All the while, his eyes were on mine but it didn’t feel like he could see me, it felt like he saw right through me, as if I wasn’t even there. The whole thing was very horrifying, very disturbing, and had a sexuality about it that cannot be put into words.

Finally, a second force seemed to ripple around the room, slamming Duo’s hips down once more and firmly holding him there. I could almost see the handprints forming on top of his innominate bone, but no one was there, everything had become completely silent.

“Duo…” I called out, but the sound was swallowed up before it even left my mouth, keeping the chilling quiet dominating the room. He had remained looking at me, but I could tell that he wasn’t really in the room, he was far away. The tranquility of his face suddenly became very clear to me, it was Nirvana.

In the words of Buddha: “I teach one thing and one thing only: suffering and the end of suffering.” To achieve this state of the end of suffering, devotees train and purify the mind, eventually arriving at an understanding of the true nature of all things. In this way all ignorance and unhappiness ends, and liberation is attained. This state is called Nirvana and is so appealing that men spend their entire lives trying to find it.

Only a select few do, of course. Emotions and desire play far too large a role in human life to be so easily ignored. Nirvana eludes everyone; it is untouchable and too pure for the human heart. And I knew that. Yet, at that moment, I wanted nothing more then reach this place as well. His eyes welcomed me there along side him.

And with that thought in mind, I was by my desk, staring down at his sharp form as he stared back at me. Those eyes cut through me and left cold fires burning in their wake. I could see something moving in his chest and it took me a second to realize that his skin was so thin that a small portion underneath his breast bone was slightly transparent. His heart was pounding his life blood in frantic torrents beneath his skin, seemingly desperate to get free. And why wouldn’t it? The heart had a window to the outside like nothing I’d ever seen before.

And perhaps that meant the same for outsiders trying to look inside. I had to touch that window; it wanted me to touch it. Duo wanted me to touch it; I could see the desire for it in his eyes. This wasn’t curiosity it was something else, it was life, his life.

Are you real?

Are you?

I…don’t know.

Proof… A touch?

Yes.

This exchange was peculiar, as nothing had been said out loud. I felt like I should be thinking this whole situation was a bit nutty. But I had somehow put that entire idea out of my mind. It was Duo’s fault most likely; my entire attention was centered on him.

I tentatively reached my hand out, waiting for my conscience to draw it back and for Duo to draw it forward. Duo blinked and I snapped, willing my hand back to the safety of my side. But Duo’s hand shot out and grabbed mine, not giving me a minute to think as he pulled it towards him.

Closer

Closer

I was about to make contact but instead of coming in contact with flesh, I sank into him. I flew through that window and suddenly I was floating in swirling darkness with the sounds of anguish echoing about. This wasn’t Nirvana at all, how could I have been so blind?

Colors, electricity, and images I couldn’t understand flashed by. They swirled next to me, around me, through me. I was twirled about and thrown in disarray; everything became a cacophony of sounds, swirling particles of light, and the feel of a thick bass reverberating through me.

And then the feeling of a silvered knife plunged itself into my chest. I wanted to cough. I wanted to scream. I wanted to gasp. But I could do nothing, not even a breath could escape my body. The world stretched and twisted and then snapped like a rubber band pulled too far in one direction.

I reopened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them. A brightly lit hallway formed around me and I found myself running towards the end of it. What I thought was just a natural instinct to run turned out to be a total loss of control over my body. I was running but it wasn’t me who wanted to do so. It was as if I was in someone else’s body, except I could see myself out of the corner of my eye and I knew my body was my own.

I ran and ran and ran; my footsteps made rhythmic beats upon the white marble that were swallowed up like sounds underwater, except the hallway didn’t seem to end. It just got brighter and brighter, until I was perfectly blind and still running. I could still hear screaming… but it could well have been my own.

A force picked me up and blew me forward, landing me through a door and into a place that felt eerily familiar. Suspended in a tank filled with teal colored water, was Duo, seemingly in a state of peaceful nothingness; sleep. He was completely naked and his hair floated loose around him, slowly moving about his lean form. But attached to the bottom of the tank were all sorts of twisted plugs and metallic tubes. Nasty looking electronic equipment filled the room in an orderly fashion and the whole thing felt incredibly warped.

A wave of nausea swept over me, causing my vision to blur for a moment, and when my eyes refocused again, I found myself inside the tank as well. A turn of my head revealed that I was all alone in the strange liquid. I could here voices, like whispered commands. Looking out, I could see the door from which I had entered the room. It was silent and the door was shut, perhaps I had always been in this tank.

The door slammed open and Duo dashed into the room, slamming the door behind him. He stared up at me for a few moments before looking frantically about the room for something. I couldn’t really see him too well because of the contrast of light between him and me. He must have spotted something because he yanked a large object off the wall and started running straight at me. At the last moment possible, he raised what ended up being a fire extinguisher above his head and smashed it into the glass in front of me, literally rocking my world. I wanted to close my eyes as he reared up for another blow but something made me glance back up again. With a shock, I realized that it wasn’t Duo bashing at the glass, it was me.

I didn’t have long to contemplate this as a particularly strong blow caused the tank to finally smash and me to come spilling out onto the cold floor. I coughed as I struggled to breathe regular oxygen again. A strong hand pulled me to my feet. I was shaking and dripping wet, and the hand that was supporting me was shaking too, a side effect of too much adrenaline.

I shook my head to get some of the water out of my bangs, coughing a bit more in the process. A flash of auburn caught my eye and with a start I realized it was my own hair. The hand grasped mine a bit tighter, except it wasn’t my hand he…I was holding at all, it was Duo’s. This was a bit too strange for me to take; I was feeling light headed as it was.

“Nigaro!” I heard myself say. I looked up into my own eyes, they were filled with fear and anxiety, but there was a strong undercurrent of determination. Apparently, my response, or lake there of, was not enough. He pulled me close against him, whispering in my ear. “Please run. Get out of here!” He gave me nudge towards the door. My feet carried me the rest of the way there.

At the door, I turned my head back to him with a concerned look. He gave me a smile that I’m sure I’ve never given anyone else. “I’ll be fine, just go.” I nodded my head slowly and then dashed down the hall. The lights swallowed me up and just before my hearing disappeared as well, I swear I heard a faint whisper saying, “goodbye Duo.”

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When I opened my eyes, everything was eerily quite, for a moment. Then everything came rushing back to me and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out my head hurt so badly. Around me, I felt my familiar silk comforter. The headache quietly started to slip away into nothingness, along with the weird chimera that had somehow birthed itself inside my head. I quickly grasped hold of it before it could escape into the ashes from whence it came. Where on earth had it come from?

I sat up and lit a cigarette, taking a long drag and holding it. Smoking in bed; what a wonderful way to start the day. I just sat there in the dark, letting the fag burn between my figures. I finally let the smoke escape again. It suddenly reminded me of those old Hollywood movies, where after a couple has sex they always light up a cigarette, just smoking away in the afterglow of their lives. I sighed, rubbing my eyes, God I hadn’t thought about sex in awhile. I was 19. I was supposed to be barely keeping my hormones in check. Well good riddance to it anyway, I turned my thoughts back to the dream.

Now, I’m no Freud. I don’t buy into that dream analysis crap, in fact, I rarely buy into him at all; that man had some serious issues going down. But this dream seemed too familiar and too significant to simply ignore. It had started off normal as dreams go…actually I’ve never dreamed about a patient before so maybe not, but then even my dream self began to think the whole situation was a messed up. And the switching of bodies thing had to be important, it was too confusing not to be.

I begrudgingly looked at the clock, it laughed in my face. It was four in morning. I could already tell this day was going to be a disaster. I slipped out of my cocoon of covers. I hate coffee; it does something to my system that makes me very tense and very anxious, not a good combination. So I made myself some hot chocolate as the heat had yet to kick in and winter wasn’t quite over yet.

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My office was normal, so normal that I almost wanted to mess things up on purpose, which was wickedly strange as I am sure I have huge case of OCD that I just haven’t let bother me till now. I decided on a compromise between myself and restacked the papers on my desk; I didn’t have many.

I moved on to the paper I was writing on my newest (and I dare say boldest) theory. I dreaded the lectures I would have to follow it up with but the idea was just so prominent in my mind, I could not simply let it go. The minutes chugged along to the fast rhythm of my typing.

I had a late morning appointment. One I would always avoid at all costs. Like I said, I don’t only examine criminals, I get to do mental check ups on politicians too. It’s ironic for me to say that I enjoy the sessions with criminals more. Criminals at least admit they’re corrupt; that they aren’t so high and mighty. Politicians lie all the time and think the world revolves around them. This is usually the cause of their problems in the first place. This girl was the worst. She was the leader of a small pacifistic nation located somewhere in Scandinavia, and had become so obsessed with me that I was probably making her worse off, instead of fixing her.

She came in all prim and proper looking; her clothes designed just for her. “Hero!” she still pronounced my name wrong. And I somehow just knew that she was going to try to make physical contact with me. She ran towards my desk, eagerly trying to give me a hug, as expected. I held a notebook up in defense and ushered her quickly to the couch.

“What are you doing here, Relena?” I finally asked as I sat down in my customary chair. “We’ve had more than enough sessions. Have you been taking your medication?”

She lay daintily upon the couch and half glared up at me, smiling snootily, “yeah? Well maybe I want to try something different” like she wanted a change of clothes or something, Jesus.

I hated this, “any side affects? You’re taking Valium, correct, any trouble sleeping?” Valium is a Diazepam, used to treat anxiety problems; it can sometimes result in a patient having problems sleeping.

Relena shrugged, “well…sometimes...” that meant no. So really, she was just here to see me, as usual.

“And what, might I ask; do you want me to do about it?” I bit out. She didn’t even have a proper BS story to be here. “I’m not a psychiatrist, I can’t prescribe you medication, the most I can do is make a recommendation, and even that is pushing it.”

Her expression quickly morphed into one of a scolded child not used to not having things her way. “Hero…I just want some help is all, I just…”

I stood up abruptly, slamming my notebook down on the chair. “Relena. There is a reason you have anxiety problems and I’ve just given up on you realizing it yourself. I tried to point them out, but it runs deeper than I first imagined…” I paused to take a breath, pointing a finger at her, “you can’t accept that not everyone in this world sees things like you do, you think the world runs your way and by your rules. You can’t accept flaws in your perfect little world, and most of all you can’t accept flaws in yourself. So when something goes wrong, out of control, or out of your hands, you don’t know what to do and you become anxious. You don’t need medication; you need to get your head adjusted…” She looked like she was going to burst into tears, woe is me.

The door burst open and in marched the “Maxwell Procession,” in all its loveliness. I whipped my head around to glare at Kent. “Can you tell time? You’re half and hour early.” I rubbed my eyes again. “Here, just… leave Duo here while I wrap things up, I’m sure Ms. Peacecraft won’t mind,” I turned to glance back at her, my eyes forcing her to nod her head. She seems a bit shook up right now; I wonder why, not.

They released Duo from his chains and made a hasty exit, must be happy hour somewhere. Duo had his loose hair covering most of his face again. “Take a seat somewhere, Duo,” I said, trying not to let the memories of last night distract me. Of course, what he had to do was go lay down on my desk, with his hair spread around him. That was just too disturbing to deal with at the moment.

I turned back to Relena, sitting down once more. “Listen, Relena,” I said in a much calmer voice, “I can not allow you to be my patient anymore…”

“But…” she protested as soon as the words left my mouth.

“Shh,” that silenced her for the moment, “you’ve become completely obsessed with me and this whole situation. You’re worried more about getting better than you are about getting worse. I am not, and will never be, your perfect white knight. You need to go out there and not look back. You cannot depend on me; I am but a man with a notebook, nothing more.”

“But Hero, I lov…” damn but she was persistent.

I waved her comment away, “no you don’t. You love what you think I am… something impossible for me to be.” My gaze couldn’t help but flicker over to the boy lying on my desk. “Now if you excuse me, I have to help somebody who really needs it.”

“I wish I really needed help,” she whispered, “then you would pay more attention to me.”

I frowned at her, “Relena, that’s probably the stupidest things I’ve ever heard you say. Try not knowing your ups from your downs.” I stood up and opened the door for her to leave. “Call your driver, you can wait in the lobby downstairs, my next patient’s case is confidential.”

She wiped a few tears with the back of her well-manicured hand. Standing, she fixed the wrinkles in her skirt before walking towards the door. Duo opened his eyes to stare at her, giving her a wicked grin. She turned her head quickly away from him, strutting out the door and ignoring me the whole way down the hall to the elevator. Today was actually looking up.

I shut the door, finally putting a close on the situation. Duo had of course taken the luxury of napping on my desk, what a case. I plunked down in my office chair and rested my chin on my right hand, peering down at the chimera stretched out before me. He opened his eyes to look at me through heavy lashes, a contented little smile playing across his face.

“We can have your session here if you like.” I told him gently, smiling down at him in return. There was something about him that just screamed ‘cute’ at the moment. I couldn’t help but absorb and return the warmth that seemed to emanate from him. In my dream he had seemed so cold, like there were two sides to the same story.

His mouth opened wide as he let out a huge yawn. “I’m sleepy,” he said decidedly more to himself.

“How is the quality of your sleep typically?” No matter how easily we were broaching the subject, I would not discuss the dream with Duo. It would be a danger to any patient/psychologist relationship and would only confuse him more.

He sat up a little bit, resting on his elbows and staring ahead of him in thought. Finally, he nodded, “sleep is…hard.”

I made a quick note, “how so?”

He scrunched up his brow in thought; it really seemed like he had trouble staying on track long enough to even form a sentence. We had managed quite nicely yesterday; I didn’t understand what was so different. An idea occurred to me but it just seemed so absurd. But everything about this case was absurd. “Duo, would you like an elastic to tie your hair back?” I slowly opened a drawer in my desk and pulled out a rubber band.

At that, he brightened considerably, snatching the band out of my palm and whipping his hair into a loose braid. “Ya know, rubber bands hurt my hair, maybe you could bring real hair ties next time.” He stated immediately after he was finished. I stared at him impassively so he put on this pout, “pretty please,” he begged.

“Fine” I drawled, “can we get back to business now?”

He crossed his legs and let his calves hang off the edge of my desk. “Yes Heero, what’s your question?”

“I want to know why it is that you have trouble sleeping.” It seemed like he was finally paying attention. Maybe we could actually make some progress today.

He barked a short laugh, his lips curling up at the edges while his eyes slipped shut. “There are way too many distractions for my sleep pattern to be normal.”

I gave him a questioning look, willing him to continue.

His eyes reopened to pear at me again but he kept his head tilted back a little, exposing a long neck. “Let’s just say that my mother is a little attached to me, and never leaves me alone enough to breath let alone sleep.”

My thoughts returned to the file that contained all of Duo’s personal information. Even if it was sorely lacking in some areas, it still would’ve been nice to be able to confirm his information. But I had promised I would not use it in return for his cooperation. I know it is rare to find a psychologist (or anyone) who holds confidentiality and trust in high regard, but I guess I am one of them. Plus, I wouldn’t want to betray Duo. I couldn’t imagine ever willingly causing the boy to be unhappy. “What is your relationship like?”

“Well I only just met her a few years ago. She hates mess, loves control, is over protective, over achieving, and demanding. She can find me almost anywhere, and she will not shut up. But…she is my mother and I need her guidance.”

I wanted to joke and say she sounded Asian but that just didn’t seem right. “I hate to bring this up but your file did not have any family records, is there any reason why your mother is not listed?”

He sighed, “As I said, I didn’t grow up with her; she only came to me because I was in trouble…and because I could help her.” He paused as if he was considering revealing something, “the people who are in charge of me right now do not know of her existence. They aren’t allowed to see her.”

“How are you having trouble sleeping if she never shows up?” I decided to reveal the information I had come across yesterday. “Are you trying to tell me that the people at Larkhill have no clue who she is?”

His eyes opened wide in surprise and something else that I could not place. “Larkhill…” he whispered, “she was born in Larkhill.” He closed his eyes, shuddering, “those bastards don’t know what they did to her, but I know.” Those eyes looked at me with icy fire, “they deserved everything I did to them. I know they’ll come back. They always come back. They’ll take me.” He speared me straight in the eye, “and they’ll take you too… and every time…I’m just going to have to destroy them again.”

Wow, I didn’t understand any of this. He was far off in some other world and I was busy grasping at straws of information. He looked a bit shook up. I took his clammy hand in mine; a little physical contact never hurt anybody. The sudden feeling of déjà vu that swept over me was almost frightening. I was almost certain that I had met this boy before, so sure that I could almost taste him on the tip of my tongue. I licked my lips and tightened my hand gently around his. This was all so foolish, I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but it needed to leave me in peace. “Please explain Duo. I can not help but not understand you.”

“I…you…” he shook his head, “alright, I’ll try.” He paused to think his words through for a moment. “Larkhill…” he began, “can only be found by those who know where to look for it. It is a structure…a system of sorts, but not physically. Larkhill is a mentality, an artificial system of the mind that is most easily comparable to energy. It cannot be destroyed; it can only change its form.”

I raised my eyebrow in surprised, “you mean the collective intelligence theory? The one big brain?” Once again, I seemed to be connected to all of this, the theory I had been drawing up just that morning was on this exact subject.

He looked at me with an easily recognizable expression that said, “How would you know about that?” It was my turn to cause his heart beat to quicken a little.

A small smirk tugged at my lips. “I just so happen to be working on the theory. It’s going to be a major break through if people actually manage to think outside the box for once.”

He seemed to consider this new information for a moment. A smile curved up the side of his lips. He gazed at me through his bangs, “there was a man once named…Heero Yuy.”

I stared at him curiously. My name is uncommon even in Japan. In fact, it is impossible to write correctly using Hiragana or Kanji. The fact that a man had the exact same name as I do was just not possible; therefore, it is only logical to conclude that I was named after him.

Duo continued, “He was the first to be successful beyond the first stage of trying to develop an organic noosphere.” In definition, a noosphere is ‘a transcendent, rapidly evolving collective intelligence--an informational cortex of the planet.’ The most prominent example would have to be the internet; however, the internet is of course inorganic. It requires equipment to be accessed and does not connect to the core of a living being, only to the conscience realm. To develop such a thing would be a major breakthrough for the entire scientific community and the rest of the world.

“But he trusted far too greatly in the nature of man, never expecting his lab partner to betray him for his own devices. J, or Doctor J as he is most commonly known, wanted the sphere for himself and allied with the rapidly growing power known as OZ. They hired someone to kill Heero, thus allowing J to finish the development of the noosphere. In return, when the project was complete, J promised to use it in its full capacity to assist OZ. Duo bit his lip in consideration, leaving the light impression of teeth upon it. “He called his new creation…Larkhill.”

He kindly waited for all this to sink in. Sure, that answered a lot of questions, but it seemed to cause more than it answered. ‘What did Larkhill do?’ ‘In retrospect, where was it?’ ‘Who else was associated with its maintenance?’ And certainly the most prominent, ‘What did Duo have to do with it?’

All this would have to be answered next time as Kent beat at the door with his fists. “I gave you plenty of time, now open up.” He demanded, funny, he had never let the closed door bother him before, wonder what changed his mind. I gave an apologetic smile to the boy sitting on my desk and strode off towards the door. He had already finished unbraiding his hair as if he had never braided it in the first place.

I opened the door to let the charging bull in. His eyes locked on his target on my desk. Duo swiveled his head around with wide eyes dancing in the light from the mirror. “It’s time to go?” he asked almost self-consciously. The graying man nodded his head slightly.

Duo hopped off the desk and shuffled over to the tall man, letting his wrists be chained without a bat of an eyelash. They didn’t even bother with a search this time; simply whisking him out the door and into the armored vehicle I knew waited for them down below. Life was certainly a strange one these days.
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Ok, this is mega late. Longer than the last chapter though. Thanks for all the comments so far folks... cept I got this random reply yelling at me for shaving Duo's head... uh... I didn't. Look, see, he still has hair!

Also: to the person who got pissed about me alluding to NCS. It's in the warnings, is extremely neccesary for later plot points, and you can ignore as I never actually wrote the scene. I'm sorry that you are discouraged but please continue you reading if you were enjoying it as much as you say you were before this occured.

PLEASE COMMENT!!