The Un-fic

A/N: Lilith, of course Ed is confused. This was originally a one-shot, but then I suddenly had to explain everything from the last chapter, and thus came the confusion. chelzi, glad you're enjoying. This one isn't done, but I've only got two chapters left. Amethyst-eyed Koneko, I know. This one was fun, but it's gotten some fandom on my lj, so I cross posted it here. And like I said, it was a oneshot originally. Hikaru, yes, this chapter cleared up all the things that were done when it was a one-shot.

And, cm34, I'm lost here. You said "its funny how two little numbers being the same can ruin a perfectly good fan fic tsk tsk" I have no idea what you mean. I went through it, and the only two numbers the same I can find are in the number 11, which is the correct age for Ed when he lost his limbs. Aside from that... if you could clarify or someone else could point out what cm34 found so obvious that I'm not getting and no one on lj got, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

Unbiased Friendship

Roy knocked on the door to Maes’s house. He hadn’t really gotten to ask his friend how things went with Ed. If they went the way he knew his friend had wanted for a long time, then great for Maes; Roy would do his best to help him keep his cover. If they went the way Roy had hoped, Ed would permanently see the lieutenant colonel as a father figure because he’d essentially given him a “talk” of sorts, and Roy’s concern that he’d have to face the disaster that either or both of the two would be caught together could be waylaid.

When he saw the twinkle in the cat-green eyes behind glasses the man had needed as long as Roy had known him, Roy knew things hadn’t gone according to his plan. He sighed, resigning himself to the concept of having not only having Fullmetal’s new secret to protect, but one between his oldest friend and young subordinate. Fine. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t held onto plenty. What were two more?

"So how are you feeling?” Roy asked, a bit of a smirk, and to his surprise, finding it returned. He didn’t know when he’d last seen that smug look on his friend’s face, but it usually meant that Maes was happy, and if he was happy, that was all that mattered. After all, how would Roy have felt if a law was passed saying that single men seeking a woman’s bed outside of marriage were punishable through court-martial? Well, Roy’d have been kicked out of the military long ago and incarcerated indefinitely, but that was another issue altogether.

“Just fine.” Maes looked to the two boxes of chocolates in Roy’s hand. “Are those for me?” Maes made to grab for the larger box.

“No,” Roy said, batting his hand away. “These are for the women of the house.” Then, in a lower voice he muttered, “Though you come close to it.”

In an equally low voice, Maes whispered in Roy’s ear. “Bite me.” Both men were smirking, Roy finding a long arm thrown around his shoulders as Gracia entered, Elysia still nowhere to be seen. “Really, Roy, you need to get yourself a wife.”

Roy pried himself free of his friend’s vice-like grip. “I think I’d rather have yours.” He took Gracia’s hand and kissed it. “That’s what I’ll do. When I become fuhrer, I’ll force you to divorce Gracia so I can have her all to myself.”

He twirled the woman a bit with his free arm, enjoying getting to hear her laugh for him.

“Oh, really? And how is that fair for all these years pushing you to the top?”

“Well,” Roy said, wrapping an arm around his friend’s wife and resting a chin on her shoulder as she stood with her back to him, “I suppose if we’re blissfully happy, you can just go ahead and have Fullmetal to yourself, though that would probably be punishment in itself.”

Then, suddenly, the levity in the room disappeared. What had he said?

“Fullmetal? As in fifteen-year-old Edward Elric?” Gracia’s body had gone stiff in Roy’s grip, and her face was pointed not at the man who’d asked the question, but at her husband. “A teenager, Maes?” Then, Roy found the stern gaze turned on him, making him feel like being a proper military dog and running away with his tail between his legs. “And you are going to support it?”

“It’s not as though I took the boy on the desk, Gracia.”

“Oh, Maes,” Gracia and Roy groaned in unison.

“It was a kiss. Nothing more.”

Gracia shook her head as she took the chocolates from Roy’s other arm, walking to the kitchen to place them on the table. The two men exchanged looks, but Roy soon found himself being punched in the side, a gesture he readily returned. Both knew what each punch meant. Maes’s being “why’d you open your mouth?” Roy’s, “why didn’t you tell her?”

When the woman re-entered, she looked very harshly up at Maes. “I hope you will have the common sense to take Ed’s age into consideration. He is very young, and I don’t want to see him hurt because you couldn’t control yourself. If I ever find out he has been, I’m not going to be a widow of both my husband and my future husband.” She looked pointedly at Roy.

At that, Elysia ran out of her bedroom, charging toward her father at breakneck speeds. “Daddy,” she said, “I heard you talking about Ed. Will he be coming over? With Al?”

“I’m hoping so,” Maes answered. “I’m hoping Ed will be over quite a bit.”

“And Al?” She repeated, making it obvious which of the brothers she wanted to come over.

“Maybe Al too.” Maes picked her up and kissed her tiny little forehead before tickling the little girl until she squealed.

“Hi Elysia,” Roy said, patting her on the arm, finding her eying him warily.

“You wouldn’t make Mommy and Daddy get a divorce, wouldn’t you?” she asked, brows meeting as she attempted a confused scowl. Roy faltered for a moment, trying to consider his words before speaking, all the while wondering how much the girl had heard, and how much of that she had understood.

“Of course not. I was teasing your daddy.” He looked up at Maes then over to Gracia. “It would take more than me to make your daddy leave your mommy.”

At that, the little girl smiled.

“And you won’t make my daddy live with Ed?”

“If your daddy wants to let Ed move in with him, that’s his business, but I won’t make him.”

“You know what, Elysia, while we wait for mommy to get supper ready, we should show your Uncle Roy what you can do on your new bike.” Roy was grateful for the bait and switch his friend had just played on his daughter, that was, until he found Maes grabbing his wrist with the hand that wasn’t currently holding the thing most precious to him. “You’ll just love it. She’s just so cute.”

As he was being forcibly led out of the house, he looked back, rolling his eyes at the woman standing in the foyer, who was trying to hold back a smile.