I Need You

(A/N ok, Roy may be a bit OOC in the next little bit… but keep in mind that he’s drunk off his ass and is acting out of desperation and depression. And if Ed seems OOC at all, well, these are special circumstances that I think calls for it. K? Thanks!)

The rain was falling in hard sheets now against the bedroom window as the two alchemists stared at each other, neither certain if they should move.

Ed did his best to resist the urge to punch himself with his automail fist to see if it would hurt. There was no way that what was happening was real. Maybe he was drunk? No, he would’ve remembered drinking… or at least he’d have crashed the car. Maybe he HAD crashed and now was in some kind of comma and the last forty minutes or so were all some kind of whacked out illusion in his head.

Roy Mustang didn’t cling… The Flame Alchemist didn’t beg someone he was supposed to dislike to stay with him… General Mustang didn’t look like he was terrified at the very thought of being left alone in his house… did he?

Whacked out illusion… yes, that had to be it. This was Ed’s crazy dream and soon he’d wake up with Roy standing over him, condescending like always, laughing at him for being so weak as to get slammed into a comma.

But then, why did Roy’s hand on his feel so real? Ed could feel the heat pouring from the man’s skin, the ground was solid under his feet and his automail ports were aching from the cold weather outside. Surely if he were imagining things, his automail wouldn’t be hurting and it sure as hell wouldn’t be raining… he didn’t like the rain.

Still uncertain that he wasn’t in some car-crashed-into-tree fantasy, Ed lightly gripped the hand back.

“Mustang?” he was half-afraid that Roy would still plead with him and half afraid that the other alchemist would drop his hand and laugh it all off.

Roy’s eye dropped as he lowered his head, black bangs obscuring the pale face. The man’s deep voice resonated up to Ed, almost shocking in its sobriety, the broken tone still evident in the low rumble.

“I-I hate… to ask this,” the General started, his hand tightening around the blonde’s. “It’s just… I can’t… do this.”

Roy couldn’t believe he was saying this. He couldn’t believe he was about to divulge one of his greatest fears to Edward. He knew he never would’ve had the guts without half his brain swimming in alcohol, but right now, as the words fell from his mouth, everything just felt right.

“I’m… I’m…” Roy nearly choked on the next words, but he forced them past the lump forming in his throat.

“I’m scared.”

As the last word wrestled its way out, Roy’s shoulders wracked with a sob. The words kept coming and soon tears joined them, and Roy knew there was nothing he could do to stop either. “Fuck, Ed! I’m so scared! I’ve got nothing left, no goals, no dreams! I’ve been left alone and I’m scared shitless! Just… don’t leave me alone… please!”

Ed practically jumped at the first sob and the confessed words confused him. He never would’ve guessed Roy was on the verge of such a break down and he was at quiet a loss of what to do. All he knew was he couldn’t stand to hear one of the strongest men he’d ever known wracked with sobs and do nothing. So… he went on instinct.

Edward dropped to his knees by the bed, pulling Roy up and into a tight hug, wrapping his arms securely about the older man’s neck. Roy stiffened at first, surprised, and Ed had to roll his eyes at that. Well, what did the idiot expect him to do? Punch him and run away? Did he really think him so heartless?

It actually hurt him to think that Roy had never said anything, had never let Ed know what he was feeling. If Roy only knew how many times he had nearly broken down, all the times he HAD broken. Roy knew of a few, as he’d been present at the time, but there were others that the General didn’t know about.

With another heart wrenching sob, Roy gratefully buried his face in Ed’s shoulder, clinging to the blonde alchemist like a life-line. The tears wouldn’t stop.

He hadn’t wanted this, he had never wanted to break down in front of the younger alchemist. He had always tried to be strong for Ed, to never let on to the young man how truly lost and afraid he could feel at times. But now, he couldn’t stop it, and Ed just held him, quiet and understanding.

Ed started rubbing gentle circles across Roy’s upper back, making little shushing sounds he remembered his mother making to calm him down. Ed felt his heart breaking for the officer, he had known the fear of being alone, a fear he had carried until he’d returned to Al from the other side of the gate. But that fear was gone for Ed now, as he knew he would always have a family waiting for him in Rizembool.

Though, Roy didn’t have that. From what he had heard, and what the man himself had hinted at, Roy didn’t have anyone he knew would always be there for him. He didn’t have anyone he knew he could count on. Ed’s arms tightened slightly around the shaking alchemist, feeling a deep need to truly console the raven-haired man.

“Shhh, its okay,” the blonde whispered gently. “It’s okay, I’m here now. You’re not alone, Roy, its okay.”

Roy shuddered at the sound of his first name and the whispered words, needing desperately to hear them and believe that they were true.

Ed ran a hand gently over the head tucked to his shoulder, lingering over the strap to the eye patch and then moving back down to rub at the back of Roy’s neck. The tears were dying down slightly and Ed was silently glad for that, he didn’t exactly handle other people’s emotions well and he was relieved to feel Roy pulling himself back together.

“C’mon, Roy,” he urged, gently untangling himself from the embrace and pressing Roy to lay back. “You should try and get some sleep. I’ll hang around for tonight, okay?”

Roy lay back but wouldn’t relinquish the hold he still had on Ed’s left arm.

“You’re… you’re not leaving?” he asked, starting to feel sleep pulling him down. The emotional upheaval, as well as the alcohol, had fully exhausted him and his good eye was starting to droop.

“Nope,” Ed answered, a small grin on his face. “looks like we’re having a sleep over. So, why don’t you let go of my arm so I can go find a place to crash?”

But when Ed moved to pull his arm away, Roy’s grip only tightened.

“Stay here… got room,” the man mumbled, trying desperately now to stay awake.

Ed was certain his face was now the shade of a tomato. Roy wanted him to sleep in the same bed? He swallowed hard and nodded. There was enough room, he could spend the night on the other side of the bed and forget Roy was there. Yeah, like that was going to happen.

“Okay, okay,” Ed finally agreed aloud as Roy failed to notice his nod. He prodded the man firmly and pulled on his arm. “But you’ve got to let go of my arm.”

“Promise…”

Ed couldn’t hold in a sigh, even if he was slightly amused by the request. Roy sounded like a small child when half asleep.

“I promise,” he answered. “Now, please let go of my arm.”

“Oh, yeah,” Roy mumbled, releasing the blonde at long last and turning on his side. He was asleep in moments.

Ed watched the man for a few minutes, debating what to do. He’d said he’d stay, but, was he really welcome? And was it really a good idea? Roy was practically comatose now, his breathing evened out as he slept soundly. Ed could go to another room and he doubted the man would notice.

Ed sighed and moved to the other side of the bed. He had promised and even if Roy didn’t remember and was royally pissed the next day, he would’ve had one night of knowing how it felt to sleep next to the older man.

And so it was with that last thought that Ed stripped off his boots, belt, coat and vest, rolled over, and settled in, the sound of Roy’s even breathing lulling him to sleep.

Kuragari: there is more in the making for this story and there is some smexiness in the future. I’m finding out I’m no good at PWP’s, I always have to have some build up, but it IS coming.