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Descent	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 14665 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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stupefied-narutard: Ah
Kagegkuski.� Well, basically all you need
to know at this point is that he�s been working with Lust (though has no idea
she is homunculi) with this whole rebellion thing.� In fact, without her prodding, he probably wouldn�t
have started it.� In one of the earlier
chapters it�s noted that she gave him a ring like Cornello.� Also, by her direction, he is planning an
attack on East City.�
The two Isballans that he recently had a
meeting with are actually from the anime.�
Lust�s plan is to try to bring Scar in with the People�s army by them
making a pact with his people.� It�s
easier for her to keep an eye on him that way.�
*grins*� Hope
that clears a few things up.� MustangsHavoc: Your Roy?� >_>� *stuffs Roy back in the closet*� What are you talking about??� *looks innocently at you*� haha�
Amethyst-eyed Koneko:� *blinks*�
oooooh� you want Roy to come back???� <_<� Why didn�t you just say so in the
first place?� *chuckle*� You�re probably right about Breda and Fuery,
though right now I think Fuery would lose, but I�m sure they had some amazing
games before Fuery lost his memory.�
*pats* don�t worry, you never knew what Roy�s plans were to begin with ^_~ And, yes, you definitely will find out how Ed got Al�s body
back.� Trust me,
it hasn�t fallen by the wayside at all.� Nomme de Plume:� *chuckles* ah yes, Roy�s orders.�
*grins*� You�ll
find out about that eventually.� Kuroneko: I�m glad you liked it.� Sorry this chapter didn�t come sooner.� Sasurto: Thanks!� ^_^� Kuragari:
*pats* You�ll find out soon.� Empress-eerian-sadow:
Yeah, I do love the labeling idea, so thank you <3� tshapo-chi:� Wow, that�s a long time to sit reading this
story.� Your email is hidden in your aff.n profile, but I went to your LiveJournal
account and saw a yahoo one there, so that�s the one I put down.� If you�d like me to use a different email,
just let me know and I�d be happy to change it.�

-�

Descent

Chapter Forty

Doubts

-

Ed
stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and glanced around warily as he moved
through the pub.� He was getting odd
looks from some of the people at the tables, and suddenly he wished he was
wearing his uniform.� While the black
pants, white button-up shirt, and long black coat made him look more mature
than his old style, he still had a youthful face, and, despite the fact that
he�d grown recently�and was still growing�he still looked too short to be two
days away from eighteen.

He really
hated the damn uniform sometimes, but it did
give him more credibility, and less people looked at him as if he were a
kid.� He�d almost worn it today, just for
that reason, but he�d wanted to just be himself right now� just wanted to be
someone in the crowd.

The
uniform marked him, made him different, but it wasn�t just that.� With his youth and his size, the rank he
displayed on his shoulders almost seemed fake, and at that point just about
everyone knew who he was, because there was only one person like him in the
military.

Not that many people hadn�t known him on sight before.�
His leather pants and long red coat had almost become something of a
trademark for him.� Ed was sure he could
probably get someone to make him another coat since he was now too big for his
other one, but the only reason he�d been able to go so long without wearing the
military uniform was because they didn�t make one his size.� He wouldn�t be able to get away with it
now...

He sighed
and shook his head at himself.� There was
no point thinking about that now.� If he
wanted to be respected in the military, then he�d have to wear the
uniform.�

Ed
scowled slightly.�

And if he
didn�t want to have his adulthood questioned, he should have worn the damn
thing here, he thought�his mind going back to the original gripe about the
uniform.� It was a fucking bar.�
Of course people were going to stare at him and think he was too young
to be here... what the hell had he been thinking?

Ed
shrugged his shoulders, trying to relieve some tension, and gave challenging
glares to those who were looking at him.�
He knew he didn�t need to feel defensive, but he did.� He was an adult.� He had every right to be here.

When he
got to the counter, Ed sat on one of the stools and looked dully at all the
bottles.� Why was he even here?� He wasn�t much of a drinker, so what was the
point of this?� Besides, Roy had a wide assortment of different
liquors; if he wanted to drink, why waste his money here?

�You�re
looking a little down,� a pleasant female voice said, and Ed looked up to see a
woman looking at him from behind the counter.�
He knew she was probably only trying to be friendly, and that that was
her job, but he really didn�t feel like talking.�

He
shrugged and said, �Are you the bartender?��
The last time he�d been to this place with Roy, there had been a man behind the counter.

�That�s
right,� she said, then gave him a considering stare.

Ed rolled
his eyes.� �I�m legal in case you�re wondering,� he growled irritably, thinking he
definitely should have worn the uniform.

�Didn�t
even cross my mind,� she said with a smile, and he nearly rolled his eyes again
at the obvious lie.� �So what can I get
for you?�

�Amaretto
Sour,� he replied instantly.� It was the
only alcoholic drink he�d had that he liked.�
Maybe that was why he was here instead of delving through the kitchen at
home.� He had no idea how to make one...

She
smiled at him again, and nodded before wandering off to make the drink.� Pulling out a cigarette, Ed lit it and took a
drag as he watched her make the drink.�
It looked easy enough, and Ed made a mental note to try it at home.� When she brought it back, Ed dug in his
pocket and pulled out a bill that was twice the amount of the drink and gave it
to her, muttering for her to keep the rest.

With a
sigh, Ed licked a little of the sugar from the rim and took a small drink.� He�d spent the evening yesterday with Gracia and Elysia.�
In a way, it had been so heartbreaking to watch them, and he could
almost envision Hughes there with them, yet he wasn�t there...

Hughes
dying had been hard on him, and he�d been hurt and outraged that it had
happened.� He�d always felt so sad for
Elysia because he knew the pain of having a loved parent die, yet this was the
first time he�d been able to see the situation from Gracia�s
point of view; and for some reason, it hurt that much more...

Ed took a
slow drag from the cigarette and let the smoke out slowly through his nose.� He�d stayed there last night.� Gracia had offered
him the couch, and he�d taken it without a second thought.� The idea of returning to the empty apartment
held no joy for him, and he was glad to avoid it at least for a small while.

He�d
spent the morning with them too, and would have stayed longer, but didn�t want
to overstay his welcome.� He�d gone home
and taken enough time to shower and change before grabbing the chess set and
heading to the hospital.

He�d spent
most of the day playing chess and talking with Fuery.� They talked about the game, and what Fuery
could expect when he returned to work.�
It was one of the first things out of Fuery�s mouth when Ed had walked
into the room.�

�They�re going to release me in a
couple of days!�
he�d exclaimed, and Ed had responded enthusiastically at first, but when he saw
the fear and dread in the man�s eyes, Ed realized that maybe this wasn�t such a
good thing for Fuery.

And, sure
enough, as they�d talked, Ed had found out just how scared the man was.� It was heartbreaking in a way, and Ed didn�t
have the heart to leave the hospital until he was kicked out by the
nurses.� Of course, if he�d been truthful
to himself, he would have admitted that it was partially because he didn�t want
to go home...

Ed took a
drink and stared dully down at the glass.�
He�d only been home long enough to put the game away, then
he�d gone out again.� He�d gone to the
train station and sat on one of the benches, thinking of Al and wondering what
would happen if he simply boarded a train and went back.� Forget this mess with the military and just
go live the quiet life in Rizembool...�
He�d been sorely tempted, but he hadn�t contacted Al in months and
truthfully he was afraid to face what had happened the night he�d left...

At that,
Ed had tried to think of something else, and realized that he�d unconsciously
picked a bench near where he�d first met up with Roy in Central all those years ago.� He saw that scene over and over in his
mind.� A young and angry him, shouting
that he was going to take the exam; and an overly smug Lieutenant Colonel
Mustang walking away from him...

It
hurt... thinking of Roy...
almost as much, if not more, than thinking of Al... And when he hadn�t been able
to take the memories anymore, Ed had wandered around for a while more, until he
found himself at the pub he and Roy had been at the night they�d gotten into
that huge fight.�

Ed took
another drink and sighed.�

And,
that�s where he was now.� I�m just stalling... he thought, looking
down at his almost empty glass and lighting up a new cigarette.� Sooner or later, he�d have to go back to the
apartment and he�d have to deal with the fact that Roy wasn�t there...� Roy
was gone, and Ed was alone with his stupidity and confusion.

Emptying
his glass, Ed motioned for the woman and asked for another.� Stalling... stalling... stalling...

Ed took
an angry drag off the cigarette.� He
should have stayed in touch.� He
shouldn�t have left so quickly.� He
should have worked things out with Roy
before he left.� He shouldn�t have been
so defensive and proud...� So many things that he should or shouldn�t have done, but none of
them mattered now.

And if Roy
was alive?�
If Roy
came back safe and sound, then what?�
Ed slipped the woman more money when she brought him the drink, then
took a sip.� Havoc said that Roy had said that he loved him, but what if Roy had simply been
delusional?� What if he hadn�t meant it?� He couldn�t have been in his right mind to
have said it where others could hear, even if it was true... but Havoc had said
that Roy had
thought Hawkeye was him...

Ed licked
absentmindedly at the sugar and took another drink.� He was starting to get a bit of a buzz,
nothing big, but he was aware that the alcohol was affecting him a bit.� Nothing to worry about though, he thought as
he took another drink.� Maybe, if he was
lucky, he�d drink enough that he�d just pass out when he got home and not have
to worry about being alone...

What am I thinking? Ed wondered, appalled at
himself.� Alcohol wasn�t going to solve
his problems; if anything, it was only helping him avoid everything...� But then, that was sort of what he was going
for right now...

I�m such a coward... Ed thought, taking a deep
drink.� He was afraid of going back and
being alone... afraid that Roy was really
dead... but he was also afraid of Roy
being alive and having to face him again.�
Roy been
so angry when he�d left, and that was still hanging over Ed�s head, and this
whole love thing...�

What was love?�
What if he didn�t love Roy?� What if he only really liked him?� And what if he did love Roy,
what then?� It wasn�t as if they could be
like normal people and get married
and have kids...� They�d always have to
hide it.� They�d never be able to have a
normal life...

Ed took another
deep drink.� Why couldn�t anything he did
be normal?� What the fuck was wrong with him?� I�m a
coward, that�s what�s wrong with me... he thought darkly.� If he wasn�t a coward, then why couldn�t he
figure out how he felt about Roy?� Why was he afraid to go back to the
apartment?� And why couldn�t he make
himself call Al...� He swallowed hard at
the thought of his brother, then downed the rest of
the drink before motioning to the woman again.�

�Do you
have anything stronger than this?� he asked, then
added, �Something that doesn�t taste like shit?�� When she frowned, he quickly said, �I�m not
saying this tasted like shit, this was really good, eh...�� He tried to think quickly, but his brain
seemed a little fuzzy and it was taking him longer than usual to come up with
exactly what he wanted to say.� He just
didn�t want to be served anything like what Roy usually drank...� �Can you give me something stronger that tastes just as good as this?� he finally settled on.

She
seemed to consider him for a moment, then asked, �How
are you getting home tonight?�

He
blinked.� �What?�� What kind of a question was that?� When she continued to look at him, he said,
�Walking.� Why?�

�Well,
you�ve already had two drinks, and I think if I gave you anything stronger you
might need a cab to get home,� she said, and he could see the concern in her
eyes.

He
sighed.� He should probably just leave
now.� After all, he was already quite
buzzed...� �Okay, fine, then I�ll take a
cab home,� Ed finally muttered.� He was
already regretting his decision, but what did it matter anyway?� It wasn�t as if he had to go in to work
tomorrow...

Ed pulled
out another cigarette, and eyed the pack irritably.� It was almost empty... he�d just bought the
damn thing!� How could it be almost empty
again?!� He shook his head as he lit up and wondered
if maybe he�d dropped some...

A few
minutes later a tall and relatively thin glass filled with some sort of red
liquid was placed in front of him.� He
sniffed at it, and, after taking a sip, asked, �What is it?� It tastes kind of like...�� He took another sip.� It was sweet and didn�t taste like alcohol at
all.� �Fruit punch...� he finished.

She
chuckled and handed him a piece of paper.�
�It�s called �Red Death�(1).�� She motioned to the paper.� �Why don�t you write down your address, and
I�ll call a cab for you.�

Ed took
another sip and said, a little confused, �But... I�m not ready to leave yet...�

�Give it
about fifteen minutes.�� She shook her
head.� �Or less.� You�ve already been drinking so...�� She trailed off, then said, �I just want to
be sure you get home safely.�

He
nodded, a little touched by her concern, then did as
she asked.� After she wandered off, Ed
took another drink and wondered idly why Roy
never drank anything that tasted this good...

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Al
slammed the book shut in frustration, and looked around the room.� It was empty, but then, so was the rest of
the house.� Pinako had gone off on a
short two day trip to pick up some parts from one of her suppliers; Russell had
gone off somewhere� he�d simply said
he needed to go deal with a few things and left; and Winry...

He opened
the book and tried to read again, but wasn�t able to concentrate on the
words.�

Winry had
been there earlier, working on a piece of automail, then later he�d found a
note that said she was going out.� Just
like that!� She hadn�t even told him
where she was going!� What if she got
hurt?� What if she ran into Archer or Kimblee?�

Again, Al
slammed the book closed, and this time he got out of his chair and walked
toward the window.� It was getting dark,
and there was a curfew enforced by the military...� Where was
she?� His mind filled with a variety of
dreadful things that could have happened to her and he forcefully tried to push
them out of his mind, but just couldn�t.

For the
first few hours after he�d found the note, he�d tried to keep himself
occupied.� After all, she wouldn�t be
gone long, right?� But after a while,
he�d been unable to keep his nervousness down, and finally called around.� He�d found out that she�d visited a nearby
friend, but she�d been gone when he called, and the friend hadn�t known where
she was going...

Running
his fingers through his hair, Al plopped himself down on Pinako�s
rocking chair and tapped his foot impatiently.�
He wanted to go find her, but she might come home while he was
gone...� Unable to stay sitting, Al stood
and began pacing.� This was so frustrating!� What if she was hurt?� What if she needed him?!� What if�

The sound
of footsteps on the porch caught his attention before the door opened and Winry
walked through the door.� She was
carrying a couple of sacks, and she used her hip to close the door behind her.

�Winry!�
Al exclaimed walking toward her, with arms stretched wide.� He felt an immense amount of relief at seeing
her alive and well, and wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go,
but his frustration didn�t allow him to do that.� Russell had been telling him how Winry had
been saying that there was no danger and that she could do anything she wanted
and nothing would happen to her.� He
needed to make her see that it was that kind of thinking that got people
hurt... even killed...

His heart
ached at that thought.� He�d never be
able to go on if he lost her...� Didn�t
she know that?� Didn�t she know that she
was everything to him, that he needed
her more than anything else in the world?

She�d
started walking toward the kitchen, but stopped and looked at him in
surprise.� �Al?� What�s wrong?� she asked worriedly, her lips
pulled into a small frown.

For a
moment, all he could do was stare at her, then he
said, �What�s wrong?� What�s wrong?!�
Are you joking?!� I�ve been
worried sick about you!��

�I went
to visit Julia, then went to the market...�� She paused, then
said in a quiet and hurt voice, �I left you a note...�

�You
should have told me where you were going!� Al insisted, taking one of the bags
from her and heading toward the kitchen.�
For a moment there was nothing, then he heard
her footsteps following him.� He set his
bag on the counter, and a moment later she placed hers beside it.

�You�re
not my mother, Al,� she said, an angry tinge in her voice.

�I�m not
trying to be your mother.� I�m just worried about you!� he returned, feeling
frustrated at how stubborn she was acting.�
Couldn�t she see that he only had her best interests in mind?

Winry
made an exasperated sound, pulled a container of eggs from the bag, and headed
for the fridge.� �I�m fine!�
I came back before it got completely dark, right?�

�Yeah,
you did,� Al said, roughly pulling some of the bag�s contents out and stuffing
them carelessly into a cupboard.� �But
still, you shouldn�t go out by yourself!�
I want to be there to protect you!� Al tried to explain.

�I don�t need protection,� Winry returned flatly,
then shut the door to the fridge.� �If
anyone needs protection, it�s you.�� She
pointed at him when she said �you�, then folded her arms angrily.

�Me?� Al
said incredulously, folding the paper sack and putting it aside.

�Yes,
you,� she said, unfolding her arms and placing her hands on her hips.� �Those jerks from the military have it out
for you, but you don�t even see it.�

Al shook
his head in agitation and tapped a finger against his chest.� �I
can protect myself, Winry.� I�ve been
doing it for years.� You�re moving this
away from the real point.�

Winry
lifted a hand and flipped her hair back in obvious irritation.� �And what exactly is the real point, Al?�

�The fact
that you didn�t tell me you were leaving!� he exclaimed.

�I wrote
you a note!� she returned, her voice
rising.

�Yes, but
you didn�t say where you were going,� he pointed out, not for the first time.

She
stared at him in disbelief, then said, quietly, �I
thought you trusted me...�

�I do trust you.� That�s not the��

�Then why
are you so upset?� she asked, looking hurt and angry.

�Because!
�You didn�t tell me where you were
going!� Al said in frustration.� Was this such a hard concept to grasp?

Her face
darkened and she said angrily, �You want me to tell you where I�m going?�

�YES!� Al exclaimed, glad that it seemed
to finally be sinking into her head.

�Okay,
fine. �I�ll tell you where I�m
going.�� She turned and headed out of the
kitchen.� �I�m going outside for a walk!�

�Winry!�
Al yelled, following her to the door.�
�You can�t go out there!� It�s not
safe!�� What if a patrol passed by?� What if the house was being watched?� They both knew that Archer was targeting
them...

�What?� I can�t walk around my own house?� she
challenged.� �There�s like, no one around here.�� She opened the door and walked outside; and
he quickly followed her and shut the door.�

�It�s
almost full dark,� he pointed out as he followed her down the steps.

Stopping,
she rounded on him and said, �Will you stop
following me?� I want to be alone, okay?� You know, I�m my own person, Alphonse.� I lived my life just fine before you came to live with us!� I�m capable of taking care of myself!� Or maybe you forgot that while you and Ed
just decided to go roaming around the countryside, not even caring about the
fact that someone just might be worried about you!�

He
swallowed and opened his mouth, but she road over him, tears filling her
voice.�

�Did you ever call me to let me know where you were?�
Did you even think that maybe I
might have lost sleep worrying about you guys?�
Even when you came to visit, you wouldn�t tell me anything that was
going on!� How can you
be such a hypocrite?!��

Tears
trickled from her eyes, and he suddenly felt ashamed.� She was right... but... What about what
Russell had said...?

�We did
it to protect you...� he said lamely.

�And you�re
the only one who can do things to protect the ones they love?� she demanded
with a sob.� �I told you, Archer and Kimblee... they�re out to get you!� If you go out with me all the time, then they
might have more chances to get at you!�

�Winry...�
Al breathed, suddenly feeling like a complete jerk.� He reached out to her, but she pulled away.

�I just
want to be alone right now...� she sobbed, and headed toward the shed.

His
shoulders fell as he watched her go.�
After she disappeared into the shed, Al stepped back, sat heavily on the
first step that led up to the veranda surrounding the house, and hung his head
between his knees.� Everything that she�d
said swirled and danced in his mind, and he tried to work it all out.� He didn�t want to fight... he hated fighting
with the ones he loved...� A tear escaped
his eye and he wiped it away quickly.� He
wasn�t going to let this get to him...�
He just needed to think about this, that�s all...

The faint
sound of the phone ringing in the house met his ears, but he stayed where he
was.� He didn�t feel like talking to
anyone right now... Whoever it was could call back...�

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed
collapsed on the couch.� He was sooooo glad he�d taken a taxi home...� He didn�t feel like he was really drunk, but maybe he was... �His whole body was so relaxed...� It wasn�t like that one time when he�d had
those shots with Roy.� Almost, but not as... what?� Intense?� Something like
that... �At that time, he�d barely known
which way was up and which way was down.�
Well, whatever...� He couldn�t
think of it right now anyway...� Maybe
before he�d been reeeeaaaally drunk, and now he was only drunk.�

At that
thought, Ed began to laugh in little small snorts.� �Only drunk�...� I�m so
fucking wasted... Ed thought in amusement, then
let his head roll to one side so that he could stare at the dimly lit room.� This wasn�t where he wanted to sleep,
although he was pretty tired and a loopy combination of comfortable and
lazy...� He did want to sleep... just not here...

Flopping
off the couch, Ed staggered to his feet and headed into the hallway, but
instead of moving toward the bedroom, he made a detour to the bathroom.� When he got to the toilet, Ed took a moment
to decide if he was just going to whip it out or if he should just get undressed...� Not that it mattered... not like there was
any reason to get completely undressed just to take a piss...

Undoing
his pants, Ed let them fall down to his ankles, then, when he felt the urge to
throw up from the room moving, he turned and plopped down on the toilet seat, then
pushed his penis down to point into the toilet bowl.� He just didn�t feel like doing it standing up... Besides, he felt much steadier
sitting down than standing up right now, and he didn�t feel as much like he was
going to puke...

Ed kicked
off his boots before standing up, and as he entered the hallway, he finally
stumbled out of his boxers and pants.�
When he got to the bedroom doorway, Ed leaned against the frame and
pulled off his shirt as well.� Throwing
it on the floor, he headed to the bed and fell forward onto the mattress with
enough force to make himself bounce a couple times.

Now that, Ed though with a stupid grin at
feeling the air on his skin, and thought, Feels
really good...� He wiggled a little,
feeling the sheets against his naked body, then crawled up more on the bed and
laid on his back with his arms and legs spread wide.

Staring
up at the ceiling, Ed gripped the sheets tightly with his hands.� How many times had he lain next to Roy staring up at that
ceiling?� How many times had he lain here
looking up at the ceiling while Roy
had been touching him and licking him and sucking on him...

Ed
reached down and fondled his flaccid penis while thinking of Roy touching him, but after a few minutes, he
sighed and moved his hand away.� He just
wasn�t feeling it right now...� It just
wasn�t coming...� And really, he didn�t
care right now.� He didn�t want to give
himself another hand job; he wanted to be with Roy...

He moaned
and put his flesh arm over his eyes.� I�m not thinking about you, Roy, Ed
thought.� I�m not thinking about you because I�m drunk.� That was the whole point of it... why am I still thinking of you...?� Ed turned on his side and tried to think of
something else besides Roy,
and when his eyes landed on the telephone, he was able to do just that.

Al... Ed thought, then
groaned.� That was almost as bad as
thinking about Roy!� But now that he had his brother in mind, Ed
couldn�t seem to let him go.� Why hadn�t
he called Al yet?� Why was he being so
prideful and stubborn?� Hadn�t he learned
yet that such things only caused trouble?

Reaching
out, Ed flopped his hand over onto the phone before
picking it up and balancing it precariously on his ear.� Letting go of the receiver, Ed reached over
and clumsily dialed the number to the Rockbell residence, then brought his hand
back to hold onto the receiver.

His hand
shook, and his heart beat quickly.� What am I doing? Ed asked himself
nervously as he listened to it ring.� I�m drunk and I�m calling my brother...
Ed thought vaguely, answering his own question.�
He wished he could say that it was courage and remorse that were driving
him to make the call, but really it was mostly the feeling of utter
loneliness.� Even if Al yelled at him, it
would be better than laying here alone, right?

Again and
again the phone rang, yet there was no answer, and the nervousness he�d been
feeling turned into a sick feeling of disappointment.� He�d finally gotten the courage to
call�despite the fact that it had come from a bottle�and no one was answering...

Gently
setting the receiver back in its cradle, Ed stared dully at it in bitter
loneliness before closing his eyes and letting himself fall into an intoxicated
sleep.

--

1- Red
Death is made with 1/2 ounce of Vodka, Southern Comfort, Amaretto, Sloe Gin,
Triple Sec and 3 ounces of orange juice.�
Served with ice and in a Collins glass.

--

Bleh,
I really wanted to get this out sooner, but my work and school schedule have
been unkind to my desire to write.�
Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait.

-- �

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