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Unforgivable	By : thePrincesJewel Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7485 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Theme song for this particular chapter? Goten�s playing Gunning Down Romance. (Savage Garden)

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He knelt in front of the stereo; his father�s CD set to repeat one particular song. Tears streamed down his cheeks. His fingers clutched his hair, his elbows planted against his chest, head bowed as he rocked himself. His hip nearly killed him, but he wanted hat pain. He�d reopened wounds that had finally closed. He hadn�t wanted to stop bleeding. The flow was slower, the cuts not quite as bad.

He knew though, that the blood would stop. He knew when it did, this time he would go to the dresser, open the drawer, and eat the bean that waited there. He knew the scars would be faint, that his broken bones would heal, the bruises would vanish. It was always that way. But he wasn�t ready just yet. He was still hoping it would end.

He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn�t notice the other approach until hands rested on his shoulders, comforting. He turned, his arms slipping around a trim waist, his head resting on the bare thigh, his weight shifted entirely onto his good leg. The tears on his face were stroked away. �You�re bleeding.�

�I know.� He rubbed his cheek against firmly muscled flesh, hot against his skin. �I want to.�

�To die?� A soft laugh. �Or to hurt? You don�t need to bleed to hurt.�

�I bleed to know I�m real. You wouldn�t understand.�

�I do.� The figure knelt, pulled Goten close. �I know, little one. We share more than blood. We share pasts that we hide, pain we don�t want anyone to know about. I�ve heard your screams� I know the difference between pain and ecstasy. I have� felt both. Rape� it is� never fun.�

�He doesn�t rape me.�

�He does. But you love him, so you tell yourself you let him do it. That you let him hurt you. That it doesn�t matter when he turns away from you, not noticing or seeming to care how much pain you are in, that your bones are broken, that your body is bleeding, that you feel so cold.� Warm hands ran over the boy�s cold skin, trailing over the scar where his tail had been removed. �You act like it doesn�t matter the next day that it hurts to stand up straight, that you can barely walk, and that sitting nearly kills you. You go back to him each night, hoping that this time, he will show that he cares about you� and you cry yourself to sleep when he just uses you instead. When he rapes you.�

More tears spilled as the truth in the other�s words penetrated. �Yes��

�Your ribs� and your hip.� Those wonderfully warm hands had discovered the injuries Goten had said nothing about.

�Broken, dislocated. I have a senzu in the drawer.�

Hot flesh drew away from cold, returned. �Eat it.�

Goten obeyed, relaxing again into the heated embrace, his skin slowly absorbing the other�s warmth. �I love him so much��

�I know.�

�It�s been� twenty-seven years. I never told anyone. I hid� what I was, what he did to me. I didn�t want anyone to know� I didn�t tell anyone that we were lovers, even. �

�You told Goku.�

The boy sighed, pressed closer. �I thought it would help, if he knew that I loved Trunks� but it didn�t. I thought maybe he would talk about what was bothering him so much. But, he just� withdrew more. He was glad that I had Trunks, I know that. But he always had this sadness when he looked at me. Like he knew what I hadn�t told him. About the beatings and the pain that came� it wasn�t always like that. I remember when it was beautiful� when it was fun.�

�You didn�t tell him when the pain started, when the fun ended. You didn�t tell anyone.�

�I couldn�t. Dad� my daddy was becoming someone else. All his smiles had stopped being real. I never really truly realized that until I found him at the pool. I was going to tell him, ask him how to cope with it. I didn�t want to lose Trunks, but I� I didn�t want to hurt anymore. He�d been in a fight with Mom. When I found him, he was crying. He didn�t know I was there� I got up close enough that I could make out what he was saying� and I left before he knew I�d been there.

�He was so in love� but it wasn�t with my mother. He was crying so hard, because he couldn�t be with him, couldn�t even tell him because of his commitment to his family.� Goten sighed. �I heard him say that it would be better to be his love�s slave for the rest of his life, than to keep killing himself so slowly, not ever being able to say how he felt.�

�Goten�� The embrace was fierce. �Goten� your father would not have believed that for long. His spirit was broken when� when he was raped, shattered when his wife turned on him, destroyed he was told he was a fool to believe he could be considered beautiful.�

�No.� Goten shook his head. �No, he wasn�t shattered by Mother turning on him. He was shattered that his loyalty to her had been for nothing, was believed to really have been nothing. All those years he�d spent with her, returning to her even from death, being demeaned for not being very smart or holding down a job and never having been to school, all of that meant nothing when he forgot to say that his daughter was adopted. That�s what shattered his spirit. I know. For twenty-seven years, I thought Trunks loved me. I lived for him, I never was with anyone else, even after I found out he was. I did what was needed to keep our relationship a secret because that�s� that�s what he wanted.

�I never really understood why, he never would tell me. He said that he was tired of pretending to just be my friend, that he wanted to tell everyone. And then, all the sudden, he wanted it to stay a secret. Then he said I was nothing more to him than a private whore. And I knew. I knew how Daddy felt whenever his love called him a stupid moron, a low class fool. I felt like that. I�d told all these lies, lived a different life, just like Daddy. I�d placed my loyalty with Trunks, even before my family, even though he hurt me� and it meant nothing. He� didn�t care. I didn�t matter. All the years� meant nothing. I thought� when he told everyone� I thought things would be different. But they�re just the same, except now everyone knows I belong to him. They know I lied� all this time.�

Strong arms enfolded him, shifted him to sit in the other man�s lap. Gentle kisses were lightly placed, tears wiped away. Goten pressed against the solid chest, his own hands reaching up to clutch the man�s shoulder�s, sobbing quietly. �I miss Daddy.�

�I know. But he is dead, Goten. Nothing can ever bring him back. All that survived of him was his love. And that, you still have.�

�I know. But� I miss� I want my daddy��

�Shh.� Vegeta scooped Goten up, carried him back to the bed. �He still loves you, very much. That love carried over. Kuroichi would never have played your father�s part otherwise.� His tone got slightly harsher. �Don�t lie to me about your bruises again, boy. I�d thought they were from sparring. I�d just� hoped so much that I was wrong� hoped so much that another Saiyan wasn�t going through what your father and I did. I had heard you scream, but I believed you. I wanted to believe you. I wanted to believe my son couldn�t be as bad as the men who ruined my life and helped ruin your father�s. I wanted to believe he was better than I am. Than I was.� He brushed a light kiss across Goten�s lips. �I� expect you to tell him.�

�I will. I promise.� Goten reached up, locking his arm around Vegeta�s neck. �Vegeta?�

�Yes?�

�Why� why did you come? Tonight?�

Vegeta chuckled. �I wanted to play a song for Kuroichi. And you, whelp, had swiped the CD. Your father is the best thing about me� just as you are the best thing about Trunks. Never forget that, Goten.� He allowed himself to be pulled down, accepting the lingering kiss his lover�s son gave him.

�I won�t forget, Vegeta. Thank you.� Goten settled quietly against the pillows, watching as Vegeta removed the CD and slipped from the room. �I won�t forget.�

Twenty-seven years worth of habit didn�t break overnight. Goten soon found himself on hands and knees, scrubbing furiously at the blood marring the floor. Occasionally, he cast a glance at Trunks, ensuring that his lavender-haired lover was still soundly sleeping. More messy than I thought, for hardly being able to move. I wonder how much longer� no. No. I promised Vegeta. I promised to tell. Maybe� maybe tonight, I shouldn�t clean it up. Maybe this time I should� should just leave the mess, let the bots clean it later. Let Trunks see what I do� Maybe that would be best?

He sat back on his heels, one hand still moving to mop up the blood he�d spilled. Slowly, he rose, going to sit in the chair, turning it to face the eastern windows. He huddled into it, shivering. He�s going to be upset with me. Mad maybe, because of the mess. I�ve been through that before, him being upset because I cut myself. This time� this time, I have to tell him why. I promised.

His eyes closed, his troubled mind finally drifting into sleep.

��dare you!� He woke to a stunning blow, topping from the chair to the floor. More blows, kicks to his unprotected stomach. He tried to curl up, tried to protect himself. �You want to die so badly?�

He rolled, one arm already useless, broken. Ribs cracked in response to the savage kicks. His mind numbly registered the words, the anger; his instincts kept him moving to avoid as many of the blows as he could. Most hit. More bones broke. He knew he should be screaming, but he couldn�t hear anything except the sickening thud of flesh on flesh and the sharp cracking of his bones. At last, it was over. He lay in a broken heap, barely able to breath. There were more words, angry ones that came as if from a great distance. He understood them, his soul screaming in pain as the meaning burst over him.

Boot heels thumped across the floor. Something scraped, then the sound of the boots coming closer. He gagged on the bean the other thrust in his mouth. �I want you to remember this. I loved you. I really did. I loved you so much I even stood up to your mother for you� and all you did was try and kill yourself again.�

Trunks was gone before he got his shattered mind and scattered wits back together. Goten got unsteadily to his feet, blinking back the tears he didn�t dare shed, looking around the room. He�d have to get his things. His things� which were all still in the small capsule in the pocket of the pants next to the bed. The other four changes of clothes he had here were down in the laundry room.

He dragged the clothes on, moving quietly to the dresser to pick up the only other thing he owned. He popped the capsule only long enough to add the photo to the rest of the junk before leaving the room. His stop for his other clothes was short; he did nothing but grab them up before slipping out the laundry door. Only a few minutes later, he was airborne, a fast vanishing speck in the sky. I�m sorry, Vegeta. I couldn�t keep my promise.

He crept into the room, carefully putting his things away. Some things, he returned to the capsule. They weren�t anything he needed, but things he wasn�t yet ready to give up. And when he was no longer able to stall, he crept back down the stairs.

A meal waited for him on the table; he ate it mechanically, slowly, barely tasting it. He put his dish in the sink, washed the dishes. Slipped outside to cut the firewood. Moved from that to weeding the garden. Went to the market, put away what he�d bought. Ate again. Cleaned the dishes again. Put them away, laid a fire in the hearth.

He sat silently through the tirade that finally broke, not offering to defend himself or his father. His head drooped lower and lower, his shoulders slumping more than they had been. At last, it ended, and he whispered a quiet assent to the demands made before silently making his way upstairs. He laid on the bed. Dry-eyed, he stared at the ceiling, nails biting into his palms, waiting for his punishment to begin.

�I haven�t seen Goten around,� Kuroichi yanked another shirt on. �He usually comes in once a day� Trunks tie him to the bed?�

�Trunks went on a business trip. I imagine Goten went with him,� Vegeta replied, his smile slightly strained. He spent a moment to examine the effect of the latest outfit he�d told Kuroichi to put on, the smile becoming a sexy smirk. �You�ve finally filled out enough to look good in that.�

Kuroichi snorted, striking a provocative pose. �Do you think so?�

Vegeta pinned him to the bed. �I think it�d look better off.�

Pure Goku laughter filled the room, a mischievous twinkle in the sparkling black eyes. �But, Vegeta, you�re laying on top of me! I can�t possibly take it off!� The phone rang, both men ignored it, continuing their play. By the twelfth ring, both were glaring at the annoyance. �I better answer it,� Kuroichi decided glumly when it rang again. �No machine, and I don�t want you breaking it!�

He picked up the receiver, purring a hello as Vegeta continued to tease him. A moment later, the purr was gone, and his eyes had hollowed. Tears formed, began slowly sliding down his face. The handset dropped back into its cradle. Kuroichi bit his lower lip, then threw himself on Vegeta.

�What�s wrong?�

Kuroichi said nothing, weeping so hard he could barely breathe, much less speak. Vegeta spent a considerable amount of time trying to calm him down before repeating his question.

�My son�� came the whisper, �went back to my wife.� Haunted eyes lifted; long, drenched lashes seeming even more dark against the sudden pallor of already pale skin. �He said� he would� wouldn�t be� Trunks� whore anymore. He didn�t� want to be beaten so badly again. He� said� his mother� isn�t�� His eyes darted away, teeth digging into full lips as he tried to keep enough control to tell Vegeta what Goten had said. �His mother isn�t as cruel when she rapes him� and he would� would��

Vegeta gathered him close, crooning gently as his lover dissolved into incoherency again. There was no need for the shaken man to complete the sentence: Vegeta understood. Goten had taken his father�s place. His own eyes dampened as the full truth struck him. His son was worse than he had ever been. Trunks had driven his lover, and forever friend, away. He cradled the man he�d spent years trying to defeat or kill closer, offering all the comfort he had to give.

He knelt before the small stone, sorting through the remains of his former life. He�d never expected this. Never thought things could go so wrong. But they had. And he� he had to choose.

Slowly, two piles formed. Orange, dirty but still bright, and stained blues. A tear-stained photograph. A single, glowing orb. A few items carefully deliberated over, then set aside. The black mesh shirt his lover had liked so well, a favorite T-shirt, some leather pants. The small notes he cherished so dearly, a single silver chain. All these he set to one side, his heart wracked by the decision he knew he was making.

He undressed slowly, his hands clinging hopelessly to the last gift his lover had given him before things had gone so horribly wrong. Only for a moment did he allow it, his hands releasing, letting the clothes fall with the others he�d set aside.

The stained, weighted shirt was too heavy for him; he sagged beneath the weight. The dirty orange gi was torn, bloodstained, loose on his frame. He wrapped the belt tightly around his waist, deliberately making it uncomfortably tight.. Weighted cuffs replaced chi suppressors he tucked absently into the belt, weighted boots the soft shoes he�d put aside.

He encapsulated the few things he was keeping, securing that capsule in his belt. The other capsule soon held the rest of the items; he placed it beneath the engraved stone. �Rest in peace,� he whispered, a single tear slipping down his cheek as he read the inscription. He turned, looking to the city. �Vegeta� I�m sorry.�

He shot into the air, heading again to the small house he�d been sure he would never return to. He walked in, expecting heated words, recriminations, anger. He got silence. His presence wasn�t questioned. She�d merely looked at him and put another pan of food on to cook, another plate at the table.

He sat quietly, ate what she served him, waiting. The meal was consumed in silence. He helped clear the table, dried and put away the dishes she washed. Finally, the waiting ended.

�Why are you here?�

�This is my home�� he answered uncertainly, �� unless� you don�t� don�t want me here.�

Chi-Chi turned to look at him. He knew well enough what she saw. She saw a tired man in dirty clothes, a beaten, defeated man. �You came to me? Why? Did he beat you?�

He hung his head, ashamed. �� yes.�

�Why?� There was no true concern in the question, and it took him only a moment to realize she wasn�t asking why he�d been beaten.

�Please� I� I haven�t got anyone� I�� Not knowing what to say, he extended his hand. In it were the suppressors he�d brought with him. �If not� if not as family�� he forced out, �then� as��

She reached out, and his hand dropped, empty. The last hope he�d held drained from his eyes. �Go clean up. You know where to go after that.�

�Yes.� He made his way upstairs, pausing outside one door. His hand reached out slowly, turned the knob, let the door open. The room beyond was bright, cheerful. Teddy bears lined the bed, a toy dragon rested on the dresser. Carefully painted ceramic dragonballs surrounded the dragon. Pictures of family and friends lined the walls, were scattered here and there on the desk, dresser, bookshelf. But� the scent of despair hung heavily in the small room. Goten�s room. He closed his eyes, pulling the door shut. �My prince�� His lips formed the words, but no sound escaped.

---------------------------------

Vegeta: *sighs*

Jewel: *grins* Five rewrites later!

Goku: Ahhh� that part with Vegeta was sweet. An� thanks, Vegeta. You really are a good guy.

Vegeta: *smacks Jewel�s muse*

Muse: *sketches furiously, holds up picture*

Vegeta: EEEEEEEEEEE! *flees*

Goku & Jewel: !!!

Jewel: Destroy that!

Goku: I want a copy!

Jewel & Muse: !!!!!

Goku: *grins* I can use it for blackmail.

Jewel & Muse: *.* !!!!

Goku: You don�t think threatening to show that to Bulma would keep Chi-Chi from screaming at me all the time?

Jewel & Muse: *huge sighs of relief*

Jewel: Come to think of it, threatening to write a story based on that would keep Vegeta in line pretty well too.

Muse: *nods* But don�t ask me to help with it.

Other muse: Me either. Domination is not my style. Especially that kind!

Jewel: *grins* Ah, I�d lose all my readers for that one. *sticks idea in non-museable file*
Aww� Unforgivable�s up to 56 pages now! (70 with author notes and commentaries) And for those of you who read my lj, this is not the version that would have been posted. This one, one and a half rewrites later (Goku: Are you sure? Jewel: NO! Shut up!), is better. There�s an element or two I�m still not completely happy with (Muse: WHATTTT!), but obviously, someone else considered it acceptable. (Muse: *frowns, looks over chapter. Begins to look thoughtful.) Although, by the time it gets posted, it may have been revised yet again. *goes back up to review part she isn�t sure of* There! That�s so much better! (Feb 24). *more rewriting* (2/29)
Me apologizes profusely for the delays! I�d hoped to have gotten this chapter out, couldn�t, and wound up rewriting it about another four or five times before the final version finished up the 29^th! I�m a lot more pleased with it, I finally managed to get Vegeta to sound like he should�ve. You know, one of these days, I�m going to have to get around to redeeming Trunks�.. And we are now on another revision of the former revisions� 3/10... I want to post, dammitall!
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Unforgivable