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Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter contributed by : moviefan

(A/N: I've been sick for a cold, but you're great reviews certainly made me feel better. Seems like a lot of people liked the last chapter. As this chapter title indicates, 18 is going to be doing so serious soul searching. She's very confused about what she's feeling. Remember, she's in love with Trunks, but now she remembers how much she hates him. Things will get interesting.)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter 49: Inner Struggle
18 was gone the next morning. This worried Trunks. Last night, he had even began to question 18's mental health. Was it trauma, or perhaps brain damage? He doubted it had anything to do with her data bank, but he couldn't rule it out. But whatever caused 18's emotional breakdown, it worried him deeply.
"She's not hurting anyone." Bulma told him. "So it should be all right. Even your father threw massive temper tantrums at times. He really broke down when Goku died."
Trunks sighed. "I just wish she'd come back so we could help her."
"She said this was a personal problem. So we might not be able to help her. But if she does want our help, we'll be there for her."
Trunks hated to admit it, but his mother was right. If 18 didn't want his help, then there was nothing he could do. But he would be there for her. He just hoped that she would come back soon.
A few hours later, she did. But she behaved very coldly towards them, not speaking to them at all. In fact, she completely ignored them. She stayed locked in the guest room all the time.
'That seems to be a habit she has when she's upset.'
He still didn't know what had set her off, but he was determined to get to the bottom of it. Only he couldn't do that if she kept shutting him out. No matter what he said or what he did, she refused to acknowledge him with anything else besides anger.
Anger he could deal with, but it was the utter loathing he saw in her eyes that concerned him the most. In fact, the look he saw in her eyes reminded him of her darker days, as if she had reverted back to her destructive self.
But that was impossible. Her memories of that time were gone, so was her programming. And the new programming his mother had installed in her classified her as a protector. Besides, as his mother pointed out, she hadn't hurt anyone. Sure she'd thrown a few nasty fits, and she had attacked him, but he could handle it.
Suddenly feeling impatient, he stormed up to the guest room, realizing that this had been the second time she had taken over his sleeping arrangements.
"18, open the door!" he hollered.
"Go away!"
He didn't back down. "No, now, or so help me I'll break down the door!"
The door opened and an angry looking 18 appeared. "Leave me alone! I have a lot to think about!"
"I want to know what's going on. Why are you acting this?"
"You'll find out soon enough! Until then, stay away from me!"
She slammed the door in his face. Trunks' fists clenched tightly in aggravation. Why wouldn't she talk to him? He'd be able to handle this a whole lot better if she just told him what was wrong.
'Tomorrow.' He decided. 'I'll give her until tomorrow, and that's it.'
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That night as Trunks slept, 18 snuck into his room. But not for the reason she had after the final battle with Baby. No, this time her intent was to kill. No matter how powerful he was, if she struck while he slept, she would be able to kill him.
She stood over his bed, waves of energy radiating off her. The mighty saiyan continued to sleep, completely unaware of her presence. The only sound was of her heavy breathing.
She stared down at him, laying there completely helpless, her eyes shining with anger. 'It's time for you to pay for what you did to me.' She raised her hand, glowing with energy. 'One strike, and that will end it.'
She remained standing over him, her hand posed to strike. She bit her lower lip, her hand shaking. Countless seconds passed where she stood, ready to end his life. She tried to bring down her hand to finish him, but her body wasn't cooperating.
'What the hell is wrong with me? It's not the protection programming that was installed. But for some reason, I just can't bring myself to do it.' Her temper flared. 'Why, why not? After everything he did to me. He allowed me to believe that... He even fucked me, several times. Besides, he killed 17. He deserves this. He deserves to die. And when have I ever needed a reason to kill anyone anyway.'
With these thoughts running through her head, she struck. Her hand froze less than an inch from his face. She was visibly trembling now. Her eyes were wide and wild, her teeth gritted together tightly. Why had she stopped? She had been so close. She had wanted to kill him for years, and now she actually had a reason to kill him. And a chance, perhaps her only chance. And not only was she hesitating, but she seemed to be unable to do it at all.
With a frustrated groan, she pulled her hand back and stepped away. Her whole body shook as she tried to collect herself. 'Why can't I do it? I want to, so badly, but... but I also don't want to. I don't want him to die. Why don't I want him to die? How can I not want him to die.'
She backed away, creeping out of the room. She had to get away from him. She had to get out of this house. She felt like she was suffocating in here.
She rushed outside and took to the air, breathing heavily. She hugged herself, her whole body trembling, but not from the cold. She was infuriated with herself for not being able to finish him. After everything he had done, she couldn't do it.
'The fucking bastard violated me! He stuck himself inside me and used me like a common whore!'
But that wasn't true, and she knew it. It had been she who had seduced him. He'd resisted her for months, telling her time and again that he didn't want her, but she had persisted until he had finally given in. Even after the first time, he kept resisting. If anyone was responsible for all the sex they had, it was her. Even now, the memories of their intimate moments made her feel warm inside.
'He lied to me. Said he was my boyfriend.'
But now that she remembered everything, and could piece it all together, she noticed how obvious the sarcasm in his voice had been when he had said he was her boyfriend. He had been trying to spite her. She had been the one too stupid to pick up on his sarcastic tone.
'He killed 17. Murdered him!'
As if that had been anything new. He had been trying to kill her and her brother for years, and vice versa. He had been trying to save lives, and since the protective programming had been installed in her, she too knew the fierce desire to want to protect.
'He tried to change me. Make me something I'm not. Dr. Gero did the same thing. He's just as guilty as that madman!'
But what was he supposed to do? Tell her the truth? Tell her that she was a ruthless killing machine? At the time, such a discovery would have been appalling to her. It was strange how could simply forgetting her past changed her character so much?
She probably wouldn't have believed him anyway had he told her the truth. And even if she did, then what? It seemed as if Trunks had had only two choices, kill her or lie to her.
Actually, now that she thought about it, why hadn't he killed her? He must have hated her more than anything else. But he'd spared her, taken a risk with letting her live. And in doing so, he'd given her a chance at life again. A chance to be happy again.
The realization shocked her. Yes, now that she thought about it, during these past few months, she had been happier than she had ever remembered being. She never enjoyed life like this when she was a killer.
She suddenly felt afraid. 'What has he done to me? Why am I feeling this way? WHAT THE HELL HAS HE DONE TO ME?'
Her power exploded outward, her energy crackling around her. The earth shook as her power rose. Her energy couldn't be felt, but the shaking of earth that it caused certainly could. And it was because of this that Trunks woke up.
"What the hell?"
He ran to the window. He saw 18 floating in the air, her power crackling around her. Swearing, he hurried outside. Now her screams rose with her rising power. The entire planet was shaking under her might.
"18, stop it!" he shouted. "What are you doing? Cut it out!"
She turned to him, glaring daggers. If looks could kill, he'd be dead right now. "Stay away me!" She took off. Trunks swore again and sped after her. He called out for her to stop, and she did, but only long enough to deliver the following message. "Don't follow me!"
She followed this up with a blast of energy. Trunks dodged the blast, but while he had been distracted, 18 had put on a burst of speed and vanished, leaving him hovering alone in the air, unable to sense where she had gone.
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18 had landed in the park, hiding from view. She waited for him to leave before breathing a sigh of relief and coming out of hiding. She glared at his retreating figure, frowning. She still couldn't figure out why she wasn't able to bring herself to kill him.
Had she developed feelings for the saiyan? She still remembered everything she felt before she regained her memories. She had definitely been very fond of him, and she had, and still did, find him very attractive. She also remembered what she had almost said to him that one night they made love.
No, they hadn't made love. They'd fucked, screwed, messed around, simply had sex, nothing more.
But that was a lie, and she knew it. There really was a difference between having sex and making love. There was emotion and feeling involved, not just lust. And there had definitely been some very strong emotions between the two of them. She didn't want those feelings to be there, but they were there nevertheless.
But no, she would refuse to believe that what she was feeling was love. Strange how just a few days ago her heart would have leapt joyfully at the thought, but now she just felt sick.
'I need to get my killer instinct back.' She decided.
Just then she sensed someone approaching. No, make that two people. That was ironic. Just as she was thinking that she needed someone to kill, two perfect victims appear.
They were a young couple, perhaps fifteen or sixteen years old. 18 grinned upon seeing them. Poor kids, their romantic late night stroll was about to end in their deaths.
Moving rapidly, she suddenly appeared in front of them. They both jumped, startled by her sudden appearance.
"Whoa, who are you?" the boy asked.
"And where'd you come from?" asked the girl.
18 smirked at them. "It doesn't matter who I am or where I came from." She raised her hand, a ball of energy forming in her palm. "All that matters is where you'll soon be going."
The ball of energy grew larger. The boy and girl jumped back fearfully. "Hey, what are you doing?" asked the former.
18 laughed. "Poor fools. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
She stood over them with her gathered energy. Any moment now she would release it. But the seconds ticked by, and still she had not yet unleashed her attack. For some reason this just didn't seem all that appealing. Killing and destruction had been her thing. She'd thrived on it. But now it just seemed pointless and felt... wrong.
That was weird. Since when had right or wrong mattered to her? Was it the new programming she received? Not really. Before, her programming had told her to kill like a little nagging voice in the back of her head. But that hadn't been why she did it. She'd killed because she wanted to.
Now her programming was telling her not to kill. But she could easily ignore it and kill if she wanted to. The problem was that she didn't want to.
The ball of energy in her hand disappeared and she lowered her arm. Frustrated, she glared at the couple. "Guess this is you're lucky day after all."
Without another word, she took off, leaving the stunned and bewildered couple behind. She needed to more time to think about this. Perhaps a few days of soul searching away from everyone else was what she needed.
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18 had been gone for five days now. After the second day, Trunks had been going out to find her. But since he couldn't sense her energy, he was no different than anyone else trying to find a missing person.
Bulma sighed as she worked on a new type of engine that should speed up space travel even more. She looked out the window, wondering if Trunks had managed to find 18. She was worried about the android. She still didn't know what had set her off, but she hoped it would all work itself out in the end.
Hearing the door open and close, she looked up, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. "Trunks, is that you? You're back early."
She went to greet him. But it wasn't Trunks, it was 18, much to Bulma's surprise, though she didn't know why since 18 didn't exactly have anywhere else to go. "Oh, 18, you came back." 18 just glared at her and walked by without saying anything. Bulma scowled, irritated that she still had such a bad attitude. "Hey, you shouldn't just disappear like that. Trunks has been worried sick. He's been searching for you for days."
18 stopped and glanced at her. "He's looking for me?"
"Of course he is!" Bulma snapped. "I just said he's been worried sick! He's out there looking for you right now!"
With a growl, 18 looked away. "Why should I care?"
Bulma glared at her. "All right, that's enough! I don't know what's gotten into you, but it's gotta stop! You're really upsetting Trunks with the way you're behaving! He really cares a lot about you, you know!" Her eyes narrowed. "You better not hurt my son or else you'll have to deal with me!"
18's eyes narrowed in return. "Are you threatening me?" she asked dangerously.
"You bet I am!" Bulma shouted. "What are you going to do about it?"
A sinister look appeared in 18's eyes.
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The rain was coming down around him, having started a while ago. Yet Trunks had continued his search for another four hours before finally making his way back home.
'No luck again.' he thought. 'Where could she be, I'm really getting worried.'
As Capsule Corp. came into sight, he saw something that concerned him. A cloud of smoke was hovering over the place, emitting from a busted window.
"Oh no, what happened!" He quickly flew in through the broken window. The inside was a wreck, as if a battle had taken place. "Mom! Mom, where are you?"
He heard some coughing. "Oh, Trunks, there you are. I thought you'd come back once it started raining."
Trunks looked around. "What happened here?"
She sighed. "The stupid engine I was working gone blew up on me." She motioned to the broken engine, which was where the smoke was coming from. "Just look at this mess."
Trunks sweat-dropped. "Yeah, it's pretty bad. I'll help you clean up."
Bulma waved smoke out of her face. "Don't bother, thing's will probably get a lot messier before I'm done. Oh, by the way, 18's back."
Trunks did a doubletake. "What, she came back? When?"
Bulma checked her watch. "Oh, I'd say about five or six hours ago. She's still pretty moody though."
Trunks was afraid of that. "Don't worry, I'll talk to her. She in her room?"
Bulma shook her head. "No, she went outside."
"What?" He looked out at the pouring rain. "She can't be. She would have come in with the weather like this."
"Actually," Bulma told him, turning back to the engine, "she went outside when it started raining. Probably to meditate or something. I never understood that whole meditating under a waterfall thing."
Trunks raised an eyebrow at this. 'She deliberately went outside in the rain?'
"I think she's on the roof." Bulma told him. "You better get her to come in. She still has organic parts, so I don't know if she can catch colds or not."
Trunks nodded in agreement and went out to find her. She was indeed on the roof, facing the sky with her eyes closed. She stood there without an umbrella, completely soaked, but not seeming to care.
"18, where have you been?" he asked angrily. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
She ignored him, continuing to let the rain pour over her. Trunks raised an eyebrow at her silence. There was something strange about the way she was standing there. For some reason, he imagined that she was standing there in an attempt to purify herself, letting the rain wash away everything.
"Hey, don't ignore me!" Trunks snapped angrily. "You disappear for days after throwing several tantrums, and then I come back to find you standing here in the rain. Just what is you're problem?"
Slowly her eyes crept open. She lowered her head and brushed a strand of wet hair out of her face before slowly turning to him. There was something different in her eyes again. She was staring at him strangely, almost in a curious way, as if she were searching for something.
The strange look caught him off guard, surprising the anger out of him. "18, what...?"
She moved towards him slowly. When she was standing in front of him, she grabbed his wet shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Her other hand tangled in his hair, holding him to her as she forced her tongue into his mouth, seeking out his.
Her sudden change in attitude shocked him. Just what was going on with her? Less than a week ago she had been appalled by his touch, now she was initiating intimacy again.
He pulled away, giving her a bewildered look. "Wait, what are you doing?"
"Shut up." She hissed, and moving towards him again. "I want to see something."
Again she kissed him and began grabbing at his clothes, slipping her hands under his shirt to feel his muscular chest. She was being very aggressive, but Trunks found that he rather liked it. His arms came up around her, holding her close.
18 pushed him back until he hit the wall. The sudden impact reminded Trunks that they were outside, and that it was raining rather hand. Shifting his hands to hold her shoulders, he pulled her away from him.
"Let's at least go inside and do this." he told her.
"No!" She grabbed his shirt and tore it open. "Right here, right now!"
Bending down, she kissed every square inch of flesh she could find, scraping her nails over his chest and nibbling every now and then. Trunks gasped when she bit his nipple and pulled her up again, his lips finder hers. He too began grabbing at her clothes. His hands reached under her shirt, seeking out her bra, and he tore it from her body.
18 grasped Trunks' torn shirt and tore it the rest of the way down his torso. Trunks lowered his arms, only long enough to let his shirt drop to the floor. Then he sought out the curves of her body again.
Ripping open the top few buttons of her shirt, his lips ran over her skin, sucking the water droplets from her neck and shoulders. 18 leaned back, holding onto his shoulders so she wouldn't fall. She inhaled deeply as he gave her a love bite. Letting go with one hand, she lifted her shirt up, exposing her flat stomach to him and Trunks turned his attention there, running kisses over it. 18 gasped in delight as his tongue circled around her bellybutton, lapping up the water that had gathered there.
It wasn't enough. She needed more, more skin-to-skin contact. She yanked at his hair, forcing him to stand up straight. Then she reached down and pulled her drenched shirt up and over her head. Trunks arms wrapped around her, pulling her naked chest in contact with his. They moaned in delight as her soft breast pressed against his hard chest.
She lifted a leg, allowing her to rub up against his knee. Keeping one hand on his shoulder for balance, she stuck the other one into his pants. Trunks groaned as her fingers wrapped around him. He savored the feel of her hand working over him as he stuck both hands into her pants, cupping and massaging her rear.
18 sighed, removing her hand from his pants and up to his chest again, as she gave him a love bite of her own on his neck. She wanted to feel all of him all at once, and she wanted him to feel all of her. One of her hands reached for one of his, shifting it from her back to her front. She moaned loudly as his fingers found her center, sinking inside her. She arched against him, her own hand slipping back into his pants again. For several long agonizing seconds, they teased each other with gentle caresses.
Trunks groaned against her lips. He wanted to taste her. Dropping to his knees, he ripped her pants down and his mouth took over where his fingers left off. 18 cried out loudly, her hands tangling in his hair as he tasted her sweetness. She pressed his face against her inner thigh, not wanting him to stop.
'Still not enough.' She wanted the real thing. Pulling on his hair none too gently, she brought him back up to lock with his lips again. She could taste herself on his tongue and it drove her wild.
He couldn't take it anymore. With his hands busy touching every part of her they could reach, he used his tail to slide his pants down and off. Once he was freed from his confinement, he pressed up against her, swallowing the moan she released. Holding onto her tightly, he lifted her up and spun them around so it was she who was pressed against the wall.
Kicking off her shoes, 18 wrapped her legs around. She told him what she wanted, and he gave it to her, slamming into her warmth in one hard thrust. 18 cried out loudly, holding herself against him as tight as she could, running her hands up and down his back. He thrusted into her furiously, the strength behind his thrusts denting the steel wall behind her.
They made love there on the roof in an animalistic frenzy, the storm and outdoors completely forgotten as they lost themselves in each other. A flash of lightning tore across the sky as thunder rumbled loudly in time with their cries of pleasure.
Trunks didn't know how long they went at it, but soon she was squealing in pleasure in his arms as she reached her climax. That's when he lost it completely. He slammed into her harder. The increase of speed set her off again, and more waves of white-hot pleasure swam over her.
Feeling her clenching around him was his undoing. He slammed into her one last time as deeply as he could go and exploded with a loud groan. The feeling of his warmth spreading through her brought on a third orgasm and 18 screamed her delights to the heavens.
Afterwards, Trunks carried her to the guest room, moving at speeds too fast to be seen. There they continued their intimate activities at a much slower pace.
In the midst of their sensual activities, Trunks became aware of a small quiet chant that 18 had begun to whisper as she moved against him. "I love you... I love you... I love you..."
She didn't even seem to be aware that she was saying it, nor did she seem to hear herself whispering those words. But Trunks heard them, and it seemed to open up a whole new world of feeling.
When they were both finally satiated, they collapsed on the bed. Trunks laid on top of her, feeling his strength seep out of his body. 18 didn't mind his weight. In fact, she enjoyed it. And when he began to roll off her, she locked her legs around him, holding him deep inside her.
"Don't leave me." she whispered.
Trunks relaxed on top of her, holding her tightly. He planted kisses against her neck until exhaustion finally settled in and pulled him into the darkness.
18 stayed underneath him, running her hands up and down his back. She was fully aware of what she had just done. She had initiated the sex, demanded it of him, and had responded to his passion. And this time she had known exactly who she was and what she was doing. She hadn't really been sure what she had been looking for by doing this, but she believed that she found her answer.
A small smile crept up her face as she too fell asleep.
(A/N: Just before the lemon, when she said that she wanted to see something, she meant see how she truly felt while being intimate with him. Looks like she got her answer, and it seems like 18 has settled things for now. But Trunks and Bulma still don't know she's remembered. Will she tell them? Will they find out on their own? Will they find out at all? Next chapter gets really interesting.)
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