Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Lost	By : Spacefille Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5972 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Lost
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-part 5
- 4
- 5
Okay folks�
this got happier. I�m not happy� actually all I wanted to do was write dark
angst and sex� plot got in the way. I also really suck at death fics. :p So after all that the
only real direction for this fic to go was up.

~~~~

Part 5

Vegeta first person narrative

~~~~

I
awake out of a haze of nothingness and stare at a ceiling above me. For some reason that ceiling strikes me as odd.

It�s
not a ceiling I�m used to seeing. But it is familiar. Distantly.

There
is something purple haired hovering inches from my face. I blink and turn my
head to stare at it. It takes seconds, long slow painful seconds, for my mind
to process that.

Trunks. It�s Trunks. He�s okay.

The
face moves.

Curves. Smiles.

�Hey Dad,� He says softly.

Why
aren�t I dead?

�How?� I croak. My voice is rusty from misuse. Either that
or my throat has been rubbed raw.

�Piccolo�
he came to save us.� My son says. His voice cracks at the end of his sentence.

There is something wrong
with him. Tears fill his eyes though he is smiling. I frown, but do not
comment.

�I�m glad you�re alive Dad,� He says softly.

I�m not. I shut my eyes.

� only
to open them again an instant later. �Kakarrot?� I
question. His name rolls off my tongue thickly. I feel a dart of fear, no
reason attached, go through me. Why am I afraid�?

The smile fades from Trunk�s
face. �He�� The eyes look away. �He�s not doing so well.�

Trunk�s words feel like a lead
weight in my stomach.

I am hungry. But that is not
important.

I remember then. The images
flash through my brain slowly� but with gaining speed. Most are blurred. Hazy. I remember the last one though.

� him
strangling me. The look on his face, of anguish.

Pain.

Numbly I bring a hand up to
feel my throat. There is nothing, no rough skin, no pain.

I must have looked confused.

�Dende
saved you,� My son says.

I refocus on him. There is
someone standing behind him, a hand on his shoulder.

I look past Trunks at the
new person. � Gohan.

Gohan?

He smiles, slightly.

I frown and look back at my
son. �Where are *they*?� I ask.

Trunks
follows me. �Gohan blew up their
ship.�

I glare at Kakarrot�s son.

Gohan
looked contrite. �I�m sorry, I know you would have probably liked to--�

�Where is Kakarrot?� I
question, cutting him off. My voice is already gaining strength. My thoughts are clearing. I need Kakarrot
though. I need to know that he�s okay. If I survived, he has had to as well. Must. Where is he?

I roll, trying to sit up on
the bed. My muscles hurt. Dende did a bad job of
healing me. Or he had trouble healing me because�.

I don�t want to think about
that.

�Where?� I
ask again, looking around. This is my wife�s medical room� there is another
bed, but no Kakarrot.

Unfortunately my body is too
weak to get up off the bed. I slump, almost fall over. Trunks
catches me on one side, Gohan on the other,
and both push me back on the bed. I jerk my arm out of Gohan�s
grasp.

Gohan
backs off obediently, his hand held up passively. �He�s alive.� He says calmly
from his safe distance a couple of feet away. �He�ll be okay,
Piccolo is talking to him right now.�

I grunt, and lay back.
Kakarrot is not okay. But right now I am too weak to care. Weak and hungry�

�Food?� I
ask after a second or so.

Trunks
grins. �I�ll go get some.� He says. He looks at Gohan for half a second and leaves the room.

I catch that look between
them. And the odd way Gohan shuffles nervously from
foot to foot.

I sneer. But I�m too tired
to inquire. �I want to see Kakarrot,� I say stubbornly.

My stomach turns.

Heaves. I
do not want to see Kakarrot. I am scared to see Kakarrot.

�He�s not doing so well.� Gohan�s eyes are sad, but serious.

�He�s weaker than me.� I say
simply. It is true. The drugs are gone from my system. I am drained but right
now I am okay. My memories are coming back. Kakarrot had no drugs. No revolving
nightmare. No excuse. Nothing to hide.

�You had some pretty rough
times as well,� Gohan says simply. His voice is soft
and there is meaning behind his words. He knows.

I sneer at him, packing as
much loathing as I can behind the glare. The glare covers the panic. I didn�t
want him to know� I didn�t�. no. I shove the feelings back. Trunks must have
told him. Trunks must have seen. What is done is done. I�ll deal with this�
later.

�It�s not like I haven�t
survived worse.� I say haughtily, swinging my legs over the side of the bed
again. I want to get up. This room is suffocating me.

The skeptical look on Gohan�s face says a lot.

I NEED to get up, get out.
It�s too stuffy in here. I�m drowning. My feeling are going to over whelm me,
explode� and when they do everything here is going to go with it.

My power begins to build
around me. It gives me the strength I need. I push off� stand. I push Gohan away from me, the damned meddling fool that he is.

My
power goes berserk. It�s been so long since I felt it�s
welcome warmth. I turn abruptly and raise a hand.

I blast a hole in the side
of the building, partly without meaning to. But it�s the way out I crave so
desperately.

Gohan is yelling at me to stop now, tugging on my arm. I
ignore him, besides to shove him away violently with my elbow. He smashes
against the back wall. I don�t care. One step, two and I blast off.

I am
on Earth. They have brought me back to Earth.

Maybe
that was a bad idea� I am dark with rage. I want to destroy something.

I
want to destroy the people who did this to me.

But
they are dead� I seethe. I want to kill Gohan for
taking that right away from me.

Letting
out a howl I blast the earth below me. One explosion. Two. I keep it up for who knows how many miles, leaving a
path of destruction in my wake.

I
feel guilty immediately after� Kakarrot wouldn�t like it if I mark up his
precious earth. God help me if people were down there.

The
thought of restraining myself because of Kakarrot makes me angrier. I scream
and rear back, gathering enough energy cause the planet serious damage. At the
last minute I remember myself. I swerve the energy blast off course. It takes
more energy than I think have. For a heart stopping moment I think it is going
to hit, but then it doesn�t. It sideswipes the planet then veers harmless off
into space.

I am
grateful. I need to calm down.

I
look up.

And start, despite myself. The fuck--?

Arms
folded across his chest, frown on his green face, cape waving in the breeze. Piccolo. I give him a bit of a shell shocked look. What is
he doing here?

�Let�s
talk,� Piccolo grunts. It�s not a request. It�s an order.

For a half a second I consider
declining.

Then
I realize that will probably be a bad idea.

I nod
after enough seconds have crept by. I will follow him.

He
turns then and makes for the ground.

He
lands by the shores of a small lake. I do as well.

As
soon as my feet touch down and my power is no longer needed to keep me
elevated, I stumble. Exhausted. I sit on the ground.

Piccolo
gives me a look. Wordlessly he flies off away from me.

I
stare after him. Where the fuck is the Namek going?
I�m too weak to get up and follow him...

He is
back less than a minute later. He is holding a small furry creature, a rabbit, in
his hand. The rabbit is struggling, kicking, trying to get free. He holds it
out to me wordlessly.

I
grin ferally. I wrench the creature from his hand and
sink my teeth into it. Blood splurts
out from between my teeth. It stops struggling.

I eat
it in less than the minute it took Piccolo to catch it. The Namek
merely watches, an eyebrow raised. I imagine that is
academic curiosity on his face.

I am
still licking my fingers free of blood (where are my gloves?) when Piccolo sits
beside me. (that�s right, I�m still in hospital
clothes.)

We
sit in silence for a while. My mind drifts.

�Son
is not doing so well,� Piccolo says finally, his voice a deep rumble.

At
the mention of Kakarrot, my mind is wrenched back from drifting, cruelly. I
don�t want to return to that place. I grumble unhappily, and glare at the Namek.

He
ignores the fact that he�s being glared at.

I
finally look away again and frown at the ground. �I don�t�� I don�t know how to
say this. I shut my eyes. My head hurts.

Piccolo
turns his head and looks at me, the expression on his face passive. Neutral. �He won�t do anything without being forced.� He
explains. �He won�t do anything but sit and stare at things blankly. He�s
barely eating��

�He�s
broken.� I reply bluntly. Even as I say it, something inside of me squeezes in
pain. They won.

�And
you�re the only one who can fix him.� Piccolo replies.

I
turn my head and stare at him. �Me?� I reply.

�He
seems to think he killed you,� Piccolo says dryly.

I say
nothing.

Piccolo
sighs. �I know what happened,� He rumbles finally.

�I
see my son talks a lot.� I say, a slight bit bitterly.

He
gives me a sharp look. �I didn�t find out from your son,� He says. �Bulma downloaded video from the ship before we destroyed
it.�

My
eyes widen. My wife� she has seen. I� I don�t know how to deal with this
information. My fists clench and unclench. I�m powering up, almost
unconsciously. The ground begins to shake.

Piccolo
is on his feet swiftly. Just as swiftly he takes off his cap and his turban.
�If you want to hit something, Vegeta,� He says
calmly, �Hit me. The Earth can�t hit back.�

I sit
there for a moment or so more, my teeth clenched, shaking before I can�t take
the pressure anymore. Letting out a cry of pure primal rage I launch myself at
him.

Piccolo
holds his own, always could, when I�m not a Super Saiyan. I definitely don�t have the strength to go Super Saiyan. Not yet.

We�re
pretty much evenly matched right now. I know Piccolo is doing this on purpose�
he is trying to distract me away from my dark thoughts.

It is
working. When we collapse on the ground several minutes later we are both out
of breath and worse for wear. I�m struggling to keep my eyes open. I am happy
though� or at least content. It is good to have my power back. I say as much.

Piccolo
grins back. We sit in the dirty amicably for a while until I decide to start
talking again. I owe him an explination. Or at least an attempt at one.

�I don�t remember much,� I
say finally, quietly. I rub my forehead wearily. �We must have been in there
more than a month. I made myself forget� I had to. Just� shut my brain off...�

He is
silent. Listening.

�I
knew what they were doing,� I continue. �They wanted this to happen. It was
either me or him�which one of us lost it first�� I trail off, then start up again, hesitantly. �I�ve been through a lot.
I�m used to being the worst at something, being powerless to stop things from
happening to me. Freiza,� My lip curled. �Put me
through hell for 15 years. I can take it.� I pause. �Kakarrot can not. He�s too
pure� too� human.� I flinch, trying to find the words to say what I want to
say. �I don�t know how they knew� but... they knew if they played it right, I
would break or kill Kakarrot and then it was just the finishing step to destroying
me completely.� I shrug. �I took the quick way out. I shouldn�t have. But I
didn�t want to be there anymore� so I let him kill me. I *made* him kill me.
Then you guys fucked up and saved me.� I glare at the Namek.

For
his credit he looks slightly amused.

I look away again. I�ve
never said so much to him before in my life. I also haven�t mentioned the
abuse� or Trunks role in all this. The threat of killing my
son. But that isn�t important now� now that he is safe. How would I
explain that anyway? I broke Kakarrot because they threatened to kill my son?
And he knew it too? That I broke Kakarrot� only me, not our capturers?

Out
of the corner of my eye I see Piccolo giving me a long look. I�m sure he knows
there is more. But in the end he doesn�t push it, merely looks away again. He
is silent for a while.

�Can
you face him again?� He asks.

I
stare fixedly at the lake. �I don�t know.� I reply. I wonder if it would just
be easier to pretend I�m dead. To pretend I hadn�t been raped by several men in
front of him, that we never had sex, that he had never held me in his arms and
comforted me� that this had NEVER HAPPENED.

�Would
you consider trying to face him again someday?� Piccolo asks. �Vegeta, you may be already dead but Son is dying. Slowly.�

I
turn my head and look at him long and hard. Then I swallow.

�I
will� consider,� I say finally.

Piccolo
nods. In Piccolo-speak that means �good enough�. He gets to his feet again.

�If
there is anything I can do to help, just let me know Vegeta,�
He says.

I nod
once in reply. There isn�t, but the sediment is nice.

With
that he is gone. Leaving me. Alone
with my thoughts.

Nightmares
haunt me, flitting at the edge of my consciousness. Blood.
Sex. Violation. Choking in bile. Kakarrot is no where to be found and I�m
not doing so well. I feel like I�m dying. I can�t die here, I think. If I die,
he will too.

I cry out. I�m back in the
cell again, drenched in sweat and panting in pain. He isn�t there and I called
for him and called for him�

When I awake it is dark.
Pitch dark, there is no moon and nothing alit around me. I cry out, and the
sound echoes throughout the night.

I am crying
now, still, tears streaming down my cheeks. I crawl closer to the tree I am
beside and huddle against it. Dream, just a dream, I keep reminding myself.
Just a dream�

I
can�t take it. I need Kakarrot to bundle me in his arms, to hold me tell me
it�s going to be okay. I�d snap at him, of course, fight him, but he would win.
I need this� I need him.

I
didn�t think I would ever be so co-dependant. If I wasn�t so frightened, I�d
hate my self.

Instead�

�KAKARROT!!� I
scream loudly, at the top of my lungs.

No
one comes. Of course.

Why
am I so afraid? I am sobbing, hurting, afraid of being alone.

This is agonizing.

�Kakarrot!� I
call out again, past my choked throat. I crouch there, my grief pouring out in
tears no one will ever understand.

The tears pass. So does most
of the feelings of anxiety. The fear remains, biting at me, demanding my
attention. I fight it. Silently.

I lay there. Curled in a ball, my back pressing against the tree. It is
solid strength� I need it.

I can�t fall back asleep. I
stare out over the darkened landscape, my eyes wide and fearful. I shiver in
the breeze. My eyelids are heavy now, but they will not fall.

I�m not aware of when I dose
off again.

This dream is decidedly more
pleasant. I am frightened� alone, unable to fight� but then he comes.

I hit him, angry at him.
What took him so long? Why did he wait? I was alone and scared and he didn�t COME�

�Shh,
Vegeta�� He says softly� soothingly.

I just� let myself be held.
I need this.

It is daylight when I wake
up again.

I stare up at the
suspiciously blue and happy sky for a long while, considering. Piccolo�s words
from the day before come back to me. He can�t come to me if he�s to broken to
function.

Which
means I have to go to him.

My lip curls. Fucking co-dependence.

I wish I were dead.

� Oh well. Not the first
time I�ve wished death on myself and came up short.

I get to my feet wearily. I
probably should go back and eat the woman�s food... and fix her friend� she�d
probably appreciate the fixing the friend part.

A faint flush covers my
cheeks at the fact that she saw some if not all of the humiliation I went
through. But those feeling are dulled, however slightly, by this last day of
being away from people. Also my wife is really really� understanding. I�ve tried to scare her with
all sorts of terrible things from my past� she hasn�t even blinked an eye.
Maybe because she�s too self absorbed to care�

I frown again. ... Anyway.

I take my sweet time getting
around to going home. I catch and eat more food. I swim through the lake to
wash off. I miss my gloves, and I hate the hospital clothes I am in.

Another
motivation to go back. I sigh.

Finally sometime in the
middle of the afternoon I get the guts up to go.

I land on the roof and take
one of the stair cases down. I go right to my room and take off my clothes,
replacing them with a pair of jeans, black gloves, red
shirt. Boots. I smirk. I feel better already, just
being back in clean clothes again. That are mine.

I walk down the halls,
finally emerging in one of the seating areas.

The room is occupied. My
eyebrow raises.

Gohan is laying on the couch� Trunks is
laying on top of him. They are talking in low tones,
their mouths are suspiciously close together. They appear happy,
both are smiling as they talk.

Something inside of me
wrenches. It isn�t anger.

I clear my throat pointedly.
It�s the most normal thing I�ve done since this entire fucking thing began.

Trunks
jerks away from Gohan, a stunned
scared look on his face. In his scramble he ends up on the floor. Gohan raises himself up on his elbows, faint red creeping
across his cheeks, his mouth hanging open slightly. I can see the gears working
as both try to figure out what to say.

Their reactions would amuse
me� if I was in the mood to be amused. �Where is Kakarrot?� I
bark.

Trunks
manages to fumble out the answer first. �Downstairs. Mom has
him in one of the guest rooms��

�Good.� I nod and walk
briskly by them. Out of the corner of my eye I see Trunks mouth is hanging open
now� as if he expected something more. Like he expects me to
react to the fact that he appears to have a thing going with on the adult son
of Kakarrot. Who is married.

Frankly I could care less.
Maybe before this entire thing happened I would have flipped out on him and
kicked Gohan out on his well sculpted behind� but not
now. If Trunks went through even a bit of the shit I did, he is going to need
someone to help him through it. Kakarrot�s son
appears to be doing an excellent job.

Good� for him.

I glower as I make my way
downstairs. I don�t want to be here I realize. But I also realize that I�m
being weak.

Face your
fucking fears, I growl at myself.

Finding
the guest room isn�t hard at all� especially since Kakarrot�s
chi has returned, however slightly, and I can sense him. The hall where his
guest room is is darkened. The room where he is in is
even darker. The curtains are drawn. There is about as much light in here as
was in the cell.

My
mind reacts to that on a primitive level. I actually go down in a defensive
crouch, prepared for an attack before I check myself.

I
lift my chin in the air. Kakarrot is sitting on the edge of the only bed in the
room, his head down. He didn�t look up when I came in the room� still doesn�t.

I
look at him for a moment or so� my mind decides now was a good time to remind
me that this man raped� well, had sex with me. However provoked that may have
been. However much he was trying to help me. It still happened. I feel bile
rising in my throat again� I force it back. Along with my
thoughts.

I
walk over to him, one, two, three strides. Hands on my hips.
Head high.

�Kakarrot,�
I sneer.

I am
unprepared for his reaction.

He
looks up at me. Eyes wide. For a long moment he just
stares at me, confused. Then something seems to click.

He
screams.

One
long, piercing wail.

His
eyes shut, he attempts to scramble back away from me.

Oh no you don�t. My reaction almost surprises myself. I grab
him and physically drag him back across the bed.

I�m
on top of him, wrists in my hands, trying to pin him. He continues to struggle,
screaming the entire time.

Fuck.

Even
better is the fact that the women chose that moment to run into the room.

She
stares, her impossibly blue eyes wide. I realize how this looks� with me on top
of a raving Goku, but I don�t have time to deal with
her.

I loose my grip and a
flailing arm catches me it the side of the face. I swear and scramble for the
wrist again. When I finally get it I look back up again. �Get out!� I roar at
the woman over Goku�s cries. �NOW!�

Her mouth falls open.

I tussle with Goku a bit more, trying to keep him under me. It isn�t
working so well. We roll off the bed and onto the floor. I finally get him
under me again and am able to look up again for half a second. �I know what I�m
doing woman!� I bark.

I actually don�t, well, not
completely, but it works to get the woman out of here.

Bulma
nods� backs up a step. Backs up another step. She
shuts the door.

Good. I let go for a second�
to ball my hand into a fist and hit Goku in the head.
One strike� two� finally he begins to calm. The sounds coming from him are soft
whimpers now. His eyes are still firmly closed� tears are streaming out from
under them. The stress is too much.

I let go of his arms to grip the side of his
head. �Kakarrot,� I growl. I shake his head. �Look.� Look at me you fucking bastard.

That sets off the struggling
again. I wrestle with him more, finally get him pinned. I slam his head into
the floor and grip the side of his face again, even as he tries to wrench it
free. �Look at me!� I snap.

�No!� He�s talking back now�
this is good. I guess. �You�re dead! Dead!�

Raving lunatic is not good.

�Do I fucking look dead to
you?� I snap back.

�You are,
I killed you! I killed you, I��

�Shut up Kakarrot, and open
your fucking eyes!� I retort, gripping his hair and
wrenching his head back in a way that most certainly will prove painful if he
continues to fight me.

He stops struggling slowly,
by degrees. I hold my breath. He opens his eyes.

The first thing I notice is
the raw pain in them. He is hurt. Hurting.

That is good. Hurt is good.
Hurt is something I can work with� something I can beat out of him.

�Vegeta?� He stammers.

I smirk at him, then grin�
baring my teeth.

He breaks down at that,
starts crying. But he isn�t reacting with denial now� the fight is over. He is
limp in my arms.

I crawl off of him, sit
beside him as he curls into a ball and sobs. I feel guilt. A strong warrior
like Kakarrot shouldn�t sound like this.

I did this. A voice whispers
that at me from the back of my mind. You did this to him.

I feel miserable. I twitch
uncomfortably as I watch him wade through his misery, his grief. I ended up being the one who broke him.

So how do I fix him?

I watch him for a minute
more. Another.

It then occurs to me. I can
do this.

I have to revert back.

Way back... to the way
things were before.

I get
to my feet and nudge him with my foot. �Stop sniveling Kakarrot.� I sneer. �So
much for being a great and mighty Saiyan�� my voice
is mimicking. Cruel.

The
tears stop slowly, as he regains some semblance of control. He hiccups, but
doesn�t look up. He�s listening though, that�s a good thing.

I
smirk. �Good. Are you done being a baby now?�

Wow, this is actually fun.

He
turns his head at that. Looks up. �Vegeta,�
He whispers. He�s confused.

I
fold my arms across my chest. And sneer superiorly down at him. �I have no time
for this Kakarrot.� I say. With that I turn heel and head for the door. Opening
it I stand there for a moment. �Come get me when you�re done.� I say. With that
I turn.

The
reaction is instantaneous. �VEGETA!� He screams. One moment he is prone on the ground, the next he has *me* prone on
the ground, clenched to him.

�Don�t
leave!� He says desperately. He buries his face against my chest.

I snort and push him off of
me. Or try to. He won�t let me go. His hands are balls in my shirt so tightly
his knuckles are white.

�Kakarrot,� I begin, a warning note in my voice. I try not to panic. He�ll
let me go, he just needs a bit of prodding. �Kakarrot!� I snap.

He shakes his head violently
and doesn�t let go.

I growl low in my throat, gripping
his hair in my hand and tugging. He doesn�t move. I begin to power up. He
matches my power. The floor begins to shake.

I consider for a long
moment, then power down. He does as well.

�Kakarrot,� I begin slowly
and steadily. �I am not going anywhere. But you NEED. TO.
LET. ME. GO.� I try, very hard, to keep the panic out of my voice. I hated
being touched or held down against my will even before this entire thing
happened.

I
watch him visibly struggle with himself and finally let go of me. He sits up. I
do the same, brushing myself off, picking up pieces of my figurative pride as I
do so.

For a
moment we just sit there, beside each other. Finally I dare to look up and meet
his eyes. Despite being red eyed and white faced, he is a lot more calm now. As I watch a miraculous thing happens. A small
weary smile twitches at the side of his mouth. �I am glad you are okay Vegeta,� He says softly.

I
snort. �Hn.� I give him a
lofty look, brushing imaginary dust off my sleeve. �I�m not, but I�ll get over
it.�

He
looks uncertain.

I smile at him. I don�t even
smirk.

He slowly smiles back. There
is still brimming sadness in his eyes, but at least he smiles past it.

I think we�re going to be
okay.

~~~~~

Oh God! *holds head in hands* What happened to writing
angst?

Anyway�
replies!

kit-kit : I hope you liked the repair work. :) See, both of them
will be okay now.

Hecate18
: I�m glad you liked
the Trunks bit. The writing style is a bit weird, even for me�glad you can
follow it and like it as well.

Pixelgoddess : Gah!
Thank you for pointing out to me the names Trunks calls his parents� I will fix
it and repost the last part.

This
is the here and now Trunks� so he�s a teenager in this.

Webtester01: You
got more. ;)
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lost