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hesitation	By : akatsuki Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7295 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Title: Hesitation

Authors: Okita Souji & Mikagami Tokiya

Warning: yaoi, angst,
language

Pairing: envyxed, royxed, envyxroyxed

Disclaimer: Definitely
not ours. Arakawa Hiromu-sensei owns those cool characters and stories and we just borrow it
for our yaoi
plot. ^_^

A/N: Yorokobe, minna! At
last, we�ve found beta readers! Wai �
XD XD LoL So, you guys
didn�t have to cope with our messy grammar again.

At last, we�re updated. We�re so
sorry it took long time. We�ve been so busy lately and we got writers� block on
this fic. And we�re in the process of writing another
fics. Anyway, thank you so much for all reviewers! We
got the largest number of reviews on the last chapter. We�re so happy! *starts
dancing* (although the last ones asked for updates ^^;)
Thank you so much! You guys really motivated us to finish this chapter sooner.
^__^ Ok, time for answering reviews!

FF.net reviewers:

Kohaku-Yuuga�s-rembrance � Sorry it took so long to update. Here�s the next chappie. ^_^

Luffy V�shile � Yes, Envy�s came to
the rescue! He�s a possessive bastard, you know! But, hey, I like him so much,
that sexy homunculus hahaha� lol
Ed�s true love, huh?! Interesting, maybe I should consider to
make EnvyxEd fic.

Here�s the update that you�ve been
waiting. Hope it�s categorized in soon for you or you�re gonna
kill me. But I doubt it, coz it�s pretty long time since the last chapter� ^_^;
*hides* You�re just kidding about your threat, right? O.o

WingedBonnie � Thanks! We�re so sorry about the grammar. We�re really
sucks at grammar, but at least our vocabularies weren�t bad, right?! Thanks for
bearing with us and still read our stories! But, we�ve got betas now, so you
won�t confuse again. ^__^

Son Cara � Thanks! Here�s the next
chapter.

shoradragon7 - I think you�ve
misunderstood. Envy couldn�t do alchemy. He just transformed his hand into
auto-mail blade, not transmuted it. It�s within his transformed ability, to
transform all part or just a part of his body to any shape he wants. It�s like
what he did when he transformed his hand to kill Ed in the anime (ep. 50 if I wasn�t wrong). It�s
kind of like that, just the shape�s different. In this fic,
I made it transformed like Ed�s auto-mail blade coz I thought it�s cool.

AnglPhyre � Yeah, I like EnvyxEd too! ^o^
But, it�s a pity you didn�t like Roy.
Still, Envy rulez hohoho� lol Thanks! Coz I don�t know if it�s getting better or not.
Thanks for the new word too. Do you like Envy in my description? >) Coz I
really like it. The image in my head, omigod�
*drools*

Mashi-Tsushiro � Thank you so much! You don�t like it? That�s a pity, coz
I really like his way to save Ed nya ha ha� >)

It�s good that you didn�t hate
Envy anymore, coz Envy�s the best ^o^ Well, here�s Roy
in this chapter. RoyxEd�s gonna
come on the next chapter, but it�s not exactly RoyxEd.
It�s gonna be threesome like
we told before hohoho� =3

Love you too ^__^ from me and Tokiya. And thanks for promoted our fic.
I�m waiting for your doujin from this fic. lol

DarkAngel112991 � Oh, they will!
It�s just Envy�s gonna be with them too hehehe�just wait and see. =3

I love athrun
� Thanks! Well, here�s the next chapter.

sharp23 � Well, he�s gonna be with both of them hehehe�
^__^ Thanks! Here�s the long waiting update. BTW, I like the number on you
nick. lol

BlackWolf46 � Thank you so much!
We�re laughed so happy when we�re read your review. XD

TenshiGirl � Thanks! Here�s the next chappie.
Gomen for
the lateness, ne!

LadyKaibaChan � Thanks! Here�s the next chapter. Envy�s fan too, ne?! ^__^

Mitsuki25 � Thank you so much!
Yup, it�s a good pairing! ^__^ Well, here�s the next chapter. Hope it�ll
satisfy your hunger.

AngelD � Thanks! Whoa, so curious, ne he he
he� ^^ Here�s the update and sorry if it took so
long.

br14nn4 � Thank you! Yes, Ed�s
very sexy ^-^ But Ed is Roy�s and Envy�s, ne. They�re gonna kill you if you
run with their little boyfriend hehehe... =p j/k
Well, here�s the next chapter. Hope you�ll like it too, dear. ^__^

TaiZ � Thanks! Here�s the next chapter.

BloodFlavoredDoughnutsRoxMySox � Whoa�calm down, please. O.o Hontou ni
gomennasai! *bows* We�re
really sorry that we took so long to update, we�ve been so busy. Your threat�s
really scary�I hope you won�t kill us because of the late update. *hides*
Thanks for the compliment and still stay with us until now. Here�s the new
chapter that you asked. Hope you like it. BTW, what a long nick you have.

FullMetalOtaku � We�re so sorry! We�ve been so busy. Here�s the new
chapter. Hope you like it. And thanks for still being with us until now.

AFF.net reviewers:

Artemis � Thank you so much! *hugs
back* Glad you like it. I was worried coz that chapter�s short.

Dragon � We�re already said that
that we didn�t speak English, mind you! Thanks! Glad that you like it too
besides the messy grammar.

Demonicalangel � Thanks! Here�s the update.

Katsudo � Thanks! Another writer who understands our difficulty
*hugs* Yeah, it�s really difficult� T^T Thanks, but we know our grammar�s
really bad. -_- Yup, that�s why I used the song. ^__^
Thank you so much!!! *hugs tightly* No, it�s not Japanese T^T Why do you think
that our first language is Japanese?? What�s your first language? *curious*

Doumo arigatou, minna! *bows* Hope you like this chapter too. Enjoy and review
please! BTW, the author�s note wasn�t checked by our betas. So, I�m sorry for
the messy grammar. Even when I already said that you won�t be confused again by
our grammar, please bear with the author�s note.

Special thanks
to Mitsuki whom beta�ed
this chapter. You really helped us a
lot. *hugs*

~*~*~ flashback

_____ change
place

(text)
comments by author

Chapter 5

kanashimi ga kono mune
o eguru hodo no

migite ni wa itami
sae nai keredo

ushinatta nukumori o wasurenai

sashi nobeta kono te
ni wa kitto
nani ka

nokoshite miseru

~RETURNABLE MEMORIES by Paku Romi~

Ed opened his eyes slowly�his head felt dizzy and his throat hurt. He tried
to focus his gaze, tried to recognize his surrounding. �Where am I? This place
seems so familiar.� He thought. Then he realized that there was a little wet
towel on his forehead. He took it and tried to sit. That�s when he realized
that he was naked on someone else�s bed. Suddenly there was voice coming from
beside him.

�Yo, o chibi-chan! How�re you feeling?�

Ed was startled and turned around
immediately to face the voice�s owner whom he knew so well. But, it proved to
be a wrong move coz it made his head felt cracked. He stayed still and put his
hand on his head. Envy saw him and put him down again. Ed just obeyed it. When
his dizzy subsided, he tried to focus again.

�Envy�where is this? What are you
doing here? What am I doing here?� he asked, felt very confused. His brain
still didn�t work properly. Envy just chuckled to see Ed bombarded him with
questions.

�Don�t you remember anything at
all about last night, Ed?�

��

�Last night? What happened last
night?� Ed thought. He tried to dig his fuzzy brain. Then he started to
remember what had happened.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Envy stood proudly in front of the
pathetic man. His evil smirk and sadistic face made the man cowered in fear.
His aura was very intimidating at that time.

�So�what should I do with you?� he
spoke in a venomous tone.

�P-p-pl-please�let me
go�please�forgive me. I won�t do it again, I swear. Please don�t kill me. I beg
you�� said the pathetic loser.

�Ho�you won�t do it again, huh?�
The man just nodded quickly, too scared to speak. �But you�ve already done it.�
Envy said with a pretend sweet voice. And then he continued, �You just can�t
take back what you�ve done to MY chibi.� He said the last sentence with wrath practically
radiated from all of his body and the promise of painful experiences dripped
from his voice.

�No�no�please don�t kill me.
Please�I�m really sorry. I know I was wrong, so please forgive me. I�ll do
anything, just don�t kill me.�

�Pathetic weak
human. You ain�t
fun at all.� he said with disgust. �Give me your tongue!�

��What?�

�Tch�you
said you�d do anything, right? Give me your tongue then!� he said with
impatient clearly in his voice. The man hesitated for a moment then slipped out
his tongue.

�Good. Now, I wanna
ask you, how was his taste?�

�Eh? His�his taste???� the man
slipped in his tongue again to speak.

�Yes, his taste. Are you idiot or
something?!� Envy made a kind of exasperated gesture. �You kissed him, right?!
So you must know his taste. And you must answer me honestly, if not��

�O-okay�� Confused but didn�t dare
to oppose or questioned him, the man answered, �His taste was�good. *Envy
glared* Really good�I guess��

�So you have a fine tongue, eh?!
Now, give me your tongue again!�

The man did as he told, then Envy grabbed it and suddenly cut it. The man stayed
still for a second, too shocked to have any response. Then he screamed loudly,
his hands on his mouth. Envy, seemed satisfied with the man�s reaction and
looked at the piece on his hand with disgust. Then he threw it to only god knew
where.

�That�s your fucking payment for
daring to taste him!� Envy said in anger. �You�re right about his taste though.
It really was good.� Envy said again in a kind of state of reminiscence.

Ed stared at them with
disbelieved. �He�s insane. I can�t believe he asked about my taste and still
thinking about that in a situation like this. But that�s Envy for you, a
possessive bastard with his insane jealousy.� Ed thought in wonder. He wanted
to stop Envy but he felt like he didn�t have any power. He felt nauseous and
his head was throbbing. He was beyond all reason to do anything now. The poor
man was howling in pain with hands still covering his mouth and he gave
accusing look to Envy.

�What? I didn�t kill you, did I?
You should thank me.� Envy said. Then, like he just realized something, he
spoke again, �Ah, but you can�t speak coz I cut your tongue, can you?! I forgot
about that, sorry.� Envy said with sweet innocent voice and smiled. He didn�t
feel guilty at all.

The man just stared incredulously
at Envy, dumbfounded. He was shivering in fear now. He lowered his gaze; he
couldn�t stand Envy�s violet piercing cat�s-like eyes gazed at him. Envy�s
predatory gaze was way too terrifying at the time; it chilled him to the bone.

�So, since you didn�t say �thank
you� to me, I�m gonna teach you some manners now, you
asshole.�

Suddenly, he slashed the man�s
hands swiftly. The man screamed again in agony, but Envy didn�t stop right
there. Then he stabbed the man�s crotch. The man gave a long agony howl and
fell to the floor. He writhed on the floor and screamed so loud that his voice
became sore. Ed stared with wide eyes and felt a bit guilty for the man�s
suffering. But at that time he didn�t really care and couldn�t think anymore.
His head became dizzier and he felt like he wanted to throw up. Meanwhile, Envy
looked at the man with insane glint in his violet eyes. His face seemed
satisfied and he licked his lips in predatory manner.

�How does it feel?� he asked with
his always husky voice.

The man in question could only
scream, moan, and cry in pure agony while writhing on the floor hopelessly and
pathetically. He couldn�t stand a chance against the very strong and sadistic
androgynous homunculus. (and dead sexy too XD)

�You fucking deserved it, you
fucking dick shit! I was going to let you die slowly and painfully from the
lost of blood, but since I�m feeling nice now and have something better to do
than take care of shit like you, I�m gonna end you
right now. You should thank me for my kindness too.� Envy said while smiling
all the time. �Go to holy hell. Ciao!�

Then, Envy stabbed the man�s
throat. The man just let out a squeak and died, surrounded by a pool his own of
blood. Envy pulled out his hand and transformed it back without the trace of
blood at all on his usual hand, one of his unique ability. Then, he walked back
to Ed through the dead bodies and river of blood, eyes sharp and piercing. He
moved with such grace like usual and he dodged the blood and the corpses
fluidly and effortlessly. Ed just gazed at him all that time like he was being
hypnotized by his sinuously moves. He stopped in front of Ed and looked at Ed�s
messy state. His Hagane no chibi was
thoroughly soaked, hair untidy, face flushed, and his eyes were hollow and
dead. He had intended to scold Ed for his stupid acts before, but looked at him
like this, his anger disappeared and he felt worry. His expression didn�t show
it, though his eyes softened. �I wonder
what happened to him that made him like this. It�s just so unlike him to not
put up a fight against those damn punks. I�ve never seen him like this.� Envy
thought in alarm. They were just staring at each other for a while. Then Envy
broke the silent.

�Nani ga atta no,
Ed?�

�� Ed didn�t answer. He just
stared at Envy with blank face.

�Ed�� Envy raised his right hand
to touch Ed�s cheek, but halted on halfway by Ed�s word.

�Naze?� Ed said in a hoarse voice because of his crying before.
His head�s very dizzy now he couldn�t stand it anymore. His vision blurred.

��

�Naze, En�vy��

Ed said the last word and then the
darkness surrounded him. His body became limp and he fell. But Envy caught Ed
in his hands instantly. He felt Ed�s body burning, he frowned. Ed had fainted
because of his fever. Then Envy took him bride style and proceeded in bringing
him to his place while Ed unconsciously leaned into Envy�s chest to seek
warmth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

��yeah, I remembered it now��
After his brain started to work again, he recognized that he was in Envy�s
place. Scanning his surrounding, he saw his clothes were hanging near the
fireplace. He just realized that he felt cold and shivered a little. He brought
up the warm comforter around his body to find more warmth. Then he faced Envy
again.

�So you brought me here last night
after I was fainted.� Ed said that more as a statement than a question. But
Envy answered nonetheless.

�Yeah, you had fever. Anyway, what
were you doing, walking in the rain like that? And why didn�t you fight those
shits when they wanted to rape you, you fool. What happened, Ed?�

Envy�s tone was dead serious, not
like his usual teasing tone. He wasn�t even smirking or grinning. Plus, he used
Ed�s name, not the usual name calling. That meant something serious. Ed knew
that, but he felt ashamed of himself and he felt guilty too. He couldn�t face
Envy after what he�d done and betrayed him. So he tried to act stubborn like
usual to cover his feelings.

��not you�re fucking business�I
never ask you to help me anyway. So I�m gonna go
now.�

Ed tried to get up again. But
before he could do that, Envy pinned him down to the bed again. Ed struggled,
but Envy held him with a firm grip. Envy�s knees were trapping his hips and
both his hands were holding on his wrists above his head with one hand. He
couldn�t do anything against that inhuman power in his weak condition.

�What the hell! Let me go!!�

�Nope!�

�Let me go! I wanna
get out of here and I won�t bother you again!�

�You can�t do anything with your
fever and you�re just gonna kill yourself like that
if you go now, Ed.�

Ed knew Envy�s words were right.
His body was very weak and his head throbbing madly. But he didn�t have the
guts to stay with Envy right now. He knew Envy was worried about him. He could
see it in his amethyst eyes, but it only made him felt really ashamed of
himself. And he wasn�t ready to tell Envy about what happened with Roy.
So he kept being stubborn desperately, even though he knew he couldn�t win.

�We�ll see about that, Envy! So
let me go or someone will get hurt!�

�Aa�sure. The one who will get hurt is you, Ed! And stop
struggling like that or I have to shackle you again like before.�

�� Ed couldn�t fight anymore. His
head was really dizzy and his body was weak and limp. At last, he stopped
struggled and stayed still.

�Good. I don�t give a damn if you wanna get out of here as soon as possible coz you don�t
fucking want to see me. But at least stay here until your goddamn fever is
gone. I trust you won�t run away in your fucked up condition even without the
shackle.� Envy said exasperated and he sighed. Then he got up completely from
Ed and sat on the bed side. Ed�s heart twisted in pain when he heard Envy�s
words.

��whatever�� Ed muttered. He felt
like he wanted to cry.

He felt really tired. Then he
turned around to sleep on his side, his back to Envy so he didn�t have to see
the amethyst eyes that pierced him. He felt really confused. Why did Envy still
wanted to take care of him after he betrayed him? �He thought that I didn�t wanna see him, but it�s not like that. It�s not that I
don�t wanna see him, but�I�m too ashamed to face him.
That�s why I was very surprised to see him last night. Why? Why did you save
me? Even after I left you for Roy,
even after I choose Roy over you. Why do you still care of me? You deserved better
than a slut like me...� With that thought, Ed drifted to sleep. His wiriness
was really wearing down on him. Beside him, Envy�s sharp amethyst eyes watched
Ed�s back rocking slowly because of his breathing. His calm and rhythmic
breaths told him that Ed was already deep in slumber. Envy frowned and drifted
deep in thought.

Roy was sitting in his office, facing a very mad Alphonse. Maes Hughes just sat in front of Roy
and watched them. He had come with Al here because he was worried about Ed too.

�Mustang taisa!! How come nii-san isn�t here
when yesterday you called me that he has returned??�

�He had left before you came,
Alphonse-kun�

�Nan da to?! How come? You said he was in your responsibility until I
come!!�

�It�s very complicated, Alphonse-kun.�
he couldn�t say anything again to explain what had happened.

�Uh-huh.�

The big armor boy just responded
with unbelief tone and stared at the Flame Alchemist. Roy
felt guilty. The usually calm boy could be very creepy if it concerned his beautiful
big brother. Not that Roy felt intimidated by it. He�s the famous Flame Alchemist
for god sake. But Al still deserved an explanation from him because he was the
one responsible of them. So Roy decided to
tell him the truth, not all of them, just a little. It was his private problem
after all and Al didn�t know anything about their relationship. They always
keep it a secret. Besides, it wasn�t entirely his fault, was it?

�There was a problem and we had a
fight. And, well, I told him to go. I thought that he�d go to the military�s
dorm, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe he�s still sulking somewhere, but I�ve
sent a search party to find him.� Roy
said the last sentence so not to make Al too worried, but likely it didn�t have
much effect.

�So, just because you had a fight,
you kicked him out. And now nii-san is missing
again. What if something happens to him again? I�m really disappointed in you, taisa!! I don�t
care what it takes, I�ll find him by myself, and I won�t ask for your help!
That�s it! Good afternoon, taisa!�

Al left the room, and slammed the
door shut. Havoc, Fury, and Breda stole a look to see what had happened in Roy�s
office, except for Riza Hawkeye. They all wondered
what was going on that made the usually calm armor boy furious like that because
they didn�t know anything about Ed�s situation. They just wondered why the
famous Hagane no Renkinjutsushi
wasn�t with his little brother. They were now busy guessing what Roy had done
to the boy or what he had said about Ed to his little brother and about why Ed
didn�t come with his little brother. The First Lieutenant could just sigh about
the scene and felt worried about Roy
and the Elric kyoudai. She too didn�t know anything, but something quiet
serious must had happened. And it had to be about Ed. That was the only thing
that could have made Al and Roy made a scene like that, besides yesterday Ed
had been found after he had been missing for a week.

Roy and Hughes saw the door close.
After a few seconds, Hughes turned back his attention to Roy,
ready to pull out all the information from his best friend. He felt a bit angry
too. But at least, he more or less understood that Roy
that he couldn�t be furious like Al. Roy just sighed in distressed.

�So, what had really happened
between you and Ed? It had to be really impossible if you to kicked him out
just because of one of your usual fight. You must have been very crazy to kick
him out after he had been missing for a goddamn week, Roy.
One goddamn week with no clues about his where about and one goddamn week full
of worries for god sake. And now he�s missing again.� Hughes told him with
stress clearly in his voice.

�I know, Hughes. I know�� sighed.
�I�m sorry and I�m worried about him too.�

�What�s going on, Roy?
Please tell me the truth.�

�Well, you know about my
relationship with Ed, right?�

�Yeah. And your problem is?�

�Well, he cheated on me. Last
night I kicked him out because I was mad at him.�

�Roy!
Do you really think he would do that? Is your faith in him really that small?
You know Ed better than me I supposed. He�s not that kind of guy. If he really
cheated on you, there must be a big reason behind it or maybe it�s just a
misunderstanding. If he really did, why would he return to you? And that�s not
a reason to kick someone out who had been missing you know.�

�Well, maybe you�re right. But you
know what? He even called his name when we had sex! His name is Envy. And he is
a homunculus.�

�What? Homunculus?
Do they really exist?�

�Yeah, they exist. I couldn�t
believe it either. But that�s not the point now. The point is, Ed cheated on me
with that guy and Ed�s with him all the time he had been missing, having fun
with him while we�re worrying about him. Now, I don�t know what I should do
about him. I know it was wrong for me to kick him out just like that and not
listen to his explanation, but he was wrong too for cheating on me.�

Hughes just sighed. �Well, why
don�t you find him first and then you could talk to him and clear up this
matter. Don�t be stubborn at a time like this. You�re the adult in this
relationship, Roy.�

��Guess you�re right, Hughes. Hope
we can find him soon. By the way, I want you to investigate the incident at the
fifth laboratory.�

�Okay. Tell me the details. While
we�re at it, let�s have drink tonight!� Hughes said with a grin on his face.

Roy smiled at Hughes. He�s so grateful to have a friend like
him who could understand him. �Yeah, that would be cool.�

Then they proceeded to talk about
matters at hand while feeling really anxious inside. They could just hope that
there wouldn�t be something bad happen and prevent them from finding their dear
Hagane no Renkinjutsushi.

TBC

Well, what do you think? Hope this
chapter compensates the long update. We�ll try to update the next chapter ASAP.
The next chapter will be the last chapter at last. So, R&R please!
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