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Mirrors of Yesterday	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1942 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�

Mirrors of Yesterday

V

Counterfeit Image

�

Roy sat back in his chair, folded his
arms, and stared blandly at the short teenager standing in front of his
desk.� White and blue paint was smeared
on Edward Elric�s clothing, in his hair, and on parts
of his face�a face that held a defiant look to it.� Alphonse Elric also had smears of paint along
the smooth metallic surface of the armor his soul was attached to.� The younger of the two boys held his hands in
front of himself in a way that radiated embarrassment and regret.

Sighing, Roy shook his head.� �I�m very disappointed in both of you,� he
said gravely.� It was something that he
said just about every time the two boys got into some sort of trouble that
could have been avoided with a little foresight.

�Who the
hell cares what you think?� Fullmetal
said with a roll of his eyes.

At the
same time, Alphonse bowed and said quickly, �We�re really sorry, Colonel!�

The two
boys looked at each other, and for a moment there was silence as if they were
having a mental conversation with each other.�
Finally, Edward grunted, glared back at Roy with a stubborn look, and said in a grudgingly
�nice� tone, �I already know what you�re going to say...�

�Do you?�
Roy asked
mildly, wondering how Fullmetal could be such a brat and grow up to be so
sophisticated.

�You want
me to fix the mess,� Fullmetal said with a roll of his eyes, then glanced at
his brother.� It was obvious Edward
wasn�t being so cooperative for Roy�s
sake.

He
nodded.� �Very good,
Fullmetal.� There might be hope
for you yet.�� He looked at
Alphonse.� �I think that��

�You
can�t tell my brother what to do,� Edward broke in hotly.� �I�m
the one in the military.�� It was true,
of course, but Roy
felt that, being the adult and being in charge, he had the right to tell Alphonse
what to do when he caused mischief in his department.

�But,
brother...� Alphonse said in a slightly whining voice.� �I...�

�I�ll
take care of this,� Fullmetal said in a tone that left little room for
argument.� �You should go clean yourself
up.� I don�t want to hear you complain
later if you start to rust.�

Roy frowned.� There was something oddly familiar about the
way Edward was talking to his brother...�
But then, Ed often bossed Al around in a way that suggested he was
trying to take care of him.� Roy listened to the two
boys squabble for a minute, then slammed his hand
against the desk.� The two fell silent
and looked at him.

�Both of
you are alchemists,� he said tightly.�
�Both of you caused the problem.�
I expect both of you to fix
it.�� Edward opened his mouth to say
something, but Roy
cut him off.� �Now!� he commanded
irritably.�

Fullmetal
glared at him, then growled, �Come on, Al.� Let�s get out of here.� The old man obviously needs his nap.�

�Ehh...� Al said before bowing to Roy and saying in a sheepish tone, �Sorry
about brother...� then hurried after Edward.�
The door shut and Roy
rubbed his eyes wearily before glancing at the clock.� Only another thirty minutes to go...�

0-0-0-0

Ed
shifted on the concrete step and pulled the wide-brimmed hat lower to hide his
face from the passerby.� He had a
wonderful view of the pedestrian�s legs and feet, and it was obvious that the
person was a woman.� She was wearing a
skirt that went to her knees and black high-heels.� He allowed himself to enjoy the look of her
long legs before she left his vision.� He
sighed and turned his attention back down the sidewalk the woman had just come
from.�

It was a
hot, sunny day, and the wide-brimmed hat had two functions: one, to keep the
sun out of his eyes; and two, to hide his face from view.� For the past month, Ed had stayed mostly
inside.� He�d gotten enough comments
about looking like the Fullmetal Alchemist that he decided it was best if he
simply stayed away from the general public.�
After all, he�d go home soon, right?

Only, he hadn�t gone home.� Each day, Ed expected that at some point he
would �magically� find himself back in the other world.� He�d just assumed it would happen that way,
since that seemed to be how he�d come to be here.� As the days passed, Ed had tried to find a
way to remember how he�d gotten here, but the only thing his mind conjured up
was an image of a car, the sound of breaks, the car hitting him, then...
nothing.

He�d
joked with Roy
that if he�d gotten here by having a car hit him, then perhaps he should try
that again and see what happened.� Roy had not been amused,
and had made Ed promise not to try it.�
It wasn�t as if he would, but he couldn�t help dwelling on it.� What had happened that day?� When he was hit by the car, should he have
died?� If so, how did he get here and why
was his body here too?� Maybe he was dead
and the punishment for his sins was to spend the rest of eternity with Roy
Mustang.

Ed
chuckled at the thought.� That probably
would be the definition of hell to his younger self, but he�d come to know the
man very well over the past month; and, truthfully, Ed sort of liked him.� Roy
was intelligent, articulate, ready to argue if he thought he was right, and
willing to admit if he was wrong...�
Basically, he was great company.�
Ed would have never believed that he�d ever admit that, but there it
was.� The two of them could talk for
hours on end about things like theories and mathematical formulas, and Ed loved
it.� This was not to say they didn�t have
their arguments�no, to say that would definitely be inaccurate�but the
arguments never lasted too long and were never really bad.

Ed looked
down and picked idly at his trousers.�
They had other problems though...�
It was becoming more obvious by the day how Roy felt about him.� If Ed couldn�t tell by the look in Roy�s eyes, he�d have to
know it by the small touches every now and then.� He didn�t want Roy
to fall for him; didn�t want Roy
to love him.� The thought was still too
bizarre, though it was becoming less so every day.

If Roy were a woman, Ed thought that he�d already be deeply
in love, but he still couldn�t get past Roy
being a man.� He did think about it
sometimes, like when he was alone or in bed while being held by Roy.� At those times, he thought about all the reasons
Roy had given
him as to why it wasn�t wrong; and sometimes Ed almost believed them.� It was easy to believe when you were being
held by someone, especially when you longed for physical closeness.� Yet, when he was alone, it was much harder to
believe such reasoning.� When he was
alone, society�s views and the taboo of it all made him squirm.� He would think about two men being together
in �that way� and he just couldn�t accept it. �

Again, Ed
pulled the hat down as another passerby�a man this time�walked by, then returned his gaze to where it had been.�

Ed felt
comfortable enough sleeping in the same bed with Roy and even snuggling up to him.� He�d shared a bed with Alphonse growing up,
and they often slept together during the time they were trying to find the
Stone.� When he�d found Alfons, they too
had shared a bed out of necessity at times.�
With the economic situation being what it had been in Germany, there
had rarely been extra funds for things like heat; so, even though they each had
their own bed, in the winter the two of them would sleep pressed against each
other for warmth.�

Feeling
alright about sleeping with Alphonse was easy to explain.� They were brothers.� It was that simple.� But Alfons...�

Ed looked
down and plucked at his pants again.�

Yes, he
and Alfons slept together out of necessity at times, but they�d also slept in
the same bed at times when it wasn�t that cold.�
Sometimes they would simply hold each other in the darkness, as if that
would make everything that was wrong, right.�
They never talked about those times and never planned them.� They just happened.�

It had
seemed... normal, but not.� Ed was sure
there were people who wouldn�t agree with them being so familiar with each
other, but it wasn�t as if they were doing anything wrong...� They were just very
close friends...�

Only,
looking back, Ed wasn�t so sure that there wasn�t more to it.� He�d been so young and na�ve that he hadn�t
understood the looks Alfons had given him sometimes.� They were longing, yet fearful�they were the
same looks Roy sometimes gave him�looks he
hadn�t really thought much of until he�d seen them on Roy�s face and known what they meant...

Ed lifted
his head and watched down the sidewalk again.�
Had Alfons been that way?� The same as Roy?� Had he wanted something more from Ed too, but
had been too afraid to bring it up?� Had
he been afraid Ed would despise him?�
What if he had said
something?� Would Ed have been disgusted?� Would he have rejected Alfons?� Of course, those were questions that would never
be answered.� Alfons was long since
dead�killed because he tried to help get Ed home...�

Ed rubbed
at his eyes.� Why would Alfons do
that?� Why?� It was a question Ed had asked himself many
times; yet if Alfons had felt
intimate feelings toward him, then that would be an obvious answer.�

�Why does
everything have to be so complicated...� Ed mumbled to himself as he dropped
his hand and looked back down the sidewalk.

The most
frustrating thing was that Ed had really felt comfortable with Alfons.� He truly had enjoyed the life they�d lived
together.� In fact, he�d probably enjoyed
it more than the years he�d had with his wife.�
I loved my wife... Ed thought
sadly, as if he felt the need to defend her, but he also knew that he hadn�t
enjoyed life with her nearly as much as he�d enjoyed living with Alfons.� He and Alfons had never had sex, of course,
but... if his brother had been in that world, and Alfons had still been alive,
Ed believed he could have lived happily with Alfons as a forever bachelor...

What about Roy? Ed thought miserably.�
Roy had said it wasn�t all
about sex, and after really thinking about�especially in light of how he�d felt
about Alfons�Ed could believe that two men or two women could have a
relationship just as close as a man and a woman, but... it still came down to
the most base thing�sex.

Without
sex, wasn�t the relationship only a deep and very close friendship?� Roy
would have to think Ed was a fool to believe he didn�t want sex.� What man in his right mind would want a
relationship without sex?� Maybe women
could manage such a thing�after all, his wife seemed
to have no problems going weeks on end without getting any�but for a man...
hardly.� Ed might not have the sexual
libido he�d had as a teenager, but he still spent plenty of time getting himself off.

A man
turned the corner down the sidewalk, and Ed was almost ready to pull his hat
low again when he saw that it was Roy.� He was tired�Ed could tell by the way he was
walking�and, when he was closer, by the look on his face.

�What are
you doing out here?� Roy
asked when he drew near.

Ed stood
and waved his hand at nothing in particular.�
�The weather was too nice.� I
couldn�t resist,� he said as he followed Roy
into the building.

Neither
of them talked again until they were inside of the apartment, then Roy said, �I thought we
agreed it was too risky for you to be outside.�

Ed pulled
off the hat and stuck it on the coat rack.�
�I�m tired of being stuck inside,� he said irritably.� �I was being careful, so why don�t you lay off.� I don�t need
a lecture.�

�Sorry,� Roy grunted while
unbuttoning his jacket.� �I had a meeting
with my youngest subordinate before I left work and it�s
put me in a bad mood...�

�Fine...�
Ed said, waving the apology off.� He
always felt irritable when Roy
tried to tell him what to do.� He didn�t
do it all the time, but it happened every once in a while, and it was obvious
that at those times the man wasn�t seeing him as who he was now, but as his
teenage self.� Ed found it even more
frustrating when he reacted to Roy
as he would have when he was younger.� It
was as if it was some sort of ingrained thing for both of them, and it didn�t
always come out at the right time.

Roy moved into the kitchen, then said, �No dinner?�

�Leftovers,�
Ed grunted as he plopped down on the couch.

�How
about I go pick something up for dinner?� Roy suggested, as if Ed wouldn�t get
the hint that he hadn�t particularly enjoyed what had been cooked yesterday and
didn�t relish the thought of eating it again.

�We have
food,� Ed grunted.� Having lived through
many hard times in Germany,
Ed worked hard to never waste any food.�
When money was worthless, and there wasn�t enough to eat, you ate what
you had and wasted nothing�not food, not clothing, not energy.�

He picked
up a book and opened it, but didn�t bother reading it.� Instead he thought about what he planned on
suggesting as soon as Roy
settled down.� That didn�t take long,
given that he obviously had no intentions of eating the leftovers, and instead
decided to pour himself something to drink.�
When he walked to the couch, Ed instinctively moved his feet so that Roy could sit.

�I�m
tired of being inside,� Ed said finally, then glanced
over the top of the book when Roy
made no reply.� �I want to be able to go
outside.�

�You�re
the one who said you should stay out of public view,� Roy returned softly, not looking at him but
at the glass.

�Yes, but
I thought I would be gone before this,� Ed explained, closing the book and
dropping it to the floor.� He sat up,
feeling uncomfortable with having such an important discussion while
lounging.� �My reasoning was that I would
be too recognizable as Edward Elric, and I still feel that way.�� He waited to see if Roy would reply, but when he got none, Ed
said, �I don�t know if I�m stuck here forever or not, but I know I can�t live
like this any longer.� I can�t live my
whole life shut up in a room.�

Roy downed the liquid in one quick
gulp, then looked up at Ed and said, �Alright, what do you suggest?�

Ed was
silent for a moment, then reached over and plucked the empty glass from Roy, got up, and headed
toward the kitchen.� He filled it, drank
the contents, filled it again, then returned to the couch and handed it to Roy.

�I�m
going to change some of my looks...� Ed said as he sat back down.� It was like admitting he was stuck here, and
he didn�t like that.� �I�ll dye my hair
black, I�ve done it before, and... well...��
He frowned, and continued more reluctantly, �I guess I�ll cut it...�� He didn�t like that idea very much; he hadn�t
had short hair since his mother died.�
�We can say I�m a far removed cousin of yours.� You did say you had family not here in
Amestris, didn�t you?�

�You
hardly look like you�re from Xing, and your accent isn�t from that land
either,� Roy
pointed out flatly.�

�You can
say I live beyond Xing in the far away country of Europe.� Or you can say I�m from America,� Ed
added in a light, offhand manner.� �I was
accused of that a few times when I was younger because I was so brash and
loudmouthed.�� Roy frowned slightly, giving him a blank look,
and Ed waved a hand.� �Never mind, it was
a joke...� The point is that I need to be
able to move around, and that will give me the cover I need.�

Roy was silent for a few moments, then he looked up at Ed and said, �I don�t think it will
work.� Your eyes give you away...� Eyes your color are
very rare...��

Ed
nodded.� He�d thought of that too.� Standing up, he moved to the desk, where he
pulled open one of the drawers and took out a pair of sunglasses.� Putting them on, Ed turned and said, �I�m your
blind cousin.� It�s why I�m here.� I�ve recently lost my eyesight and you�ve
graciously offered to let me live with you for a time while I cope with this
new difficulty.�� It wasn�t that far fetched, and he�d used
sunglasses to cover his eyes the last time he�d changed his looks.

�Hmm...� That might work...� Roy conceded after a moment of thought.

�It will work,� Ed said confidently.� He took the glasses off, set them on the
desk, then pulled a pair of scissors out of the
drawer.� �I think I should cut my hair
first.�� He looked at Roy.�
�Or rather, you should cut my
hair.� It will probably look better if
someone else does it.�

Roy stared silently at him for a
moment, then drank the rest of the liquor and put the glass aside before
getting up and walking over to Ed.� He
stared mutely at the scissors for almost a minute before slowly taking them.

�Pull the
chair in the bathroom,� Roy
said somberly.

Ed
grabbed the chair and moved toward the bathroom.� Is he
upset about this? Ed wondered as he set the chair down into the small
bathroom.� It seemed like a stupid thing;
after all, it was his hair that was
being cut, not Roy�s.

�You
might want to take off some of your clothes,� Roy said as he stepped into the
bathroom.� �Unless you
want hair stuck in them.�

Ed opened
his mouth to suggest draping a towel over his shoulders, then remembered that
Roy only had two towels, and laundry day was still four days away.� That simply wouldn�t work unless he wanted to
get hair on him each time he dried off from bathing.�

�You�re
just trying to get me naked,� Ed muttered as he began unbuttoning his vest.

Roy gave him a bland look, then said
with a bit of exasperation, �Keep your clothes on; I don�t care.� You�re
the one who would have to deal with the hair, not me.�

He handed
Roy the vest,
then pulled his shirt out of his trousers and began to deftly unbutton the
small buttons with his real hand.� The
buttons on the vest were large and much easier to handle with two hands, but
the small buttons on the shirt were difficult to hold onto with his automail,
so he�d become proficient at undoing them with one hand.

Handing
the shirt to Roy,
Ed paused for a moment as he tried to decide if he wanted to take his trousers
off as well.� He glanced at Roy, who was
doing his best not to look at him, and was, instead, neatly folding the
shirt.� Muttering under his breath, Ed
took off his trousers and quickly handed them to Roy before sitting on the chair�naked except
for his boxers.

Roy took his time folding the
trousers, then set them neatly aside before moving
around behind him.� Ed had his hair in a
high ponytail today, and he felt Roy
pull the small elastic band out of his hair before setting it aside and running
his fingers through the hair.

�It�s...
such a shame to cut it...� he heard Roy
murmur.

�I�m not
thrilled about it either, but it�s what has to be done,� Ed said, wishing Roy would just get on
with it.� Instead, he could feel the
small pulls on his skull as the man fondled and caressed his hair.� Roy would bring his hands up under the hair
and let his fingers thread through the strands until he was touching Ed�s head,
then he would pull his fingers through to the end.�

Ed
wondered if he should tell him to stop, but it felt sort of nice, and it would
be the last time for a long while that anyone would do something like
that.� So he remained silent.� The caresses moved to his shoulders as Roy ran his hands along
his hair, then to his back.�

His heart
quickened at how good Roy�s
hands felt against his skin.� The touches
moved all over his back, then returned to his shoulders, then to his upper
arms.� And then there was the feel of hot
breath against his neck as Roy
nuzzled his face into his hair, almost touching his skin.

He leaned
into the touch momentarily, then realized what he was
doing and pulled away.� He was enjoying
the touches and caresses far too much for his own liking, and there was a part
of him that desperately wanted them to continue.� But then there was the part of him that
harshly reminded himself who was
touching him, and he felt ashamed for wanting it.

�Please...
just cut it...� Ed whispered; feeling sick to his stomach, confused, and
needy.�

Roy pulled away and Ed heard a small
sigh before, �There any specific way you want it cut?�

�No.� Just cut it,� Ed returned quietly.� �However you want.�� Nothing happened for a moment, then he felt Roy
gather his hair into his fist before hacking through it a few times.� Ed reached back and touched his head.� �A little harsh, weren�t you?�

�I�d like
to keep this,� Roy
said, gently laying the hair down on the counter.� �That is, if it�s alright with you.�

Sentimental fool, Ed thought, then
said, �Sure, I don�t care.�� The rest of
the cut took a while as Roy
worked to get everything even; and in the end, it only looked slightly bad,
instead of horrible.�

�I�m an
alchemist, not a barber,� Roy
said as Ed critically examined his hair in the mirror.� It looked somewhat close to how he�d worn his
hair as a boy, only shaggier.� With a
little growing out, it probably would look decent.

�Thanks,�
Ed said, turning away from the mirror.

Roy studied him for a moment, then
reached up and brushed at some of the pieces of hair on Ed�s skin.� When he was done, he rested his hand on Ed�s
shoulder, then slowly moved it up along his neck and gently ghosted his thumb
over his jaw line.� Ed took in a deep,
shuttering breath, then reached up and grabbed Roy�s hand.�

His heart
was beating wildly in his chest with nervous excitement, and his groin seemed
to understand where this could lead, but mentally Ed wasn�t ready for something
like that.� Holding, hugging,
snuggling... those were okay.� He�d done
that before with Alfons and those were okay; seemed slightly normal.� It was a thing that brothers or very close
friends might do... maybe...� But what Roy wanted...

�Don�t...�
he said, looking more at Roy�s
throat than at his face.� �I told you
before, I�m not��

�I know,�
Roy said,
cutting him off and pulling his hand away.�
�I... apologize.�� He turned and
moved toward the door.� �Do what you need
to do.� I�m going to go out and pick up
some dinner.�

Ed wanted
to argue the point, tell him not to waste his money and eat the leftovers, but
he couldn�t seem to work up the energy for it.�
He watched Roy
leave, then moved to shut the door behind him.� Turning, Ed sat back down on the chair and
rested his head in one of his hands.� He
felt torn and confused, and he didn�t like it at all.�

Why
wasn�t it all black and white?� It should
be, right?� What Roy wanted from him... that was wrong.� Everyone knew
it was wrong, so why was he even considering it?� Was it because he was lonely?� And that would definitely be a valid reason
because Ed certainly was lonely.� That much was evident from how willing he was
to sleep so close with Roy;
but, he�d done the same with Alfons too...�
It was normal to want physical contact, right?

Maybe it
was that he hadn�t had sex with someone for so long...� Perhaps it was only lust that was driving him
to accept Roy�s
view; yet the thought of being with a man in that way...� Ed pressed his hands to his eyes as the image
of Roy and him being sexually intimate came to his mind.

He could
feel his hands shaking against his face... �Maybe he was just afraid.� After all, he�d dabbled with too many taboos
in the past and none of them had ever brought pleasant consequences.� But... if he did this... who would know?

�I would
know...� Ed whispered and squeezed his eyes shut behind his palms as a feeling
of shame washed over him.� If he had sex
with Roy, he
wasn�t sure if he�d be able to look the man in the eyes again...�

Ed stood
up and angrily pushed the chair to the side of the small bathroom, then began
to prepare what he needed to change his hair color.� This whole situation was embarrassing and
frustrating�not just because of Roy,
but because of himself.� Because, if he
was truly honest with himself, Ed would have to say that he was curious and
that he wanted to give Roy
a chance.

That
wasn�t something Ed could have said a month ago, but he�d done a lot of self
searching recently, and while he couldn�t say that he definitely agreed that it
was right for two men to be together like that, he wasn�t so sure anymore that
he could honestly say he believed it was completely wrong either.
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Mirrors of Yesterday