Shiver

Chapter 5:

Control

"Hold still, Ed."

Roy was wiping me, cleaning up the mess I'd just made. My mind was still in a haze. He'd finally given me what I craved. And I knew, he'd wanted me. The words kept ringing in my ears, he wanted me, he wanted me, wanted, me. It doesn't get better than this, does it?

"Okay, stand up now," Roy said, with a slight grimace on his face.

I stood and turned around. Lunging forward, I threw my arms around him, resting my cheek on his chest, breathing in his scent. The words just forced their way out, when I wasn't thinking. "I love you, Roy."

Roy hesitated, then, wrapped his arms around me. "Uh, okay."

He held me for a moment, wanting me, I knew. I didn't dwell on the word choice, just accepted it for what it was.

"You need to get home now, Ed."

Hurt, I looked up at Roy's dark eyes in the faint light from the hallway. He can't be sending me away again. "But I want to stay, please, let me stay. Al won't mind. He won't worry. He knows I'm with you. He knows I'm safe."

Roy frowned, before smiling and kissing my forehead, so gentle and sweet. "Well, I guess I can't deny my pet when he's done such a good job of begging, now, can I?"

The word he used for me jarred me. It didn't sound like Roy, it sounded like, hell if I know who it sounded like, just not my Roy. I lifted my head for a moment, searching his face. It looked like him, smiling down on me. "So, I can stay? You want me here?"

"Yes, Ed, I want you here." Roy squeezed me tighter and I stayed, there, against his chest.

"Get into bed then." He released me and headed toward the door to his bathroom.

I watched him flick on the light. He smiled at me again before he closed the door, leaving me in the dark. I stepped over to his bed. The large oak headboard loomed over the dark duvet. I pulled down the covers and slid between cool cream-colored sheets, lying on my back. As I looked up at Roy's ceiling, alone, I thought about our arrangement. It wasn't really so bad, was it? He eventually gave me what I needed and I'd learned to play the game. I turned on my side and tucked my hands up under the soft pillow, nudging my face into it. The bed smelled like Roy. I could get used to this.

***

Feeling something poking me in the back, my eyes fluttered open. For a moment, I didn't know where I was. I saw the oak nightstand. It matched the headboard, I thought, with a grin. Just like Roy to have matching furniture. The yellow glow of morning filled the room. Then I felt his arms around me, drawing me close.

"Mmm, Ed, come here." Roy gently pushed his hips against my backside while his arms held me tight.

I felt his erection sliding on my behind. It aroused me beyond belief, even this early in the morning. "Roy . . . ," I whispered. My eyes closed again, feeling my erection humming.

His hand slid down my chest, playing gently with a nipple, then, moved enticingly down to my groin. He stroked me lazily, almost playfully. I rocked my hips forward, feeling my need grow.

"Ed, I want you to do something."

His breath puffed against my neck, making me shiver.

"Anything," I said, softly. I was in love. I was his pet. What else would I say?

"I want you to control yourself today." Roy bit me on the neck.

An alarm sounded in my head for some reason. I squelched it immediately. I had to trust him. Realizing I couldn't ask him what he meant, I waited.

"I'm going to do things to you, but I want you to control yourself, do you understand? I want you to learn control." He bit my neck harder.

I felt a pinch of pain, but it quickly subsided. I wasn't sure what he meant, but that was okay. I'm sure he'll show me. I felt his arms guiding me around, rolling me onto my back. I looked up into his stunning face. Even just after waking up, he took my breath away. I could see lust in his eyes.

Roy rolled over and grabbed the bottle of oil. He put some in his palm and then came back to me. Reaching down, under thin sheets, Roy put his slick palm on my erection. He began to stroke it, slowly, sensually.

I bucked and gasped. My eyes began to close as a perfect pressure filled me with pleasure.

"No, Ed, look at me. I want you to look at me and stop moving your hips."

Confused, I opened my eyes and did as he asked. I tried to remain still, but his strokes got faster, harder. God, I wanted to thrust into his hand, but he didn't want me to. I bit my lip, curled my toes, trying to keep myself still for him.

"That's a good boy, Ed." He smiled at me and leaned down. He claimed me, lips crushing into mine, tongue probing.

I moaned, brows tensing, my climax building in my groin. I felt so good, but without being able to move, it teased me.

His hand swirled over the head of my length. His thumb found a spot, under the lip, and made tiny circles. A wave of pleasure rushed through my body, making me jerk up. He stopped.

"Ed, I told you to hold still." He looked pained.

Did I fail him? "I-I'm sorry. I'll do better."

The look on Roy's face was one I'd never seen before. He didn't say a word. He just came down and kissed me hard. When he drew back up, I thought I saw tears in his eyes. But, it must have just been the light. Then he put a tender kiss on my forehead. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I couldn't ask. I didn't dare disappoint him again.

"Okay, let's try again." He began stroking again, but it was fast and hard. Like he was testing me.

I struggled, eyes wanting to close, body yearning to move. But I held perfectly still, while wave after wave rippled through me, taunting me. I let out my frustration in short gasps, brows tensed, starting to pant. I felt my climax beginning to surface. He went faster. I started to worry, how would I hold still when my release came? Then, he just stopped.

"Okay, Ed. That's enough for today. Maybe we'll work on that later." Roy lay on his back.

My body was humming. I'd come so close, but what could I do? He didn't allow me to finish. I felt tears sting my eyes. No, not again, I thought. I bit my lip. He doesn't like to see tears. I held them back. Thankfully, he wasn't looking at me.

The covers flew off me. I felt chill air hit my body. Roy and I lay side by side on the bed, covers down, naked.

Roy's hand tugged on me. "Ed, I want you to give me a blow-job."

Oh no, I thought. Did that mean he'd leave me like this again, aroused, in agony, for the rest of the day? I pushed the thought out of my mind. I told myself to trust him.

I sat up and repositioned myself between his legs. I fisted his length and put his hard erection in my mouth, looking up at him. He really wanted me, I could tell. I pumped on him with my mouth, up and down, over and over. His hips thrust into me, his moans rang in my ears. My groin ached for attention, but I couldn't touch myself, he didn't like that.

My tongue flicked and swirled his tip, I came down on him again. He gasped and clutched the back of my head, fingers entwined in my disheveled braid. He pushed my head down further, making me take more of him in my mouth. I started moaning and twisting, trying to maintain control over my own body while I pleasured him. It was sweet agony, doing this and not getting what my body needed.

He began to tremble. Hips jerking up, his breathing became ragged. I knew he was close. I prepared myself. Hips driving up hard, a long groan filled the room. He filled my mouth, his erection pulsing against my tongue. I lapped and sucked and swallowed all I could, until he was done. I didn't spill a drop and I didn't touch myself. He'll be happy with me, I thought, grinning, while I gazed up at him.

"Damn, Ed, you are good." Roy raked his hand through his black hair.

My grin widened to a full smile. Pushing myself up, I lay across his chest, arms bent. Feeling his arm surround me, he placed a kiss on my head. If it weren't for my still slick erection gaining the slightest friction from his stomach at the moment, I'd be in heaven again. But his skin kept taunting me with its softness, the muscles below, so hard and perfect. I moved my hips, rubbing on him, only a little. It was delicious. A soft moan came out of me, before I had a chance to catch it.
"Ed, control yourself. It's all about control today." He pushed me off him and climbed off the bed. "I'm going to take a shower and go to the office. I think you should take a cab in. The number's by the phone, just tell them to come to the Mustang Residence, they know the address. I'll, uh, see you later." Roy strolled off towards his bathroom, his lean body lithe and graceful when he moved. The door closed.

I was stunned. I did something very wrong. I knew that. I shouldn't have given in to my urges. I stood slowly and began to dress. I felt numb. I couldn't believe what just happened. I tucked my still aroused member into my pants and put my shirt on.

After dressing fully, I went to the kitchen and picked up the phone, still feeling numb. I dialed the number, scrawled on a piece of paper next to it, and waited.

"Yellow Cab."

"Hello? Um, I need a cab sent to the Mustang Residence." My fingers played with the cord.

"Be there in ten."

I heard the click of the line as they hung up. Staring at the black receiver, I was confused, everything started to blur as I set it down. I felt something wet and hot on my cheeks. My breath hitched and my shoulders started to shake. I rushed my hand up to cover my mouth. Oh no, I'd started crying. I couldn't do that. I had to leave, right now. I ran to the door, slammed it open and tore off to the street.

***

Sighing, I opened the door to my dorm room.

"Brother! You're home!" Al sat up on our dingy brown couch.

"Yeah, I'm home." I tried to walk passed him, I just wanted to get in the shower and clean up. My mind was still reeling from everything that had happened. But, Al caught my arm as I brushed by him.

"What happened? You don't look so good."

After glancing at him, I looked away. I didn't want to answer his questions and he was persistent when he wanted something.

"Ed, you-you look like you've been crying?" Al stood up and faced me. He grabbed my chin and turned my face toward him.

I wouldn't look at him.

"You have. What happened? Didn't things go well?" He let go of my chin and waited for an answer.

I got angry, it was my only defense, and one I was good at. I glared at him. "Leave me alone, Al. Everything went fine. I wasn't crying. I was, I was, just, got allergies. Too many damn flowers or something."

"Flowers?" He bent over slightly. His next words teased me. "Do you mean he bought you flowers?" He began to chuckle.

"Uh, yeah." I scoffed and headed for the bathroom before he could ask any more questions.

"I didn't know guys bought guys flowers," Al called out, snickering.

After entering the bathroom and closing the door, I fell backwards against it. I shut my eyes tight. I had to somehow get through my morning shower without my ritual morning wack-off. It was going to be another day, just like yesterday, I realized. I'd be spending all my time fending off the urge to touch myself, or rub against something, or shove a book in my lap. God, I was pathetic. But, I was in love and that meant making certain sacrifices.

After starting the shower, I undressed, carefully pulling myself out of my pants and boxers. I was afraid if it felt too good, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I stepped in, under the cascading water. It was cool and soothing on my skin. I'd always heard cold showers helped with this sort of thing and I was willing to try anything.

Grabbing the soap, I spread it over my skin. I tingled all over, despite my attempts at keeping calm. I was so hard, it hurt. Reaching up, I turned up the cold water even more, to the point of making me shiver. I deliberately washed everything but my groin. Just the thought of having soap anywhere near my erection about sent me over the edge.

After cleaning myself, I stepped out. Proud that I'd completed the task the way Roy would have wanted me too, chaste and pure. Maybe I could tell him later, if there'd be a later, today. I felt a stab of pain at the last thought, remembering how he didn't say he'd send for me today, just said he'd see me later. It hurt.

***

Stomping through the halls of Central, I had to find Riza. She'd know where Havoc was. She knew where everyone always was. I 'd decided to talk to him about Roy. Maybe he could shed some light on our arrangement. I'd figured out a way to ask the questions I needed to ask without it looking like I was asking about myself, clever as I was.

I came up to her desk, noticing Roy's door hanging open behind her. I peeked in at Roy before speaking. He was embroiled in a report. He looked so good; it made me lick my lips. I felt myself harden. "Ahem, Hawkeye?"

She looked up at me. "Yes?"

"Do you know where Havoc is?" I shifted my stance, trying to make room for my growing length without being suspicious.

"Uh, well, he's on assignment in Liore." She looked at my like I was an idiot.

"He is? Did he leave this morning?" I did remember something about him going there, now.

She chuckled, shuffling papers on her desk. "No . . . he left yesterday. He had an eight AM train."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "But, I saw him in the library yesterday afternoon."

She glanced up at me, looking suddenly angry. "Shoot. I suppose he missed his train and was too afraid to tell me."

I chuckled nervously, wondering why he hadn't said anything to me about that. Maybe he was just too concerned about this thing between Roy and I. "Yeah, maybe."

"Fullmetal, could you come in here for a minute?" Roy called out from his office.

I couldn't hide the wide smile spreading on my face. My pulse quickened and my groin grew harder. I raced into his office and closed the door behind me, locking it.

Roy frowned, "Oh, no, no, don't lock it. Open the damn door back up." He was waving his hands at me.

I was thoroughly deflated, standing there, looking at him like I would just break down, then and there. He couldn't mean what he said, could he? How bad was I this morning?

Roy stood from behind his desk and paced over to me, until he stood right in front of me. "Ed, I told you to unlock and open the door." He glared at me.

I just wanted him to hold me, but I suppose I didn't deserve it, did I. I reluctantly turned around and did as he asked.

Roy went back to his chair, behind his desk. "Have a seat, Ed."

I walked over to his black leather couch and plopped myself down. I let my bangs fall into my face to hide my shame at not being good enough. I heard him open a drawer on his desk and shut it again. Peaking my interest, I looked over at him. He had a bottle of oil in his hand, same as the one he kept at home. I dropped my gaze to my lap and grinned, just couldn't help it. I shifted in my seat, giving my arousal more room.

Roy walked over to me in silence and came around behind me. Leaning over me, arm outstretched, he pushed his hand under my belt and into my pants.

I gasped as he fondled me, feeling his thumb run over the top of my length, slicking it with my own seed. My eyes chased his hand as he pulled it back out.

He rubbed his thumb and index finger together in a tiny circle. "Hmmm, you're pretty aroused Ed. Have you been a good pet?"

I jumped at the opportunity to answer, but glanced at the open door before I made my reply. I whispered, "Yes. I haven't done anything, not even when I took a shower this morning."

"Good. Learning about control, I see."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him pour the oil into his palm. My breathing grew heavy, anticipating what he would do. But, wait, the door was open, wasn't it? I shifted my gaze to the door, feeling anxious.

His hand plunged back into my trousers, sliding easily over me. I felt his breath tease my ear.

"Don't move, Ed. If you do, I'll call Riza in here."

I held my breath for a second thinking about what he just said. His hand felt exquisite. I let the pleasure wash over me, caress me, feed my need. I held myself still and quiet, clenching my teeth to hold it all back. As long as he didn't circle that spot again, I'd be okay.

I should have known better. His thumb found it, just under the lip of my erection. He gave it tiny swirls, sending pulses rocketing through me. He hit it harder. All my tension was focused in my fists, clenched tight. My hips twitched without moving. He pressed harder, swirled faster. I felt my climax getting close. Glancing at the door, I wondered if he'd call Riza in when it hit, because there was no way I'd be able to keep still or quiet. I'd fail for sure. Riza would see it. She'd see all of it.

I felt tears sting my eyes as I struggled to hold back, fought to keep my body under control. But release was there, baiting me with its promise, taunting me with its delectable force. A tiny gasp crept out between my lips. I bit my tongue. He stroked hard and fast, like he wanted me to fail. I couldn't think about how good it felt, but it kept pulling me back. A delicious tingling melded and grew stronger, more insistent. It was going to happen. Any second, and I'd be horribly shamed.

Then, he stopped. Just like that. He pulled out of my pants and stood up. He walked around to face me.

I began to pant, shoulders heaving forward. It was the only way to keep from falling completely apart, right here, in his office.

Roy crouched down in front of me, resting his hands on my thighs. He peered up at my face under my long bangs.

I twisted my head away. I didn't want him to see the tears, brimming, about to fall. I wanted to be good.

"You okay, Ed?" He appeared genuinely concerned. He did want me.

My reply came out strained but soft. "Yeah, I-I think so."

He patted my legs and stood up. "Good, you did a good job."

I was elated. I looked up at him, swiping at my eyes with the back of my hand. "Really?" I was actually smiling, even though my stomach felt sick and my body was still tensed for release.

"Yes, really." He strolled to his desk, opened his drawer, and dropped the bottle of oil into it. "So, I want you here with me, the rest of the day. You can finish up that report on the drachma uprising."

"O-okay." I sat forward, pressure from my pants sending a sweet ripple through my body.

Roy bounced the tip of a pen on his desk. "See, I want to keep you close. Because, I want to be sure you don't do something you shouldn't," he said, coyly. He looked over at me, as if to prove his point.

I nodded, eager to do his bidding. Of course, I secretly hoped at some point, he'd close and lock his door so we could finish what we'd started.