Chestnut Gaze (Finshed)

Warning None may understand this chapter but not many do understand the mind of the Insane. Also Warning on the Graphic explantions Read Last Chapter with an open mind or don't read this at all.


Chapter 5

Duo’s Thoughts……
Assignment Given by Doctor Heero Yuy.
10/1/08

The two months had passed, but to ones who are forced to be trapped inside there minds for all times. Time really doesn’t pass for them every day feels like the last. In there minds they wonder perhaps will it all end or are they even capable of wondering at all. When some are forced into the crazy minds that which inhabit such places like Mental Hospitals its just a very sad tail to tell. Perhaps these young men would have been smart despite there disabilities if only they were raised in the right conditions….. Then again the need for blood and the need to kill arises naturally in some of these mental patients before they are admitted. Perhaps its because there sprits were once blood thirsty demons that were killed to soon but the sprit fled to the new life growing, killed the other weaker sprit and took over causing them to be mental in the human world.

As in the civil human world killing is not acceptable…. Yet humans do it everyday in war murdering thousands of men each day they don’t even know for what land and money? Or Oil and yet these leaders and ones who want to do this don’t get put in jail Also its not insane to murder unborn babies these don’t get put in jail . As along as its organized murder its alright but once there is a stray that kills “innocent” lives they are then labeled as crazy. Though really none knows what crazy is as none really understands the mind fully or not at all. That is why there is no real cure for the “mentally insane” in everyone’s own right there is a bit of insanity bottled up waiting to be poked or prodded awake. Once this happens things change the mind goes blank all you see is colors then perhaps the next think you know you blink there is blood on your hands you look down and sniff its not your blood. Then you look down and you see a man below you dead with his chest and face cut open but not by a knife but by your own hands.

You look in the mirror seeing your purple gaze staring back at you behind a screen of hair. Blood is matted thickly in your chestnut locks or would be if not so mucked up with scum. Then you feel sore between your ass cheeks and you realize your standing naked over the corpse on top of a bed in your own room. You realize the shackles that were once holding you down where snapped and laying about the bed. Your own wrists are bleeding madly then you watch as the blood drips down on to the face of the dead man staring up at you with horror. You wonder why your ass is hurting and you see blood on the man’s dick who is also naked then you look around this room.
It smells of blood urine and cum. Then you remember this is the room where men had come to play with your body. The reason for the blood and cum and urine smell was the man who was dead before you would allow men to enter the room as along as they paid him fifty dollars they could do whatever they wanted to you. Ten men paid him fifty each to do what they wanted. Then I am chained to my bed while I am fucked and pissed on by drunk men laughing smoking and drinking and perhaps a bottle of beer would go up my ass from time to time. Though I couldn’t smell the Alcohol All I could smell was the richness of sex and piss.
I flicked my hands of the blood and ran my hands over my poor abused body looking in that mirror. I had scratch marks all about my body dug deep into my hips Also on my sides. I could feel the stickiness of piss all over my body. As well as cum I notice my nails were bent back but I had grown them long and had filed them into sharp dagger like points. I never meant to kill anyone, I just wanted it to stop I just wanted it to stop I just wanted it to stop I just wanted it to stop…. To Stop….. Stop to stop wanted it to stop! Why didn’t it stop when I said stop when I shouted at those men to stop…. WHY did they keep on going! Why didn’t they? I warned them I’d kill, It wouldn’t pretty.

Told them they’d be sorry each and everyone of them would be sorry! They didn’t stop none of them stopped! All I hear is the laughter of the sex demons ravaging my body over and over again. My body it was MINE and I had no control I told them they’d be sorry! Its mine, mine, mine I SAY! Now who is paying for there crimes I said they’d be sorry now I am cursed as I blacked out when my caretaker…. Whom I hate with all of the power below the spiritual realms I killed him he was the one who was sorry! Now I am sorry I didn’t mean to kill you! I just wanted it to stop! My body was weak I just wanted to rest why didn’t you let me rest? Now Your dead and I killed you, As I stood there over your body men in black suits rushed in seeing my chains were broken I thought they were going to end my miserable existences. Instead they shot me with forget it all drugs….. I have never forgotten and Yet I sit here in this place of Inanity forced to relive my horrid events day in and day out. Day in and day out Sunrise and sunset never to see a sunrise or sunset again. Forced to harbor this blood thirsty demon for all times! I would love to taste blood again. I didn’t mean to kill you that day, day, day, day, day, day!!!!!!
I did mean to taste blood and I do want to kill as its in my nature its in my blood to want to taste flesh with my teeth and tongue. Some may call it cannibalism, it can’t be when the one harbored inside of me isn’t human to began with. Evil demon punished and sent into the human realm into a mere mortal’s body. He desired to have blood, on that day when I had snapped it was when I made a deal with the demon to help me! As he helped me he meshed with my soul and became part of me. All I remember is blackness and colors all I remember is blood and your face dead staring up at me in horror as if you weren’t afraid of dieing but as if you saw something terrible before you died. Poor Human poor, poor human man. I bent down to caress his frightened face. To tell him that it was alright but he was dead his face was clawed his chest was clawed I had ripped him open with my teeth and claws.
I swear I killed him out of self protection I didn’t desire his blood but he did. He did the one I made the deal with the one who lay dormant in a cell inside of my body. Who I let out because I couldn’t take it anymore I was weak I couldn’t hold his gate closed when I was weakening. I submitted to my beast and allowed him to protect me.
Now I am forever marked as a crazy little boy forced to relive my nightmare over and over again.
Sitting in a cell day n day out, shuffling through the halls labeled crazy when the one who was between my legs was crazy well all those men who pissed on me and fucked me were crazy.
No one ever stops to analyze the insane one why was he insane no one cares all they know is he is mentally unstable. They only care about getting one more admitted so that they can get a raise for money.
So in reality who is the insane one the doctors the nurses the ones who drive us to the brink of insanity or is the whole world full on lunatics. Is the earth just a vast mental hospital and your measured by how insane your aloud to be if your to insane your put in a cell inside the cell which is called planet earth.
Which brings me back to my other point no one understands the human mind and when it goes to bizarre for the normal human they lock it away since they don’t understand.
Fear of course will do this, when a human speaks of the things that are out of the ordinary out of the physical eyes reach out of the narrow minded human perspective it will freak them out. Thus your labeled mental because your ideas don’t match up with those of the norm. No one can really say what is normal now can they. Why is going to work and school and eating and drinking and holding some type of “normal” conversation. Normal anyways why is going to church and singing and praising some being no one has ever seen not insanity? The Human its self can be a pretty deadly thing always creating new Ideas and corrupting fully the old ones. So it will be bended and twisted to suit there ways.
If you don’t believe in the way they believe you are damned to hell….. BUT sounds crazy to me as well…. Yet here I sit in a cell day n day out sunrise sunset for doing something like killing for my protection in brutal way…. When The United States of America goes to war. Shouldn’t the president and the army be put into a holding cell and given shots for wanting to go rip someone’s face off with some LEAD. Just because of oil? Because the President loves war? Because Blood seeping into the earths soil is better then humans living together in peace and harmony? I am called crazy…. Also who is the one who made the rules on how one can write and say there way is the right way. Any other way is wrong? As along as it is read able why is it wrong? Just cause there is no punctuation in a certain place my words and my documents are wrong. Just cause I can’t write the English language well means I am wrong when I type in my own language. I am not human I am not English or American or British or European or Asian or Maxine or any of those other regions and countries of the world . When I was born I had a label put on me saying this is who I am and what I am before I even got a say. I was never given a name by anyone I named myself. My name is “Duo Maxwell” That is who I am and what I am and what I will always be. Even if these humans keep sticking me with metal needles It won’t change who I am or what I am I will always be me. Sitting here trapped in this cell with chains on my wrists and this stupid nightgown draped over my body.
The human mind can not comprehend anything I say my words are to complex for them. Then I get all jumbled up in my words as they hold me down to once again put that toxin in my veins!
Different is not good we all must be uniform in away think how society thinks or your burnt at the stake because your ideals are wrong!
Because humans can’t fathom too deep or complex, I may be trapped in this human body….. I know my thoughts and soul are anything beyond human I don’t believe I don’t think. I know I am not of the humans now though I was born from a human women and grown up in a human body with the human emotions as it comes in tact with the make up the brain also the heart. Above all that my thinking is to complex to deep to just be a mere human.
For that I am untimely and utterly labeled a freak, cast into a cell ignored called a stranger called insane called not fit to be among the humans. Which if I really am not a human thus why I don’t fit in. Thus why I need to be in a cell because I am not part of the human norm.
Words are the only way us beings with a voice box and a mind know how to communicate our thoughts and feelings and believes and knowledge. If I learned things beyond that it is known as taboo just because a human says so. Just cause someone went to school and read books and books and even did tests on the mind and the brain! One still can’t actually see into the mind. No matter what they try to do with technology which has only come about in the last 100 years that humans have started to become more ”Modern” Doesn’t mean these man made contraptions can know for sure they are reading the brain correctly.
As far as the ones who are confused I believe it’s the ones running the mental hospital as they really don’t know what they are doing at all. They are just perplexed by the way the mind works. So there own brains make up some sort of solution to help them perhaps get a firm grasp but once they think they understand the mind shifts and changes again. Just like the water that flows it doesn’t stay in one spot its always different water every time.
Well I have come to the end of this insane repeat track as my brain is only on the cycle of my own life. What little life you’d like to call it. Not much meaning to my life is there. Unless my soul purpose in life was to bring pleasure and laughter to other men through my body. Then to sit in a cell for the rest of my human days tell this demon can be set free of this cell the cell which is my body.
How is it you wonder I am able to type this? How can someone so full of drugs be coherent enough to type anything so deep and complex. Well to my mind this isn’t complex at all its just simple words of my mind expressing to the world how I feel. As was my assignment given to me by My Dear precious Doctor. Doctor Heero Yuy he is my love and again humans say we who are insane are incapable of the privilege and cures of the word called LOVE, if I can hate then I can love….. Heero Yuy is my love and will always be my love. I just wish I could tell him but all he sees me as is a empty vessel when he sees my eyes looking up at him. He only sees emptiness when I try to speak to him all that comes out to his ear his jumble.
My Dear Love has been completely corrupted by the society in which he got his Doctrine in taught to think narrowly taught to think logically to the humans perspective of logic.
Heero Yuy is my Red Angel…. Why red because red symbolizes many things it symbolizes blood which is red and blood gives life. Also Red is the color of madness and Love. Of course he is an Angel because he protects me and serves me as if I was his God and worships me softly in his own secretive ways.
Egotistical You may call me, but to the mere human my ways do seem as though I am full of myself.
One thing I can never do and that is tell a lie I will not lie even if it keeps me in this pen forever. I will tell the truth though no human will believe me that is fine my truths aren’t being pushed on anyone to believe or know that I am right. Lest I know I am, I know I am right………….
That is why I killed Doctor Trieze you see yes that doctor was evil I hated him, Once Again I blacked out and woke with a corps on top of me his blood seeping over my body dying it red. This was the day My love returned he saw Trieze over top of me naked I was naked, I had use my teeth at first and sunk them into Trieze’s neck tell I tasted blood then I ripped him open as he was shoving his penis deep inside of me. I Killed him I killed the bastard! And I lay in my cell with this dead body laying on top of me the bleeding body which I ripped a part with my hands. Was now saturating my body, I pleaded with him to stop I begged and pleaded he didn’t know what he was doing. I blacked out and woke up and Heero Yuy was standing over me with horror on his face.
Then I saw a reflection of what I had done I had killed him blood was covering my face once again a screen of hair was over my bloody face purple eyes glow up at my love. I look like a beast a monster with Trieze’s blood dried about my lips, also my chain and down my neck.
I told him to stop it I did I pleaded I begged I cried what is the point in a voice when its not even heard nor heeded but only laughed at.
I look up at my love with tired eyes I reach up for him as the dead body was taken he backed away slowly. My hand was also covered in blood dried blood. I looked awful to my love so I suppose a gown of blood will not please my love. Perhaps he wishes to see my body in the nude with nothing on at all. I call out Heero’s name come back to me my love my red angel I think but his eyes were to horrified by the play before him. To even want to touch me, then guards rushed in and seized me and took me from the cell and where I saw Trowa me cell mate babbling in coherently in the corner to his own angel trying to describe the horrific events that played before his green eyes that he couldn’t comprehend poor blessed soul.

The men were yelling and screaming calling me a monster as I was taken into a wash room where my body was scrubbed down once again by mean rough hands I said nothing.
I only stood there and let them wash me up…. finally I learned that screaming dose nothing. My words to these mortals will not price there narrow minded ways. Once they got me all clean and put in a new gown they then put my body in a straight jacket and put me on a straight bored with wheels and wheeled me to an elevator I ride in silence no more fighting I am tired and weak. As I go up.
They take me off my straight bored ride and set me in the white padded room I am once again the evil one, the one who was in the wrong not to mention Trieze was the head of the hospitals favorite doctor. Probably sucked his cock for him anytime he wished.
Thus I am the one who is at fault even though it was evident I was the one being raped.
The sheer fact that I could do that to a human was even more disturbing then him raping me.
They slam the door and lock me away keeping such a powerful creature at bay someone so freighting they had to put me in a straight jacket someone to strong for them.
Everything at this point starts to fade as I had been injected with so many drugs at once. My human shell starts to shut down I lay back chestnut screen over my face as I stare through with my purple in human gaze. The gaze of which all human fear the most.

That is the unknown…………………

The End @_@