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Unforgivable	By : thePrincesJewel Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7485 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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I suppose I ought to stick a disclaimer on this chapter, as I stuck most of a song in it. As it says in the appropriate paragraph, it�s not mine.

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He recognized the box. Trunks had made it when they were still teens, had told him he would get it when the time was right. Vegeta had set it quietly on the table by his bed, and it had been there, untouched, for three days. He was still trying to decide what to do with it.

Trunks had called it the dream box. It wasn�t empty, he�d watched the other put something in it from time to time. He�d never seemed very happy when he had, though, and Goten wasn�t all that sure he wanted to know what his former lover had put in the box. He wasn�t sure he didn�t want to know, either - which is why it had wound up on his lap.

He blinked down at it, uncertain as to when he had gotten up to get it. Watched the lid open. Blinked down at the contents, puzzled. These were dreams? One at a time, he pulled each photo out, glancing at the date, before moving to the small, rusted items taped to paper. These were also dated, all with a single word: Failed. He got to the bottom of the box, lifted out the false bottom Trunks had once shown him.

There were more photos, and two envelopes: one old and yellowed, the other a newer lavender. They were teens, early twenties, maybe, in these pictures. Happier times than the prior set. He opened the newer envelope first, read the single line. My dreams bleed away. The other envelope was thicker. He pulled the pages from it, began to read.

Goten-

I told you, that when the time was right, you would get this box. I have to wait until my dream comes true, before I can give it to you. It�s not a very good apology, I know, but I want you to be able to understand, if we survive. And I know that, if I can ever give it to you, we may have changed so much that we don�t even know ourselves. I don�t know how long it will take to make you strong enough - to make me strong enough. I did something stupid. After I talked to you, after I told you how much I loved you, I got in a fight with my father. It was bad. Really bad. I told him I loved you, and he lost it. Literally. I don�t think I would have lived if he hadn�t come to his senses and given me a senzu.

And then, he shoved me down and told me there was no way that I would ever have you, he�d kill you first. If there was ever the slightest hint that I wasn�t obeying him, that I was seeing you that way, he�d kill you. I�m glad you didn�t see him then, the way he looked. I was so scared I wet my pants, and I knew he meant it. He would kill you, and he�d do it slowly - and make me watch. He said so.

I didn�t know what to do. But I knew the two things he cared most about were his pride and his strength. And I thought that maybe, if we got strong enough to beat him, then we could be together the way we wanted to be. But I had to be sure my father didn�t find out what I was doing, and that meant I couldn�t tell you - because he�d be able to tell just by looking at you.

You�re so easy to read, Goten. Father knew you cared for me more than you ever said. He described what he�d do to you if I ever was to give him any reason to think that I was treating you other than I always had. I�ve never been so scared in my life. And I decided then and there that we�d be together, no matter what it took.

I�m afraid you will hate me. Because there�s really only one way for a Saiyan to get stronger, after all. I�ll have to hurt you. I�ll have to half-kill you sometimes, maybe, until you�re strong enough, and I�ll have to train myself. So that we can stand up to him and be able to fight back. Be able to beat him, together or alone, whichever it takes, so that we can be together forever.

And I�ll hurt you, your feelings, too. I know I will. Because I�ll have to act like you�re nothing more than a friend, not even a best friend, maybe. I may even have to pretend you aren�t even that important. I�ll have to have other lovers, so that my father will never be able to smell you on me, after we�ve been together. And Goten, I�m sorry. Because I know that our times together mostly won�t be very nice. I�m going to be hurting you then, too, as much as I can stand to, so you�ll be stronger. It won�t always be bad, I love you too much. I hope I never get so locked into making you stronger that I forget to be gentle, forget to make our time special. But I don�t know how long it will take us to get strong enough to go against my father.

Not to mention your mother.

Goten laid the sheets aside for a moment, taking in what he�d just learned. And comparing it to what Vegeta had told him that last, horrible night. It didn�t make sense, but he knew that this letter had been written back when they were teens. The envelope had been under the false bottom when Trunks had shown it to him. He�d reached for it, only to have his hand crushed, to hear Trunks tell him it wasn�t time yet.

His name and the engravings hadn�t been on the box yet, but he�d seen the designs carefully penciled in. Trunks had never had him over after they�d professed their love - not without leaving the door to any room they were in wide open. They�d often had tickle wars, those had stopped entirely after the first time he�d tried to initiate one and been hit hard enough to send him flying across the room. Their friendship had changed after that, but he was never really sure how to explain the change.

But, Vegeta! Vegeta had suggested he move in! He had been the one to comfort Goten that night, to demand the promise that Trunks be told. How could he have known all this time and have been so� accepting of them being together, if what Trunks wrote was true? Slowly, he moved to pick up the last of the sheets, these crisply white.

Things changed a lot, didn�t they? I started collecting the blades when I realized what you were doing. The pictures� those were to remind me why you thought you needed those blades. You should have gotten stronger. We trained, we fought. I raped you so many times, hurting you so much. You should have gotten stronger. Maybe my father saw something back then that I couldn�t see. Maybe you�re like Bra, more human than Saiyan, and that�s why you didn�t get any stronger than you did, no matter how often you were at the brink of death. I don�t know.

I� I don�t know how to apologize for all those wasted years. I don�t know how to explain that I didn�t believe that my father wasn�t setting us up for something, that I believed that he meant to come in and see me being tender so he could rip you away and force me to watch him destroy you. I don�t know why I still expected him to do that, even when I see him being so gentle with your father - whom he swore to kill.

I don�t know. Maybe when he was sick back then, before your father disappeared, something happened. I don�t know. I still can�t understand that he changed his opinion of us being together so much.

I don�t know if you are willing to try again. To be my lover this time, the way I�d always dreamed we could be when we were strong enough. We spent so many years in that twisted way of life, that I don�t know that I wouldn�t do something bad to you without even meaning to. I can�t promise I wouldn�t hurt you.

I�ve spent the last few months wondering how everything went so wrong, wondering how I could have let it go so far. Wondering why I never tried to explain this to you before. Wondering if there was any way you would ever forgive me and if there was a way I would ever be able to make up for all the years of pain I put you through� for nothing. Because in the end, it was for nothing. Even when I had my father�s support in our relationship, I couldn�t believe it. I couldn�t seem to stop hurting you. And you� Well. That blade is in here, with all the others. I can�t not blame myself for what you did that night, but it took a long time before I was ready to admit that it was my fault. I�d just gotten so used to hurting you and then putting myself to sleep so that I wouldn�t have to listen to the pain I�d caused, that I didn�t even think that night. That night� it should have been so special, and instead it was - it was a nightmare, for both of us.

I know you really like Savage Garden. There�s a song they do. I would like to visit you for awhile get away and out of this city maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break we could go sit on the back porch relax talk about anything it don't matter I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me because I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from the pain what I wouldn't give to see your face again springtime in the city always such relief from the winter freeze snow is more lonely than cold if you know what I mean everyone's got an agenda don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright can you believe what a year it's been and I'm still the same has your opinion changed cause I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from these sentences but what I wouldn't give to see your face again I know I let you down again and again I know I never really treated you right I paid the price and still I�m paying for it every day so maybe I shouldn't have called was it too soon to tell what the hell it doesn�t really matter how do you redefine someone who never really had a name has your opinion changed cause I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from the pain but what I wouldn't give to see your face again see your face see your face You know that one, you used to listen to it a lot. I went out and got this after you - after I threw you out. When I got your letter, this was what was playing.

Maybe it�s time, Goten. Maybe we can stop running from the pain - the pain I caused us by doing what I did. Maybe you can�t forgive me for what I did. Maybe the way I treated you can�t be forgiven. I�ve still got a picture of you - of us - by our bed. I know you�ve probably heard about all the women I�ve been seen with, but I haven�t had any of them. I couldn�t. I only wanted you, but after what I did� I didn�t think you�d ever accept me again. Is there any chance at all? Can you forgive me for being so stupid, for putting you through so much awfulness? I want to see you again. I want to love you the way I used to, before my father tried to kill me and threatened to kill you. Before everything changed. I don�t know if it�s too late, Chibi, but are you willing to forgive me and give us another chance?

I love you so much that it hurts.

Yours forever

Trunks

He folded the pages carefully back together, put them in the envelopes. Put those back in the box with the photos. Put the false bottom back in place. Matched pictures to the blood-rusted razorblades, and laid those back in the box. Closed it. Made his way to the dresser and placed it carefully in the center of the top. Pulled the framed picture from its hiding place and set it on top of the box. And then, went back to bed, too tired to wonder what to do next, too awake not to think about it.

Goten sighed, sinking into the huge pile of pillows on his bed, pulling the blanket back up to his chin. The slight knock at the door he ignored, it was only a formality. Vegeta came in, glancing at the dresser. �You opened it, then.�

�Yes.�

�I suppose you have questions?� The older man approached, efficiently setting up a small tray of food.

�No.�

�No?� Vegeta looked up from his chore. �None?�

�I read the letters.�

�Letters?� The food was ready, Vegeta sat back, as had become his custom. He generally stayed while Goten ate.

Goten picked up the chopsticks, poking them at the food, but not really hungry enough to try a bite. �Yes. It was his dream for us to be together. When we were strong enough to face you, he planned for us to do just that, to let you know that you couldn�t keep us apart.� The chopsticks speared a potato wedge; he allowed it to drop back to the plate.

�Strong enough to face me?� Vegeta sounded genuinely surprised; Goten looked up from his contemplation of his dinner in time to see a sudden understanding dawn. �I remember� but he was sixteen! Twen�.� His voice died as full realization hit. �It was my fault. What I said to him that day��

�Yes,� Goten replied simply, spearing another potato. This one, he nibbled at a bit before allowing it to fall back to the plate. �For twenty-seven years, I was beaten and raped so that my strength would grow, and he trained, so that one day, when we were strong enough, we could challenge you and prove our right to be together.� This time, it was a bite-sized egg roll that he attacked with the chopsticks.

Vegeta raked a hand through his hair. �But I told you to move in! And then accepted you as my own in front of him and your family and friends! Why, after that�? You didn�t need to be stronger. Neither of you did.� His voice dropped, becoming barely audible. �All the horror I went through, all the horrible things I did� the past comes back, never letting go.�

�Who was he, Vegeta?� Another bit of calamari. �The man you kept going back to even though he hurt you? How did you finally get over him?�

�He was one of Frieza�s top men, one of his best warriors. He liked� to hurt me, to hear me scream. Everyone else, I fought. To take me, they risked being maimed or killed, I let no one touch me� except him. I loved him. I would beg him to hurt me, just so that I could please him.� Vegeta looked up, at the door. �When I� when I came after the dragonballs I� knew there was� that�. He was Frieza�s top man, went everywhere with him. I knew I meant nothing to him, that I was just a convenient toy, a sexual plaything. Frieza� ordered him to kill me. I was� wasn�t the one� who died.�

�You killed him?� Goten dropped his chopsticks. �But� how could you?�

�To survive. I had to kill him, or I would have died. I died anyway, but the dragon restored my life. Afterwards, I swore I would never allow myself to feel so again. I told myself that I was a Prince, that I needed no one to complete me, that no one would ever again have that kind of power over me. Bulma was a means of carrying on my lineage, but I grew to care for her, over time, to love her. But she always knew what I needed, who I wanted. Before she died, she told me� she told me she wished that Goku was still alive because she knew that in spite of what I said about wanting to kill him, that I loved him even more than I had ever loved her.� He laughed slightly. �She was right. I will allow nothing to separate us again.�

�Vegeta?� The older man turned to look at him. �What should I do?�

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Vegeta: I hope that did not imply what I think it did.

Jewel: *grins*

Vegeta: *scowls* It does, doesn�t it?

Jewel: *points to Muse*

Muse: *grins, holds up pic*

Vegeta: *swearing in Saiyan*

Goku: Hey, who�s that?

Gohan: I remember that guy from Namek!

Vegeta: *now frothing at the mouth*

Trunks: He�s so� girly.

Goten: Your dad loved him and has a problem with us?

Goku: ?????

Vegeta: *momentarily coherent* THIS IS A STUPID STORY!

Jewel: Well, I voted for him.

Vegeta: *pauses in fuming* You what?

Jewel: Muse did threaten to have that be Nappa instead.

Vegeta: *looks green* Nappa????!

Goku: The bald guy? Yuck! He�d have been better off with my brother!

Vegeta: Your brother was a weakling!

Goku: Well, I�m not.

Vegeta: I know that!

Goku: So you should be with me.

Everyone: O.o�

Vegeta: I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.

Muse: *scribbles furiously, hands paper to Jewel*

Jewel: EWWWWW!!!!!! *hands paper to Vegeta*

Vegeta: You live. Help me kill Muse. *hands paper to Kakarot, prepares for fusion dance*

Goku: AHHHHHHH! This is worse than lemon-colored plot bunnies! *tosses paper, fuses with Vegeta, and proceeds to pound the hell out of Muse*

Goten & Trunks: *peer at paper. Fuse. Join in beating Muse*

Gohan: *looks confused, picks up paper. Eyes widen. Joins the beating of Muse*

Jewel: He really should stop making Saiyans mad�
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Unforgivable