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Bejiita Unattached	By : RenaSama Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3098 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
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Bejiita - Unattached

Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'

Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com

Date Written: 3-25-03

Rated: NC-17

Warnings: Yaoi, rather lemony, lil angsty, steamy, language. Enjoy ^^

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just using the characters for my own amusement. So don't sue!

| ...words... | denotes thought.

===

Part 6

I let the warm spray of the shower wash away my tears, my seed, and my shame. I watch the water swirl down the drain, taking with it all those things I wanted to discard.

This is the last time. The last time I cry over him. That's it. Done. I just can't do this anymore! It's killing me!

I have to give up.

|But can I? I still lov- |

I squeeze my eyes shut, grimacing at the ache in my chest.

I have to let him go.

I turn off the water and walk out of the shower to look at myself in the foggy mirror.

"I have to give up."

"Let it go."

"Let him go."

"Let."

"Him."

"Go."

I whisper these words to myself. I let out a long breath, feeling oddly relieved. But I know this is only the first step to accomplishing my goal. It will take more than this. My recovery starts today.

I walk in my room and sift through my drawers, intent on putting on my usual training suit, but I stop. I walk over to my closet and spy a suit in the far end of it. A navy, pinstripe suit. Buruma's favorite. I pull it from the hanger and dress quickly, finding the matching shirt, tie, and cufflinks with the Capsule Corp. logo on them as well. I look myself over in the mirror and smirk.

Feeling like a million Zeni, I walk through the house to find Burum spo spot her in one of the many tech rooms in the complex, mulling over some perplexing formula. I strut loudly, drawing her attention to me in her favorite suit. She stares open mouthed and wide eyed. I smirk, devilish as ever, and tilt her chin up.

"Let's go somewhere nice tonight... just you and me..."

She nods mutely. Her blue eyes shining happily.

"How fast can you get ready?"

She had already dropped her pen and was out the door by the time I finished the sentence.

===

It's been days since my little father son chat. I've done little more that think and mope. And it's gotten me nowhere. I've never dealt with a situation like this before. I'm truly at a loss for what to do about it. The only one who knows of my plight, and understands it is Gohan. Perhaps he'll be more willing to talk now that there's some distance between us.

I pick up the phone and dial his number. It rings twice before he picks up.

"Hello?"

"Gohan... what should I do?" I skip the phone pleasantries and protocol.

"Hm?"

"I...can't do this anymore! I can't live this way."

He takes a breath.

"This?" he parrots. "And by �this' you mean avoiding Bejiita and moping and brooding around the house about your failed marriage?"

I don't answer, but then I don't need to. He knows he's right.

"And what good has it done you? Why haven't you gone after him by now? What are you waiting for?"

Long pause. A short, shaky breath.

"I was... afraid, and ...ashamed. I'd always followed my gut feelings to tell me what to do, to tell me right from wrong. But... I never thought... wanting him could be so... wrong... when my heart told me otherwise. I thought... by running to him so soon after leaving Chichi... would be like legitimating... all the horrible things she said about me... the night I left. "

I pause as I feel my throat tighten again.

"She was ...so cruel Gohan...� I whisper, choking back my tears.

He is silent, digesting all I had said.

Nothing was said for several minutes.

"It's not wrong... dad."

"Hmm?"

"Loving him... it's all right. It's all right."

I sighed. I think I needed to hear that more than anything else. Especially from someone who spoke from experience. Something about his tone of voice gave him away. His sudden interest in Bejiita's life and well being, when he'd never shown such before.

"Gohan... why do you love him?" For some reason I just had to know.

"W...what? I never said I lo-"

"You didn't have to."

Sigh.

"I... I'm not sure how long I've felt that way. I didn't realize it till recently."

| Just like me |

"He..." Another sigh. "He's so different from anyone else I've ever met. He's strong and determined, and unshakably confident in himself..." A light laugh. "Sometimes even to the point of delusion and foolishness. He's cold, calculating, cocky and disdainful. He's not all the kind of person I would have expected to love... But I do."

"You know... one thing that always struck me about him was he puts up this front of hostility all the time, to hide how vulnerable he really is. He always wants to be the strongest, but he gets beaten pretty often. And he keeps trying; even though I know how much losing bothers him...I know how much hrideride has suffered."

"I...I don't know why... but I don't want him to have to suffer through that anymore... He's had some much pain and sadness in his life. I... I just want to protect him...�

"That's ... all...� he whispers. I knew that wasn't all there was to his feelings for Bejiita, but I'd heard all I needed to hear.

"You're right; he has had a lot hardship in his life. But you make him seem like some child that needs taking care of...�

That really irked me. Somehow it reminded me so much of Chichi.

"He's a grown man Gohan. All the things he's been through have made him the powerful, arrogant, tortured, needy, irresistible man his is today. Without them, he just wouldn't be Bejiita at all. His fate is tragic, but should not be pitied."

Gohan said nothing. A bit stunned by my words as their meaning hit him.

Pause.

"Gohan... thanks for listening. I guess I really needed to talk it out."

"N...no prob dad..."

I hung up. It felt good to get that off my chest. But Gohan didn't have all the answers. I would have to do this on my own, the only way I knew how. I put two fingers to my forehead and vanished.

TBC
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