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Unforgivable	By : thePrincesJewel Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7485 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
I nearly forgot: Standard disclaimer applies. Zweb�s mine. Sorta.

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�I love Vegeta.� Goku sat on a small hill just outside of the city Zweb lived in. He frowned, rolling the words around in his head a few times. �I love Vegeta? That just sounds so� weird.�

He sighed and fell backwards, his hands under his head. He stared up at the sky. Could Zweb actually be right? Did he love that arrogant, proud, sarcastic little bastard? Did I just call Vegeta a bastard????! I didn�t even call Frieza that when he was being one. Damn, Zweb may� I cursed. Oh crap, she�s probably right. I never talk or think like this! I�m a good boy! He tried again. �I love Vegeta.�

It still sounds so wrong. Me loving Vegeta? I mean, sure, I love sparring with him, but that�s not the same as loving him! That�s just an entirely different thing. That would be like� like� Master Roshi and Yamcha dating! The mental image amused him, he started chuckling, but his humor didn�t last. He had too much to think about, and thinking made his head hurt. He sat up again, crossing his legs and assuming the old pose he had used back in the days when Mr. Popo had been training him. �I think I need to be a rock.�

Thrice damned pool. Why do I keep coming here? What fascination does this place hold for me? Vegeta, at the pool yet again, snorted. �Because it�s the only damned place I�ve ever beaten that baka, that�s what hold it has. I hate this place!�

Even so, he landed. Somewhere, there had to be a clue. There had to be a reason. He�d beaten Kakarot. Twice, no less, and both times after the baka had recently beaten him. �We were both black and blue, both tired. So how, after he had beaten me, could I have subdued him so easily?� Vegeta muttered angrily, then kicked a rock. That question was becoming an obsession with him. Finding an answer to it already was. He stopped just as he was about to kick a second rock. �Maybe I didn�t actually beat him. Could he have let me�. No. No, there�s no way. Kakarot always�� he frowned, �holds back so he doesn�t hurt me too much. Gods above and below, why would anyone allow that to happen to them if they could fight?!!�

He paced to the edge of the pool, looking down into the water. And then, as Kakarot often had, he scooped up a handful of pebbles and began throwing them into the water. He would come down here at least once a week, staring into the water and throwing rocks. I never did understand that, but it never seemed like a good idea to ask him why. At first, I thought it was just something he did to pass time, until that day when I stood over there, where I could see his face.

Vegeta skipped several rocks to the other side of the pool. He came here after asking if I had remembered anything. I remember now. He must have wanted to ask me something about that day, and it must have been important to him if he was crying because he couldn�t ask. But then, he could have been crying because - His thoughts wrenched, ceasing to become his own, as the brief reading he�d done of Goku came to the fore.

Vegeta - longing - confusion - misery - false happiness - Vegeta shook his head, dispelling the visions, but not the memory of them. He settled down to the ground, scooping another handful of pebbles absently, and watching the ripples overlap each other the way Kakarot�s emotions had overlapped his memories. So, he wasn�t just coming out here because of me. No one else knew what I did to him. I didn�t even know what I did to him. He came out here, where no one could see him, to be miserable because there was nowhere else for him to express how he really felt. He has come here for that before - because he was the happy one, the one everyone told their troubles to, and the one who always cheered everyone up. He didn�t feel he had anyone to turn to.

�Zweb, I don�t think you�re right. I know what you said, that I love him, but I just can�t seem to believe it.�

She looked up from the stewpot. �Here, Goku, is the one place you have dropped your mask. Here, you have shed tears, here you have sorrowed. Here is the one place where there is someone who can see past that smile that doesn�t reach your eyes, and knows that you are in pain.�

�What?�

�Lunch is almost ready. Set the table.� Zweb stirred the stew, reminding herself sotto voice that Goku was simple, and explanations were supposed to be kept that way. She dished out the first serving. �Goku, I know you well enough to know when you are hurting, but pretending that everything is fine. I also know you well enough to know you love this prince, Vegeta. I did not say that you were going to return home and begin a seduction.�

Goku choked on his stew. �ZWEB! I�m eating!�

�You are inhaling, not eating. Chew. Savor the flavor.� Zweb suited action to words, glaring across the table at her guest. �I would have thought your wife would have insisted on proper table manners.�

Goku flushed, and slowed down. �Oh, this�s good!� He cocked his head to one side, then amazed her by naming the herbs she�d used to season it. �Not enough salt, though,� he said sadly.

�I have no salt. You know this.�

�I know. That�s why there isn�t enough.� He helped himself to another bowlful. �But when I say to myself that I love Vegeta, it just doesn�t sound right, Zweb. It sounds wrong. It sounds like Master Roshi dating Yamcha.�

She smiled. �The two men who are more appreciative of female flesh than any other thing? Perhaps, but I do not believe that I am wrong, Goku. I believe you love this man.�

�But Zweb,� Goku wailed, so dismayed that he was ignoring his food, �Vegeta�s a guy! I can�t love a guy!�

�Why not?�

�Because� because� because it�s not right!�

�Why not?�

�It just isn�t! I don�t know why it isn�t, I just know it isn�t.�

�You have two sons whom you love, do you not?�

�My boys?� Thrown off-course, Goku frowned. �Of course I love them.�

�And is that not a case of a man loving other men?�

�Yes.�

�So what is wrong ?�

�With what?�

Zweb clasped her fingers together, muttering something uncomplimentary about the Saiyan�s intelligence. �If it is right for a man to love male children, what is wrong with the same man loving another man?�

�I�m not going to have sex with my kids!� Goku yelped when understanding dawned. �That�s what! Fathers are supposed to love their children. They aren�t supposed to love other men! Especially if both men happen to be married to perfectly good women!�

Zweb counted to fifty. Slowly. �I did not say, Goku, that you wished to have sex with this man. I said that you love him.�

Blink. Blink. Blink blink blink. �Huh?�

Vegeta trained by rote. Same routine, day after day. He would not forsake his training, not even for the sake of learning whether he had subdued Kakarot, or if the man had submitted willingly. However, the question would not leave his mind, and he often thought of the muddled emotions he�d gotten from Kakarot when he�d read the man.

He came to himself quite suddenly, realizing that he�d blasted the last of the drones several minutes before. A nagging sense tugged at him. Slowly, almost unwillingly, Vegeta left the GR. He stopped outside the room Goku had used, and walked in. The last time I looked in here, everything was here. It was where it should have been. He hadn�t come back to get anything. And something was wrong, but I couldn�t tell what. This time, I�m going to find out!

The bed was still messy, covers thrown back. Vegeta smiled just a little. Kakarot had wakened one day to one of the male servants in his room, and had nearly died of fright. They�d forbidden anyone to enter the room after that, and had forgotten to let the servants know it was allowable again. His eyes shadowed as he realized why Kakarot had been frightened.

He moved to the bed, sitting on the edge, allowing his eyes to scan the room. Again, the feeling of wrongness shot through him, but he couldn�t pinpoint what caused it. Kakarot�s steel-bristled brush was on the dresser, a shirt tossed over the back of a chair. In one corner was a pair of pajama bottoms, Vegeta knew the top was in the bathroom. The fuzzy, bright pink bunny slippers looked out of place, but Vegeta knew perfectly well the crazy things were a favorite of the younger man. He�d seen Kakarot wear them entirely too often!

What is it? What is it that makes me think something is wrong? There are clothes scattered here and there, towels on the floor in the bathroom, pictures everywhere, books and papers on the desk, a nightlight plugged into the wall� These are all normal things. Although I still find it hard to believe Kakarot insisted on a nightlight more suited to a little girl�s room than a man�s! Vegeta glared at the nightlight. A pink bonnet trimmed with lace topped the head of a shepherd girl in a matching dress, two tiny lambs at her feet and a crooked stick in her hand.

He distracted himself by walking to the desk and picking up one of the books. Childhood Trauma? What kind of a book is that? He picked up the next. Psychology of the Human Emotion. And the next. Dealing with Loss. He was frowning again by the time he had looked at all of them and stacked them neatly. Every last one of these has something to do with psychology or trauma. Was he trying to understand why I raped him by reading these? Or trying to heal?

He snatched up the papers, printed with Kakarot�s distinctive block letters. Vegeta sat in the chair, his eyes glued to the words. That IDIOT! He just left these laying out where anyone could see them? I could have found these before I got my� Oh. He was hoping I would, so he wouldn�t have to explain. Explain what? How could he possibly explain to me something that I did? He put the papers tidily together, and shut them up in the drawer of the desk, which he locked. Those would not see the light of day again, until Kakarot came back. And then, he had some explaining of his own to do!

And yet�. Vegeta looked around the room again. Thinking about it, he realized that books in Kakarot�s room was one thing that had bothered him. But it wasn�t the only thing. Not the main thing. Absently, he picked up the picture on the desk. And froze.

He and Kakarot together? When had this� ah, while his memories had been gone. Vegeta stood, striding across the room to snatch up another picture. So that�s why I thought something was wrong. The pictures. Any fool with half a brain can see something is wrong in them. He looks lost, in spite of that smile. Like someone killed his dog, and expected him to not mind. And this one. This was earlier. Not long after we left the cave, actually. He looks like he�s afraid I�ll bite him if he doesn�t smile.

Vegeta went through all the pictures in the room. Kakarot�s smile gleamed at him from all of them, but it never reached his eyes. Those gave him away in all of them. In the earliest pictures, the eyes were those of a child abandoned by the ones he loved, lost in a place he�d never been, and terrified of being alone. In the most recent, they were full of hopelessness and defeat.

All the pictures had been taken in the eight months after Kakarot had brought him back, before he�d made the other man run. Vegeta himself featured in a great many of them, and he winced at his own look. He looked happy, of all things, and his smile was reaching his eyes. Oh, he had a lost look in his eyes, too, but nothing so pronounced as what he could see in Kakarot�s. How had they missed realizing how dreadfully unhappy the man had been?

Because he�s played the part of a happy fool for so many years no one would believe he could ever be unhappy. Because not even his closest friends were people he felt he could confide in when he had trouble - and he�s had more than what I know of. Just smile, Kakarot, and everyone thinks you�re fine. No wonder everyone was always asking me if I was feeling okay - my habitual scowl was missing. No one asks me how I am now that it�s back� but you didn�t dare drop your smile so that someone could be there for you. Baka!

He couldn�t know how closely his thoughts were paralleling Goku�s. That one, far away where he felt safe, was weeding his hostess� garden, and wondering how come he hadn�t asked for help sooner. A question he put to Zweb as soon as she came outside to join him. �Zweb, why didn�t I tell anyone what was wrong? I mean, before I came here,� he added at her odd look.

�Goku, child, and most beloved, how am I to answer that? The way your mind works is far beyond my knowledge. It may hurt you to know this, but at times, I am rather certain that your mind is in much need of repair!�

He smiled. �Oh, I know! I�m kinda dumb about things. But� I could�ve told someone!�

�Well, then, tell me why you did not.�

�Well, I couldn�t tell anyone! They�d have been mad at Vegeta, and wanted to make him pay for hurting me!�

�If you knew why it was you did not speak to anyone, why did you ask me for your reason?�

Goku blinked a few times. �I guess that was stupid, wasn�t it?�

�You do not wish Vegeta hurt.�

�No! No, I don�t. He�s had� he�s been hurt enough.�

She nodded, understanding more than what he said. �Goku, you tell me the things that you cannot tell your family and friends at home. You feel you can tell me because I do not know them, and will not make plans to right the wrongs that were done to you. And also, you ask what seem to be foolish questions because you hide so much of your pain from your friends that you also have to hide it from yourself so that they may not notice it is there, and ask questions you are not willing to answer. To me, you ask the questions you know the answers of, but have hidden, because I do not know the answers, and will ask you the question back that you may answer it.�

He nodded. �I�m going to have to go home soon, aren�t I?�

�It would be well if you did. Your family will be missing you greatly by now, and your prince in need of answers only you can give him. Goku.� He looked up at the unfamiliar, stern tone. �Goku, child. Do not avoid him because of what happened. Do not avoid him because you think it sounds wrong to love him. He is one who will understand your problems. What little you have told me of his past allows me to know this.

�He was one who had a difficult past, and many secrets. He understands the keeping of secrets, and the frustration that builds from having no one to talk with. He is one with a family, a loving family, and is lonely. He is much like you.�

�Can I stay for supper?�

-----------------
Goku: Hey, do I get to stay for supper? I�m hungry!

Vegeta: It�s a story, baka.

Goku: So? I�m hungry.

Jewel: McDonald�s is open. Here�s some money. And don�t overspend this time.

Goku: Wheee!

Vegeta: Wait for me!
Um, no, Zweb is not in Other World. She�s quite alive. Come on, let�s see if you can guess before I have to tell you. Goku met her after Gohan was born. She is based on a fictional DBZ character - someone Goku could have stayed with for awhile. (rereads last sentence. Er� cough. Like they aren�t all fictional?)
Vegeta: Just for that, when I get out, I�m bringing Babidi with me.

Jewel: Don�t you dare! I will hate you forever and you will be a sissy cry-baby in any story I ever write!

Vegeta: You�re already making me mushy. I can just see the next chapter� some tearful reunion.

Jewel: Hey! No giveaways!

Vegeta: Oh, hell.

Goku: Vegeta�s gonna cry?

Vegeta: *smash!*

Goku: OWWWW!
(yes, I do have fun with the little conversations at the end�.)
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Unforgivable