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Wufei came awake in the dimly lit darkness of the hotel room they all shared, eyes still closed, breathing evenly, trying to gage what had woken him. Silence reined for so long that he thought that there was nothing. Then a ragged gasping sob, soft and barely there, broke the night. Duo. He lay on the bed they shared rather uncomfortably. Duo had seemed to want to sleep on the very edge of the bed, as far from Wufei as he could get, and Wufei just wanted to hug him and try to shelter him as best he could, an emotion that he didn't share with Duo, because he was sure that it would only piss the other man off. But none of them would let Duo sleep on the floor and when Wufei offered to do so, Duo had hurriedly told him that he wasn't going to either....so they'd ended up sharing a bed.
Now, some long hours into the night, Duo was shifting restlessly, never seeming to uncurl from the tight ball he'd pulled himself into. Tears ran over his face from closed eyes and his was speaking rapid Italian in his sleep again. Voice higher pitched with fear as he shuddered violently.

Wufei made soothing noises softly, hand petting lightly over Duo's head. His eyes caught sight of Trowa gazing at them, sitting guard in the room's only chair. Wufei continued trying to bring Duo out of the nightmare without waking him.....he knew Duo had knives on him, he always did. It was like trying to calm a sleeping viper and he knew he'd need a shower come morning, to wash the nervous, focused sweat off his skin. He wanted to shake Duo out of his nightmare but he knew he needed sleep more, if he could manage to get the nightmare stopped. Duo's sobs and speech grew louder, his struggles more coordinated and strong. Wufei repressed a sigh, he was going to have to wake Duo, he'd much rather let the other boy sleep as along as he could, but this was it for the night it seemed.
"Come on Duo....wake up...." he murmured hands trying to push away the other's failing limbs without grabbing him. "You're okay now...you're safe...."

Indigo eyes snapped open as Duo let loose a hellish scream. He was ranting, terrified, in Italian. Body twisting and writhing to get free of the grip Wufei had on him. A grip so light that Duo should’ve been able to blink and get free, but he wasn’t in his head and it almost seemed as though he didn’t realize that he was able to actually fight and strong enough to do so. Wufei spoke to him softly, lips pressed almost against the other’s ear and he tried to sooth and pet away the fear. Duo still muttering frantically in Italian.

“Let him go!” Trowa demanded suddenly and stood. Wufei, trusting the urgency in the taller boy’s voice released the grip he had on Duo’s struggling wrists. In the space of one breath and the next, Duo was up and flying towards the bathroom, Trowa following quickly and Wufei surging to his feet as he heard the sound of violent retching. Wufei left the light off, glad for the nightlight in the room, so that he didn’t have to deal with the harsh glare of the overhead light.

“Duo?” Wufei whispered quietly in the low-light, moving forward to kneel at Duo’s side in the tiny bathroom, cramped with the three of them in it as Trowa pressed himself against the tub and wall to make room for Wufei.

“I’m...fine Fei....” He gasped out around dry heaves as his stomach emptied of the food he’d eaten and still tried to turn inside-out.

“Oh Duo...” Wufei murmured and held Duo’s braid back, puke and all.

“No, don’t. I couldn’t get my hair out of the way fast enough.” He croaked out hoarsely and tried to pull away from Wufei’s hand.

“I don’t care about that...” He tsked at the braided boy. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Wufei prompted and stood, helping Duo up.
“Thanks Fei...” He murmured raggedly.

“Of course Duo.” He said back quietly as he slung an arm around the other boy to help hold him steady. “You get a shower and we’ll wait outside for you.” Wufei said flicking the light on and moved towards the door.

“Hey Fei...” Duo’s urgent, quiet voice slice through him like a knife to the gut.

“Yeah sweetie?” Wufei murmured from the doorway, one hand on the door knob.

“Can you stay with me?” He asked in a whisper, arms curled around his chest protectively.

“Of course I can.” He said softly after a brief hesitation of surprise. He moved to sit on the lid of the toilet. Duo stood in the tiny bathroom, purple eyes watching Wufei intently as he sat.

“Wufei...” Duo whispered quietly. “Could you turn around?” He murmured softly, voice breaking with the threat of tears.

“Anything you want.” Wufei said seriously and shifted on the seat so that he sat facing away from the shower and Duo. He slid his eyes closed for good measure and heard the rustle of clothing as Duo undressed and climbed into the shower, closing the curtain behind him. Wufei sat with his back to the shower until the water started to run, then propped his feet up against the wall as he leaned back against the toilet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wufei asked, just loud enough to be heard over the water. In his mind’s eye he could see Duo freezing as he thought about it in the silence that followed the question.

“No.” Duo’s growled was heard over the shower.

“Okay.” Wufei agreed and nodded even though Duo couldn’t see him. “So long as you know that if you ever do want to talk about something, anything. I’ll always listen. I’ll always have time for you Duo.” Duo didn’t answer and Wufei let it go for now.

“Why do you like me all of a sudden?” Duo demanded softly.

“Well I don’t actually...” He hesitated over the word ‘like’. His emotions for the taller youth had moved well beyond that and it was high time that he manned up and admitted to that both with himself and out loud. “...I don’t actually love you all of a sudden.” He said. “It’s come on rather quickly I’ll admit, but it’s happened over a couple months now.”

“So why?” He demanded almost harshly, not giving Wufei any quarter.

“You’re good, far too good at pretending to be okay.” Wufei commented. “And one night I realized that you weren’t really the two dimensional man I thought you were. And I wanted to find out what was behind your smile. I wanted to get to know you.” Wufei admitted. But he’d never expected the wealth of pain the other held. So much that it shouldn’t have been able to be held inside a single person.

Well, that didn’t surprise him at all. It seemed that Wufei enjoyed a good mystery and that’s what Duo was to him. As soon as Wufei had satisfied his curiosity, he’d get bored and move on. Stupid, fuck he was so stupid. He’d let himself start to believe that Wufei, might actually care for him in a real sort of way. He didn’t blame Wufei, not really. He knew Wufei believed what he’d said, believed that he loved a whore from L2.

“So you’ve gotten to know me. Congrats. Now leave me that hell alone.” Duo spat out bitterly.

It was such a moment of déjà vu that it almost made Wufei feel cross eyed and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit.
“You sound like Merian.” He almost whispered. Which, if he thought about it, didn’t bode well for the braided boy.

Aw hell, he couldn’t not take that bait and Wufei knew it. “Who’s Merian?” Duo asked.

“My wife.” Wufei answered softly. “She died when L5 was destroyed.” Duo’s head poked out of the shower, the curtain held tightly shut.

“You’re not old enough to have been married.” Duo said in a very dry voice.

“Arranged marriage.” Wufei replied, dark eyes lost back in his past.

“Did you love her?” Duo asked quietly. Great, on top of everything else, he had to compete with the memory of a dead wife. His own reaction to the revelation surprised him. That he still actually wanted to let Wufei like him. Like not love, he was so far beneath that he couldn’t even see the scummy underside of the L-word. Even though he knew that Wufei would get tired of him and leave. He could survive that, no problem. So long as G didn’t get him again, he could survive anything.

“Oh hell no.” Wufei snorted out. “I hated that little brat.” Duo blinked at that declaration a moment. “We were too young. The only thing we saw in each other was that the other one was keeping us from doing what we really wanted. But, I did respect her before too long. I think we could’ve been good friends, but love...that was beyond the two of us where the other was concerned.” Wufei said simply. Funny how hindsight made you realize these kind of things. It was bittersweet. To know that they probably wouldn’t have ever loved each other, but that they might have been close nonetheless.

“I don’t hate you Wufei.” Duo murmured ducking his head back inside the shower.

“I know you don’t.” He answered quietly. “And I’m scared too.” He admitted. “I’ve got no clue what I’m doing.”

“That’s not exactly comforting Fei.” Duo growled. “The blind aren’t supposed to lead the blind.” It occurred to him then that Wufei never bothered to actually talk to him about any of this until now...not that they’d had an over abundance of time on their hands.

“I don’t exactly know what to do Duo.” Wufei almost sighed out. “I don’t know how to be a boyfriend to a girl. Much less a man.” He didn’t bother to hide the nearly lost tone to his voice.

“Whoa, whoa, hold up. We are not boyfriends.” Duo growled out angrily and stuck his soapy head out of the shower again to glare at the other.

Wufei blinked at him a moment. Duo, was right. Technically. “Duo, would you go out with me?” Wufei asked quietly.

Duo’s mouth dropped in shock. His laugh was bitter and sharp. “Wufei, you don’t wanna date me. You don’t wanna like me or whatever it is you’ve got in your head.” Duo told him, voice still bitter, but tired now. “You’re going to get over, whatever’s made you insane eventually and you’ll get over this...thing you have.” Duo assured him.

“No, Duo. I’m fairly sure I won’t.” Wufei replied with a sigh. “And I don’t want to.”

“Damn it Chang!” Duo hissed, as he only did when he was pissed at the other. “You don’t like me, you can’t like me you hard headed bastard!”

“Why not?” Wufei asked calmly. Such a simple question but he saw Duo stumble over it as he pulled his head back in the shower again.

“Because...you can’t.” Duo murmured.

Wufei snorted. “That’s not an answer Duo.”

“Go to hell.” He muttered testily.

“I love you Duo.” Wufei replied seriously.

“Shut up Chang.” He snarled in reply.

“Even if you don’t love me back...” The darker haired boy began.

“Shut up.” Duo ordered threateningly.

“...I’ll still love you...” Wufei continued to talk over Duo’s growling commands.

“Stop it.”

“...I’m not going to stop loving you...”

“Stop it Wufei!”

“...I couldn’t even if I wanted to...”

“Wufei!” Duo yelled warningly.

“...you don’t have to do anything or be anyone other than who you are, for me to love you.” Wufei nearly whispered the last.

“Stop it, please Fei.” Duo’s voice was tired and soft over the water in spite of his yelling before. Wufei fell silent and Duo now wished he hadn’t asked the other to stay.

“Why do you think I can’t love you Duo?” Wufei whispered back.

“I’d like to be alone now.” He said, managing to get his voice almost cold sounding.

Wufei debated a moment. How far could he actually push Duo before he pushed too hard? He didn’t even really think about it. But he suddenly found himself soaked and fully expecting to be shived in the gut with something pointy that Duo had stashed away on his person.

“What the....Wufei!” He practically shouted and clutched for the shower curtain to cover himself.

“Why do you think I can’t love you?” The Chinamen demanded again.

“Get...get the fuck out Wufei!” Duo growled out shakily in return.

“Is it because you feel like no one’s ever loved you before?” He asked softly.

“Shut the fuck up Chang and get out of my shower!” He pointed a shaking finger towards the door.

But Wufei didn’t leave. Instead he shifted closer, pressing both hands against the slick tiled wall to either side of where Duo had pressed himself. He leaned in letting his face stop scant inches from touching Duo. “I love you Duo.” He murmured seriously. “Just as you are. I don’t want to change you. I don’t want you to be different, other than I wish you’d been spared a life of suffering.” Wufei whispered sadly. “I love all of you, just as you are.” He barely spoke. “I love your hair and I love your eyes.” He said quietly. “I love...”

Duo turned his face to the side, eyes tightly shut. Same song, same dance. “Don’t Wufei.” He pleaded, cutting the other off. “Just don’t.” He couldn’t stand to hear Wufei spout some bullshit about his beauty and how fuckable he was. The men that had used him tried to talk nice to him, when they weren’t beating him senseless, so that he might be more willing to do what they wanted him to. He didn’t want to hear Wufei comment on ‘what a shame’ it was that he was scarred to hell and back. He’d absolutely puke again and then shoot himself. He couldn’t handle that kind of let down from the other man. Because, in spite of what things had been like before now, the other ex-pilots were proving that they really did want to be friends with him. And he craved that, craved it like air.

“Don’t what?” He asked softly. “Don’t tell you that I love ever inch of you?” He asked. “Don’t say that I love you. Every part of you that you’ve let me see, every lie you’ve stopped living around me.” He murmured.

“What the fuck does that mean!” He demanded pissed off again.

“Every time you stop smiling, stop laughing things off in front of me and let me actually see that you’re hurting...” Wufei said as if the fact broke his heart. “Its hard. And for you to trust me enough to let even a few of your walls down....” He shook his head a bit, awed. “Every time you let me in a little more, I’m awed by your strength. By your ability to get up, to keep going.” His voice broke. “I’m not demanding that you have to return my feelings. But do not ask me to stop loving one as noble as you.” He pleaded now. “Do not expect me to turn my back on the pride I have in you. Do not think for a moment that my honor will let me turn away from someone with your strength and worth.” He let his fingertips rest lightly against Duo’s cheek. “Let me love you, that’s all I’m asking for.”

Duo’s mouth worked in silence for few moments. “Why...?” He finally croaked out with a shake of his head. “I don’t under...understand...” He had to swallow hard. “...how can you say....how can you think that...” His voice broke and damn Chang if he wasn’t crying now.

“Because I love you.” Wufei whispered. “I love you.” He stressed. “Not who you pretend to be. Not what I think you might be. Not what you think you are. I love everything about you! Duo Maxwell. I love you. And nothing. Nothing. Is going to change that. Nothing that you could tell me, nothing that you could say, nothing that you could do, will change that.” He murmured seriously. “That is the meaning of love. All the parts of you, even the ones I don’t like. I accept, and I love you for them. Because of them, not inspite of them. And every single time you show me a little bit more of who you really are, under all the things that you pretend to be, I just love you more.” He declared quietly. “When I say ‘I love you’ I mean exactly that. I. Love. You. So, please, please stop doubting that?” He requested. “Please stop fighting me on this point? Please just come to terms with the fact that I do love you, no matter what?” He whispered.

“I don’t even know how old I am....” Duo’s voice broke as he started to cry.

“I love you.” Wufei told him patiently, pressing their foreheads together.

“I’m ugly...” He whispered.

“You are not ugly!” Wufei declared. “And I love you.” He said more sedately. “Don’t try to talk me out of this.” He sighed.

“They...they fucked me....hundreds of men...” Duo choked out, eyes closed tightly, one hand gripping Wufei’s shirt.

“I don’t care, I love you.” He murmured out the promise, gently pushing back strands of hair.

“They made me come. They made me like it.” He sobbed, almost intelligible and he burned red in shame as his guts tried to rebel again and heave up his empty stomach. He pressed a hand to his mouth to try and keep from being sick again.

“No one’s going to hurt you again. I love you. I’m going to keep you safe.” Wufei whispered, trying not to cry himself.

“They made me beg for it, made me beg for them to be inside me.” He spat out, sobbing still but angry now as he curled both hands tightly in Wufei’s shirt.

“And I love you for being so strong and so brave, enough to survive.” Wufei said, voice breaking as his own tears came. Ah, Nataku! He prayed for the strength, to be strong enough. To be the man that Duo needed him to be. To be worthy of him. “I love you Duo.” He swore softly and carefully pulled the other into a hug, the shower curtain and clothes between them, his hands splayed against Duo’s bare back. “I love you and I’m not going to stop.” He swore as the other broke down in wordless, sobbing pain. He just held the taller youth tightly, hand stroking over hair.

“I love you Duo.”