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The Sound of Silence	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 11395 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Review Replies:

kikiko: *nods* yeah�� Thank
you.� stupefiedNarutard:�
*pats* yeah... It�s horrible :(�
It�s too bad that there are people like that out there.� Thank you for the compliment, and we�ll just
say that I�ve been through some things, so I can understand how Ed must
feel...� But yeah, it�s true you can
never predict how someone like that will act and it was just sad that Ed had to
be there alone with him in fear. :(� Hikaru_9:� heh.� funny how that
happens huh.� *hugs back* TwilightHunter:�
I�m not insulted at all that you�ve only skimmed.� This really is a hard story.� *nods* you�re right.� They both really are victims.� When I write this story, I try to make them
all out to be human.� It�s the same with Roy, despite the fact
that I don�t explore his side very much given that it�s from Ed�s POV.� But you�ve really hit it on the head with
your comment.� It�s just sad the whole
way around.� CapriaStar: Thank you for saying so. Shiruy:� Don�t worry.�
It actually is encouraging because it shows that the story is taken
seriously and that I�m able to convey what I�m trying to convey.� This is a hard story and I know it�s
difficult to read.� It�s difficult to
write�and sometimes even more difficult to post...� Skittles
are my drug of choice: Thank you.� *hands
you tissues*� Amethyst-eyed Koneko: *hands you tissues* Thank
you for saying so.� I�m glad my writing
can touch you.� I�m glad that it could
help you with your own situation.� *hugs*� *nods* I think you
have some good insights on the direction this story is taking.� Outcast
Martyr: *nods* yeah, I understand.� Macvanaly: No problem, can�t remember everything
all the time ^_^ *nods* major abuse can definitely mess with people�s
minds.� It�s just sad that Roy was never able to get
any help because this all could have been avoided.� Yeah it�s true... abuse victims don�t like
telling because they�re afraid and ashamed.�
Lynn:� Thank you.�
pokezejello:� *chuckles* you sound like me when I try to
decide to post or not.� Though with me it can take days or even weeks before I work up the
courage to post.� I can understand, I�m pretty skittish about being touched by people
myself.� As for how I can write so well
about it...well... eh� I�m sure you can make a good guess.� Thank you for your last sentence because I don�t
want this story to be seen in that light.�
MustangsHavoc:�
Thank you.� Chloe:� No worries.� I�m glad you decided to comment and happy
that you�re still reading.� indonixgirl: *nods* yeah it�s sad.� :(� *chuckles* How�s this for updating
soon?

--

A/N (please read):� With this story, I try to be as tactful as I
can concerning the actual sex acts, and try not to go into too much detail
(because frankly we don�t really need it described to us in this story.) �

With that said, please note that I really couldn�t find a better
way to do what I needed to for this chapter without adding some parts in.� �I guess what I want to get across is that
what is written in here isn�t written for �porn� or �smut� purposes despite the
fact that there are a couple semi-graphic scenes.� I really want the reader to get an
appreciation for where Ed is coming from in this chapter, and really it
wouldn�t be as powerfully felt without knowing what happened.�

*points down at chapter* Please note that Ed is 16 now.

-

The Sound of Silence

Chapter Eight

The Offer

-

Ed folded
his arms irritably and stared at the man behind the desk.� Sometimes he wondered why the hell he
bothered to report in anyway.� It always
seemed as if the bastard already knew what was happening.

Mustang flopped the report on the desk and looked up at Ed with a
smirk.� �Well, I suppose you could be
commended for getting the job done right without any major damage being
inflicted on the unsuspecting town.�

The
sixteen-year-old scowled darkly, but kept quiet.�

Sighing,
the older man stood up and walked to the window.� He looked out for almost a full minute before
saying, �You know, you could at least act like you�re following orders� Some
of the stuff in that report was really inappropriate for a State Alchemist to do.�

�Who the
hell cares?� Ed growled irritably.� �I
got the mother-fucking job done, and nothing�well, almost nothing�got
destroyed, so it isn�t as if any money is coming out of the damn budget.�

�Watch
your language,� Mustang said automatically.

�I thought
you liked it,� the blond purred flippantly, and felt some satisfaction when his
superior officer momentarily turned his head to scowl at him.� Ed wasn�t stupid.� He watched what he referred to when others
were around, but when it was just them, he didn�t try as hard to keep his
tongue.

Why
should he?

All that
mattered was that no one else found out about what was going on between
them.� And, of course, Ed kept his
peace.� For Al, he kept his peace.� For himself too, in a way.� After all, he couldn�t imagine telling
someone what was happening.� Sometimes he
wanted to, but who would he tell?� No one
would believe him, and even if they did, then what?� Probably both he and Mustang would be punished
for their �indecent conduct�; perhaps even get kicked out of the military.

No.

No, he
couldn�t let that happen.

He still
needed to use the military for his own purposes.�

When the
colonel continued to keep his peace, Ed went on to another matter of
business.� �Do you know of a man named
Tim Marcoh?�� There was silence for a
moment, and he continued, �Seems a doctor by that name was healing people in Xenotime, and people said they saw him use a red stone.�

More silence, then, �No.�
Sorry, I don�t know him.�

Ed frowned.� Mustang was
lying, and he knew it.�

�Surely you, of all people, would know about
him.� I mean, you know just about
everything, right?� Ed said smoothly, trying to flatter the man into giving him
the information.

There was
a shake of the head, then, �Sorry.� Can�t help you.�

�Can�t or
won�t?� Ed asked in frustration.�

Silence.

Bastard, he thought.� How dare the man keep this vital information
to himself!?�

�I�ll
keep an eye out for any information on him,� Mustang answered in a tone that
said he had no such intention of doing that.

The teen
blew out his breath in frustration.� He knew the colonel knew� Ed needed to find
this man Marcoh.� The man could have the
information he and Al needed to get Al back to normal.� How could he get Mustang to tell him?

It was
then that the thought came to him.�

In revulsion,
Ed pushed the thought away.� He couldn�t
do that.� In all this time he�d never
offered himself for information.� It was
always the colonel who came to him, enticing him with �gifts�, pretending to be
friendly and caring� Of course, it was all bullshit.� Mustang just wanted to fuck him.� All the rest was just pretty packaging.

But� now,
the older alchemist wasn�t offering
anything.� It was very clear in his voice
that he had no intention of telling Ed what he knew.� How could he do that to him?� Especially since this could be so important!

Again the
thought came, and once more Ed pushed it away.�
He couldn�t� he just couldn�t�� He still had some trouble saying the things
Mustang liked him to say, asking the things Mustang liked him to ask; how could
he possibly offer himself like that?� How
could he be enticing enough to get the man to give him the information?�

It would
have to be a big offer�

He
swallowed hard as he thought what it would take to convince the man to tell
what he obviously didn�t want to.� As the
silence stretched on, Ed�s heart began beating faster and faster in his
chest.� Deciding to do
it before the moment passed, or before he chickened out, the teen stood and walked
quietly over to the colonel who was still staring silently out the window.

When he
was close enough that his body was almost touching the other man�s, Ed
whispered, �You know� I can tell��

More
silence.

With an
effort to keep his nervous breathing under control, Ed stepped forward and
pressed the front of his body to Mustang�s back and snaked his hand around to
fondle the man.� �Isn�t there� anything� I can do that would convince
you to tell me?�

The other
man sighed and tipped his hips forward, pressing his groin into Ed�s hand, then
said, �It�s not like that. �This information
is��

�Come on,
don�t keep this from me,� Ed breathed, trying to sound sexy, but just feeling
like an idiot.�

�This
information isn�t for sale, Ed,� Mustang said, but Ed was determined.� He�d already embarrassed himself by taking
the initiative to offer; he wasn�t going to take �no� for an answer.� As much as he wished he could just back away
and pretend he wasn�t doing this, he couldn�t.�
He�d promised Al that he would find a way to get him back to normal, and
he meant to keep that promise.� No matter what.

�Everything has a price, Roy,� he breathed, feeling a bit stupid for
using the man�s first name, but it just seemed right here.� �Just name it.� I need
to find this man.�

Suddenly
the taller man turned around, grabbed him, and roughly shoved him against the
wall next to the window.� Indecision
raged in Mustang�s black eyes.� The
desire to keep the information to himself fought a
desperate battle against the lustful need to accept Ed�s offer.

�Anything�
Ed?� the colonel asked breathily.� �Anything at all?��

Fear
washed over him, but he couldn�t back down.�
He�d said anything, and since that was the offer, to go back on it would
mean no deal.� Swallowing hard, the teen
croaked, �Yeah, anything��

The
colonel�s eyes shifted away in thought, then back to Ed.� �Anything?�

Look sexy! Ed told himself when he realized
he was cowering and shaking like a cornered animal.� �Yeah, anything�� That came out more smoothly and he reached
around, grabbed the man�s ass and pulled him forward, letting their bodies
press together.

Well,
perhaps he wasn�t looking �sexy�, but he was definitely making some progress.� Mustang reached down and wiggled his fingers
between the wall and Ed�s rear, and squeezed.�
�Tonight.�
I want you to come over tonight, and I want you to want it.� I want you to be ready to do anything I tell
you to.� I don�t want to have to tell you
to talk to me; I want you to do that on your own, like you�re doing now.� Understand?�

Be ready
to do anything. �That meant he wanted�

Ed nodded
unhappily.�

He
understood.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

�Brother�
you�re so quiet tonight.� Are you feeling
okay?�

Ed
glanced over to his brother and looked the metal armor up and down.� What could he say?� He couldn�t very well tell his brother that
he�d been so quiet because he was trying to figure out how he was going to get
through tonight�

�Yeah,
Al, I�m fine,� the teen said, forcing a grin.�
Mustang wanted him to act like he wanted it, to really act like he wanted it.�
Not just say the words because the man had asked him to.� If he wasn�t convincing enough, the colonel
might not tell him where Marcoh was at, and it would all be for nothing.�

�Well
you�re usually not this quiet, so I thought maybe you were sick.� Do you need to eat dinner?�

Ed wanted
to shake his head and refuse the offer of food, but it was rare that he refused
to eat.� If he did that, Al would be
suspicious�

�Yeah!� That�s what I need!� he said with an
exuberance he didn�t feel.� No, he would
have to do this right, but how could he possibly act like he wanted�

�You wanna go to a restaurant?� his brother asked, sounding
relieved that Ed seemed to be back to normal.�
Ed was glad he could still fool his brother; glad he could still fool
everyone.� Of course, it was all an
act�� The days where he was truly happy
and carefree where gone now, replaced by responsibility, guilt, doubt, and
fear.

�Naw, let�s just order something to come here,� Ed said with
a smile.� Everyday he was afraid that
someone would find out about what he and Mustang were doing.� He couldn�t let that happen.� It was his fault Al was the way he was, and
he needed to fix it.

�You
don�t want to go out?�� Ed could hear the
concern return to his brother�s voice.

�Nope.�
�I�ll
be going out later.� �I think I want
to just lie around here for now.� I need
to figure something out.� He needed
to do this.� No matter how disgusted he
felt about it, he needed to do it.

�Well, if
you�re sure�� Al said hesitantly.

�I�m
sure.�

I�m not sure about anything...

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed closed
the bathroom door and locked it.�
Sighing, he stared at his reflection in the mirror.� The image that gazed back at him looked tired
and worried.� That wouldn�t do�� He splashed his face with water and dried it
off with a towel.�

When he
looked in the glass again, nothing seemed to have changed.� With another sigh, Ed walked to the toilet,
undid his pants and relieved himself.�
After flushing, he was about to redo his pants when an idea came to him.

Slowly,
he let his fingers gently touch the smooth skin of his penis.� The limp member twitched slightly in
response.� He stared down for several
moments.� It wasn�t as if he�d never
gotten himself off before, but now� that wouldn�t be his purpose now.� If he could just get himself to the point
where he needed it, without finishing, maybe�

Again he
touched himself, letting his fingers press and massage the areas that were most
sensitive.� Suddenly another thought came
to him and he frowned.� Mustang would
probably want to fuck him up his ass��
Since that night putting
anything up there had been avoided, but he was sure the colonel would want it�

With his
other hand, Ed reached over and grabbed the bottle of lotion the motel had
provided.� He looked at both of his
hands, the metal one and the real one.�
Shaking his head, feeling slightly embarrassed at what he was about to
do, Ed squeezed some of the lotion out and rubbed his hands together.� Grabbing his hardening sex with the automail
hand, Ed bent over slightly and hesitantly touched his opening with one of his
real fingers.�

His heart
suddenly began pounding in his chest and his muscles began to reflexively
tighten.� Relax... he told himself desperately.� That was what Mustang had always said.� He needed to relax.� He�d never been able to relax before.� No matter how much the colonel told him to,
he�d never been able to just let go.�

He felt a
flash of fear run through him as images from that night filled his mind.�
He wanted to cower in the corner and hide from the memories.� He shook his head roughly as if that would
make the images go away.�

Sometimes
it did.� Sometimes when this happened he
was able to push the horrible memories away.�
Then sometimes he couldn�t.�
Sometimes he would tremble and shake as the memories caught hold of him
and trapped him in the past; trapped him in a waking nightmare�sometimes about
the human transmutation, sometimes about...

A sudden
banging on the door broke the horrific spell.�
�Brother!� You�ve been in there
forever!� What are you doing?�

Trembling
and breathing hard, Ed glanced up at the mirror and saw he�d gone pale.� Little beads of sweat clung to his forehead, then one trickled down his face.

�Brother?�
he heard Al inquire again.

�I�m fine, Al.� Jeez, can�t a guy take a dump in peace?� he
returned, not able to think of a better excuse.�
Ed heard his brother mutter something before walking away.� He glanced down at himself to see that he�d
gone soft again.� How long had he been in there?

Blowing
out his breath, Ed began to fondle himself again, this time trying to think of
the most arousing things he could think of.�
This not only helped him get hard again, but it worked to keep some of
the unpleasant thoughts away.� �

Swallowing
hard, the teen began to run his automail hand slowly along his length, then gently touched his finger to his opening.� Ed slowly pressed his slick finger in a
little.� His breathing was becoming
shallow as he nervously slid the finger in deeper.� Relax...
he thought to himself when he felt his muscles
contract.� He tried to concentrate on
what his automail hand was doing, but he was vividly aware of what his real
hand was doing as well.

With an
effort, Ed forced his body to relax.� For
some reason, not having Mustang there made all the difference.� Feeling rather embarrassed by what he was
doing, Ed felt heat rise to his cheeks as he worked a second finger in.� It was tight, but it wasn�t as bad as he
remembered it being...

His
embarrassment at what he was trying turned into a vague sense of horror when he
realized he liked what he was feeling.�
This wasn�t supposed to happen� He was just supposed to be preparing
himself for�� Ed started moving his hips
forward then back as he thrust himself forward, then impaled himself on the
fingers.

Shakily,
the teen worked yet another finger in.� This
was tighter, but it didn�t feel unpleasant at all... it actually felt... �Suddenly, he pulled his fingers out and looked
down at himself.� His body was
desperately telling him it wanted relief, and it took all his will to pull up
his pants and wash his hands.�

This was
his answer.

Now he
could do it.� He could act like he wanted
it, because he did.� Not exactly from
Mustang, or from anyone, but he wanted it.�
All the blood in his body seemed to have gathered to his groin and he
shivered, feeling a bit cold.�

Ed pulled
the door open and quickly walked to where his red coat was lying on one of the
beds.� �I�m going out,� he said hurriedly
while doing up the buttons.� He didn�t
want it to be too obvious that he had a raging hard on beneath his pants.

Al looked
up from the book he had been reading and said in alarm, �What? You�re going
out?� But�you didn�t want to go out
earlier��

�I
know.� I just�� Now.� He needed to go now while he was still aroused.�
�Sorry, I just gotta go.�� And with that he rushed out the door.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed pulled
open the door to the apartment building and noticed that for once the foyer was
empty.� Well, he was pretty early.� Probably the creepy old guys would be there
when he left��

Turning
his attention away from the rickety, old table, Ed bounded up the stairs two at
a time.� When he reached Mustang�s door,
the teen refrained from pounding on it and instead knocked softly.�

He heard
the chain being rattled, then the deadbolt undone, before the door opened with
a puzzled looking Mustang glancing down at him.�
�You�re early��

�Yeah, I
know,� Ed said, his breathing still a little heavy from the rush to get there.

�You�re
early by a couple hours�� the colonel
said, still staring down at him.

�What
does that matter?� I�m here, so let me
in,� he said hurriedly.� Now.� He was ready now, dammit.� He just wanted to do this before his courage
ran out�

�Are you
alright?� the older man asked, suddenly looking a bit concerned.

Ed
widened his eyes in irritation.� Normally
it would kind of make Ed feel a little good, knowing that Mustang was concerned
over his well being, but right now it only increased his frustration.� �Yes, I�m fine!�
he growled.� �Now are you going to let me
in or are you going to make me stand out here all day?�

Shrugging,
the dark-haired man opened the door wider and let the teen inside.� Instantly, Ed was fumbling at the buttons on
his coat to take it off.

�Coffee?�
the colonel offered automatically.

Ed
nodded, still working on the buttons.�
Gone were the days of hot chocolate.�
He hadn�t liked coffee at first, but when he saw that it did wonders for
his ability to stay up late as well as being able to wake up in the morning,
well� he�d definitely say he was officially addicted to it.

Slamming
the red coat down on one of the hooks, Ed shakily began undoing his jacket.� Nervousness and being horny just did not go
together, he decided.� He took a deep
breath, then turned around and stared hard at Mustang�s back.�

The
colonel, for his part, seemed oblivious to him as he poured the coffee and
added in the amount of cream and sugar that Ed liked.� The teen wondered if he should get completely
naked.� That was definitely something he
never did on his own volition.� It might
be more than what was needed, but Ed wanted to be sure it was enough.�

Quickly,
Ed pulled his boots off and stripped out of his clothes, then walked over to
the couch.� Instead of sitting down, the
blond stood there and folded his arms, waiting for the other alchemist to
notice him.�

Mustang
put the cream in the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer for himself.� As the man walked back to the counter to get
Ed�s coffee, he looked over to where the teen was standing and began to look
back at the cup, but did a double take, nearly dropping the beer.

His skin
prickled and he suddenly seemed aware of how utterly exposed he was.� Ed resisted the urge to run back to his
clothes and put them on.� He had to do
this� The colonel raked his eyes over Ed�s body, taking an extra long look at
the teen�s groin before he picked the cup up and walked over to where Ed was
standing.

�Well, I
wasn�t expecting that�� the man murmured as he handed the cup to Ed.

�You said
be ready,� he said stubbornly.� �I want
that information.� You�d better not hold
it back when we�re done,� the teen warned angrily.

The dark-haired
man took a sip from the bottle, then said mildly, �I
don�t want you to act like that.� I want
you to act lustful, not angry.�

With an
effort, Ed changed his features to something he though might work, then took a sip of the coffee before setting it down on the
end table and unbuttoning the colonel�s shirt.�
�Okay, then,� the boy said as pleasantly as he could muster.� �Let�s begin.�

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed�s
thumb slipped as he tried to depress the button on his pocket watch.� Swearing, he tried again, and finally got his
sweaty thumb to stay long enough to press down.�

Three
hours.

He�d been
there three hours, doing this and that� everything but what he�d thought they�d
be doing.� The colonel had started out
with putting one finger inside of Ed, then they�d done something else, then
back to putting fingers in Ed�s ass� it had been going on like that the whole
time, and the teen could definitely say he was quite stretched out.� The young alchemist dropped the watch on his
clothes and made his way back to the couch where Mustang was sitting with a
bottle of lube.�

�I think
you know what I want,� the colonel said breathily.�

Oh, yes,
Ed knew what he wanted and he was loath to do it.� Unfortunately, he was also eager as hell� He
hadn�t gotten release once since he�d come here, Mustang had made sure of it,
and his body was screaming for it.�
Nervously, the teen got down on his hands and knees.� He hung his head and bit his lip when he felt
fingers slide eagerly into him.� It was
different when it wasn�t his own, but it wasn�t bad...
not nearly as bad as it had been in the past.

One, then
two, then three�

Mustang�s
other hand snaked around to his erection and fondled him gently.� When the fingers pulled out, and the head of
the colonel�s penis touched his opening, Ed desperately tried to remain
relaxed, tried to focus on the pleasure.�
If he tensed, he knew it would hurt, and perhaps he deserved the pain,
but he just didn�t think he could handle that again...� Besides, Mustang wanted him to want it.� That was part of their deal, and Ed needed
that information...�

Slowly,
the man pushed the tip in, then moved back a little
before pushing in a little deeper.� It
was so different from that night�� He
felt Mustang�s sex push past the first ring of muscle, then pull back a little
before pushing in again.� With a savage
need, Ed bucked his hips, first thrusting into the colonel�s hand, then
impaling himself on the rest of the man�s length.�

He sucked
air in between his teeth sharply at the sting it produced, but when he thrust
forward and back again, it was better, easier to handle�� Again and again he moved his hips, and he
felt Mustang�s other arm wrap around him, pressing their bodies together as
they moved.� Need was driving him and he
moaned at the double stimulation of the moment.�

�Tell me
to fuck you�� he heard Mustang whisper breathily in his ear.

�Fuck
me!� Ed moaned shamelessly, then added, �Harder, fuck
me harder!� I need it!�
Please!�

He
groaned loudly as Mustang obliged him, then suddenly
climaxed hard, thrusting one last time in the man�s palm before halfway
collapsing on the floor.� The colonel
kept him on his knees and after a moment he too climaxed.

They
stayed that way, Ed kneeling on the floor with Mustang kneeling behind him with
his cock shoved up the boy�s ass, for almost a minute.� As the seconds stretched on, the teen felt
tears come to his eyes and a sense of sick humiliation slowly filled him.�

He�d done
it.

He�d been
everything the man had wanted him to be.�
He�d asked for it, screamed for it, begged for it, done everything that
had been asked of him�he�d even enjoyed
it.� But now that it was over, his mind
seemed to be working again and he pressed his face against the thin
carpet.� Squeezing his eyes shut, Ed felt
two fat tears run down his face before dropping onto the floor.� He thought he�d be sick... truly, he�d never
felt so ashamed and dirty...

�Tell
me,� he whispered hoarsely.� �Tell me
where Marcoh is��

Sighing,
Mustang quickly gave Ed the man�s whereabouts, then
pulled out.� The teen crawled to where
the colonel kept his dirty laundry and fished a towel out to clean up, then
made his way over to his clothes.� He
kept his face turned away from the colonel.�
He didn�t want to see him, didn�t want to see the man looking at
him�� He dressed quickly, trying to push
the feelings of worthlessness and disgust aside.

Anger.

Anger
filled him and he welcomed it gladly.

Anger at
Mustang, anger at himself, anger at what they�d just done, and anger that he�d
found pleasure in it�� It felt better to
be angry; it didn�t hurt quite as bad.�
After putting his jacket on, Ed yanked his coat off the rack and turned
the door knob.�

�You can
stay for a while longer, you know,� Mustang said languidly.� This only added fuel to his inner fire and he
yanked the door open.�

�Fuck
you,� Ed growled, then slammed the door shut behind him.�

He
stalked down the stairs and stopped for a moment when he saw the men sitting at
the table, drinking and playing cards like usual.� When they saw him, the taunts started
up.� This, too, added to his anger.� He clapped his hands together and slapped
them hard against the floor.

The men
gasped and muttered at the light that his transmutation brought, but Ed ignored
their astonishment.� A torrent of
emotions raged through him as the elements combined to create the weapon he
desired.

When the
transmutation was complete, Ed grabbed the spear roughly and turned to look
hatefully at the men.� The men shrank
back from him, terror filling their eyes, but it wasn�t enough.� These men had found pleasure in tormenting
him long enough.� Ed took a step forward
and swung the spear in their direction.

�Never talk to me again,� he spat
fiercely.� �Don�t look at me; don�t even
speak in my presence!� I have more power
than all of you piss ants combined and I swear if you do anything to make me notice you, I�ll slice off your balls with this
spear and make you eat them!� Then, after
that, I�ll transmute your cocks into something smaller than a bug�s antenna!�

The men
stared at him, shock and horror painted across their faces.� When he didn�t get an answer, Ed yelled, �Do
you understand me?!�� They nodded
quickly, eager to please him in light of his angry threat.

Ed was so
furious that he saw spots of white in his vision.� Turning away from them, Ed shoved the door open
and let himself out into the night.� The
cold air felt good against his flushed skin as he stalked angrily away from the
building.

Why?�

Why
couldn�t one of those men have been Mustang?�
Why couldn�t he say something like that to him?� Why was he doing this?� Why had he done that?� Ed quickly traveled
down several blocks without even thinking of where he was going.

How could
he let himself do that?� How could
Mustang want him to do that?� How could
he have enjoyed it?� Especially that!� Furious, Ed swung the
spear around and smashed in a mailbox.�
The noise was loud in the silent night and a dog barked in the
distance.�

�Shut
up!� he screamed at the dog, but the animal continued to bark.

Ed wildly
swung the spear into a light post, causing the metal to dent slightly.� A light came on from the house he was in
front of and the door opened. ��Hey, you,
stop that before I call the police,� a man called out.

�Screw
you and the police!� he raged, then
savagely kicked the fence that was surrounding the house causing a few boards
to fall to the ground.� �I�ll take you
all on!� The police don�t have anything on me!�

When the
man retreated back into his house, Ed continued down the sidewalk, kicking in a
trashcan here, swinging the spear through some bushes there.� He hated everything right now, and he had no
desire to get rid of the anger that was consuming him.� If it was gone, Ed knew he would cry.� He would cry and he would hate himself even
more than he did while he was angry because he would be weak.� He would be crying like a little kid, and he
wasn�t a fucking kid anymore!

Ed
violently kicked a street sign with his automail foot, bending the metal post
at an odd angle.� No, he wasn�t a kid,
not anymore, and he wouldn�t let Mustang treat him like one!� He wouldn�t let the man use him like
this!� Why the hell was he letting him do
this?�

He told
himself it was because of the information the man gave, and that he didn�t want
the colonel to tell about him and Alphonse, but he knew that was only a part of
it.� It was a new realization and it made
him sick.�

Some part
of him, for some reason he didn�t fully understand, wanted this.� He wanted this because it was the only close
attention he ever got from anyone even resembling a caregiver.� He wanted it because Mustang had been the one
to find them and offer Ed hope, and for some fucking strange reason he couldn�t
understand, he wanted the man to be pleased with what he did.�

Maybe it
was because he didn�t have any living parents... he didn�t know.� All he knew was that he wanted Mustang to be
proud of him the same way he wanted Izumi to be proud of him; the same way he
would have wanted his mother to be proud of him...

He shook
his head violently.� Why!� Why the hell did he care one shit what that
bastard thought of him?� Why did this
have to happen?� Why couldn�t he be
treated kindly for once in his life; not be smacked around by Izumi or be used
by Mustang...

Why
couldn�t someone watch out for him?� Al
was there for him, he knew it, and he knew his younger brother cared for him,
but it wasn�t the same!� Ed was still the
older brother; still in the role of caregiver and protector.� His brother could protect him from physical
harm, but Ed couldn�t, wouldn�t,
allow his younger brother to take care of him emotionally. �He couldn�t put that burden on him.� It wouldn�t be fair.

Ed let
the spear head drop, and he lowered his head.�
Tears gathered in his eyes as he tried to make sense of all the confused
and random thoughts running through his mind.

Was there
no one who was willing to love him like a son properly?� Did he miss his mother so badly that he was
willing to take anyone for a substitute parent, no matter what they did to
him?� Was he so desperate for attention that
he would allow himself to be used and abused like second-hand garbage?� Ed felt his stomach twist inside and he felt
nauseated at the thought.� Suddenly, he
rushed to one of the fences and threw up what he�d eaten for dinner.� Again and again he retched, even after there
was nothing left, his stomach still seeking to purge itself.� Shakily, he ran his hand over his mouth and
pushed himself up.

There was
something wrong with him�

There had
to be�

If there
wasn�t, then why...

Suddenly
a vehicle turned onto the street, its lights shining brightly on him.� The car pulled over onto the side of the road
and two men in uniforms got out of the car.�

�That�s
the one,� the first officer said.

�Okay
kid,� the second one said, walking toward him with his gun raised, �Put down
your weapon.�

My weapon?� I am a weapon... Ed thought. �Tiredness
washed over him and his grip on the spear loosened.� It slipped out of his hand and clanked
noisily on the ground.� A weapon...� Just
something to be used and then thrown away when I�m no longer useful... he
thought dully.� As the officers
handcuffed him and led him to the car, Ed followed them along silently.� His rage was spent, and now he only felt
depressed and exhausted.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

The sound
of muffled voices alerted Ed that someone was approaching, but he continued to
stare at the blank, concrete wall of the jail cell.� A lock clicked beyond the bars of his cell
and then the sound of a door opening met his ears.

�He�s
been rather quiet since we picked him up,� someone was saying.

A moment
of silence then, �We�ll take care of him now.�

Lieutenant Hawkeye.

�Well,
that�s just fine and dandy with me.� I
don�t like keeping military personnel in here, especially State
Alchemists.� We really don�t have the
authority to do much since they fall under military law.�

The
voices were coming closer, but still Ed didn�t look up.

�You can
be sure this will be taken care of,� said a tight voice.

Colonel Mustang�

He
supposed he should care that the man was here, but he didn�t.� He couldn�t work up the effort to care.� Suddenly there was the sound of rattling bars
behind him and a voice said, �Alright kid, your commanding officer is here to
take ya out of here.�

Instead
of responding, Ed just continued to sit where he was.�

Why not?

What did
anything matter?

The door
clanged open and footsteps met his ears.�
Without warning he was pulled up and thrown against the wall.� Roy Mustang�s face was instantly in view and
the man growled, �What the hell do
you think you�re doing?�

�Just
thought I�d come and hang out here.� You
know, if you stay long enough they�ll give you free food,� Ed said
irritably.� �So why don�t you just get
the fuck away from me and leave me here.�

Mustang�s
eyes narrowed and he slammed the teen up against the wall again.� �Now you listen to me, you little��

�Sir,�
Hawkeye interrupted with a look of concern on her face.

�What is
it, lieutenant?� the man breathed tightly.�
He was obviously not pleased at being interrupted.

�I think
you should let him go.� I know you�re
upset, but this isn�t going to help anything.�

The dark-haired
man glanced from his first lieutenant to Ed with a look of frustrated
indecision, then roughly shoved the boy toward the
door.� �You�re right�� he heard the
colonel mutter, then, �Go on, Fullmetal.�
The car is waiting outside.�
You�re being released into my custody for the night.�

Ed
thought his heart would stop beating.� Mustang�s custody� for the night?� Images of the night Mustang had forced him
came to his mind and he began to shake with fear.

�Hell, no!� he shouted.� �I�m not going anywhere with you!� �

�I didn�t
ask to be dragged out of my apartment
to take care of this mess!� the older man shouted back.�

Mustang
was angry, Ed knew it� he knew that
he was just making things worse, but he couldn�t help it.� His anger from earlier was ebbing back into him.� He wanted to fight.� It would be better than feeling sad, better
than being afraid, better than letting the lieutenant suspect something was
different, that something was wrong.

Ed opened
his mouth to say something else, but at that moment Hawkeye stepped between
them and said, �Edward, to the car now.�
Colonel�� She paused.� Even though Ed outranked her, Hawkeye had no
problems ordering him around when necessary.�
Mustang was a different story.�
She could push him to work, because it was something that the man had to do, but when it came right down
to it, she had no authority where Mustang was concerned. �

�With all
due respect, I think it might be better if Edward came home with me tonight.�

Ed
thought he would faint from relief.

��What?� the colonel asked, not looking too
happy about the lieutenant�s suggestion.

�Sir�� She walked over to him and lowered her voice,
but Ed could still hear what she was saying.�
�Teenagers do stupid things, and we all know that Edward does some of
the dumbest things a teenager could do, but you�re so angry�� A look of concern crossed her face. ��He�s angry too, and I don�t think putting the
two of you together tonight will be good for either of you.�� She sighed.�
�I know that you�re worried about him, but I really think this would be
best.�

Mustang
ran a hand through his hair and glanced to where Ed was watching them.� Hawkeye had a point, and Ed knew that the
colonel knew this.� If the man pushed to
take him home, she might wonder�

�Okay.� I understand,� Mustang conceded, though
obviously unhappy about it.

�Good.� Now, Edward and I are going to go.� I�m sorry, but you�ll have to walk home.� I don�t think putting the two of you in a
confined space would be good for my health.�

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

�Here are
some blankets and sheets,� Hawkeye said, dumping a pile of bedding in Ed�s
arms.� The fabric was soft and the light
floral scent that lingered on them made him feel a little more at ease.� �If you decide not to use the sheets, just
put them over there.�� The woman pointed at
a small kitchen table.� Ed nodded, but
didn�t say anything.� In fact, he hadn�t
said anything since leaving the police station and the lieutenant hadn�t tried
to get him to talk either.� He glanced
around the small living room.� Hawkeye�s
one bedroom apartment was small, but tidy and neat, and it was easy for him to
feel at ease there.

�Have you
eaten dinner?� she asked, and he looked back at her.�

�I ate�� before I went to the colonel�s house
��um�before I went out�� he replied.

The
blonde woman nodded slowly, then said, �I called your
brother.� He didn�t sound too happy about
what happened.�

Ed
nodded.� No, Al wouldn�t be happy about
it, and there would be a lot of questions when he was able to go home.� He felt so guilty...� Al didn�t deserve this.� He didn�t deserve to have such a fucked up
brother who did such stupid things...

�Okay,
well, if you don�t need anything then I�m going to go to bed.�� She waited for a moment, then
turned to leave.

�Lieutenant,�
Ed said quickly.� She turned and looked
at him, but didn�t speak.� �I� I just
wanted to say �thanks�.�

�You�re
welcome, Edward,� she said in her brisk tone.

�No�really�� He swallowed hard, and blinked when tears
suddenly stung his eyes.� How could he
make her understand how grateful he was that she took him in tonight without
telling her everything?� �I�I�m really
grateful that you�re letting me stay here�If you ever need anything from me,
like help or information, just let me know.�
I owe you.��

More than you know...

Hawkeye
gazed at him for a moment before her eyes softened and she smiled a small
smile.� �Well� thank you, though I doubt
there will ever be anything I need from you.�

�It�s
just the only way I can thank you,� he murmured, feeling suddenly embarrassed.

She
walked back toward him, and, without any warning, wrapped her arms around
him.� �You can thank me by staying out of
trouble,� she whispered and squeezed him.�
At first, he stiffened, both at the suddenness
and also at the fact that the only flesh and blood person that ever hugged him
anymore was the colonel� and that
always lead to something else.

But he
quickly relaxed into the embrace.� It was
a motherly hug, or the hug of a big sister.�
Ed sighed and rested his head against her shoulder, unable to return the
hug because of the bedding in his arms.�
His eyes stung and one small tear escaped his eye.� When Hawkeye pulled back, she looked at him
closely before bringing her hand up and wiping the tear away.�

�None of
that, okay?�

He
sniffed and nodded with an embarrassed smile.

�Now get
some sleep,� she commanded in a tone that again made him think of a mother.

After she
went to her bedroom, Ed set the sheets on the table.� The blanket would be enough for him, and he
didn�t want to create any extra work for her.�
Turning off the light, the teen felt his way through the darkness and
settled himself on the couch.

Moments
later something small and furry crawled under the blanket, then onto the couch
beside him.� Ed smiled and let Black Hayate snuggle up beside him.� It felt good to have the animal there.� He wrapped his arm around the dog and let his
mind wander in thought.

He meant
what he�d said to Hawkeye.� If she needed
anything, anything at all, he would help her.�
He would tell her whatever she wanted to know, if she asked.� Then the thought came to him.

What if
she asked about him and Mustang?�

Would he
tell her?

Fear and
shame washed over him, mixing with a sudden feeling of panic.� Black Hayate lifted
his head and gave a small whimper before licking Ed�s face.�

Yes, he
decided.

Yes, he
would tell her.

If she
asked�if she really wanted to know,
then he would tell her.

But she
wouldn�t.

No, Ed
had no intention of giving her any reason to even think about asking.�

He would find that man Marcoh.� Ed knew he was the key to returning his
brother back to his body.� After that...
well after that they would leave.� He
would finally be able to get away from this hell that was his life.� Maybe they�d go back to Rizembool and rebuild
their house.� They still owned the land
there.�

They�d
get away from the military and he�d never look back.� Al and he would finally be able to have a
happy life, and he�d have no reason to think about all the shit Mustang had
done to him.�

He�d just
be able to forget it all�

--

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offered before, if you would like to receive email notifications of this story,
please let me know.� You can either put
your email address in a comment/review or if you�d prefer you can send me an
email at zakaii(at sign)gmail.com.�

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reason I can�t see people�s email addresses in their profiles.� That�s why I ask for you to give it to
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The Sound of Silence