Domination

Discaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT... I am writing this for my own sick fasination and well... pleasure!

Warnings: Violence, suicide attempts, lime, maddness.

Dedication: This story dedicated to anyone who is gay/bi that has had to deal with this bullshit in their lives. I am here for you. And so is Goten. We love you.

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Chapter 9: Freshman Year

As I sit here writing this down, I cannot help but feel somewhat torn. I wish that I could tell all of you beautiful readers about my entire freshman year, but who has time for that? The more important events during my High School life happened after I was a “fresh-meat freshman.” So instead, I will allow you to see into my journal I kept during the whole year. A lot did happen, but it’s not like it defined who I have become today. I know that some of you are probably confused about what is being said right now. So I will clear a few things up for you, the lovely people who are learning about my past life. I am writing this autobiography about myself and my insanity as a grown man. I want you to see why I am like I am now, through my eyes. I want you to witness my tortures and journey’s as if you were there by my side the whole time. So please, do not get confused or scared. I am here for you. I will hold you and love you through my life, just like the select few who did the same for me.

So now, on with the story… of the “fresh-meat freshman” year.

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September 13

It has been a month since I have been in school now. I am doing pretty well in all my classes. My favorite class so far is my Spanish I class. Mr. Juanes is just amazing to look at and fantasize about. I think that I am his favorite student… at least, I like to think so. But of course, so do all the girls. And hey, maybe they are. But just the way he looks at me… it tells me something. Like, he wants me… I can tell Eros, the… “thing” in me that controls my sexual thoughts, wants him bad. There are things that I would love to do to my teacher that some would either find weird or extremely kinky. He constantly reminds me of Zoomie and it takes everything I have not to stay after class and drown in my fantasies. But I wonder… does Mr. Juanes have the hots for me? The way he looks at me sometimes makes me get all hot n’ bothered but… I don’t know…

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September 27

It’s the weekend and I get to stay with my dad. It’s been a while since I have. The last time I really saw him was the time he came to my house, prying me off of my mother. Every time he calls, I ignore him or just hang up. I know it’s harsh, but I can’t help but feel the hate burn inside me whenever I hear his voice. He left me with her…my damned mother… he has had so many chances to have me, but they were all wasted… He has never been there before when I was a child, so why is now so different? Why does he give a shit about me now? WHY?! I don’t understand… then again I never understand things these days.

Gohan told me that he was a very strange parent when he was growing up. He insisted on fighting and always encouraging my brother to do the complete opposite of what our mother wanted. Gohan said he felt pressured on both sides, to be a fighter and “mama’s perfect little boy.” He hated mom because of how horrible and strict she was, and he hated dad for making him question our mother—which always ended up in punishment to the max. And then I was told the story of Perfect Cell. Gohan lit up when he told me all about his fight with the monster, reflecting on his past. Then he told me how his dad tried to make a life or death situation for him by giving the bastard monster the magical healing bean instead of Gohan when it was almost the end of all humanity….

I swear… my father is very strange.

--

October 3

Videl is pregnant. We just got the news today. I was invited, along with my mother, to go to my brother’s home, because they had some “amazing news” and just had to share with everyone. Almost everyone that I knew and who Gohan had grown up knowing was there. Even Videl’s father was there. Now that man, I seriously wish I could get my hands on… Not for any sexual matter, but to strangle the life out of him. He is so in love with himself that it sickens me. The only person to compare himself to, when it comes to modesty, is Trunks. Hn… so, when we were all gathered around the cozy living room of my brother’s home, me sitting far away from everyone next to Vegeta, Videl exclaimed her burden. Everyone went crazy with happiness, congratulating the two young lovers. The only ones to keep quite about the situation, hiding the disgust and utter rage, were me and Vegeta.

--

October 6

I attacked my mother today.

And I don’t know why…

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October 18

Mr. Juanes paired me and Jason together again for a Spanish project. It’s the second class that we have together where we must work in a group this week. Jason doesn’t really talk to me anymore… ever since we talked outside of class while he was going to lunch and I was going to Art, Trunks caught us. He pulled Jason away from me and was yelling all kinds of things in his ear. No doubt about me. The next time I saw Jason, he had what looked to be finger bruises on his neck and sexy shoulders. My best guess was that Trunks choked some sense into him… that bastard… Now that Jason refuses to talk to me, afraid of what Trunks will do, I am stuck doing the whole project by myself. It’s not like I care though. I am loving my Spanish class to death and I pick up on everything. Mr. Juanes is very proud of me because of my outstanding grades in class. Everything I make is a 95 or higher. He even said that if I keep it up, I would be able to take AP Spanish 2 when I am a sophomore.

Zoomie would be proud.

--

October 27

These kids at school attacked me yesterday. I have a black eyes and bruises everywhere from where they beat me senseless. I would have fought back, had it not been for the fact that they had a powerful grip on my precious tail. The only reason I can come up with for them knowing I even had a tail was Trunks. He must have told them. He must have told everyone because the whole school knew about it. Now I am the faggot Goth kid who is an alien freak.

I was on my way to lunch when these six huge kids came around the corner of the empty hall and stopped me in my tracks. They all stared at me, their bright eyes sending daggers of hate all over my body. Part of me wanted to run away screaming, but another half—my Saiyan half—wanted to attack and kill. Instead, what they said caught me off guard.

“One of you go for the tail and I will start the beating.”

I remember thinking ‘MY TAIL?! How do they know?!’ Before I could blink, a guy from behind kicked the back of my knees, causing me to fall to the ground, and he ripped my shirt up. They saw my tail coiled around my waist protectively and let out small gasps in shock. When the kid behind me went to grab it, my tail wrapped around his ankle and pulled him down. When I got up, another guy came from behind and grabbed my tail, squeezing it so hard that bright lights flashed in my eyes. I screamed as blinding pain shot up my back and I felt like I was going to explode.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground and fists were connecting to my body everywhere. Then feet were added in, some of them kicking my head so hard I could feel my brain get jumbled. I tried to scream, but a foot found my mouth, knocking my jaw out place. When I tried to turn away, another foot found my eyes and almost kicked them into the back of my head. I also heard my tail make 3 loud popping noises and a whole new world of pain was introduced to me when it happened. It felt like hours, even though it was only 10 minutes, before they finished up, laughing and patting each other on the back in victory.

I was left bleeding, bruised and broken in the hallway. I could barely see out of my 2 black eyes and when I tried to lift up, my whole body fell to the side. My entire spine was on fire and I couldn’t form any words out of my mouth, being that my jaw was unhinged and broken. My body throbbed with pain every time my heart beat, and I had no feeling in my tail—my best guess what that is was broken beyond compare. What felt like tears, or even blood, spilled out of my swollen eyes and down my face. I choked out several sobs and dragged my broken body down the hall, swearing up and down Kami’s name.

I was able to get into a bathroom, moaning out in excruciating pain as I spun around, settling down on my back. I reached into my pocket with shaky hands and pulled out a little sack. It took all the strength in the world to open it up and shove my emergency senzu bean in my mouth. As I healed, I cried. When I cried too hard, I vomited on myself. I stood up and ran out of the bathroom, not even bothering to look in the mirror at the blood and unhealable bruises that covered me.

I flew home at break-neck speed, sobbing and wiping my eyes and nose. My thoughts ran around like mad, all repeating the same thing: END THE PAIN. I nodded and cried harder, landing on my front yard and storming into my shack home. I immediately went to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife we had. I then went to the bathroom and dropped to my knees, placing half my body over the lid of the tub.

I hated my life. I wanted it over. Right then and there. RIGHT NOW!

I pushed up my sleeves and brought the blade over my scarred wrist. The large cut felt like bittersweet bliss, my bright red blood spilling out of me, the overwhelming calmness sweeping through me. I was still crying, like the stupid little shit-faced boy I was, and cut myself again. ‘Stop the pain! Stop the hurt! Stop this life!’ I rested my chest against the bathtub lid, my world getting fuzzy and dark. I could feel my heart become frantic, trying desperately to keep me alive. At least that was willing to fight for me.

As my world became quiet and cold, memories flashed in my mind: Learning to talk… learning to walk… meeting Trunks… My 5th birthday… learning to fly… trouble making with Trunks… turning super Saiyan… training with Gohan…meeting Videl… meeting my father… facing Buu… falling in love… getting broken by my mother and Trunks… moving… meeting Zoomie… Losing my virginity… killing out of rage… starting highschool… Such a short and unfulfilled life. ‘But at least everything is quiet now…’ I had thought and my world went black.

I awoke in a white room (which is where I am right now) with IV’s in my arm full of blood and clear liquid. Wrapped around my wrists were skin-tight casts and an ID bracelet. Next to me, with their head on my bed sound asleep, was Gohan. When I woke him up, his eyes were red-rimmed and dark. He let out a strangled noise and hugged me tight, crying in my ear and begging for me to “Never do that again! Never ever!”

I simply rested my head back on my pillow, letting Gohan bury his head in my chest and sob, and stared at the ceiling… listening to the little voices that suddenly made themselves present…

--

October 31

It’s Halloween today and I am here in the hospital. Instead of going around and getting candy like all the other kids, I have to stay hooked up to this bed. Dad and Vegeta at least visited today. Dad even brought me my favorite candy ever, gummi bears. He asked me quietly about how I ended up here, and I simply said “I hurt myself really bad.” And he let it go. I could tell that Vegeta saw right thru my lie, and he probably told my dad the truth after they left… or after Vegeta was done ravishing him against the wall when they thought I was sleeping. The gorgeous Prince didn’t ask anything, but he did watch me closely. I think he knows something that I don’t. He’s trying to get into my head, and I won’t allow it! I will NOT let him try to get inside my mind! We wont’ let them!

Wait… We?

--

November 3

I was released from the hospital earlier today. Instead of going home, I am staying with my brother and Videl. Even though they have a 2 bedroom home, I am sleeping on the couch in their cozy family room. The 2nd room was getting renovated for the new baby and sleeping on a plaster floor didn’t appeal to me much.

Here is something interesting to know… The casts that were on my wrists when I woke up are still there. The doctor that treated me told me that it was a new way to keep suicidal kids from cutting themselves and was proven effective for the most part.

I had another doctor come in and ask me all kinds of questions of why I cut myself and why I had bruises and cuts all over my body. I guess the senzu bean didn’t heal me as much as I needed… Since my mother didn't visit me but ONCE to tell me that I had chores when I got home, I blamed everything on her. When my brother heard that—who, by the way, found me at my home unconscious and bleeding and paid for my hospital visit—he all but lost it on her head today. It’s how I ended up here at his home. The evil bitch decided that if I wanted to lie about what goes on at home, then I might as well not go back for a while.

Gohan said that if I wanted to, that I could really tell the truth about what happened to me. He says that it would be idiotic for me to break my tail or bruise and cut myself everywhere. He says that I looked like I was in a fight that I didn’t attempt to win. I didn’t tell him though, no matter how much he promised to keep it a secret. He promised me that he would punish the kid or kids that did this to me.

But they told me to keep quiet… and I did…

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November 16

They are all out to get me.

They want me, all of them. They want me hurt or dead.

They want to get their hands on me and strangle me, or my tail…

But I won’t let it happen… I won’t let them take my tail away! But they won’t stop! They won’t stop! They won’t stop trying to grab it, yank it, or even attempt to see it.

I won’t let them… I won’t let them take it from me… only I can take it away… It’s mine, no one else’s!

So I cut, cut, cut it. I bleed and cry and my body convulses, but I keep cutting. I cut it away, to stop them from taking it from me. The bathroom tile is covered in blood and fur and I can’t see straight, but I continue to cut, cut, cut it away.

Only me… only ME!

I collapsed on the floor with the blade in my hand, bleeding from my wound and twitching as my Saiyan body reacts violently to the absence. But I laugh, knowing that they can’t take it away from me… knowing that they can’t abuse me anymore… they can’t take it away because I did. Because I cut and cut and cut it away.

I grinned as it spasmed next to me, the nerve endings dying inside. I reached out and touched the bloody appendage, feeling it twitch and move beneath my shaking fingers. I laid my head on the cool tile floor, feeling weak and almost vertigo. I closed my eyes, knowing that they could never take it away from me.

Ah young tail… I knew thee well…

--

November 22

I am staying with my dad for thanksgiving break at a cabin lodge in Virginia. The whole “gang” came with us, so it became a huge family/friend vacation (except for my mother who stayed behind to work). Even though there are all kinds of people here, my dad and I are enjoying ourselves. For one, I get to hear my father and Vegeta go at it when they think no one is watching. The more I watch, the more I get obsessed. Vegeta is quite dominant with my father, pushing him over or up against a surface and fucking him senseless. But at one point or another, I have seen my father take his dominance in a very sadistic manner. It’s so fucking hot…

But, there are other reasons why I am enjoying myself. It is quite beautiful here and the changing colors of the leaves take my breath away. I feel inspired to write something… maybe a poem, or even a story. But alas, I am lazy and unmotivated. Maybe something will change that. Who knows?

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November 27

Vegeta saw that my tail was gone today. I’ve never seen the man panic like he did after dinner. He must have seen me undress because once I went to sit out on the porch of the cabin overlooking the mountains, he all but broke the door of the hinges to get outside. His face was red and his eyes were wide with confusion and utter rage. He demanded to know what happened to my tail, threatening to tear me in half. Without thinking about him “tearing me apart” in a dirty sense, I told him that I didn’t want my tail anymore.

Once I said that, he went on this long speech about the importance of the tail for a Saiyan and that how immoral it was to remove on one’s own doing. I just sat and listened, watching his body move while day-dreaming about his voice.

When he was finished, he looked at me good and hard, sizing me up. I could see his eyes soften and I felt fear build up in me. Just when I thought my paranoia was gone… I think he saw that I got frightened because he backed away worried. “Are you ok?” he asked me in a soft and concerned voice, one that bewildered me and made me want to tell him.

They told me to be silent, so I panicked and flew away.

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December 14

It’s about time for Christmas break and everyone is getting ready for the break. We are having midterms and I am kicking ass at all of them so far. For Spanish, I finished first and Mr. Juanes even graded mine at the end of the day. Can you say 100? Go me.

The one thing I hate about this break, is the gifts. People getting gifts, giving gifts… it really makes me sick. Of course it could be because I didn’t get anything… but then again that is because I don’t have a friend in the world. I feel so lonely now… it kills me inside.

I wish that Zoomie were here. I already know what I would get him if he were still here: a vibrating taco. I was searching on the internet for sex toys and came across this vibrator that looked just like a taco. My first thought was of Zoomie screwing himself with it. After that, I just HAD to get it.

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December 16

Believe it or not, Jason got a gift for me. A wooden bracelet with metal charms hanging off of it. The charms were very different from anything I had ever seen. One thing that I did notice was that there was a boomerang charm on it. When I asked about it, he told me “OH yeah. I forgot to tell you. That is authentic jewelry from where I was born and raised in Australia. I just thought that you would like it since you do wear bracelets and necklaces…” I was actually very flattered by this. To know that he was even thinking about me made me feel happy. He then begged me not to tell Trunks that he gave it to me, so I simply nodded and thanked him. I also told him that unfortunately I am as poor as they come and I can’t get him anything. But he was cool with that.

Man, that Jason… he sure is something else.

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December 24

I have to spend Christmas break with my mother. Right now, I am sitting in my room just listening to her on the phone with my dad. He had called to find out if I was allowed to spend Christmas day with him and my mom freaked out. She has been yelling at him for about an hour now... mostly about money. “Where is my money Goku!? You haven’t paid me in 2 months now!!” has been her main argument. I can hear her pace back and forth and break things. There is something seriously wrong with my mother… I think she is paranoid or something. Since my dad has left, she feels that everyone is out to get her and that she isn’t safe. Even if he wasn’t a good parent or husband, we all saw him as a man of power and that we were always safe. As long as the strongest man in the universe is home, we have nothing to worry about.

We don’t have a tree up like everyone else. And no gifts to go with that “invisible” tree either. My mom said that the reason I don’t have any gifts was because she was mugged in the city… after she got done telling me I was a worthless child and didn’t deserve anything.

Damn… I can’t stop crying right now… I fucking hate her… I really do. Why doesn’t she just die already? She has got to be like, 50 years old now right? 40 maybe? Why can’t she be one of those unlucky women who die of breast cancer or something?

They tell me that I need to get rid of her myself but… How can I do it and get away with it?

--

December 25

Here is my Christmas…

It’s snowing hard right now. So pretty and white outside... Luckily our heater is working today, unlike yesterday. I woke up at 12 this afternoon to find my mom laying in her own vomit on the pullout bed. She had a bottle of Jack Daniels next to her and her pants we MIA. I looked around the small, dark living room and found something that interested me. What seemed to be under her pillow was a small box. I opened the box to find a picture of my whole family and bags of weed. I have the box in my room right now, debating on whether or not I should put it back or throw it out. As I write this down, I wonder if I should even try it. But do you really want to be like her? They asked me and I shook my head. I am going to rip out a piece of paper in this notebook and write her a note.

Now that that is done, I am leaving. I don’t know where I am going… but I know I can’t stay here. I will bring along this journal and a bag full of things, but I doubt I will be gone long. My dad will find me and tell me that I have to stay with her, telling me that things will get better. All I need with me is this journal, clothes, money, my stuffed tiger and my picture of Zoomie.

Wish me luck.

--

December 26

Day 1 of my absence from home. No one has come looking for me yet, so I can continue on my way. Last night I just roamed around aimlessly. I fell asleep in a Wal-Mart at about 3 in the morning after fooling around with some freaks. If you are ever in need of some entertainment, go to Wal-Mart at the wee hours in the morning. I swear to you, it will be the best fun ever.

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December 28

Day 3

You won’t believe who I saw today. That same man from forever ago; the gorgeous green-eyed beauty with his rich family. I was walking throughout the city, looking in all kinds of restaurants starving and I saw him. He was in a little Italian pizza place at a round table with several other men. Now that I think about it, he looked much younger than them… But I am getting off topic. I need to write this down before it gets too dark here in the park.

When I saw him, I stopped everything I was doing and stared in the window at him. I never thought I would see him again… He was in a serious conversation with an old man in a black suit and I just stood in awe of him. I don’t understand why I feel this way about him. I don’t even know his name and I was willing to bet that he didn’t even remember me.

But when he glanced at the window, he stared at me with a smirk on his face. He waved his hand for me to come inside and I shook my head. I swear that he made a pout and I remember my face heating with a blush. Instead of sticking around, I walked away fast, trying to get the voice of Eros out of my head. And when I thought that it was all behind me, a hand grabbed my shoulder, making me scream and jump. And guess who had stopped me in the middle of the city, snow everywhere? It was him…

“Who are you?” he asked me, his voice thick with a beautiful mix of a New York and Italian accent. His hand was warm on my face and I noted that he was much younger than I had imagined. He had to be about 17. That face of his was so flawless and strong. Molded from the Gods themselves… I told him my name and he grinned, flashing brilliantly white teeth in his smile. “Come in for some food, Goten. You look hungry.” He put his arm around me and led me back to the small pizzeria.

I told him that I couldn’t because I had to be somewhere. He told me “Whatever it is, I can put it on hold for you. Please, come eat with me.” But I stopped us next to the door and turned to face him, desire in me as I felt his strong chest beneath my gloved hands. “Who are you?” I had asked him and he smirked again, leaned down and kissed my ear ever so softly, almost like a whisper. I remember whimpering in pleasure.

“Dillon Santinni.” He purred in my ear and my arousal began to pulse against his leg. A name I will never forget, even if I don’t see him ever again. He had pushed me up against the building of the restaurant and nipped at my neck, sending shivers down my body. Gods I wish I had stayed there and let him do things to me. Thinking about it now makes me hot in the ice cold weather. I knew he wanted me… he wanted me so bad…. But why me?

He wanted me to stay, but I didn’t. I saw Trunks out of the corner of my eye, his face in shock. Why is he always there at moments like this in my life? I pushed the foreign man away from me, apologizing and telling him that I wanted him but I had to leave, and I ran away.

It’s dark now… I am going to stop for now. I need to find some food. I regret not eating when Dillon invited me to. Gods… Dillon….

--

January 5

Krillin and Yamcha found me today. Krillin stopped me in a marketplace and demanded that I go home. “Goten, you have been gone for days! We thought something happened to you! Your dad is worried sick! So is Gohan!” He told me while having a strong grip on my arm. Today was not the day to fuck with me… I had been feeling way too off to be touched and yelled at. I had yanked away from him, telling him to go away but he grabbed me again and tried to push me out of the marketplace. “Stop!” I remember screaming and flailing in his grip. I panicked almost instantly, something in me telling me that he was going to hurt me. Well obviously! He is taking you back to that evil bitch! Get away! The voices in my head started screaming and I nodded and tore away from Krillin.

“Goten that’s enough! What’s wrong?” He asked and went for me again, but I growled and when I turned to run away, I ran right into Yamcha. His compact body knocked me to my feet and I began to shiver in fear. He looked down at me, those pale eyes piercing thought my body. When he and Krillin reached for me, I did what the voices told me to: Scream and fight.

So I screamed at the top of my lungs in complete and utter fear. Krillin backed away, but Yamcha still reached for me, telling me to calm down. I let fear drive me and attacked him. Like a wild animal about to be killed, I defended myself. I became a new person almost. When Krillin pulled me off of him, his face bruised with bite marks on his cheek, I screamed some more. I remember that the whole marketplace around us stared and yelled, telling Yamcha and Krillin to leave me alone.

As luck would have it, I heard the ever pleasant sound of sirens. I had looked up, tears streaming down my face, staring at Yamcha and Krillin who were surrounded by cops. A large black cop came up behind me and helped me up, his gun drawn on my 2 kidnappers. “They tried to steal me! They want to take me away! Please don’t let them!” I had yelled in convincing fear and the cops started screaming at them to get on the ground.

They looked at me in disbelief and I smirked almost sadistically at them. I then walked away from the chaos letting the police take care of them. You’re so bad… they told me and I had nodded in agreement.

Time for bed… I am in a hotel for once.

--

January 16

I am finally home. No one had to come after me, no one forced me to. I just came back on my own. If people would only let me be, then I will eventually be good. Everyone was happy that I made it back ok. Even Krillin and Yamcha who had to spend some time in jail before Bulma bailed them out. My mother tried to beat me when we were alone at home, but since she cannot grab onto my tail anymore, she wasn’t able to lay a finger on me. She actually was in shock because my tail was gone. She demanded to know why I cut it off. “You can no longer hurt me with it gone. If you dare try to hit me again, I will kill you…” I growled and sulked back into my room, passing out on my bed.

The only reason I am home is because I ran out of money… If I could, I would stay gone forever.

--

February 18

Videl’s stomach is huge now in her pregnancy. She is only 4 months into it, and she looks like she could pop any day. Vegeta says that Saiyan “cubs” grow faster than human babies. But then again the child will only be a third Saiyan… Oh well, you can’t win them all. She is started to act more like a bitch than when I first met her. She blames it on her mood swings and progression of the baby, but I blame it on her really just being a bitch. She likes to keep Gohan all to herself and it enrages me. Ever since she came around, Gohan’s time consists of her. Even if they are married now with a child on the way, I wish that they never met. I still pray that they split up… but I doubt it will happen.

--

March 3

Gohan is starting to get stressed out. As the school year goes on, the work starts to pile up. He doesn’t just teach the science class I am in, but several others. All of them are different scientific subjects at different levels. So I honestly think that he is starting to feel the pressures of everything. I knew he shouldn’t have become a teacher. To me, he is more of a fighter, not a teacher. But others see it differently. Damn them all I say. Why he ever wanted to be a teacher is beyond me. My mom is still proud of him no matter what he does. That will never change…

Speaking of Gohan and all, Jason is starting to peak my interest even more. After I was done talking to my brother, he all but dragged me away to a private area to talk to me. “Mr. Gohan… you are really good friends with him, right mate?” he asked me. Might I remind you that Jason Kemp is from Australia, and since I guess we are somewhat friends, he calls me mate. I still can’t figure out why he was so interested in knowing about my brother. I told him that he was my bro and he flipped out. “Does he tutor?” he had asked me. “Um… I guess so…?” I told him and he grinned.

Again… that Jason is something else…

--

March 20

My brother is tutoring Jason now. And he is also coaching the track team. He seems happier now that he is doing things he loves. And now, Jason joined the track team since football season is over. I wonder now if Jason has a crush on my brother… How weird would that be if Jason was gay this whole time? When I think about it, it makes me feel almost confident to be who I am inside. It feels nice thinking that I may not be alone.

I forget now to tell you about Trunks… I wonder if you even think about him? I know that I don’t… He dropped out of both my classes that I was in with him, so I feel somewhat better. I can concentrate more and without him being there, people don’t harass me like they used to. But I haven’t thought of him because I haven’t seen him. The last time I saw him was… thanksgiving? Even then, we avoided each other like the plague. So… life is good right now.

--

April 5

My mom brought home a man today. He creeps the hell outta me. He has a very scruffy face and a beer gut. I wonder how she ended up with him… He owns a huge nasty truck that has a pit bull sitting in the passenger’s seat. I was forced to eat dinner with my mom and him just about 20 minutes ago. I couldn’t stop staring at the vicious dog at my front door now. “Aw, don’t cha worry bout ol’ Dizzer boy. He be harmless t’ ya.” The man drawled and I cringed when he belched.

“Ain’t he just something else?” my drunk mother asked me and I could only nod, swallowing down my plastic tasting pork.

In the safety of my room, I can hear my mom and that man going at it. I buried my head under my pillow, but to no avail. So instead, I am going to go now.

--

I feel awful now. It seems that as my progression in my freshman year, my journal entries started to get poor. I am terribly sorry to my beautiful readers. I do not want to write down the last 2 months of my pathetic entries. As a writer, my old work is almost degrading. But not to keep you in the dark, I will sum up the last 2 months.

The man that I introduced you to, the country man, didn’t stay long. He was one of the many men who came and went in my home. Many just as bad as her, if not worse; drug addicts, alcoholics, the occasional thief… When I told my father about the many men that accompanied my mother, I could almost feel the rage and disgust in the silence that he kept. We both could not understand why the woman had utterly lost her mind. And yet she was not alone… Back when I was still in high school, no one could understand the slow insanity that I was losing myself too. Not even me, even though I began to accept it. Hell, enjoy it too. I formed a liking of the voices that formed in my head. It was almost like a comfort, knowing that I am not alone when everyone else is gone.

But as the weeks went on, things started to change. Since my brother was tutoring Jason almost every week, I got to see the boy more often. We got somewhat closer, and he even invited me to a party for the end of the school year. But I refused, knowing that Trunks would be there. At the end of the year, Trunks did get his hands on me again. During gym class, the one class that I only attended for roll call and left after words, he surrounded me with the same huge guys that beat me the first time. Instead of the result they got the first beating, they ended up with something different. I knocked all the bug guys to there knee’s with a swift kick and attacked the biggest, biting his arm and tearing the flesh open. But when Trunks got involved, it changed. He began to beat me senseless, both of us knowing that he was stronger than me. The only reason that I was able to walk away from the fight without much harm was because Gohan came around the corner and stopped everything with a fist.

Other than that, nothing else exciting happened. I passed all my classes with flying colors. And I even got placed in AP Spanish 2 with Mr. Juanes again. I didn’t see Mr. Dillon Santinni and I did regret not walking into the pizzeria with him. I dreamt about what would have happened between Dillon and I. I knew that my life would have changed for the better and I knew that I would have been living in ongoing pleasure from sex and money with him… but I left him for Trunks… because I am an idiot…

AS for now, I must leave you. You are what keeps me alive to tell my tale, and I love you for it. Do not worry, I shall return, so please do not cry. I am here, if only for a while.

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TBC.