How dare you

Well, this is actually the first of my fics to upload to AFF.net! WH00t! Yay for me. Anyhoo, onto the details of this fic...

Title: How Dare You
Pairing(s): GokuxVegeta, small mention of VegetaxBulma
Description: Set in Vegeta\'s POV. His thoughts about Goku after the battle against Cell.
Warnings: Bad language, angst, shounen-ai.
Disclaimer: Don\'t own DBZ or the song \'Iris\' by The Goo Goo Dolls featured at the end of this fic.

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I haven’t slept in days. There’s no real reason to anyway. Why conserve energy when there’s no point in using it anymore? I’m lying here on a bed, watching T.V like any other lazy human on this planet would do on a Sunday afternoon. Damn you, Kakkarot! It’s all your fault I’m like this!! I throw the remote I hold in my hand at the television. It smashes the screen and I’m left staring at a sparking and smoking pile of useless junk.

I put my arms up behind my head and rest back against the pillow beneath me. I stare at the ceiling and soon I can see images of that idiot Kakkarot staring down at me, that annoying smile that never seems to fade evident on his face. Rrr.. I can’t stand it!

‘Damn you!!’ I yell as I hold a hand up towards the vision and form an energy ball, holding it for a moment before sending it towards the ceiling.

The explosion could be heard throughout the capsule corp. building. I know it could because I hear Bulma stomp angrily down the hallway towards this room. I see her from the corner of my eye, looking up at the gaping hole I had made in the roof.

‘Godammit Vegeta! That’s the third hole you’ve made in the ceiling this week!!’

I swear her yelling rivals that of Kakkarot’s ‘screeching harpy’. Or Chichi, rather.

‘Shut it, woman.’ I say to her simply.

‘Why should I? This is MY house after all!!’ She replies, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Heh, I guess that’s what I like about her. The woman’s fierier than I am. I don’t say anything back to her, just turn my head and stare out a window to see a clear blue sky. I can sense Bulma’s anger ebb away as I hear her walk over to me and stand beside the bed.

‘We all miss Goku, Vegeta. But that’s..!’

‘You think I miss that baka?!’ I interrupt her sentence.

‘I know you do’ she says back to me calmly. ‘ You may be able to convince others, but you can’t fool me. You like making everyone else think that you’re angry with Goku because you missed your shot at beating him. That you were robbed.’ She said to me as she sat down on the edge of the bed. But I continued to look away from the blue haired woman.

‘But I know you miss Goku, Vegeta.’

I didn’t say anything back. I didn’t have a response. And I didn’t know why either. Whether it was because I simply didn’t feel like arguing, or that Bulma was right. I frowned and pretended to find the view of the sky more interesting than ever.

I felt the mattress move as Bulma got off it and walked out of the room. I’m not sure how much longer I lied there for. Eventually I got up and walked up to the door beside the window, leading outside to the balcony. I pushed the door open and proceeded to walk out. Once I reached the railing of the balcony, I placed a hand on it, then looked up to the sky once more. The warm breeze irritated me. As did the footsteps I heard coming towards me from behind.

‘Whatever you have to say, you can save it, Trunks’ I said to my son who was now standing beside me with his younger self dozing in his arms. I felt him staring at me for a moment before he lowered his lavender head to look at his 20-year younger twin.

‘Please hear what I have to say, father.’

‘Look if you’re going to give me a lecture about me hiding my ‘feelings’ then you can forget it, brat.’

‘Dad I’m serious!’ Trunks said to me, raising his voice slightly, but not loud enough to disturb the younger Trunks.

I was silent for a moment, then realized the only way I could get Trunks to leave me alone was to hear him out.

‘Fine, but make it quick’ I said to him.

I felt my son relax as he started talking.

‘I just want to say that I know what it’s like to lose the only person that you…’ he paused in mid-sentence, as if searching for the correct words.

‘… that made you feel like you had a purpose.’

I then turned to him, surprised at myself that I was actually interested in what he had to say. Trunks noticed it and then looked out to the city and houses around us.

‘In my time, Bulma and Gohan was all I had left. All of you died beforehand to Androids 17 and 18, like I’ve told you. Because I lacked so many family roles in my life, Gohan became… well, everything to me. And when he went off to fight those Androids, they killed him.’

I felt a disturbance flicker in Trunks. I could tell the memory of Gohan dying struck a cord in his heart. However I remained quiet and let him continue, as I knew he had more to say.

‘When I found him… words can’t really describe what I felt. I remember finally telling him that he was everything to me.’

I stared intensely at Trunks as tears started to gather in his blue eyes, he looked so much like his mother.

‘Gohan’s death… was how I ascended to a Super Saiyajin level. And for a while after, I felt like you’re feeling now, I guess. Like there was no point.’

Trunks then stopped and turned to look at me.

‘But the will to protect, father, is what pushed me on. The will to become stronger, and defeat the evil that had taken almost everything and everyone from me, became my purpose. Not just for revenge, but because I knew Gohan trained me as hard as he did so that if something happened to him, I would be ready.’

I looked away from my son as I felt my emotions begin to stir again.

‘You don’t have to admit that you miss or care for Goku. But I know you have to move on. Goku wouldn’t think of you as much of an opponent if you just sat around and sulked all day.’

‘That’s enough Trunks, now leave me alone!!’ I yelled at him.

Baby Trunks awoke and started crying. Trunks looked down at him then back to me.

‘I’m sorry, father. I… I didn’t mean to… I.. was just trying to help. That I know how you feel…’

‘You have no idea how I feel! You’re not even from this timeline. How could you possibly fucking understand?!?!’ I was now yelling extremely loudly, and didn’t care if my younger son even become deaf from it.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I took a step forward and leapt into the sky and away from Trunks.

‘Father, wait!’ I heard him call to me. I ignored his plea and sped off in a random direction. I didn’t care where I was heading, I just had to get out of there.

I must have traveled at least half way around the world. I had no idea where I was, but I didn’t care. At least I was away from everyone and their stupid ridiculous opinions.

I felt my anger burning in my mind. Damn you… fucking Kakkarot!! Do you have any idea what you’ve done? What you’ve turned me into? A man without a purpose, without reason. How dare you die, you bastard. How dare you just up and leave without putting our fight to rest! How dare you just leave things up to your 11-year-old son! How dare you… not realize how I feel about you. How dare you smile at me, when deep inside I’m bleeding and all I want to do is hold you. How dare you leave me, Kakkarot! How dare you leave me here, not knowing what it’s like to be in your arms… just once…

‘HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!’ I scream into the now night sky. I let the energy from my body go as I fall from the sky and land heavily in a field of long grass.

I’m dazed as I look up to the diamond studded sky. I feel the muscles in my throat tighten. My fists clench tightly as I try to reach one up to the sky, as if to rip it and form a black hole, so that it can suck me away from this planet. But I’m too far away to reach. Why must everything be out of my reach? I stare long and hard at the sky, with my arm still out reached. My vision becomes blurred because I’ve been gazing at the sky too long. Or is it… am I crying? No, I can’t be. Because I never cry! But I’m shocked beyond words as I feel the wetness of them crawl slowly down my cheeks and away from my glazed over eyes. Pretty soon I can’t control it, and I’m crying like a little helpless baby who’s been left out in the cold. My god, I’m crying more than my 1-year-old son does for fuck sake!

‘It’s all your fault, you bastard!’

I close my eyes and roll over, so my face is in the grass. I can’t bare for anyone to see me. Even though I’m aware that there’s absolutely no one else around. I then heard Kakkarot’s voice in my head, haunting me.

‘Hey, Vegeta! What’s up?’ he asked. The sound of his voice just made me cry harder.

‘Get out of my head’ I mumbled into the grass.

‘But I’m not in your head, Vegeta. I’m right here in front of you, see?’

What the hell? His idiotic imaginary voice was communicating with me. I really have lost it.

‘Oi, Vegeta!’ he spoke to me again. Now it was getting annoying.

‘Leave me alone!’ I yelled angrily as I lifted my head to yell at the sky. My eyes closed because tears still stung them. But I started to open them slightly to see a blurry kind of outline of someone. Was it Gohan? No… this person looked taller and older. My eyes suddenly snapped open wide to see Kakkarot staring down at me, a wholehearted smile greeting me. I pushed myself back and nearly scrambled away in shock.

‘K-Kakkarot?’ I asked rather stupidly.

‘Yep, it’s me. Good to see you again, Vegeta. What’re you doing so far away from home?’

Still in a state of shock, I attempted to speak properly with him.

‘Shouldn’t I be asking you what you’re doing here?’ I asked him, still not entirely sure if he was indeed really here. Or if my mind was playing tricks on me. I gradually stood up as he began to speak.

‘Well, King Kai said he felt a great disturbance in you. That it has something to do with me, so he spoke with King Yamma. They both agreed, eventually, that I could see and talk to you for a short while.’

Now I knew this was real. But after all that went through my mind, I had no idea what to say. I looked at him and he continued to smile at me.

I had to look away. The pain of having him here hurt far more than not having him here, if that makes any sense. I finally spoke to him after a long while of just staring down at the grass.

‘You couldn’t possibly comprehend or understand what I feel or what I say, Kakkarot. It’s better if you just leave now.’ I say as I slowly turn my back on him. But he ignores my advice and I feel his hand on my shoulder.

‘Vegeta…’ he says, his voice slightly lower than usual, a serious tone to it. Hope arose in my chest.

‘… I know what it is you were thinking before I got here. I heard every word of it…’

I turned around to face him again.

‘You… you what?’

I saw a different smile now, one that was more meaningful and deep than the one he usually wore. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I could hear it. No doubt Kakkarot could hear it too. His other hand came up to my other shoulder and gripped me tightly. He then did something I wasn’t expecting. He pulled me forward and into him. I tensed at the contact, but he moved his hands down from my shoulders to rub down my back. The overwhelming emotions took hold of me, and I relaxed in his arms. I moved my hands to his waist and rested my forehead against his chest. I felt his hand come up to run through my hair.

‘It’s OK Vegeta. I’m here now, and always will be if you believe I am.’ He pulled back to look me in the eyes. I just stared, too stunned for words. His gaze lowered slightly to my lips. And before I could react, he pressed his mouth to mine. My hands came up to grip his gi top in desperation, and pulled him closer. I closed my eyes and deepened the kiss by wrapping my arms around him. He did likewise, and I felt his tongue brush over my lower lip. I complied and let him explore my mouth. I had never tasted anything so… exquisite before. The scent of his warm skin was intoxicating me. I never wanted to let him go. But I knew I had to.

Eventually he pulled away slowly. Opening his eyes to stare into mine again.

‘I need to be going now, Vegeta.’ He said softly to me. I nodded and quickly grabbed him for one last embrace. Welcoming someone with open arms proved to be easy, at least right now with Kakkarot. But saying goodbye however, was a different story.

‘Gohan will be studying soon, and won’t have that much time to train. So, I’m leaving the fate of Earth in your hands, Vegeta. I know I can trust you to do the right thing.’

He said before levitating in the air. We slipped out of each others reach as he rose further and further away from where I stood.

‘We’ll meet again sometime before your time is over, Vegeta. I have a feeling.’ He said, smiling. And with that, he vanished. I felt content, his last words… Trunks was right… Kakkarot gave me a reason to keep going. To protect Earth… and to expect to see him again before I die. No doubt he’ll get special training from King Kai and use the new techniques he’s learnt to beat me again, like he always does.

‘Damn you, Kakkarot…’ I said and smirked to myself and I slowly rose from where I stood and proceeded to fly home.

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Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

And I’d give up forever to touch you,
Because I know that you feel me somehow.
You’re the closest to heaven, that I’ll ever be,
And I don’t want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life.
And sooner or later it’s over.
I just don’t want to miss you tonight.

And I don’t want to the world to see me,
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand.
When everything’s made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming.
All the moments; the truth and the lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.

And I don’t want to world to see me,
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand.
When everything’s made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

I just want you to know who I am.