Offerings

Title: Offerings
Author: Zalia Chimera
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Lemon ^^ Angst, fluff
Pairing: RoyxEd
Summary: A visit from a hurt Ed leads to something more than Roy bargained for.
Disclaimer: Don\'t own Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters.

Hope you enjoy!

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\"Fullmetal... why are you...\" The words died off as Ed slid past him into the house. The blond stared around himself, but there was a blankness to his eyes that said he wasn\'t really seeing any of it. Roy shut the door and crossed the room to Ed, concern written on his face. \"Fullmetal?\" He repeated, a frown curling his lips when there was no response. He took another step and placed a hand against Ed\'s shoulder. \"Edward?\"

Ed turned to him and he had to force back a noise of concern at the look in the younger man\'s eyes. He looked dead. It was an expression Roy had seen on too many faces too many times. He slid his hand along Ed\'s arm until he could grasp his fingers loosely. He drew him close to his own body and coaxed him to move, guiding him into the lounge. He pushed Ed down into one of the armchairs and knelt in front of him, palm resting lightly on his knee.

Ed didn\'t resist, just let himself be led. He stayed in the position he had fallen in the chair, head bowed and shoulders slumped, barely noticing Roy\'s eyes upon him. A soft sigh escaped Roy\'s lips and he caught Ed\'s chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing his head up to look Roy in the eyes. \"What happened, Edward?\" Ed didn\'t reply but pushed Roy away, giving him enough room to stand. He pulled off his coat and let it fall carelessly to the floor, then reached up to undo the clasp of his jacket.

Roy scooped the coat up off the floor and laid it carefully over the back of the sofa, watching Ed with confusion. The jacket went the same way as the coat and Roy noticied with horror that Ed\'s hands were falling to his belt buckle... the button of his pants.

He darted forwards and caught Ed\'s wrist in a punishing grip, glaring down at his subordinate. \"What the hell do you think you are doing?\" he growled, anger starting to overtake the concern. Ed turned those dead eyes onto him for a moment before moving his free hand to tug at the buttons of Roy\'s shirt, trying to fumble them open. He pushed Ed away, too violent in his shock and the boy stumbled backwards before regaining his balance and continued to undo his pants, letting them fall to the floor in a tangled heap.

Roy swallowed, unable to ignore the flash of arousal that ran through him at the sight of Ed standing half naked before him. His eyes though remained hard as he remembered the blankness of Ed\'s face. Something was wrong.

\"Fuck me.\"

Ed\'s voice was so quiet that for a moment Roy thought that he had imagined hearing the words, but Ed took a step towards him, still watching him intently with those dead eyes and repeated himself.

Roy drew himself up to his full height, trying to draw upon his usual reserves of cold authority but finding it so much harder than usual to remain calm. \"Fullmetal... I don\'t appreciate you barg...\"

\"I know you want to,\" Ed broke in and something broken lurked below the deadness, something hurt and scared. \"I\'ve seen you looking at me.\" There was nothing Roy could do to deny that and Ed took another step forwards, hands trailing across his stomach and down his hips to stop just above the waistband of his boxers.

\"I\'m offering. I don\'t mind. Do what you want to me. Fuck me, use me.\"

Roy could hear the unspoken words beneath words hurt me punish me and he thought maybe he understood what was happening too well. He closed his eyes briefly and then made a gamble, wrapping his arms around Ed and pulling their bodies together. It was a struggle to maneouver them both onto the couch, but he managed it and ended up with Ed in his lap, held against his chest as Roy worked his fingers through Ed\'s hair soothingly. Ed looked up at him and the first true glimpse of emotion showed on his face in the form of confused hurt. Roy sighed and pressed a chaste kiss against the top of his head.

\"I don\'t mind,\" Ed mumbled against his chest, but it sounded less convinced now, less sure.

\"You should mind, Edward. There\'s something wrong if you don\'t.\" He slipped one hand down to rub against Ed\'s back. \"Tell me what happened.\"

Ed shifted against him, hands coming to press against Roy\'s chest as though he wanted to get away. Roy\'s arms tightened around him and he exhaled, letting his breath rush across Ed\'s hair. \"Would you like me to guess?\"

There was no reply and he made a small noise of thought. \"You were helping to investigate the disappearances in the city weren\'t you? The signs of a struggle indicated that an alchemist was involved with them, that\'s why I assigned you to it.\" He chanced a look down at the figure in his arms, noting the way his shoulders had stiffened. He leaned down and pressed his face against Ed\'s hair. \"I won\'t punish you for doing what you needed to do. I won\'t hurt you and I won\'t let you do this to yourself. It won\'t make it better.\"

Ed sat bolt upright in his lap and glared at him. Roy was relieved to see anger burning there instead of the horrible blankness it had replaced. \"What do you know? I... I deserve to be hurt. I killed someone! I looked into their face and killed them and I deserve to be punished.\" He tugged desperately at Roy\'s shirt. \"Make me hurt. Make me dirty. I deserve it!\" Roy could hear the hysteria building in Ed\'s voice and could only hold him as the blond struggled against his hold, repeating his words over and over as though they were a mantra.

Finally Ed collapsed against him, muffling a sob against the older man\'s chest and Roy let his lips brush across the top of his head. \"You don\'t deserve that, Ed. Or if you do, then I deserve it too.\"

Ed looked up at him with suspiciously watery eyes and Roy gave him a weak smile. \"I\'ve been to war. I know what it feels like to kill someone.\"

\"Does it ever get easier?\"

Roy sighed and started petting Ed\'s hair gently. \"I wish I could say that it doesn\'t. But it can. Over time. It\'s cruel and cold, but it can get easier.\"

Ed made a choked noise and Roy swiped his thumb across Ed\'s bottom lip. \"I don\'t intend to let you get that far, Edward.\" He stared into Ed\'s eyes for a moment, hand shifting to cup his cheek. Ed held his breath, waiting... expecting... anticipating...

Roy\'s eyes skittered to the side and his hand dropped. He pushed Ed gently off his lap. \"I\'ll run you a bath. You can stay here tonight.\"

I don\'t want you to do anything stupid.
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Ed closed his eyes and let himself sink into the hot water with a sigh.

It hadn\'t been what he had been expecting. He wasn\'t entirely sure what he had been expecting to be honest, but not a bath and the offer of a bed for the night. But he appreciated it none the less. Mustang could just as easily have kicked him out of his house for doing something so stupid. He didn\'t even remember what had put the foolish idea into his mind. It was as though that part of his memory had been blurred out.

A frown crossed his face and he dipped his head back under the water, letting his hair swirl around his head. What had he been thinking? Coming into the man\'s house and asking to be hurt... to be fucked. He let out his breath slowly, feeling the bubbles break at the surface. The thought of it made him feel slightly sick and a flush of shame spread across his cheeks. He dreaded to think what Roy must have thought.

Strong hands grabbed his shoulder and dragged him spluttering to the surface of the bath. He found himself staring into worried dark eyes. He glared at Roy and pulled away. \"What was that for?\"

Roy didn\'t speak but the expression that crossed his face told Ed everything. He reached out one shaking hand to press against Roy\'s cheek. \"You thought I was trying to kill myself.\"

The other man turned away, annoyance playing across his features. Ed pulled him back and looked earnestly up at him. \"I\'m not that far gone, Mustang... eh... Roy.\"

Roy gave a heavy sigh and leaned his head against the side of the bathtub, resting his arms across the back of his neck. \"I was.\"

\"What?\"

Roy looked up at him bleakly. \"I was. I went that far. Had the gun against my chin and my finger on the trigger. I didn\'t want to take any chances with you.\"

Ed didn\'t know what to say at the sudden revelation so instead he hesitantly ran his fingers through Roy\'s hair until the older man relaxed a little. \"I didn\'t know. I\'m sorry.\" He felt suddenly guilty for dragging things up from the past where they should hav belonged. He didn\'t like seeing this side of the Colonel. He wasn\'t used to seeing fear and hurt in normally cold eyes, seeing weakness in someone he had thought would always be strong.

Roy shook his head and leaned back, bringing himself into a crouching position. \"I\'m glad that you came to me instead of taking matters into your own hands. Although,\" a shadow of his normal smirk appeared on his lips, \"as always, you manage to choose the most unconventional method possible.\"

Ed felt the blush return and he scowled, reaching out for the shampoo to cover his discomfort. The bottle was snatched from his hands and out of the corner of his eyes he saw Roy pouring a liberal amount into the palm of his hand. \"What are you doing?\" Roy smiled at him and buried his hands in blond hair. Ed nearly purred in delight as he began to massage the shampoo into his hair, fingers running across his scalp and neck gently and combing through his hair.

It ended far too soon for Ed\'s liking. Roy moved away almost reluctantly, leaving Ed to rinse his hair as he pulled a towel from a cupboard. He dropped the towel onto the top of the linen basket and crossed to the door. He turned back and gave Ed a strained smile. \"There are more towels in the cupboard if you need them, and a robe on the back of the door.\" With that, he left Ed alone.
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Roy looked up when the door to his bedroom was pushed open and Ed poked his head in nervously. He smiled softly and beckoned the younger alchemist into the room, trying not to stare at the way the too large robe had slipped down Ed\'s back to leave his shoulders exposed.

Ed shifted from foot to foot nervously, eyes anywhere but on Roy\'s face. \"Are there blankets? I\'ll sleep on the sofa.\"

Roy shook his head and threw back the covers of the bed. \"You can sleep here. The bed is big enough for two. The sofa is not comfortable unless you\'re too drunk to notice it.\" He gave Ed a wry smile and Ed fought down a blush as he crossed the room and slipped under the covers, as close to the edge as he could manage without falling off.

Roy gave a soft laugh and climbed into bed himself, leaving a large gap between them. He didn\'t want to scare the boy after all. He switched off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness and all was silent for a while.

Ed lay still and tense, uncomfortable even with the distance between the two of them, or maybe because of it. He listened carefully to the older man\'s breathing; far too controlled for him to be asleep. He wondered if Roy was as uncomfortable with the situation as he was. Finally, not knowing was too much and he had to say something. \"I have seen you watching me.\" He said it softly, absently, as though it didn\'t matter. He heard the other man take a hissing breath and then let out a heavy sigh.

\"You\'re a very attractive young man and I\'m not immune to that.\"

Ed frowned and shifted around in the bed so he could face the other man, casting him a curious look even though he knew Roy couldn\'t see it in the darkness. \"Then why didn\'t you touch me when I offered?\"

Ed could feel the bed shifting and when Roy spoke he could hear the hurt in his voice. \"Do you really think so little of me? That I would take advantage of you at a time when you weren\'t in your right mind?\" His voice softened. \"You needed comfort, not abuse, and that is what it would have been.\"

Ed lay silent for a while, thinking over Roy\'s words carefully. \"What if I offered now?\"

He could practically feel the way Roy froze, even his breathing stopping for a moment. Then he gave a short, harsh laugh. \"Don\'t. Don\'t say something like that if you don\'t know what exactly it is you\'re offering.\"

\"I know what I\'m offering.\"

Roy snorted. \"You don\'t understand. You can\'t change your mind afterwards, can\'t take it back. You\'re too young to understand the consequences. You shouldn\'t make such a decision yet.\"

Ed moved forwards quickly and pressed his lips against the older man\'s clumsily. Roy made no move to return the kiss and Ed pulled away. He traced his fingers lightly over the contours of Roy\'s face. \"I thought that when I joined the military, I became an adult with responsibility for my own choices. You told me that yourself once. Either I\'m a child and you should never have brought me into the military or I\'m an adult and I\'m old enough to make this choice.\"

He held his breath for a moment and just when he was about to move away and apologise for saying anything, Roy kissed him. It started chastely, closed lips pressed together, and slowly turned into something deeper. Roy\'s tongue coaxed his lips apart, hand lifting to catch his chin, and he explored Ed\'s mouth. Ed let his eyes fall closed and started to return the kiss. It was different to how he had expected Roy to kiss. He had expected hunger and dominance and harshness, but not this sweetness, gentleness.

Roy seperated them and started to drop soft kisses all across Ed\'s face; cheeks, chin, eyelids, forehead and Ed leaned into the touches. He was pushed away gently and could hear Roy fumbling with the lamp. Suddenly, light filled the room and he blinked owlishly into it until his eyes adjusted. Roy rummaged in the draw for a moment before pulling out a small jar and placing it next to the lamp. He turned back and gave Ed a small smile, then swiftly pulled off his pyjamas, leaving him unashamedly nude.

Ed swallowed and let his eyes wander over Roy\'s body. He hesitated for a moment and then reached out to trace his fingers over Roy\'s chest, across the taut plane of his stomach and down to rest on the older man\'s hip. He licked his lips nervously and moved his hand lower to skim through the dark curls finally touch Roy\'s cock. Roy gave a low hiss of pleasure. Encouraged by that, Ed wrapped his hand around the length and started to stroke him slowly, enjoying the moment when Roy\'s eyes fell closed.

A larger hand enclosed his own and Ed stopped, looking up at Roy worriedly. \"Did I do something wrong?\" Roy shook his head and started to move Ed\'s hand within his own, making him harden beneath the dual touches. Ed felt himself harden at the flush of pleasure that spread across Roy\'s face.

Roy released Ed\'s hand and wrapped his arms around him and lay him down carefully. He leaned down to kiss him deeply and then knelt next to him. He placed one hand on Ed\'s hip and slipped a finger beneath the waistband of his boxers. \"May I?\" he asked, only starting to slip them down Ed\'s legs when the blond nodded. Ed felt a blush begin to spread across his face as Roy looked him over.

Noticing his discomfort, Roy gave him a reassuring smile and leaned down to lay an open mouthed kiss against the inside of his thigh. He smoothed his fingers over Ed\'s hip bones and just left them there, not moving, instead flicking out his tongue in the same spot where he had lain the kiss. He moved up along Ed\'s leg with a series of kisses, licks and soft bites and Ed couldn\'t hold back a moan at the sensations. Roy shifted and started lapping at Ed\'s side, just beneath his ribs. He grinned when it made Ed squirm and pant beneath him.

Roy leaned back and wrapped a suprisingly slender hand around Ed\'s shaft, stroking him firmly until Ed was fully erect, leaving the blond groaning and bucking into his touch. Roy smirked down at him but it wasn\'t anything like his normal superior one and Ed smiled back at him. Roy pressed his lips against Ed\'s neck and Ed could feel the flutter of his eyelashes against his skin.

Roy groped on the bedside table for the jar and wrenched the top off. He looked at Ed seriously for a moment. \"Are you sure this is what you want?\"

Ed thought carefully, not wanting to cheapen Roy\'s concern by replying too hastily and then regretting it. Finally he nodded. \"I\'m sure.\"

Roy ran a hand through Ed\'s hair fondly and dipped his fingers into the jar, bringing them out wet with oil. He pressed down on Ed\'s hip with his free hand and slid his fingers along the line between Ed\'s leg and groin slowly. Painfully slowly. He paused, one finger barely pressed against Ed\'s entrance and spoke. \"This might hurt at first, but it does get better, I promise.\"

Ed gave him a tight nod and tensed, waiting for the contact. Roy gave a warm chuckled. \"Relax. It\'s worse if you tense up.\" Ed frowned a little and closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down and relax. Satisfied that he was at least a little less tense, Roy slowly pressed one finger into him.

Ed let out a mewl of pain at the sensation and felt his whole body stiffen. Roy sighed and stroked his other hand over Ed\'s hip and leg soothingly, waiting for him to get used to the feeling. Slowly, Ed relaxed as the pain lessened and the feeling became more strange than uncomfortable. He managed not to tense again when another finger was pressed inside him, just curled his fingers into the bed sheet and gritted his teeth as Roy started to stretch him gently.

Roy removed his fingers and gave him an unreadable look for a long moment, then dipped his fingers into the oil again and slicked them across his cock. He grasped Ed\'s legs loosely and pushed them apart, settling between his knees. He pressed a kiss to the corner of Ed\'s lips and then swiped his tongue across them, swallowing the boy\'s moans as he pressed inside his body. He pulled away and smoothed Ed\'s hair away from his face, fingers swiping across sweat damp skin. \"If you tell me, I\'ll stop.\"

Ed\'s arms came up to wrap around his waist, tugging him down firmly. Roy grinned at him and started to thrust slowly, leaning down to bury his head in the crook of Ed\'s neck. Ed gasped when Roy started moving and the uncomfortable sensation dissolved into pleasure. His eyes dropped closed and his head fell back, breathy moans falling from his lips at the heat and the friction and the pure feeling. His fingers skittered across Roy\'s back, trying to pull him closer. Roy dropped his hand to Ed\'s cock and started to stroke him firmly, drawing louder noises from the boy beneath him.

With a strangled scream, Ed came in Roy\'s hand, pleasure fogging his mind as he collapsed back against the bed, hands falling limply from around Roy. Roy kissed him softly, smiling when Ed barely responded, and pulled out of Ed\'s body. He wrapped hands around his own erection and brought himself off quickly, more concerned with Ed\'s pleasure than his own, then slipped out of the bed and into the bathroom.

Ed opened his eyes and shook off most of the the after-effects when Roy swiped a damp cloth across his chest and stomach and gave him a sleepy smile. He reached up with one hand to stroke Roy\'s cheek, smile widening when Roy leaned into the touch, eyes softer than Ed had ever seen them. He slipped his hand round to cup the back of Roy\'s head and pulled him down insistently. Roy laughed and lay down next to him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. Ed kissed him and rested his head against Roy\'s chest and let himself fall asleep in the man\'s arms.