Why am I so Small?
folder
Gundam Wing/AC › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
557
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gundam Wing/AC › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
557
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Why am I so Small?
Ok here's my 1,889, six page piece of studpiness. I thought of it one night, and had a fun time writing. It's supose to be funny, not suere if it is.
Warnings continued... Molesting of Fei, molesting of Heero, mentions of sexual activity, mention of a threesome, Relena, Dorethy and Une bashing, Chstianity, and the making fun of it.
Don't own Gundam Wing, cause they ALL would be gay and Relena would have died.
---
“Treize stop. Stop! I said STOP!” Wufei ordered, pushing his partly dressed lover off his body.
“What is it?” He growled impatiently.
“There’s a problem.”
The General rolled his eyes, “What could possibly be a problem?” He continued pulling off Wufei’s unbuttoned-button-up-shirt off his shoulders.
“It’s an issue with the story!”
“I have no problem with the story.” He murmured kissing at his lover’s neck, “It’s starting out with a verrrry good opening scene.”
“It’s not the scene that’s the problem, it’s…”
“What?”
“Yes, what?”
Wufei and Treize both looked up to see a young man sitting in a black swivel chair that had just appeared in the room.
“Who the fuck are you?” Wufei glared.
The young man smiled, “I am the one who will answer all your questions.” He replied, “I am” he held his hands, palms up, to the side, “the author.”
Treize gave a confused look at the author. He was about 5’6 with shoulder length blonde hair tied into a ponytail. His pants were a simple pair of jeans and his torso was covered with a black sweatshirt that said GDA on it. (1) “Aren’t most of the writers girls?” The older man asked.
“Hey most, but not all.” He replied with a very annoyed look, “Now,” he turned to Wufei, “what is your question?”
The Chinese man blushed, “It’s not really anything...” He murmured.
“Wufei, I know everything about, I can change you and your will anytime I want, now please ask me your question.”
Wufei looked down at the ground for a little while before bursting out,
“Why am I so small!?!”
There was an awkward silence that followed. The questioner’s entire face showed a bright red. The questioner’s lover gave another confused look, this time to his lover. And the author simply smiled.
“Well Wufei, there’s a very simple reason for that, you’re Asian.”
The other to men’s jaws dropped, “What do you mean, ‘you’re Asian’? So what, I’m not small in the other fics also!”
“Well I was trying to get a more realistic storyline down. I mean there’s all those fics where you guys are-”
“We know what you mean, thank you.” Treize interrupted.
The author gave him a smile, but Wufei was still not pleased. “But you made him-”
“Well Treize is a grown man,” he interrupted, “and he’s Aryan.”
“So is Yuy like me?” He asked, hoping to find allies from his comrades.
“Ah Heero…” The scene around them melted away and the three men found themselves in an endless plain of white. “He’s a special circumstance.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that? Special circumstance my ass.”
“Let me explain. Heero is the perfect solider, right? Or was the perfect solider, seeing this fic is after Endless Waltz… Anyway, the good doctor wanted EVERYTHING about him perfect. So… he slipped him natural growth enhancement drugs in his food.”
“That’s so unfair!” Wufei screeched.
“Wouldn’t that be inconvenient… more area to be hit, right?” Treize asked.
“That’s true,” the author agreed, “But J was a. actually looking past the war for once, and b. a pervert.”
“Okay, it’s all figured out, now Wufei I say we get back to what we’re supposed to do.” Treize wrapped his arms around the Chinese boy.
“Wait,” The would-be-bottom fought out of his lover’s hands, causing him to give out a huff, “Have you done this to other guys?”
That caused the writer to think a little. “Well,” he finally responded, “The only other anime/manga fan fiction I’ve done, so far, is Fruits Basket, and with them I thought that ‘thing’s grow bigger in the wild’ applied there seeing there all possessed by animals.”
Wufei gave out a frustrated yell, “Well… can’t you at least pair me with someone who isn’t so… big? Or a woman?”
“That my dear friend is out of the question.” The author caused the other four pilots, Zechs, Dorothy, Relena, Sally, Catherine Noin, Une, and Hilde to appear. “The only people I like to see you paired with are A. Duo, who is at the moment with Zechs, B. Heero, and only when it’s during the war or something EXTREMELY full of angst, and C. Sally, and that only as a side pairing. Gundam fics need to have boys kissing as the main thing or I don’t even read them.
“Anyway, with the other boys, because I know you like to ask, Zechs I like with you only if A. Treize is dead, or B. you guys are having a threesome with Treize. Trowa is only done when it is pulled off really well, and I usually like him only with Quatre, Heero, or Zechs (in those after war fics). Quatre is COMPLETELY out of the question, he ONLY goes with Heero or Trowa, that’s why those guys have a threesome in this fic.
“I already told you that I only like you with Sally as far as women go, in fact I don’t like Dorothy that much and HATE Relena and Une, so…” Suddenly a hatch opens up beneath said woman’s feet and all three fall into a fiery pit. “The only time Relena is in a fic is when she fails at trying to turn Heero straight. And nothing personal Catherine, but you’re such a sister figure that I only like you with someone if you have some OC boyfriend or girlfriend. Noin can go with Zechs (and only Zechs) as a side pairing and also sometimes when it is absolutely necessary Hilde can chill with Duo (and only Duo) as a side thing.”
The entire group looked at the author, slightly confused; the women moving away from were the others had fallen in.
Duo walked up to Wufei and gave him a pat on the back, “Don’t worry Wu-Chan! There must be others who are lacking, your um… assets.”
“Maxwell I’m about to rip your arm off.”
“But Duo does have a good point,” Quatre pointed out.
“Yes,” The author agreed, “here’s an example, Kira Yamato”
Suddenly a door appeared; the author moved over to it and swung it open. Behind it was a very sexy and a very naked Kira Yamato taking a shower. Unfortunately for Wufei, Kira was very well endowed.
“What? Athrun! There are people in the bathroom door!” The surprised coordinater yelled, grabbing the shower curtain to cover himself up.
“Sorry,” the author apologized before closing the door. “I forgot he’s a coordinater and they had their genetics changed before they’re born.”
Wufei was not pleased.
But suddenly the author came up with an amazing foolproof plan that would make everyone (everyone being everyone except Relena, Dorothy, and Une who looks better when she has her down, literally and figuratively, the braided ponytails and Nazi attitude is just too much-) perfectly happy.
“Why not be Jesus?”
Everyone gave him a blank stare.
“Think about it, if Jesus is considered the perfect man then he can’t have a small penis!”
“It could work.” Duo thought out, trying to remember his childhood years.
“Don’t you dare agree with him, Maxwell!” Wufei yelled. “I’m not going to be some damn religious figure!”
“No, he does have a point dragon,” stated Treize, “but of course it would be out of context…”
“That can be easily fixed.” and with a snap of his fingers the scene changed to a stage with Noin, Catherine, Sally, and Hilde sitting in the best seats, all males were on stage in their costumes.
“Ok,” the author called out, sitting in a director’s chair with a stylin director’s hat on, “The scene is: Une is Satan, and her demons, Relena and Dorothy, are trying to get Heero and Trowa, who are the humans, to side with darkness, a.k.a. have hetero sex.”
The three said ladies raise from a platform, all clad in NON-REVEALING bondage outfits, and the two “demons” go after Trowa and Heero. Relena almost gets to him when the director interjects, “But luckily they have a guardian angel, Quatre, and the help of a priest, Duo.”
Quatre, with wings and a halo, jumps in and starts battling the demons, while Duo goes in to rescue Heero from his dire fate.
“Wait!” Everyone looked at the interrupter, this time Heero. “Why is Quatre naked?”
The director/author sighed, “Because all the famous angel pictures are naked.”
“Why am I naked?”
“Because humans don’t need clothes.”
“Why is Duo molesting me?”
The accused answered, “Because I’m a catholic priest.” Pointing to the collar around the neck, the only thing he was wearing.
“Why am I wearing a thong?” This time Wufei asked.
Everyone turned to him. “Because Jesus is always in that white loincloth/thong thing, I just vamped it up.”
“Why is it red?”
“You look sexier in it.”
“I agree with that” Treize came up behind the savior of man and wrapped his arms around him.
Wufei yelped, “Why is he naked?”
“Because he’s God, and man was made in his image, so if people are naked then so is he.”
“I have a question!” Noin yelled from the seats, “Not that I mind or anything, but why is Zechs’ costume see through?”
“Cause I’m the holy sprit, and spirits are transparent!” He yelled back.
“Could I put something on?” Trowa asked, “My sister is in the audience.”
“Don’t worry, I’m distracted by everyone else, and I’ve seen you naked before!”
“I have to say this is a little weird,” Quatre peeped from behind Trowa, trying to hide his nakedness.
“Why is it that you four are the only ones to question my genius?” The author asked out loud.
“Because, the rest of us don’t mind!” Hilde yelled.
“You’re not the one who’s in a thong!” Wufei yelled.
“How do you know?” She shot back suggestively.
“Ok no more questions!” The director yelled, “The sooner we get onto this the sooner its over.” This was met with several relived sighs, but more disappointed groans. “Don’t worry this is all on tape!
“Anyway Heero needs some renewal in his faith, and needs the Holy Spirit to come into him.”
“Come into him! Now we’re talking!” Zechs jumped onto Heero, “Don’t worry, I’ll come into gently.”
Heero struggled to push him off, but the man was too strong for him.
“Unfortunately coming into a person doesn’t require penetration.” The director added before laughing at the disappointed Zechs, audience members, and people reading the fic.
“But is it a requirement that I don’t penetrate him?” Zechs asked.
The director pondered for a moment, “No, but you’re paired with Duo in this fic.”
Duo perked up, “Can he ‘renew’ my faith?”
“Yes”
With that both ran off stage.
“Well that leaves Heero and Trowa with only Quatre for protection, I guess that means you guys have to bond, in a spiritual, emotional, and physical sense, which you can do right now.” The director sated showing them off stage.
“Wait father, son, and holy spirit thing right?” Treize asked, to which the director nodded, “Let’s go create some incest.” And pulled Wufei off stage.
With a flick of the wrist Satan and her demons where sent back to their cages and the audience began to file out, “Copies of the show are available on DVD, with extra bonus footage of after the show.”
To that the ladies cheered and the lights turned off.
Warnings continued... Molesting of Fei, molesting of Heero, mentions of sexual activity, mention of a threesome, Relena, Dorethy and Une bashing, Chstianity, and the making fun of it.
Don't own Gundam Wing, cause they ALL would be gay and Relena would have died.
---
“Treize stop. Stop! I said STOP!” Wufei ordered, pushing his partly dressed lover off his body.
“What is it?” He growled impatiently.
“There’s a problem.”
The General rolled his eyes, “What could possibly be a problem?” He continued pulling off Wufei’s unbuttoned-button-up-shirt off his shoulders.
“It’s an issue with the story!”
“I have no problem with the story.” He murmured kissing at his lover’s neck, “It’s starting out with a verrrry good opening scene.”
“It’s not the scene that’s the problem, it’s…”
“What?”
“Yes, what?”
Wufei and Treize both looked up to see a young man sitting in a black swivel chair that had just appeared in the room.
“Who the fuck are you?” Wufei glared.
The young man smiled, “I am the one who will answer all your questions.” He replied, “I am” he held his hands, palms up, to the side, “the author.”
Treize gave a confused look at the author. He was about 5’6 with shoulder length blonde hair tied into a ponytail. His pants were a simple pair of jeans and his torso was covered with a black sweatshirt that said GDA on it. (1) “Aren’t most of the writers girls?” The older man asked.
“Hey most, but not all.” He replied with a very annoyed look, “Now,” he turned to Wufei, “what is your question?”
The Chinese man blushed, “It’s not really anything...” He murmured.
“Wufei, I know everything about, I can change you and your will anytime I want, now please ask me your question.”
Wufei looked down at the ground for a little while before bursting out,
“Why am I so small!?!”
There was an awkward silence that followed. The questioner’s entire face showed a bright red. The questioner’s lover gave another confused look, this time to his lover. And the author simply smiled.
“Well Wufei, there’s a very simple reason for that, you’re Asian.”
The other to men’s jaws dropped, “What do you mean, ‘you’re Asian’? So what, I’m not small in the other fics also!”
“Well I was trying to get a more realistic storyline down. I mean there’s all those fics where you guys are-”
“We know what you mean, thank you.” Treize interrupted.
The author gave him a smile, but Wufei was still not pleased. “But you made him-”
“Well Treize is a grown man,” he interrupted, “and he’s Aryan.”
“So is Yuy like me?” He asked, hoping to find allies from his comrades.
“Ah Heero…” The scene around them melted away and the three men found themselves in an endless plain of white. “He’s a special circumstance.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that? Special circumstance my ass.”
“Let me explain. Heero is the perfect solider, right? Or was the perfect solider, seeing this fic is after Endless Waltz… Anyway, the good doctor wanted EVERYTHING about him perfect. So… he slipped him natural growth enhancement drugs in his food.”
“That’s so unfair!” Wufei screeched.
“Wouldn’t that be inconvenient… more area to be hit, right?” Treize asked.
“That’s true,” the author agreed, “But J was a. actually looking past the war for once, and b. a pervert.”
“Okay, it’s all figured out, now Wufei I say we get back to what we’re supposed to do.” Treize wrapped his arms around the Chinese boy.
“Wait,” The would-be-bottom fought out of his lover’s hands, causing him to give out a huff, “Have you done this to other guys?”
That caused the writer to think a little. “Well,” he finally responded, “The only other anime/manga fan fiction I’ve done, so far, is Fruits Basket, and with them I thought that ‘thing’s grow bigger in the wild’ applied there seeing there all possessed by animals.”
Wufei gave out a frustrated yell, “Well… can’t you at least pair me with someone who isn’t so… big? Or a woman?”
“That my dear friend is out of the question.” The author caused the other four pilots, Zechs, Dorothy, Relena, Sally, Catherine Noin, Une, and Hilde to appear. “The only people I like to see you paired with are A. Duo, who is at the moment with Zechs, B. Heero, and only when it’s during the war or something EXTREMELY full of angst, and C. Sally, and that only as a side pairing. Gundam fics need to have boys kissing as the main thing or I don’t even read them.
“Anyway, with the other boys, because I know you like to ask, Zechs I like with you only if A. Treize is dead, or B. you guys are having a threesome with Treize. Trowa is only done when it is pulled off really well, and I usually like him only with Quatre, Heero, or Zechs (in those after war fics). Quatre is COMPLETELY out of the question, he ONLY goes with Heero or Trowa, that’s why those guys have a threesome in this fic.
“I already told you that I only like you with Sally as far as women go, in fact I don’t like Dorothy that much and HATE Relena and Une, so…” Suddenly a hatch opens up beneath said woman’s feet and all three fall into a fiery pit. “The only time Relena is in a fic is when she fails at trying to turn Heero straight. And nothing personal Catherine, but you’re such a sister figure that I only like you with someone if you have some OC boyfriend or girlfriend. Noin can go with Zechs (and only Zechs) as a side pairing and also sometimes when it is absolutely necessary Hilde can chill with Duo (and only Duo) as a side thing.”
The entire group looked at the author, slightly confused; the women moving away from were the others had fallen in.
Duo walked up to Wufei and gave him a pat on the back, “Don’t worry Wu-Chan! There must be others who are lacking, your um… assets.”
“Maxwell I’m about to rip your arm off.”
“But Duo does have a good point,” Quatre pointed out.
“Yes,” The author agreed, “here’s an example, Kira Yamato”
Suddenly a door appeared; the author moved over to it and swung it open. Behind it was a very sexy and a very naked Kira Yamato taking a shower. Unfortunately for Wufei, Kira was very well endowed.
“What? Athrun! There are people in the bathroom door!” The surprised coordinater yelled, grabbing the shower curtain to cover himself up.
“Sorry,” the author apologized before closing the door. “I forgot he’s a coordinater and they had their genetics changed before they’re born.”
Wufei was not pleased.
But suddenly the author came up with an amazing foolproof plan that would make everyone (everyone being everyone except Relena, Dorothy, and Une who looks better when she has her down, literally and figuratively, the braided ponytails and Nazi attitude is just too much-) perfectly happy.
“Why not be Jesus?”
Everyone gave him a blank stare.
“Think about it, if Jesus is considered the perfect man then he can’t have a small penis!”
“It could work.” Duo thought out, trying to remember his childhood years.
“Don’t you dare agree with him, Maxwell!” Wufei yelled. “I’m not going to be some damn religious figure!”
“No, he does have a point dragon,” stated Treize, “but of course it would be out of context…”
“That can be easily fixed.” and with a snap of his fingers the scene changed to a stage with Noin, Catherine, Sally, and Hilde sitting in the best seats, all males were on stage in their costumes.
“Ok,” the author called out, sitting in a director’s chair with a stylin director’s hat on, “The scene is: Une is Satan, and her demons, Relena and Dorothy, are trying to get Heero and Trowa, who are the humans, to side with darkness, a.k.a. have hetero sex.”
The three said ladies raise from a platform, all clad in NON-REVEALING bondage outfits, and the two “demons” go after Trowa and Heero. Relena almost gets to him when the director interjects, “But luckily they have a guardian angel, Quatre, and the help of a priest, Duo.”
Quatre, with wings and a halo, jumps in and starts battling the demons, while Duo goes in to rescue Heero from his dire fate.
“Wait!” Everyone looked at the interrupter, this time Heero. “Why is Quatre naked?”
The director/author sighed, “Because all the famous angel pictures are naked.”
“Why am I naked?”
“Because humans don’t need clothes.”
“Why is Duo molesting me?”
The accused answered, “Because I’m a catholic priest.” Pointing to the collar around the neck, the only thing he was wearing.
“Why am I wearing a thong?” This time Wufei asked.
Everyone turned to him. “Because Jesus is always in that white loincloth/thong thing, I just vamped it up.”
“Why is it red?”
“You look sexier in it.”
“I agree with that” Treize came up behind the savior of man and wrapped his arms around him.
Wufei yelped, “Why is he naked?”
“Because he’s God, and man was made in his image, so if people are naked then so is he.”
“I have a question!” Noin yelled from the seats, “Not that I mind or anything, but why is Zechs’ costume see through?”
“Cause I’m the holy sprit, and spirits are transparent!” He yelled back.
“Could I put something on?” Trowa asked, “My sister is in the audience.”
“Don’t worry, I’m distracted by everyone else, and I’ve seen you naked before!”
“I have to say this is a little weird,” Quatre peeped from behind Trowa, trying to hide his nakedness.
“Why is it that you four are the only ones to question my genius?” The author asked out loud.
“Because, the rest of us don’t mind!” Hilde yelled.
“You’re not the one who’s in a thong!” Wufei yelled.
“How do you know?” She shot back suggestively.
“Ok no more questions!” The director yelled, “The sooner we get onto this the sooner its over.” This was met with several relived sighs, but more disappointed groans. “Don’t worry this is all on tape!
“Anyway Heero needs some renewal in his faith, and needs the Holy Spirit to come into him.”
“Come into him! Now we’re talking!” Zechs jumped onto Heero, “Don’t worry, I’ll come into gently.”
Heero struggled to push him off, but the man was too strong for him.
“Unfortunately coming into a person doesn’t require penetration.” The director added before laughing at the disappointed Zechs, audience members, and people reading the fic.
“But is it a requirement that I don’t penetrate him?” Zechs asked.
The director pondered for a moment, “No, but you’re paired with Duo in this fic.”
Duo perked up, “Can he ‘renew’ my faith?”
“Yes”
With that both ran off stage.
“Well that leaves Heero and Trowa with only Quatre for protection, I guess that means you guys have to bond, in a spiritual, emotional, and physical sense, which you can do right now.” The director sated showing them off stage.
“Wait father, son, and holy spirit thing right?” Treize asked, to which the director nodded, “Let’s go create some incest.” And pulled Wufei off stage.
With a flick of the wrist Satan and her demons where sent back to their cages and the audience began to file out, “Copies of the show are available on DVD, with extra bonus footage of after the show.”
To that the ladies cheered and the lights turned off.