Past Cuts

So, I was skimming through past comments and came across one for ‘Home Feels Like’ from milky about Al not interfering in Ed and Envy’s fucked up relationship. So, instead of being a good girl and working on the bunch I’m supposed to be finishing, I’m writing one that popped into my head. Yay! I am working on the others and actually making progress. I know: I’m slow.

This fic deals with abuse and suicide, neither of which are good things and I’m not condoning them in any way. It moves off on its own around episode 49, right before Envy kills Ed, when they strike a deal.

Past Cuts


Heavy pounding dragged Ed out of bed and he stumbled down the hall, rubbing his eyes. A twinge of pain and he flinched away from his hand, pulling it down to see a small smear of blood. “Fuck.” The pounding started again and he yelled at the door. “Just a minute!”

The little cut was examined and determined to not be too bad; a quick rinse and bandage and he jogged to open the door. Al was standing there, tapping his foot. “What happened to you?”

“Hey, Al. What are you doing here?” The older blond didn’t move from his place in the door, blocking it with his body.

His brother raised an eyebrow. “You were supposed to meet me for breakfast an hour ago.”

The flesh hand rubbed his head, tangling in the long bangs. “Aw, hell. I’m sorry, Al, I forgot.”

“So I see. May I come in?” The shorter man hesitated. “Ah. He’s still here then.” A firm push and the smaller body moved back; he could have fought, and might have won by sheer bulk, but there was no point.

“Al, don’t start anything, ok?” He stepped back and closed the door, locking it behind his brother.

The younger alchemist shrugged out of his coat and hung it up. “Did he do that?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Of course he did. What did you do this time, breath wrong?”

“Aaallll, come on. He was just in a bad mood last night and I burned supper again.” Tea was started and ingredients for omelets were arranged on the counter in alphabetical order. Every little detail of their lives were regulated carefully, right down to how much of anything could go into the omelet and in what order.

The younger blond watched his brother move around the kitchen, following a long ingrained pattern. It killed him to see bruises on the loved face, to see him suffering again, after working so hard to be happy. “Brother, come home with me. Leave him; you’ll never have to hurt again.”

A gentle smile over his shoulder, the same one he would always give right before doing something that completely disregarded his safety. “Al, I can’t do that. I belong here. He loves me.”

“The back of his hand isn’t love, Edward.” Light eyes glared at the wide back. “If he loved you, you wouldn’t be bleeding right now.”

A startled hand lifted to his cheek and came away wet; blood had soaked through the bandage. “Al, just leave it alone, please.” Another soft smile and he rummaged in a cupboard for another bandage. “I deserve everything he does to me.” He finished with the gauze and set a cup of tea on the table. “Here, sugar is in the blue container. Milk is in the fridge, would you like some?” He didn’t even flinch from the ‘m’ word; he’d been made to drink it so often, it didn’t bother him anymore.

“No, I don’t want any milk, I want you to come home. You don’t have to stay here; you’ve paid him back enough. I know he helped you get my body back, but”

“But nothing. That was the deal; he would help me and I would go with him. He has been extremely generous with me, letting me see you and go out sometimes.” The older blond turned his back and started chopping onions and mushrooms, careful not to let them touch and to use a different knife for each vegetable.

The door to the kitchen swung open with a bang and a mushroom piece skittered over the cutting board and into the small pile of onion pieces. “What the hell are you doing?” A pale hand swung and connected with the smaller blond’s cheek. “You stupid little brat, can’t you do anything right?”

Ed hit the counter and slid to the floor, hands over his face, sobbing apologies. A solid kick landed on his stomach and he doubled over, whining faintly. The slim body was shoved away and Al crouched over him. “What are you doing? Leave him alone!” Gentle hands brushed the protective ones aside to check for damage. “You asshole, you’ve already cut him!”

An annoyed grunt and dark hair swung as he walked to the table and sat, tapping it with his finger. The smaller blond shoved himself to his feet and got a glass, brushing concerned hands aside in a rush to get the demanded drink. Milk was poured and he placed the glass carefully in front of the seated man.

A quick hand darted out and snagged his wrist, pulling him down to sit. “Now, why do you make me do that to you? You make me so angry sometimes, you know I can’t help it.” Long bangs nodded quickly, eager to agree. A gentle hand tucked them behind his ears. “Forgive me?”

Damp gold eyes stared down and the blond smiled. “Of course I do. It was my fault after all. I’m sorry I made you angry with me. Would you like something for breakfast?”

Al watched his brother grovel, furious with his own inability to do anything, disgusted with himself for failing his brother like this.

******************

“Hey, Al? Where are we going? Envy will be upset if we aren’t home soon.” Ed fidgeted and looked nervously out the window at the passing landscape; they’d been driving for quite a while now. “Al?”

“Brother, I’m not taking you back.” Strong hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and he sped up a bit. “We’re going somewhere safe, where he won’t find you.”

Full lips worked soundlessly and he reached over to prod his brother’s arm. “You’re joking, right?” At the firm head shake his hand reached for the door.

“Don’t, Brother. You are coming with me. You’ll hurt yourself, so please don’t.” Ed sat in silence, staring blankly out the window.

Al held his arm as he led the way into the small house. No phones, miles to the next sign of civilization, it was perfect to keep Ed away from his violent lover. “Alright, Brother. You have to stay here until you swear not to see him again.”

Gold blinked at him in confusion. “Al, why are you doing this? I don’t want this. I want to go home. He’ll be so angry with me. Please, Al, take me home.” His voice was lost, confused.

“No, Brother, you can’t go back. I’m doing this for you, so you will be safe.” A firm but gentle hand guided the faintly protesting blond to a room on the second floor. “Now, do I have to lock the door?” A hesitant shake of long bangs and the younger brother smiled. “It’ll be alright, Brother, you’ll see.”

He left, closing the door behind him. Ed paced the floor, thinking of ways to escape. The window was locked and some kind of sealant had been applied to keep it closed. The door was always an option, but Al might hear him and lock it next time. Even if he did escape notice at first, he had no idea where he was and would never find his way home alone. The night was spent pacing restlessly and he met Al’s bright ‘good morning’ with blood shot eyes.

Days moved into weeks and he waited, secure in the knowledge that Envy was looking for him. Every day, he asked Al if he could go home yet and was always refused. The younger stuck to his plan to have his brother promise not to see that creature again.

Ed ran away the day the first month ended, simply walking away while Al worked in the garden. The younger blond found him wandering along the road, hopelessly lost. The second time, he made more progress, almost reaching the next town by the time Al caught up.

“Brother, just stop. He isn’t looking for you; he’s left the apartment and disappeared. He’s gone, left you.” Dark blond shook and his brother grabbed his face, holding him still and forcing him to meet brown eyes. “Yes, he did.” A firm nod and the older blond was released to collapse on his bed, sobbing heavily.

Al’s mouth tightened and he resisted the urge to comfort him; it wouldn’t do any good anyways. After that, Ed just gave up. He stayed where he was put, did the chores he was asked to, ate when he was told, and spent his free time staring at the sky. Two months later, Al took him back to Rissembool to spend time with Winry, hoping she would be able to help him break through.

A week later, they rushed him to the hospital, bleeding profusely from precise cuts to the femoral arteries.

******************

Appropriately enough, the bright sun shone on the funeral, lighting Al’s hair to the same shade as his brother’s. He stood, Winry at his side, staring at the plain grave; nothing elaborate or exaggerated for Ed. Friends came and went, murmuring condolences and telling stories meant to comfort.

Finally, there was only a brunette left; he leaned on a cane and looked quietly at the gravestone. Thick smoke swirled around short hair and a red shirt flashed as he moved, his dark jacket sliding open. Al looked up dully, not certain who this was but wishing they would hurry up. “Finally did it, huh.”

That voice, it echoed in his soul and ripped through his pain. “Winry, go ahead, please. I’ll be along.” A doubtful look but the blond woman nodded and walked away, heading towards the shop. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think? I finally found him. Too bad.” Slim shoulders shrugged, deceptively delicate. “Thought he’d last longer though.” Another thoughtful drag of the cigarette.

Solid fists clenched and slim arms shook with the effort not to throw himself on the man. “What are you doing here? You never gave a damn about him.” A slim brow rose and another drag was taken.

“Hmm. And who was it that killed him?” Al stared, mouth moving silently. “He was fine when you took him.”

“You, you bastard! I didn’t kill him!” The lean body trembled furiously.

“No, I suppose technically, he killed himself, didn’t he?” A cool smile. “Did you never wonder why he stayed so long? Why he fought so hard to stay with me, despite the ridiculous rules and impossible standards?”

“Of course I did! He loved you, would have done anything for you! And he thought you loved him too.” Tears started, flowing for the first time since his brother’s death. “He believed that, right to the last. He asked about you, even on the way to the hospital.” An arm flung out. “He was bleeding to death and all he cared about was you!”

Faint humming and the taller man started to walk around the grave, dragging his cane in the dirt in a perfect circle. “You know, when he used the Stone, he used all those souls, traded them for one. Hundreds of thousands of souls, maybe even millions; he traded them all for one little, skinny kid.” The blond’s mouth opened but he was over-ridden by the smooth calm voice as the brunette continued to circle the grave, dragging his cane steadily. “Then, I gave him Gluttony, Wrath, and Dante to use as live sacrifices. You might not remember but they screamed when they fell. It was a bit distracting really; he almost fucked it up.”

“Why are you telling me this? Haven’t you done enough?” Careful steps were weaving through the array, delicate touches filling in the details. “Is that... I’m not bringing him back.”

“Of course not. Why would you? You sent him there, after all.” That cold smirk again. “Every day, he could hear the screams. He said he heard the people of Ishbal begging him to release them. Now I didn’t hear anything, so he might have imagined it, but our imaginations always do produce the most effective nightmares, don’t they?” A final touch of wood to the ground and he stood back and admired his work for a minute.

The alchemist just stared at him in horror. This couldn’t be true, could it? “Why didn’t he say anything?”

Dark eyes stared straight into his. “He wanted you to be happy, to not know what it cost to bring you back. And why should he tell you? He had me.” Dark brown changed to violet, still cold, still steady. “At least until you took him away from me. Or should I say it the other way around? After all, he needed me more than I needed him. Who else would blame him, punish him, release him without a blemish to you or your precious life?” A slim white knife appeared in the large hand and was turned over and examined carefully. A line of brown edged where the handle flowed into the blade and flaked when he kissed it delicately.

Al gasped and reached out. “Where did you get that? We couldn’t find it aft-er” His voice faded and he stared at the brunette watching him. “You took it. After we left, you took it while we were at the hospital.”

Slender shoulders shrugged. “He was past saving by the time I got there. He saw me, such a beautiful smile.” A faint tilt of the lips at the memory. “What do you think this is made of?” It was turned and presented; the blond reached out and took it gingerly, holding it loosely by the handle.

“I don’t, feels like bone of some kind.” He turned it carefully, examining it curiously; Ed had played with it frequently but guarded it jealously. The brunette’s hand gestured to his thigh. “It’s yours? I thought you couldn’t move if your true body was near?”

A light shrug. “I’m old enough to be beyond the paralysis.” A short, bitter smile. “But not the harm.” He watched the realization dawn in the blond’s light eyes. “Ah, you finally understand. Such a fool you were. Don’t you agree?” The brunette stepped into the array, carefully avoiding the lines and the cane was jabbed into the center of the array. He brushed his hands together. “Well, shall we?”

“Wh, what? What are you doing?” Light flared around the brunette and he shifted to his usual slim, pale self, hair wild. A faint gasp and he hit the ground on his knees, holding his stomach. “Are you ok?”

Dark purple looked up at him. “Concerned? Silly fool.” A brief chuckle and he coughed, body shuddering. “Power the array.” Al hesitated and the slim man yelled at him. “Do it!”

Red burst from the lines etched in the soil and the pale form choked and struggled faintly, obviously fighting instinct. A pale hand reached out and touched the edge, jerking back as if burned by the bright light. “I’ve already removed the stones from my system. One strike should do it.” A sickly smile with slightly pointed teeth and heavy pants. “Do try to make it a killing blow. I’d hate to have to do it myself.”

Fear slid over the blond’s face and he backed away. “No! You want me to kill you? I won’t.”

“Why not? You killed that pest of a brother of yours.” Short hair shook frantically. “If you don’t, the next rain will wash the array away.” Pointed teeth flashed again. “And I will be on your doorstep. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you watch me kill your darling mechanic. Make your choice, Fool. Me or her.” They stared at each other in silence and Al took a small step forward.

His hands trembled and he dropped the knife; he knelt to pick it up and couldn’t wrap his hand around the handle. “I, I can’t! Why? Why are you doing this?” Tears fell steadily and a small spot between his hands began to turn to mud.

“Because Pest died to protect you and left me alone. You can share the guilt for once.” A shaking hand reached out. “Give me the knife.” It was just beyond the edge of the array, just out of reach. Wet brown looked at him and the white weapon inched forward, pushed almost without notice. The tip crossed the edge, almost smearing the clean lines.

Soft fingertips snagged it and lifted it up until it rested fully in his palm. The delicate lines were caressed, slim fingers running over the edges, mixing his blood with his blond’s. Al watched in fascination as the handle was gripped firmly, the point settled against the soft spot under the brunette’s sternum. A deep breath and violet eyes closed gently; a firm push sent the sharp blade straight up into his heart. A brief jerk and the pale body collapsed, seeming to melt into the ground, the bone knife dissolving in the viscous liquid and disappearing into the earth as well.

Al knelt at the edge of the array, staring at the freshly turned earth and the wet spot in the middle. He finally realized how much Ed had hidden, how much he had loved him. And, strangely, how much Envy had loved the older blond. Finally, finally it was all clear; the cycles of abuse and gentle hands, the strict rules and pain they’d both lived with, the eerie confidence and trust in each other, the strange pride they’d had together. Tears trickled over his cheeks and he set his head to the ground, sobbing his grief and guilt.

The sun was setting and he remembered another sunset, sitting beside a grave in the fading light. That time there had been two but now they had come full circle and only one remained. His legs shook under him but he forced them to keep him up anyways. The first step threatened to drop him but even teeth gritted and a second was taken. A third and he was running, racing down the hill to home and warm arms that would let him do the one thing Ed asked of him; live happily.






So I have no idea if that was good or not. I like it, and I suppose that is what counts in the end, but I do hope you enjoyed it and will let me know even if you don’t. Thank you for reading, it always makes me happy.