I Love You, I'll Kill You

Pairing: Vegeta/Goku

Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon (sort of), Emotional Distress, Death.

Archive: Submit URL

Disclaimer: Oh sure, I own DBZ and all rights therein, that’s why I have so much time on my hands…tch…

Song by Enigma



I Love You... I'll Kill You


It’s always the same.

Fists clash, power hums around us, pleasantries and insults alike are traded. The landscape undergoes great changes as Kakarrot and I test and re-test one another.

Over and over again.

Sometimes it is only a few days, other times it’s months or more between our spars. But eventually one or the other of us will be too pent up, too volatile to trust ourselves around others.

And then we come together.

It is said that one should focus on the chest of one’s opponent in order to gauge the next strike. Bullshit. Not with Kakarrot. It’s in his eyes, saiya-jin eyes. Black as the spaces between the stars, warm as mother’s milk. I watch his eyes to tell me what is happening inside his head, where the next punch or kick will land.

It’s his eyes that give him away.

Over time I’ve watched it grow, watched the expression in his eyes change, whenever he looked at me. At first it was curious, and wary. And then came the first traces of warmth. He had grown to accept me. But not as his prince, that he would never do.

I suppose I understand.

But now, now what I see in his eyes, it’s been coming for a long time. Love. Such a weak word for such a powerful emotion. He loves me, Kakarrot does, and I don’t know why. He wants me too; I can see the passion that blazes from the back of his eyes. Strangely enough I’m not upset by this, not offended, despite the fact that he will always be third class.

There’s a reason why.

I love him, too. It stalked me on little cat’s paws. Silent and sly, yet still so warm and soft. Kakarrot. He can see it now. Much as his own eyes give him away, I know mine are not so opaque as I would like them to be. He sees my weakness, and as any warrior would, takes advantage.

Sweat and ozone.

His scent is deep and complex as he suddenly pulls me near. It’s not only his scent that is palpable, but also the heat from his skin, even the sound of his harsh breathing seems physical. His mouth comes down to cover mine, and I am not fighting, not pushing him away. It feels dangerous, and alluring. My obsession has become my greatest vulnerability.

Honey and spice.

His tongue sweeps against mine and I find myself clutching at his shoulders, trying to draw him nearer. My heart trips within my chest, the sweat now coating me belongs to us both as we rush to remove the barriers between our skin.

Heat and friction.

His hands stroke over my skin as if I were the most cherished treasure, his lips are attentive and sweet, and the rub of his body to mine is both maddening and exhilarating. Weak; he makes my limbs tremble with a soft word and deft touch.

I am drowning, falling.

Each touch becomes a caress of fire, his scent and taste dizzy my senses. I shiver and moan, helpless under the onslaught of emotion and sensation. I barely feel my back hit the hard ground below us, only noticing that now he presses so tightly to me, rubbing and purring hypnotically.

I want him so much.

I can hear my own scream, as if from a distance, as his flesh pierces mine. Impaled, I writhe beneath him in a rapture of agony. I can barely breathe, my entire body tensed and yet molded by his hands, his touch. Melded by fire, he begins to move within me and all hope is lost.

I am lost.

Deep waves of something I have never experienced before slam through me time and again, just as his flesh pounds deeper and harder, so my heart pounds faster. I would give up everything for him, anything he asked. He moans softly into my ear.

“Mine.”


I wake with a start; blood rushing in my ears, skin slick with sweat and also, I notice, semen. My fury and desperation tear free of my throat.

“Damn you to the deepest pit of Enma’s hells, you third-class bastard!!”

The room is hollow and empty, echoing with the surety of alone-ness. I can’t stop the ache in my chest, I hide my face in my hands so that not even I can see myself crying. Weakened by you, Kakarrot, by this damnable game you make of my heart.


I see love, I can see passion
I feel danger, I feel obsession
Don't play games with the ones who love you
Cause I hear a voice who says:
I love you... I’ll kill you...

Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room...

I go to him again.

He trains almost as much as I do now, well, did. Before my obsession bordered on madness, and I lost myself in the flood of devotion. He’s where I thought he’d be; not too far from home. Though since they’ve all died so much younger than we, well, there isn’t much ‘home’ anymore. I still stay at CC, mostly out of habit more than anything else, but he’s nearly run wild again; living off the land and sleeping in the forest. He still wears that damnable smile though, the one that makes me cringe.

Once there, he greets me as always, inquiring after my health, making stupid platitudes. And then it begins. Again. Fist striking flesh, the nearly metallic smell of power as our kis rise, we come together.

But this time it will be different.

The surprise on his face as I slide hands into his hair and kiss him would be almost priceless, but for the fact that I’m too far-gone to appreciate it. In seconds he is melting against me, as I knew he would. I told you, it’s his eyes that give him away.

“Vegeta…”

He gazes at me with a thousand questions in his eyes, questions that I silence with a small, nearly shy, smile. Together we drop to the earth, he tumbles back with a laugh as I pounce and kiss him soundly once again.

He tastes as sweet as my dream.

Everything I’ve ever wanted, yearned for, is here beneath me in the aspect of beautiful saiya-jin eyes and thick spikes of hair. His scent is intoxicating, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from simply devouring him whole.

His touch is like fire, and I long to burn.

His eyes meet mine and within them our souls are joined, mine mirroring his. We are two sides of the same coin; his heart is made of love, while mine is blackened by hate. I’ve hated many things in my life, not the lesser of which is Kakarrot himself. And I adore him, would sacrifice anything for his approval and acceptance. My lips brush his ear as I whisper to my love.

“I love you... I'll kill you...But I'll love you forever…”

His eyes brighten with my confession, and then comes a moment of confusion as he realizes raw ki has been building in my palm this whole time. He barely manages a breath before the blast punches through his chest, my own spirit screaming in anguish as life is ripped away from him.

Later, I turn from the window where I have been watching a new day dawn. My gaze drops to my hands, still a little blistered from the backlash of the blast. He is gone, again, and I grieve. I won’t leave here. Then again, perhaps I will. One faces one’s enemies as they appear, and one must always be prepared.

I am the greatest warrior in the universe. I have trained and fought, torn out the last vestige of my vulnerability. He is gone, by my own hand, but at least the prince of all saiya-jins is not weak.


I stretch out on the bed, heart and soul aching. I can still see those saiya-jin eyes. I couldn’t bear to hit him in the head, to obliterate that beautiful face. I will see it every time I close my eyes, for the remainder of my existence.

I sigh, and the room echoes with the silence around me.


Look into the mirror of your soul
Love and hate are one in all
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You'll see the face who'll say…

I love you... I'll kill you...
But I'll love you forever

Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room