Before the Evil Jeans

This has actually been sitting in my computer for quite a while now and I just got around to adding in the last couple of paragraphs. This is sort of the prequel to the Evil Jeans, it's Heero and Duo's first time together. You really don't have to have read the others for this one to make sense.

Warning: This is a yaoi story. If you don't like seeing/reading about two guys getting it on, then leave without incident.

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I’ve never been very good with emotion. It’s in my training. Useless emotions have no place in a soldier’s life. To be a perfect fighting machine, there can be no room for things like sadness or joy. The only thing we were permitted in training was rage. Anger can be a very powerful tool, if it’s used properly. But, it can also be terribly blinding. We were taught to be wary of the differences.

This was why I couldn’t place the emotions that my comrade evoked in me. They’re strange feelings that twist my judgment and make things complicated. I noticed these invaders in my mental landscape the first moment I met the long-haired boy, but they didn’t become a major threat until later. Then, I was completely unaware of what caused the tight feeling in my innards. Then, it was something to be examined and dissected to determine its origin and purpose. Now, I still don’t have it figured out.

I’ve moved into Maxwell’s apartment, but only because I couldn’t stand staying with Relena after the last shot was fired. She offered and I gave it a test run. It didn’t last long. Relena, while the first human being that made me question my training, is only someone I can deal with for so long. Enough of her talk about peace and getting married made me seriously consider taking a gun to my temple.

So, I took Duo’s offer and moved my minimal belongings into his spare bedroom. It might have been a mistake. At first, it wasn’t so bad, but that weird feeling keeps constricting my insides when he’s near. It’s getting worse the longer I stay here. Maybe I should leave.

I’ve been out all day, trying to clear my head. I left before he got up this morning, or afternoon, depending how early he got to bed. I had to get out of the house. I had a dream last night, one that bothered me slightly. Maybe a little more than slightly… The dream had involved my roommate. Its not the first time Duo’s made an appearance, but it was the first time that he was naked. I woke up with that feeling, that strange constriction in my guts, and a fully erect penis. I’ve never had a reaction like that.

My thoughts are clear now and I feel I can deal with things a little more effectively. I can’t stay with Maxwell, that’s obvious enough. Whatever it is that Duo does to me, it’s not normal. My body should not have a physical reaction to the thought and sight of him.

I’m a soldier and those responses aren’t needed.

The house is still quiet when I come in the door at three-ten pm. Either Duo isn’t up yet or he’s in the shower. Any other activity would certainly be audible. I cross the living room, picking over his scattered video game equipment. I’d put it away before I left, so Duo has been out and about.

My ears pick up the sound of the shower running. Duo is completely meticulous about his thigh-length hair and can spend almost an hour washing and brushing it. It’s his only show of vanity. I don’t know what it is about his hair, but as long as I’ve known him he’s been more than attached to those locks.

I’ve never been desperately fond of anything. I know that circumstances can change at the drop of a hat and belongings can be lost or broken. A soldier’s only responsibility should be to his life and his mission, but the mission always comes first. A soldier is an expendable asset.

I suppose that’s a problem I have. Once the war ended, I didn’t know how to stop being a weapon and become a human being. Duo’s been trying to teach me, but I don’t think I’m catching on.

I’m halfway down the hall and I can hear Maxwell humming softly in his bathroom. The shower is running, all but drowning out his voice. A stray thought enters my mind and the vice-like feeling grips my guts. I force the image out of my mind, trying to bring my body back under my command. What is it about him? I feel like I’m going mad. My body shouldn’t betray me like this; I always thought I had more control. I can regulate my heartbeat and vital signs without breaking a sweat, but why does my blood boil when I know he’s naked on the other side of a door?

They never discussed this kind of emotion in training…

The sensation I’d managed to suppress threatens to overwhelm me and I have to hurry back down the hall to avoid slamming the door open and doing god knows what to my friend. I’ve never been so unsure before. My body wants something from him, but I have no idea what. My hands want to explore his skin, to feel the texture and warmth. That’s not where they belong. All these hands have ever known is guns, bombs, and death. Duo’s haven’t known much more, but I’m not sure that gives me any right to do what I want.

I get back outside and take a deep breath of air. The temperature has dropped since yesterday and the frozen air bites my lungs. I like the cold; it’s not as forgiving as heat.

I’m only outside a second and I know there’s someone watching me. It’s easy to feel eyes; they make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I don’t want to make the watcher aware that I’m onto them so I turn away from the area I think it’s coming from. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of a long black car parked one street over. I shove my hands in my pockets and wait for it to pull away. It doesn’t, but I can see the driver through the windshield. The back windows are heavily tinted and I can’t tell if there’s anyone else inside.

If they wanted me dead, they would have shot me by now. I take the chance and saunter towards the car slowly. I want to make it look like I’m not aware they’re there, but if they know anything about me, then they’ll be cautious.

I get to the first cross street and come within view of the license plate. The jumble of letters I see there makes me roll my eyes. I know this car and I know exactly who’s coming out of the back when the door opens. Her high, unpleasant voice cuts through the cold afternoon, “Heero!”

I don’t visibly cringe, but I definitely do it mentally. She is the very last person I want to see. I turn to look at her. Relena is bundled up in a full-length fur coat and smiling her ‘I’m nice but this is forced’ smile. I know exactly why she’s wearing that grin.

“Why did you leave, Heero? I missed you!” She took a breath, but didn’t give me a chance to really respond. It’s alright; I don’t have anything to say about it. “You didn’t even tell me you were leaving! I just went into your room and you were gone! I was going to come and find you sooner, but I had a conference I had to go to and I thought maybe that you were angry for some reason. I thought it might be a good idea to let you cool down a little bit. I don’t know why you came here. I mean, I gave you everything you wanted and I really-”

I had stopped listening a few minutes ago, so it didn’t bother me any to cut in, “Why are you here?”

“Well, I came to get you… I know what this is about, you feel like I haven’t been home enough! Is that it? I can cut a few of my meetings and make shorter appearances at conferences if you want me home more. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you, you’re my shining prince!”

My eye twitched, it was the only betrayal of what was going through my head. She didn’t catch it, but Duo would have. He can read my every twitch and movement like I’d blatantly yelled what I was thinking. He’s the first person who’s been able to do that.

“Why didn’t you come up to the door?”

She turns away to look at Duo’s place and clasps her hands in front of her. “Well, you know Duo and I don’t always get along…”

Last time Duo was around her, he’d called her a ‘nasty bitch’. I don’t remember what Relena had said to provoke him, but she really must have pushed hard. I think it was something about how he grew up. Duo’s very sensitive about his past. He doesn’t talk about it much, but I do know that his parents abandoned him on the Sweepers colony. That place is nothing but a floating, unattended orphanage now.

“It’s hard not to get along with Duo. Maybe you should try being nicer to him.”

She pouted and came forward to run her hand over my arm. I step back to avoid the touch. My action makes her angry and that little pout twists into a full-blown scowl.

“If he wasn’t so difficult then I would try to be more accommodating, but he doesn’t have any manners. I can’t expect it of him; after all, heaven only knows what kind of breeding he has.”

Relena gets on my nerves on her own, but insulting my friends pushes me more than anything. The blinding heat of rage starts to seep into the edge of my vision. The beautiful image of her brains exiting her head in a shower of blood brings a slight smile to my face. I should have shot the woman a long time ago.

She’s still babbling about something, probably making insolent comments about Duo. I can’t keep the icy edge out of my voice, but I don’t really want to, “Leave Relena.” She opens her mouth to argue and I cut her off, “NOW!”

The word shuts her up. She’s obviously flustered by my reaction, red tints her face and she opens her mouth a few times, but doesn’t ever say anything. I turn away from her and head back towards the house. I don’t hear her get back in her car for several minutes. She won’t let this go. I’ll be seeing her again before long, but hopefully she’ll get the hint after a while.

I go back into Duo’s apartment and slam the door. The light fixture on the ceiling rattles from the force of it. She infuriates me. I really wish I had my gun; I would put a bullet in her head and be done with it.

A voice cuts into my thoughts.

“You look pissed.”

My narrow vision widens to take in the rest of the room and I spot Duo perched in his favorite chair, a game controller in his hand. He quarks his head at me like a puppy. I can tell he’s studying me, trying to figure out what’s wrong. When he guesses, he’ll be very close to the truth, like he always is.

I save him the effort, “Relena.”

“Oh,” he over exaggerates the word. “Her. What’d she do this time?”

I go off about it, which is a bit unlike me, but I don’t yell, “She was outside your place asking me why I left. If I left, it’s my choice and she shouldn’t argue with me. I don’t have to tell her everything.”

He drops the controller and crosses his legs in the overstuffed chair, like he’s going to be there awhile.

“And the things she always says about you! It just makes me want to…” The more I talk about it, the angrier I’m getting. I start to pace. “She can be such a pain in the ass. She acts like she owns me and she never seems understand that I don’t want to be with her. I don’t even know what it means to be WITH someone!”

I glance down and notice that Duo’s amethyst eyes have gotten far away. He’s thinking about something and it’s not what I’m talking about. It irritates me to no end. If he wanted to know what was bothering me, then he better listen or I’ll stop telling him about things.

I use the best tactic I can come up with to get his attention; I put my hands on either side of his head and get in his face. “Are you listening to me?”

Before I can think, his mouth crashes into mine. My guts twist up like they did this morning and I can’t stop my hands from tangling into his hair. The feeling is so much more extreme than it was when I pictured him in the shower. It overwhelms my senses. His tongue prods at my lips and I can’t think of anything to do but open them. It feels like electricity is pouring down my spine and…

What the HELL is this emotion?

I shove Duo’s chest to separate us until I can figure it out. He’s panting uncontrollably and I realize that I’m doing the same thing. I hope I don’t look as hopelessly glazed as he does. His eyes are half lidded and his mouth is hanging open. The whole expression makes me dizzy.

What does he want?

“Heero,” he whispers.

What do I want?

I want to explore his mouth again. I want to find out exactly what this feeling is. To hell with my training.

I yank Duo to me by his braid and crush our mouths together. He slides his tongue back between my lips and I tentatively return the motion. When they touch, Duo clutches my shoulders to bring us closer together. The position is slightly uncomfortable, so I climb over him to make it easier. There’s room enough on either side of his hips for my knees.

A warm heat pools in my stomach and I let my hands do exactly what they’ve wanted to do. I work them up under Duo’s shirt, feeling the planes of his chest. He gasps and arches his back.

It may not be something I know, but I’m really enjoying this. My blood is pumping hard and fast and my skin feels like someone has thrown Napalm on me. I’m burning up. I want more of his mouth, more of his skin, more of those loud groans that send my dick jumping. I want more of Duo.

He doesn’t bother feeling me beneath my shirt; instead, he pulls back and strips it over my head. Since he seems to know what’s going on, I follow suit. While it was nice to touch him around the cloth, it’s even better to see what I’m doing.

His bare chest is heaving and I’m mesmerized by the rise and fall. He latches onto the skin just below my collarbone while I work on unbraiding his hair. It’s still wet from his shower and slides through my hands in heavy waves. It’s really beautiful. I’m not sure why I never noticed it before, but Duo’s hair is beautiful.

He’s beautiful, but I think that’s a word reserved for girls.

He drops back onto the chair with a drunk grin, examining whatever he did to my neck. Duo’s body is a near-perfect taper, from his chest to the slim waist that disappears into his dark jeans. His nipples are a dusky pink that is a perfect offset to his pale skin. I reach down and rub my thumb across the right one experimentally.

Duo’s reaction is unexpected. His body comes off the chair while his head falls back, and my name falls out of his mouth in a half whisper, half groan. It’s definitely a sensitive spot. I do it again and give it a little pinch. That only makes his reaction more extreme.

Thinking about what Duo was doing to my neck, I lean over to take the taut nub into my mouth. I alternate between using my teeth and tongue, finding the perfect balance that makes him squirm the most. He makes a sound in his throat that reminds me of an animal and whimpers my name again.

Hands fumble on the fastenings to my pants, but are completely unsuccessful in getting them open. One of Duo’s hands pauses on the button and pushes beneath the band of my jeans and my underwear instead. He grabs hold of my penis and a wave of cold sweeps up my body. It’s followed closely by scorching heat. A grunt escapes me, bringing a broad grin to his face.

“Is that just the sound you use for everything?” Duo teases as he starts to work his hand over my dick.

My thoughts scatter like soldiers under fire. His fingers are sending wonderful pulses of… pleasure, that’s what it is, up my body. While satisfying, being jerked off on Duo’s armchair is not quite what I had in mind. I want something more than this.

I grab Duo’s wrist and pull his hand out of my pants. Before he can voice any complaint, I’ve stripped him out of his socks, pants, and underwear. Having him bared so fully to my sight confirms my want for more. I take in his slender frame, silhouetted by his chocolate-colored hair.

Instead of kissing or touching, like I want to do, I lean back to yank off my shoes and socks. Duo’s hands go back to my waistband, but he manages to get the button undone this time. He pushes my jeans down, taking my underwear with them.

“Have you ever done this before?” Duo pants against my ear.

I shake my head. I think he knows that, but has to ask anyway.

“Me neither.” The words are… almost scared. Scared, but excited. His whole body trembles.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit slowly.

Duo brings his legs up around my waist and rubs our naked erections together. I can’t stop my shiver.

“I’ve got some idea.”

“Tell me what to do.”

He instructs me with shaky hands that ghost over my private parts. I ache to do something, anything that will sate the growing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Duo wraps his legs around my waist, but I’m still not sure what he thinks we’re going to do. His grip pulls me off balance and I fall over him. There’s not enough room for both of us on the chair.

I grab the globes of his ass, digging my fingers in to feel the tension in his muscles, and pick him up. He wriggles against me, making me burn with want. I drag him up and devour his mouth. We drop onto the couch. It’s not optimum, but it’s better than the chair and not as far away as the bed. I grind our erections together and revel in the unique pulses the friction sends up my body.

“What do you know about sex?” Duo whispers.

I pause before I answer him, wracking my brain for any information. “Not much,” I admit.

Sex Ed really wasn’t required in any of my training courses. I learned plenty about anatomy, like where to strike and cause the most damage, what can put a man down for a short period of time, and how to regulate my heart rate and vitals, but we never really discussed what to do when parts of me start waking up and won’t go back to sleep until they get what they want.

Duo wraps his slim fingers around my penis and positions the tip against his sphincter. I get the idea without him explaining further, pushing forward. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it’s not a smooth entrance. Duo’s muscles clamp down against me.

Duo arches off the couch with a strangled cry of, “Wait,” but I’m too worked up to stop now.

The feeling in my guts seems to take over and I barrel through his cries. He writhes underneath me, whimpering and yowling like a wounded animal. His pain cuts into me. I don’t want to hurt Duo, but I can’t seem to reign myself in until I’m sheathed fully in his body. I stop then, panting with him.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur.

He doesn’t say anything at first and I know I’ve pushed too far. His face is scrunched up in an agonizing expression that speaks of bullet wounds or broken bones. I run my fingers through his sweat soaked hair in an attempt to sooth him. His body tightens around me and it takes every ounce of my self control to keep from moving. The urge to pound into his tiny frame parades around my skull.

My body is shaking. I couldn’t honestly tell you the last time I’ve trembled with want, or fear, or anything, for that matter. I haven’t been this strung out since Duo got captured and I was the one to get the kill order… but this isn’t quite the same, it’s a wholly new sensation.

“Duo,” I plead.

I need something from him. I need him to give me the okay or tell me to get off. Just sitting here in limbo with my dick being teased endlessly by quivering muscles is going to drive me insane.

He opens his deep blue eyes and forces a small, uncertain, smile through his grimace. “I’m okay,” he breathes. “Just take it easy.”

His permission releases a trigger, but I’m careful not to let out this strange new beast too quickly. I ease out of Duo’s body and push back in, a little harder than I’d intended. He gives a slight wince, but not like the first time. It gets easier with every pass and Duo starts to arch and groan against me. About the fifth stroke, I see the blood coating my penis. I force myself to stop.

Duo whimpers, “What are you doing?”

“You’re bleeding.” I try to pull out, but he grabs my hips. “You’re bleeding,” I repeat, putting a little more emphasis on the word ‘bleeding’.

He pushes back against me, taking me deep. “Keep going.”

I hesitate and he pushes back against me again and again, until I continue thrusting. I don’t want to. Duo’s hurt and I know I’m to blame, but I can’t cage what I’ve let out. This emotion, this feeling is much too strong to be bottled up and be destroyed the way I was taught.

“Duo,” I mutter in desperation.

I want to stop, I need him to understand that I want to stop, but I’ve lost control. He doesn’t seem to be listening. Heat begins to coil in the pit of my stomach and the need for understanding is consumed by a need for release. I press on, pounding into his smaller frame. My guilt fades as he cries my name at the ceiling, his desperate voice prodding me into something akin to blood lust.

It’s the only thing I can think to compare this inferno of emotion to: blood lust. It’s the only other real emotion that I’m familiar with. Whatever this is though, I like it more.

As the coiled beast constricts my insides, Duo wraps his hand around my neck and jerks me down to him so we can kiss. His tongue sweeps through my mouth while his thighs slide along my sides. I follow his example and shut my eyes so the sensations are stronger.

Duo’s back arches until his chest is pressed firmly against mine. Our sweat makes our bodies slide together like well-oiled machinery. It could be some result of the sex, or of my strange attraction to Duo, but, at this moment, I feel like we’re two parts of the same whole coming together for the first time.

Duo lets out a shout and something hot and sticky coats our stomachs. I don’t have enough time to wonder what it was before his muscles tighten around me and what we’ve been building up to explodes behind my eyelids and the heat in my stomach floods my senses.

Nothing I have ever experienced is comparable to what follows.

When the pleasure fades, my arms betray me brutally and I collapse on top of Duo. His hands trail up my spine slowly. He really doesn’t seem to mind me laying on him, so I don’t move.

“Holy shit,” Duo breathes, touching his lips to my ear. “That was amazing.”

“It was,” I agree quietly. When I’ve caught my breath, I pull out of Duo. The blood I see mortifies me. “Duo…”

He cringes a little, but follows it up with a strange, pained smile, “Its okay.”

Even as he says it, it doesn’t feel okay. I didn’t want to hurt him.

“Next time, maybe we should use lube,” he suggests, his fingers trailing up into my hair. I kiss him, trying to apologize without words. He accepts it with parted lips.

I may not understand this emotion yet, but I’m willing to learn more, as long as Duo’s the one teaching me. His body wrapped around me makes me feel complete.

Complete.

It’s not something I’ve ever known before, but I like it.

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Owari