To distract himself

Ah, I messed up when I was editing this for human consumption, and was too lazy to go back and do it again. Any mistakes are my bad.

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With five days to go until his Games, Cell stood in the middle of the stadium he’d built, bored as all hell. Why in the blazes had he set the date so far off? What had he thought he was going to do for ten whole days? The military had shown up yesterday. That had been amusing, for about thirty seconds, but other than that, nothing had happened.

He supposed he could train, but, being perfect, there was really no need. He knew he could use every once of his attacks perfectly, and there was no real reason to try and get stronger, not when he was already head and shoulders above all of Earth’s ‘great defenders.’

Cell supposed he could try and come up with some new attacks, as it was true that his enemies would know all of their own and how to defend against them. Yes, that was what he would do. Come up with something new, something that could take them all by surprise.

But, what? His spectrum of techniques was already perfect. What could he add that wouldn’t be redundant? Cell thought on this.

Since he was already perfect, the only thing that could make him better would be…more of himself, perhaps? Yet, he already knew the Multiform technique, so he could duplicate himself at will. Maybe not more of himself, necessarily, but something that was similar to him, not quite as perfect, to fight those who were too weak for him to be bothered. Yes, that was…perfect.

---

Cell looked upon the being he had created, finally, after two days of work.

It was just like him, though blue, and smaller, as he would have been as a child, had he needed something as ridiculous as that. The only thing about it was that was not perfect was that it had no mind of its own, just like the other prototypes he had created. It could only do as he programmed it too when he made it. Focused on creating the body, he hadn’t bothered giving this one a mind at all. It just stood there, staring blankly at him.

He blasted the creature into oblivion. Perfect. Now, to make one with a mind.

As he separated this one from his body, he implanted a single, general command to destroy into its simple brain. Once it formed itself properly, the creature immediately obeyed this command, launching itself at Cell with a shriek of hatred.

Cell destroyed it before it could get near him. So, obviously the instructions would have to be more specific. He created another one, with instructions to destroy a mountain that was in Cell’s line of sight.

The creature did so, pummeling the heap of rock into dust, and then continuing. Cell destroyed it as well. It wouldn’t do for them to be utterly single-minded. They would have to be able to react, change their plans, but not to the extent where they actually could make their own plans. He certainly couldn’t have the things plotting against him.

So he made another, with the command to obey him. It stood, waiting for him to give an order.

“Walk forward.” It did so.

“Stop.” It stopped.

Cell made the creature—he decided to name it Cell Jr., since what other name was there for a being so nearly perfect?—do a series of things, just to make sure he had complete control. Once he had assured this, he ordered it to self-destruct.

Perfect. Those warriors would have a hard enough time with him, and now that he had an army at his disposal, his victory was assured.

---

Now he was bored again. His training experiment had eaten up a few days, but with two more to go until he could destroy Earth’s strongest, what was left to do?

Cell thought about this problem, as it was likely that he would be having it often after he was finished with Goku and his crew. He would have to come up with something he could do to distract himself, otherwise he felt he’d probably go insane eventually.

Sighing, he went to his last resort: earthlings. Having the DNA of all of the strongest fighters around, as well as all of the people he had absorbed, didn’t give him complete access to their every memory, but he did have sort of a collective memory, a knowledge of basic things regarding the life of an earthling.

So, things to alleviate boredom. There was eating, a pastime that some people seemed to enjoy more than was necessary for a natural consumption of nutrients. But there was nothing around for him to eat, and he couldn’t very well walk into a restaurant; he would start a riot, and he would have to kill people, and his enemies would show up and demand a fight there and then…No, eating was far too much hassle. Besides, Cell didn’t need something was wasteful as physical sustenance; he existed only on energy.

Perhaps sleeping? Again, not something he needed to do, when he needed to conserve energy or recharge, Cell simply did so. It seemed like a tremendous waste of time to him.

In this manner he cycled through a multitude of Earth’s pastimes in his mind, discarding them all, before stopping at the last one: Sex. It seemed to be universally agreed that this was an enjoyable thing to do.

Interesting. Cell possessed sexual anatomy, of course, although even he didn’t understand why. Being a perfect species, there was no need for him to evolve, and thus reproduction was unnecessary. However, many people seemed to perform this act for means other than to conceive offspring. Perhaps there was something more to it than that.

Still considering this, Cell retracted the part of his carapace that covered his reproductive organs. Imperfect as they were, that many humans couldn’t be completely wrong, could they?

Willing himself to arousal, Cell grabbed hold of his erection and massaged it gently for a few moments. When pulses of an unusual pleasure began emanating from his groin area, Cell gasped. He had never felt anything like this at all. That made up his mind. He created a Cell Jr., commanding it as it separated to have sex with him.

The creature stood, retracting its own coverings as it did so. Of course, it was male was well, Cell having created it in his exact likeness. No matter.

Cell Jr. practically lunged at him, taking his erection in both hands and putting it in its mouth. It sucked vigourously, making little slurping sounds as it did so. Cell looked down and saw that his creation had a look of pure joy on its juvenile face; this was what it had been told to do, and being able to follow that order was all it needed to be happy.

The green android put a hand on the top of his creation’s head, a silent show of approval for Cell Jr.’s work. The little blue thing sucked even harder in response, greedily taking in more of Cell’s shaft.

He felt one of the hands leave him, and looked down again to see his offspring slowly working its fingers in and out of its anus to make passage easier for Cell if and when he desired it. How thoughtful. Still, Cell was more focused on the present that any possible future.

He gave a shove, forcing the last bit of himself into the mindlessly accommodating mouth. He, of course, did not require anything as foolish as air, and neither did his creations. It continued its work, not caring that it was choking.

Finally, Cell came. Never had he felt anything like it, not even when he had absorbed Android 18 and become perfect. There were really no words for him to describe what he was feeling; the sensations were just too…perfect. He slammed himself into Cell Jr.’s throat, filling it with his semen. He thought he might have been moaning.

The force of his first orgasm still holding him, Cell took a step back, removing himself from the creature’s mouth. He panted, trying to retain his composure.

As he straightened, Cell Jr. floated up until it was face-to-face with him, and put its hands on his shoulders and its feet on his hips. It didn’t look at him, but rather down at Cell’s erection—it was also not necessary for him to rest after such an exertion, as a human would need to, as Cell was not limited by the shortcomings of the human reproductive system. His was sustained by the same constantly regenerating cells as the rest of his body, and thus could restore lost semen instantaneously, and of course the physical exertion was nothing compared to what he was able to do.

As Cell Jr. guided itself down, Cell couldn’t help but notice that its pelvic area was covered in semen. Apparently, just bring its creator to orgasm was enough to carry it over, as well.

Then he felt himself enter his creation, and Cell cried out. The heat, the tightness, the very feel of the smaller body pressing against his…It was amazing. Why had it taken him so long to decide to do this?

He felt a sudden wet warmth against his stomach. Cell Jr. had ejaculated again, from pure pleasure at having accomplished this much.

It started pushing itself up and down, adding perfect friction into Cell’s ecstasy. With every downward push, more and more of Cell’s phallus was pushed into Cell Jr., until finally he felt his testicles push against the entrance. Cell Jr. came again, coating both of them in more of the sticky substance.

Cell Jr. lifted itself almost entirely from the shaft, and slammed back down. Again and again, picking up speed as it went. Cell grabbed hold of its hips and pushed it even faster, and it came again.

Cell’s second orgasm filled his offspring again, and the creature squealed with glee as the semen of its creator filled it. It came as well, for the fourth time, harder then ever, squirting all the way up Cell’s chest and hitting his chin, and onto its own ridiculously happy face.

“You liked that, did you?” Cell asked, and the blue creature nodded excitedly. “Good.” He lifted it off himself and turned it around, planting it firmly back on his erection, facing away from him.

Kneeling down, he placed it on its hands and knees on the ground. Then, Cell started slamming into his little creation as fast and hard as he could.

The seed already inside Cell Jr. made it easier to move faster, and soon Cell had picked up even more speed than they had achieved before. Cell Jr. made loud noises of pleasure, his little hands clenching into fists, digging grooves in the stone of the stadium.

With one final thrust, Cell came again, his sperm leaking out of his offspring and down its legs. Panting, he removed himself, causing yet more leakage from the anus of Cell Jr.

He lay on his back, staring at the sky for a second, until he felt a now-familiar pressure in his groin area. Cell looked down to see Cell Jr. happily sucking him again, as though nothing had happened.

He leaned back, half-hoping that the Cell Games would never come.

---

The Earth’s strongest warriors arrived at the location of the Cell Games together, energy blazing around them one and all as they landed.

And were greeted with a sight not one of them had expected.

Cell was standing in the middle of the stadium, with something that looked almost like him, and they were having sex, the evil android holding the thing up by the thighs as he thrust in and out with force. He didn’t seem to notice that they were there.

Nobody said anything for a minute. Yamcha started giggling, only to burst into full-blown laughter when Krillin did the same. Tien and Trunks blushed and looked away. Piccolo glared at the scene, apparently unimpressed. Vegeta rolled his eyes and growled impatiently, muttering something rude under his breath. Gohan turned bright red and covered his eyes, but peeked out between his fingers. Goku watched intently, curiosity evident on his face. “What’s going on here? Did Cell forget what day it is?”

“Apparently he found something better to do instead.” Trunks muttered, embarrassed that the most feared evil of his time was to busy banging what looked like a miniature version of himself to fight them.

Cell gave one last thrust, and paused for a minute. He seemed to notice the warriors for the first time, and destroyed the creature, some regret evident on his face. The armour in his groin fell back into place, rendering him again effectively sexless. He looked them all over hungrily, his gaze lingering longer on Gohan than most. “Glad you all could make it. Let’s get started, shall we?”

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Hehe... I actually had fun writing this one. Probably a bad sign.
But hey, this was the last of the DBZ fanfics poisoning my thought processes. Now my mind is clean again, and I can focus on things that matter, like work.
At least, until something else pops in my head and refuses to leave.