Krillin Sucks | By : Psychostorm Category: Missing Data > Missing Data Views: 109 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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Gohan’s Abortion Clinic
Abortion Saga
Chapter 1 - Krillin Sucks
The revving roar of a gas-powered murder machine split the crisp morning air as Marron brought the cheap Black n' Decker chainsaw down, burying its flesh-hungry blades into the tender meat of her father's legs.
“AAHGHGAHGAGHHG MY LEEEEEGGGGSS!” screeched Krillin, thrashing about in his bed like those dumb kids that had an epileptic seizure from that banned Pokemon episode.
Blood sprayed wildly like Satan's front lawn sprinkler system, staining the ceiling, walls, floor, and of course, the bedsheets a deep crimson. The rich tangy aroma of cold steel grinding through bone quickly filled the bedroom as Krillin became a paraplegic in mere seconds.
"Jesus Christ Krillin you're getting blood all over my bedsheets you little shit!" shouted Android 18, her sexy black lingerie nearly falling off as she frantically scrambled out of bed to get away from the carnage as quickly as she could.
Having a big brain moment, 18 grabbed her husband by the nuts through his tighty-whitey underwear and slung the midget across the room, blood trailing from his severed stumps like bright red party streamers. Krillin's big bald head slammed into Android 18's vanity dresser like an F-22 fighter jet going kamikaze, giving him an instant 5th-degree concussion. Atop the dresser, a half-empty pack of jumbo-sized hot dogs fell to the floor.
Android 18’s face twisted in absolute disgust as she watched her legless husband struggle valiantly to pull himself up into a sitting position, using the dresser for support.
“Goddamn it Krillin, now you’re even shorter than before.” she spat.
“What the hell 18!? It’s not my fault!” snapped Krillin, leaning back against the dresser and rubbing his sore head as blood continued to pour from his stumps like an elephant on its PMS.
“It’s always your fault Krillin! If you hadn’t used those fucking dragon balls to wish for us to be married, then I wouldn't have to deal with your autistic bullshit every damn day!” snarled Android 18 angrily.
Before Krillin could protest, he noticed that the time on the bedside clock was reading 8:14 am. The mini monk nearly coughed up his balls when he remembered that he was supposed to be at work by 9:00. Since he had been unemployed for pretty much his entire life, the horror of being late for work was a brand new concept for the little moocher.
"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" cursed Krillin, "I'm going to be late for work! 18 give me a ride you dumb ho! I'm gonna get fucking fired!"
“Drive yourself you lazy incel,” retorted his wife.
“I fucking can’t! How the hell am I supposed to reach the peddles like this!?” cried Krillin, kicking his bloody stumps up and down like a spoiled child.
"Krillin you couldn't reach the peddles even when you had legs," 18 replied savagely.
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Krillin hung his head and breathed a sigh of sweet sorrow - a haunting sound that only a self-aware manlet can make. His soul eternally crushed, and his spirit utterly defeated, Krillin gave up on life just like all the times when he got one-shotted by a strong villain and just laid there feeling sorry for himself while everyone else was fighting for their lives.
Closing his eyes, the midget prepared to die…
But wait… just as his spirit prepared to leave his body and go straight to hell where it belonged, Krillin remembered something. If he made it to work on time, he’d get to kill a fetus, and maybe even lose his virginity to it if he was lucky. And that would be… AWESOME-SAUCE!
"Fuck it! This is just a flesh wound!" exclaimed Krillin, the thought of performing an abortion with his own two hands fully revitalizing his fighting spirit like a senzu bean for his soul. "18, don't be a bitch and toss me the damn keys already, I've got work to do!"
Android 18 grabbed the keys to her overpriced midlife crisis SUV off the nightstand and tossed them over to her husband like Babe Ruth popping off a 394mph fastball.
“JESUS SHIT!” cursed Krillin as the keys beaned him right in the eye, drawing another fountain of blood. “Holy fuck you bitch! Now I’m crippled and blind!
"Life isn't fair, get over it," replied Android 18 coldly, folding her arms. "If God loved you, he wouldn't have made you a midget in the first place."
"Don't say life isn't fair when you literally aimed that shit right at my goddamn eye!" cried Krillin, clutching his bloody mess of an eye.
He had a point.
“Does it look like I give a fuck?” snapped back 18. “Your problems are not my problems Krillin. Now I’m going to take a shower, and you better not try peeping in on me again, because if you do, this world is going to have one less one-eyed paraplegic midget in it.”
Staring at his wife’s fine ass as she walked to the bathroom, Krillin made a V with his fingers and flicked his tongue in and out through them really fast while moving his eyebrows up and down like a true scumbag, reminding us all why he’s the absolute worst character in the entire Dragon Ball franchise.
Then he remembered that he was going to be late for work…
“Damn it El Boner, we don’t have time for this!” thought Krillin, punching himself in his little pecker and instantly regretting it. “Fuck my life! Today’s my first day on the job! If I don’t get to Gohan’s abortion clinic fast, I really am gonna get fired!”
With that thought in mind, Krillin bravely crawled towards the bedroom door like a soldier in Nam low crawling through the jungle across enemy lines. Upon reaching the door, the former monk let out a gurgling grunt of exertion as he hoisted himself up onto his bloody stumps to grasp the doorknob.
But he was too damn short to reach it…
"Waaaaaaaaaaah! Why does this always happen to me!" cried Krillin, boohooing like an 8-year old that followed Pokemon Go onto Epstein's ranch. "My life fucking sucks! I hate you, Jesus! This is your fault! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Oh for Christ's sake…" muttered Android 18, peeking her head out of the bathroom to see a sobbing Krillin hopping up and down on his bloody stumps desperately fiddling with the doorknob. Wrapping a towel around her delicious figure, she padded over and opened the door for her retard husband, putting an end to the sorry sight.
“Th-th-th-thank you 18…” bawled Krillin, looking up at his wife with big round puppy dog eyes. Well, more like puppy dog eye, the other one was still a bloody mess.
“Whatever. Just get your crippled ass to work before you get fired, we’ve got a mortgage to pay off.” huffed 18, kicking her husband in the butt to get him moving before heading back to the bathroom.
Wiping his tears, Krillin began the long painful crawl toward the front door, leaving a bloody trail behind him like a slug leaves slime. It would be a difficult journey, but the incel midget vowed that no matter how many fetuses he had to kill, today would be the day that he would finally get to see what a woman’s vagina actually looks like.
TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED!
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NEXT TIME on Abortion Ball Z - The Z Fighters invent a fun new way to kill a fetus. However, in their excitement, they forget the first rule of abortion: Confirm the death of the fetus. Can the Z Fighters get their act together and make sure the fetus is dead? Or will their boss get fed up with their goofball antics and fire them? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Abortion Ball Z!
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