All of My Hate

BY : TristaML
Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 9389
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any of it's characters and I do not make any money from writing this piece of fan fiction.

Hello, it's been a while. This is a WIP.

Warnings: Rape, Yaoi, and Language.

Pairings: GokuXVegeta and vice versa for those who care, RaditzXVegeta, VegetaXGohan

The Prologue is short but necessary and easily the most angst-filled part of the whole story.

This story jumps from past to present but the time frames should be pretty obvious.

[ ] Personal Character Notations

( ) Story Notations

    ::: Prologue :::

    I thought I knew what I wanted from him, I really did. I imagined we would explore one another, get more than just familiar. I wanted him to fuck me, then I would fuck the hell out of him, and then go about my day as usual. On the day his lips finally met mine I suddenly found myself breathless. His mouth latched onto my neck and his hands made sensational trails to places on my body in ways I never imagined being touched. I could barely believe the noises I made. By the time he was throbbing inside of me and my dick was ready to explode, I realized it wasn't going to be as simple as I thought. He got me wondering if it was ever just about having sex.

    How did we go from barely speaking to saying everything in a single glance? He and I actually can get along, and we do most of the time, even if we don't always agree. We fall asleep so comfortably together, sometimes nose brushing against nose, lips close enough to kiss.

    I fell for him. I knew that I liked him and that I wanted him, but this... Every time we kiss I lose myself to him a little more. Pretty soon I'll have nothing left to give except for my heart, but he already told me he doesn't want that, so what then?

    What makes someone care for someone else? 

    Am I doing everything wrong?

    ::: Brothers :::

    "If he's still alive..." Raditz mused, sitting up against a forest tree, chewing on some alien species of animal.

    "Oh, he's alive," a twenty year young Prince Vegeta frowned, looking back at Raditz. As he put out the fire, his mind was focusing on the possibilities, working faster than an average Saiyan. "A third class baby sent out alone, the inhabitants of planet Earth must be harmless. It was intended he survive." He narrowed his eyes and gave Raditz a cold stare, "He's probably a maniac," he looked away and almost sullenly added, "You'll more than likely have to drag him to us."

    "Yeah, you said that before, but I don't see it happening that way." Raditz smirked, smug, "Even if it does, I can handle him." He chuckled, cracking his knuckles in one fist with the other, "He is, after all, my little brother."

    Vegeta pursed his lips and averted his eyes while providing, "Well if he is like your father, from what you say, he will be resilient and cunning. A natural fighter. You shouldn't be so sure of yourself or of his response to you."

    "He's also third class, you just said so yourself," Raditz irritatedly replied, then asked, "Besides, why wouldn't he want to join us?"

    Vegeta's gaze cast long upon the ground far off, listening to the dying embers, and there passed a few moments of silence between them as Raditz remained unsure of what his Prince is thinking. Decidedly Vegeta answered, "If it were me, stranded like that, and I found myself to be different from everyone else, I imagine I'd be unwilling to join forces with some stranger I just met who claims to be my brother, no matter the sensibility in the revelation he gives me."

    Raditz shook his head, "If I have to force him to come with me I will."

    "Yes," Vegeta answered in a cold voice, "as we agreed, you will do what you must, but remember, so will he- brother and all. So don't underestimate him."


    Raditz almost gulped at the dark way about the young man's countenance but he stifled the urge. Prince Vegeta's wit had proven him wrong again, he didn't like how foolish he felt when arguing with him most of the time, he was so ahead of his years. 

    He reached out, grabbing onto Vegeta's face, pulled it towards him, and kissed his lips roughly, coaxing his way into his mouth with a warm tongue. Vegeta allowed their kiss to deepen, but he wasn't thinking about it. His mind was on Zarbon and what he would say when the three of them arrive at Freeza's headquarters, having gone on their current mission, though already a success, without permission. 

    Raditz leans back and tells him, "I think we're going to need more than my little brother to take on Freeza." He knew Vegeta's obsession well enough to know his mind was elsewhere. He takes Vegeta's mouth with his own again and tries to be more gentle this time. They've remained close over the years, mostly because Raditz would take advantage of him at times, and when Vegeta was younger, he hadn't known to fight back. Now that he's older, what's the point?

    Vegeta kisses him back lazily and allows him to think what he will, remaining quiet and pensive while Raditz continues to share his rather limited perspective. He knew not how his plan would pan out at this point in time, but he did have a goal, and that was to one day become strong enough to destroy Freeza, and free himself from his influence forever. The only way he knew how to go about doing that at the moment is by pushing himself beyond his limits, to become more powerful with each and every battle. He resolved to never accept defeat. 

    Convincing Kakarot to join them was not the entire point of Raditz's mission, but Vegeta wasn't about to explain his every thought to him. It was a distraction, something else to focus on other than becoming stronger, and it could possibly be a pivot point for them. They were still quite some time away from going into action, but that didn't keep it far from their thoughts. 

    The Prince wondered about Raditz's little brother, Kakarot, much more than he led on, only asking questions after Raditz brought up the subject. The Commander wouldn't say very much other than that the doctors said he fancied his father. Vegeta didn't know what he looked like so that information meant very little, still he couldn't help himself from imagining a personality for the younger man, especially on the battle-field. He vaguely remembered overhearing stories of how powerful Raditz's father really was. He wished he'd paid more attention to the tales now. Vegeta was determined to be united with him. Meeting him was something to look forward to during these dark days.

    Raditz is quick to go from leisurely kisses to forcing Vegeta into position. He lifts his butt up and then pulls Vegeta on top of him before the Prince can register what's happening.

    "Raditz..." Vegeta says. He wants to protest, but knows better. He almost wants it even though he knows it's wrong for Raditz to be treating him this way. It's always been this way. His body is still sore from the last time but reaching a climax almost seems worth it to his hormonal mind. 

    Raditz's lips burn as he moves from his mouth to his neck, biting and sucking roughly at random places, not caring if he leaves a mark. He pulls his shorts down before grabbing onto Vegeta's pants, ripping them as he tries to get them out of the way. Feeling inconvenienced, he throws Vegeta to the ground, grasping his ankles and holding them one handed out of the way. 

    Vegeta cries Raditz's name again in slight panic, clearly upset, but the large man vaguely hears it, and he heeds him not. Vegeta's hand presses against Raditz broad chest, his other hand clenching the grass as Raditz uses his free hand to help force the head of his penis inside of the tight hole. Vegeta whimpers, closing his eyes and turning his face away as Raditz sighs. Raditz pushes forwards, not letting Vegeta's ankles go until he's almost completely inside.

    In Vegeta's weakened state he goes slightly limp, one leg stretched out on either side of Raditz's waist. With the pain there is hardly pleasure. Raditz pulls back and thrusts inside of him, sinking deeper, he feels the young Prince's body reawakening and his eyes flutter to him. Raditz pulls back and thrusts forwards again, finally starting a rhythm.

    It takes a moment for Vegeta to cry out but once he does he can't seem to stop. His body's so small compared to Raditz, and the moment he becomes adjusted, Raditz finds a spot inside of him that makes him want to convulse. At the brink of tearing up, Vegeta reaches down and grasps onto his own livening cock, pulling on it while his mind is hazy enough to be lustful, trying to get off before it's too late.

    One saving grace is that Raditz never lasts for very long. 


    ::: Goku's Feelings Summed Up :::

    I've always been happy, never having seen any display of sadness or anger growing up, so when I first encountered it, it had no real affect on me. I've always gone through life aloof, never having a care since others simply weren't around for many of my younger years to tell me what to care about. I've always enjoyed life; laughing, hunting, swimming, training, fighting, sex, friends, family, all of it. I've never had a reason not to. I just somehow naturally had the abilities to take care of myself and then some. 

    When I lost my Grandpa Gohan, I felt the pain of losing both family and friend all at once. I suppose that's why I cherish the lives of the Earthlings so much, for all that was once done for me. [I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for what I did to my Grandpa.]

    In a way, they need me, I've never really needed them. I've fought and defeated many terrible foes ever since I was a boy and in that way I have always felt as though my life had purpose. Before I knew to even search for it, it found me, almost like I have a target on my head. Evil, unforgiving, thoughtless, and selfish beings seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Most of them had to be destroyed and although I could never find it in my nature to finish the job, they usually left me with no choice. 

    Sometimes, though, even with all this mental security, I feel so alone. Not physically of course, I've been married with a son of my own since I was fifteen. Besides, constant company was never something I sought after. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have an interest in silence at times. 

    It wasn't even meeting my brother (I never knew I had one) and hearing that I'm an alien who was sent to Earth, not born here, and that my people have long been destroyed that brought this hiccup in reality upon me. No, it's the only other of my kind that lives that gives me a deep sense of loneliness, not just for myself, but for him; mainly for him. 

    He's the exception to the rule of "bad guys". In fact, he is the only exception to the long, depressing list of rules. When we first met, I couldn't stop staring at him. I had never seen anyone else with a tail before besides my brother and I have never been more curious about someone. I wanted to listen to him talk and learn everything about him. He offered me a companionship of sorts and there was something in his cocky smirk and how he acknowledged me as his own. It seemed as though he knew me in a way, even in a way I didn't know myself. Had he not been trying to destroy my home, I might have tried talking him into staying. 

    His sheer will and intelligence alone are impressive. He shocks me when he speaks, and the way he carries himself, I've never met his equal in any way. He's saved the lives of those whom are dearest to me, never mind that he ultimately strives to defeat me in battle, that's another story. (I think that if he really wanted me dead he probably could have found a way to do it, regardless of the fact that I'm stronger than him.) 

    Prince Vegeta of the Saiyans, my Prince. We are the only two full-blooded Saiyans left. He's shorter than me, only 5'7", which I like, it gives him an edge. He's got tan skin that differs from my pale appearance. His body is compact and he has mastered it. He's powerful, graceful, and perfectly toned. His dark eyes are usually smoldering with passion and even in his anger he's dangerously handsome. His smirk stirs something in me, still he's hardly approachable. I think we stare into each other's eyes more than speak.

    Not every decision he makes is in my approval. It's almost like a personal challenge, one that can't be fought with fists. The determined, haughty look in his eyes puts a spell on me. His actions are always genuine, even if they aren't right. There's a darkness to them that tell me things his lips won't.

    I can't help but think of how influenced I've been by him. He's the whole reason I realized bisexuality. I think about how his life would have been had Planet Vegeta survived more than my own. If he thinks about it too I wouldn't know. I won't go into all the details of how I've become so attached over the years. I guess I just greedily admire his adaptability.  

    So it is with a silent admittance on my part, and his emptiness, that I am brought to this disappointment...

    ::: First Sign of Trouble :::

    It's the evening before the Cell Tournament and Goku calls Vegeta to him with the flip of an internal heat switch. His sons are somehow able to discern that the signal is for Vegeta only. There is a reply before the other begins heading promptly in his direction. The anticipation is thrilling to Goku, not knowing Vegeta well enough to guess his reaction to being beckoned tonight. 

    He shows up in soft, grey sweat pants, a tightly clinging blue t-shirt, and white sneakers; not his usual get-up. Goku smiles at him and can't stop his hand from coming up to scratch the back of his head. As his arms cross over his chest and his gaze grows more intense, Vegeta takes in the entire image of the saiyan before him until he asks impatiently, ignoring Goku's impulsive reaction to his presence, "Is there something you want from me?" 

    "Yes," Goku answers quickly and drops from the sky, wishing to speak with him on ground level. Vegeta follows. 

    "Well? Spit it out, damn it," Vegeta sneered, obviously a little distracted with the upcoming battle, his eye nearly twitching in his wait. 

    Goku spoke softly, "Come sit with me," his modesty shining through. This can't be rushed. He took a seat upon a rather large log, which was partially embedded into the ground and overgrown with moss in some places. It had obviously been an old tree determining by its size and placement.

    Vegeta followed and hoisted himself easily upon the large dead trunk. Bringing up one of his legs, he rested his elbow on his knee and turned slightly toward Goku. Vegeta noticed in the light of the stars how much youth is in Goku's skin. His complexion, perfect, it's hard not to admire a male so obvious. Kakarot has boyishly handsome features and with his height and powerfully built body, he's hard to just look over. He's nothing like his brother. His sex-appeal is natural and comes directly from his inner strength. He doesn't even have to try. Sadly, he isn't one to show much in the brains department and in Vegeta's eyes there's mounting curiosity more than anything. Kakarot seems to be holding back, nervous even. His usually squared off shoulders are slightly hunched over and his guard is completely down. 

    Their eyes meet, then Goku looks away, discretely hiding his quickening breath. He looks up into the sky and laughs nervously.

     Vegeta has no idea what to be thinking. Kakarot is a simple man, is he not? What could possibly be so important right now? He asks, a quirk in his brow, not quite out of concern, more mocking, "Don't tell me you're scared?"

    "No," Goku shook his head, a small, sort of relieved smile on his face, "No, this doesn't have anything to do with Cell." He turned to face him more fully and this time he didn't look away, "I want to ask you something. I want to talk about something, too." Goku knew he should have come to him a lot sooner than this and he didn't know when he'd get another chance. So many things at once with the virus and then the androids, and even though they somehow made it, now they had the upcoming battle with Cell... He has needed to get this off his chest and he is running out of time and opportunity.

    What is he thinking? Of course he never said anything to Vegeta before. They hardly know each other and they have never spoken alone. Everyone might think it's strange that Goku went to Vegeta for something personal. He has to make this opportunity count.

    Vegeta searched his soul through his eyes as he waited. He felt compelled to memorize every angle as he looked at him. He's nothing like he initially pictured him. Who he found him to be is pleasing in a way, he can't say how, much more so than the visions of his imagination all that time ago. Kakarot is so wholesome, good-looking, strong, humble, and young. He's only 25 years old, nearly the age Vegeta was when they first met. He smells like a Saiyan, even darts his eyes around and sniffs the wind the way a Saiyan does. Looking at him makes Vegeta feel at home; reminds him of who he is, really.

    "Are you mad at me?" Goku finally asked after he'd searched for the right words. His large, deep brown eyes implored into Vegeta's inquisitive stare. 

    "Is that your question? Am I mad at you?" the Prince almost laughed but he didn't answer one way or another. Kakarot brought him all the way out here for some type of friendly bonding between them?

    Goku shrugged a little sheepishly and explained, "I heard you searched for me after Planet Namek exploded, and I guess I wanted to know if it was because you wanted to talk to me, or fight me, or..."

    Vegeta began to wonder at where this conversation could be going and he said, more hastily than perhaps he should, "I'm not mad, at the moment. Of course I want to fight you, not right now..." He gave Goku a noticeably odd stare and thought, What do you want to talk about? He added, "This is hardly the time..."

    Goku spared no time responding and interrupting him as he nodded, "At least you're not angry." He smiled and looked away again, this time staring at the forest floor.

    Vegeta could not remove his sights from Kakarot, discerning his discomfort but not the cause. He was a little more emotional this evening than Vegeta could remember seeing him, at least, not the type of emotion he uses on the battlefield anyway. Vegeta wasn't about to jump to conclusions as to what was on the younger saiyan's mind. This was practically the longest conversation they had ever had about anything. Literally having grown up in two different worlds, Vegeta suspected they had little to talk about and didn't expect this to become a normal thing, especially if he is a simple as he puts off.

    Goku turned to Vegeta again, overwhelmed by the jumble of thoughts bombarding him. Uncertain and nervous, he can't find any words to speak with. This could be a horrible mistake.

    "Anything else?" Vegeta urged him forward, interested enough not to be entirely annoyed by this unexpected conversation. Kakarot did call him out here for something. He figured if it's half as important as Goku seems to think it is, then the trip will be worth it.

    Goku wondered what had taken the edge out of the older man tonight and was quietly thankful. He began explaining before he could stop himself, "I think about you, a lot, ever since we met." 

    Vegeta stilled as he listened and his eyes widened a bit. [Vegeta thinks about him, even dreams about him but he would never admit it.]

    Goku took a deep breath and let it out softly, then continued as his dark eyes pierced the other man's, "I know we've had our differences. Sometimes you say you hate me, and well... I don't hate you, Vegeta. I want you to know that." He silently wondered if Vegeta knew what he actually meant. 

    Vegeta darted his eyes away for a moment while Goku added. "I'd like to get to know you more," quieter he added, "Don't you...?... I..." He paused. He knew he'd left out a good portion of what he meant to tell him, but he halfway can't believe he actually said what he did and so he remained silent. Now it seemed like Vegeta wasn't going to react, maybe he was waiting for more but Goku didn't know what else to say. He's never actually come on to anyone before and Chi Chi was the one who practically trapped him into marriage.

    Vegeta's lips parted and he stared at Kakarot, but he didn't utter a word. He knew what the younger Saiyan was trying to say but evidently everything was processing very slowly. Thoughts of what it might be like to kiss him soared through his mind. He was so busy being furious at him he'd forgotten his initial, blood-pumping reaction to the younger saiyan. He could admit that Kakarot gets him excited, everywhere. Still, he's an Earth-raised, third-class, rival anarchist! Barely-even-a-"friend", kind-hearted Kakarot! Raditz's younger brother- a virgin to what he's really asking for! The very idea is impossible and yet.. there is something impossible to ignore about him... He blinked a few times, denied his subtle emotions and curiosities and tore his eyes away, quickly stepping down off the log without saying anything. 

    Goku stood up and grabbed hold of his wrist in an instant. In a quiet voice he said, "Wait a minute," Was that really it, he was just going to leave? Had he imagined the want he saw in Vegeta eyes? He held on tighter and pulled him closer, feeling little resistance. Say something, he suggested mentally, if only to himself.

    Vegeta finally stole his arm from the other man's hold but he did not move away, part of him still considering the options. Shaking his head he asked, his voice almost cracking, "You and me?" He could barely make eye contact with him, uncertain that he should. There were plenty of pros but too many meddling cons. He couldn't be sure what Kakarot wanted, a relationship or a good fuck. He knew that Kakarot didn't know either. 

    Every moment seemed to linger as he found himself staring at Kakarot's strong chest, inhaling his scent deeply. Vegeta has imagined, once or twice, fucking his brains out, but he was convinced it was simple lust he shouldn't waste his time with. Now that the opportunity presented itself, he found it frightening. As his eyes moved slowly upwards, thoughts threatened to supersede him, the same ones he purposely hadn't been entertaining before. 

    "Vegeta," Goku addressed him, locking their eyes, "I am Saiyan." 

    Those fierce eyes, his intoxicating scent, that sense of certainty he constantly emits, he's not just a Saiyan; he's a Super Saiyan! Yet he said it with hope, hope that it would mean something. "I don't need to be reminded," was Vegeta's quick and breathy reply.

    More inscrutable looks from both men went on. Goku is unable to say how handsome he thinks Vegeta is, especially tonight under the dark blue night sky. There is no other [literally], without exception. He couldn't take it anymore and let his interests take over, grasping Vegeta's chin gently and tilting his face towards him. He felt Vegeta's hands come up and grip his waist as he leaned in to kiss him but Vegeta lifted his chin higher and moved out of the hold, looking down, his hands now fumbling with Goku's clothing, fingertips gracing the skin beneath, like he didn't know if he wanted to push him away or bring him close. Goku quickly reacted and took a few domineering steps, backing Vegeta into the rough log. His hands grabbed onto the old bark waist-level to the Prince, effectively cornering him. 

    Both men's chests were slightly heaving though no sort of exertion had been necessary. Vegeta has never seen Goku behave so comely before and couldn't have imagined it quite as raw and persuasive with heated, needy body language. His arousing Saiyan scent is nearly enough to make Vegeta forget about their past. Honestly, he found it so hard to resist. Vegeta wasn't sure if Kakarot was capable of manhandling him the way he was suggesting. Vegeta lifted up his chin, holding his head high, both men's gazes continuously searching between possibility and permission. 

    If Goku didn't know any better, Vegeta was daring him to try again. The longing in his eyes made a prominent shine, and there was a musk coming off of him suddenly that made Goku's knees want to buckle. He leaned forward, confident to make contact. He could feel Vegeta's breath and sense the closing proximity to his lips but at the last moment the older Saiyan ducked and left, hands and all. 

    He declared, retreating in what seemed like a blur, "It will never work between us," and took off, headed back to Capsule Corp.

    Goku didn't come back to Earth after their battle with Cell for eight years.


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